Merry Christmas, Mom

In 1997 my mom left this world to begin her work in the Universe. This time of year I really miss her. Mom and I did not always see eye to eye on much, but she always made Christmas special for the whole family. Every year she had something new to share--a new craft decoration project or a new Christmas dessert to try.

I remember one year she took the turkey skeleton from Thanksgiving and somehow made it into a sleigh. It astounds me to think of the hours she must have spent getting every little bit of turkey meat and gristle off that carcass. It was then painted gold and decorated with a stuffed Santa and beads, then place on fake snow. She even had little reindeer attached to the sleigh. It was beautiful.

One year the new dessert was Pumpkin Cookies. They were wonderful and instantly became a new family tradition. Now I bake the Pumpkin Cookies, but am thrilled to see my children now fixing them too. As each generation enjoys those cookies, a bit of my mom is there with them.

As a child there was always something special I had asked Santa to bring me waiting under the tree on Christmas morning. And when I had kids of my own, there were times when I either could not find or could not afford something I knew the kids especially wanted. But they always found that special present under the tree at Grandma's house. Sometimes I don't remember that I even told her what to buy, but it was there just the same.

She loved holidays, but Christmas was special to her. She was happiest during the Season. The aroma of baking filled her kitchen for weeks and she would sing as she decorated the house. No strife was ever permitted--if we fought, we were instantly reminded about the baby Jesus and how he came to bring peace to the world. There were no differences of opinion or arguing--just good old fashioned family unity and fun.

Yes, I miss her the most during Christmas. But I know she is with us, sharing the joy of the season and of our growing family.

Merry Christmas, Mom! I love you. And Merry Christmas to all of you.

Parents Can Help Prepare Kids to Read

One of the things I could have done better as a parent was to set aside time every day for reading. My kids didn't enjoy reading as much as I did when I was a child and I was at a loss as to how to deal with it. Turns out, I did some things right. I know, I am as surprised as you. But I talked to the kids all the time. Don't get too excited--anyone who has a 3 or 4 year old is talking to them all the time. They have discovered communicaiton in a big way and are determined to use it.

But talking to your kids (and thereby increasing their vocabulary) is one of the three tools a parent can use to prepare kids for reading. This is according to my radio show guest last week, Cathy Puett Miller, The Literacy Ambassodor.

Explore books together, says Miller. Play with them, read them, feel them, look at the pictures, make up new stories based on the illustrations.

And have fun together singing rhyming songs, playing listening games, and whatever else you can imagine that has to do with stories and books. Miller has many useful ideas that you can find at http://www.readingisforeveryone.org, as well as in her new book, Anytime Reading Readiness: Fun and Easy Family Activities That Prepare Your Child to Read. She can also be reached at 770-365-4733.

The show can be downloaded from iTunes if you want to hear the wonderful snippets of information from last week. You will find us there under Parents Rule.

Most of all, make time to read and talk about books, poems, and stories to your preschooler. Also let them see you read--they model your behavior. Books are wonderful and according to Miller's mom, "You can go anywhere in a book."

Heroic Acts Protect Family

Imagine you are planning a family Thanksgiving and the week before a shooter comes into your home intent on killing you. Now imagine finding out he already killed another beloved family member. This is not make believe. This is what happened to a young couple that I love like they are my own kids, Scott and Tiffany.

Tiffany's half sister broke up with her boyfriend (who I will refer to as Evil Guy), but he did not think that was what she really wanted. So Evil Guy broke into her father's house, kidnapping her at knife point. She was able to escape a day or so later and went back home. But Evil Guy had warned her that he would kill her family if she left, and sure enough, he showed up at her dad's house to do just that. As the girl escaped (thanks to a warning) to Scott and Tiffany's, her father met the young man in the front yard to try to talk him down. For his efforts the man was shot dead in his own yard.

Using her father's cell phone, Evil Guy called the girl and told her that he was coming for her. They attempted to escape the house but he arrived too soon. So Tiff, her baby, and her sister hid in the attic. Three other female friends hid in other parts of the house. Scott prepared for the arrival and before long a gun battle ensued in which Scott was shot in the abdomen.

Despite the angry wound, Scott was able to wrestle with Evil Guy for about 20 minutes until the police arrived. Scott was prepared to give his life to protect his wife, baby, and sister-in-law. He is an honest-to-God hero in my book. They captured the man and the family is doing its best to heal from the horrific ordeal. Just imagine the horror and fear they were subjected to by this terrible man--not knowing if they would survive the next few minutes.

And where, you ask, were the police? We don't know. Despite repeated 911 calls from Scott and the girls, no car was dispatched until the alarm company contacted them after the break-in. Had they come when first called, they would have arrived at Scott's house before Evil Guy. He would not have been shot. The women would not have had to listen to the battle, fearing for all their lives.

But the good news is that there was only one fatality instead of seven due to the heroism of two fathers prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice for the safety of their families. One did give his life; the other will survive the belly wound. The emotional scars will take much longer to heal for the family. Please pray for them.

I am very proud Scott is one of "my boys". His courage was great. Ambroze Redmoon said "courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear". To Scott, his family was that something more important. I take my hat off to him.

A Car is the Most Common Deadly Weapon

Beneath this slab
John Brown is stowed
He watched the ads
And not the road
Ogden Nash

There is a lot of truth to this old poem. When I was teaching my kids to drive, they all had to endure “the lecture” before they ever sat in the driver’s seat. I told them that once they were driving down the road; they had a deadly weapon in their hands. It could be deadly to themselves, someone they care about, or someone they don’t even know. Cars are wonderful conveyances to get from here to there. A great invention. But they are also very dangerous.

I don’t know if they remember the lecture, or not. I am sure they were only half listening in their eagerness to learn to drive. That is just human nature. Kids will only hear a portion of what we say to them. For instance, when I told one of the kids they could go to the movie if they cleaned their room—all they heard was they could go to the movie. They stopped listening after that phrase.

Remember that when you are talking to your kids. Don’t be afraid to repeat important things like telling them to drive safely, don’t tailgate, don’t text and drive, and don’t drink and drive.

And, most important, be a good driving example. Control road rage and speed. Use your blinkers and common sense. It is easier to make a good argument for not speeding if you are not speeding.

Our children’s lives are the central focus of our attention as parents. Make sure they are well trained before you send them out in a car by themselves.

And, most important of all, make sure they know they can call you, no questions asked, from anywhere, in any condition, rather than get in a car with another teen who is impaired by alcohol or drugs. No questions asked. It may save their lives.

How to Get Past the Crap in Your Life

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog entitled, What To Do With a Big Pile of Crap. Basically, I said we need to move on, find forgiveness, and celebrate who we are. One person who commented asked me to follow up with a blog about how to do those things.

Let me say that I am completely unqualified to answer that question and book stores are full of self help books on that subject. It is something I have struggled with over the course of my life--in fact, I still struggle with it from time to time. But I am winning the battle for my peace of mind and I want to share some of my ideas with you.

My life changed dramatically when I learned about meditation. In my book Now You Know What I Know: Parenting Wisdom of a Grandmother, I discuss my views about meditation. I pray and then I sit quietly waiting for God to speak back to me. I ask questions, then wait for the answers. Sometimes they come right away and sometimes it is later when I get an answer. But the peace in my soul that comes from being connected to God is unlike anything I can describe.

When I am hurt or angry, I try to hold my tongue and not lash out in the heat of the moment. Notice I said try because I am not always successful. It is best to wait, talk to God, and think about how this will affect you in 10 years before you respond.

Have you ever noticed in the Bible how much Jesus spoke about forgiveness? God always tells me to forgive. Anger and guilt are the two most destructive emotions in the world. As I mentioned in the earlier blog, love cannot be in the place in your heart where you have stored all that anger and guilt. Let them go. When you start to feel anger toward another person, force yourself to stop and sent them love instead. Even if you don't do it to their face, just say to yourself that you forgive them and wish them well. Eventually it will actually be true because you will have created a habit of forgiving instead of hating.

When you start feeling guilty about something in your past, ask yourself if you have asked God to forgive you. If yes, then He did--plain and simple. You are done; check it off your list. Did you as the other person to forgive you if appropriate? If yes, then your job is done there. Check that one off. Whether they forgave you is irrelevant. Now it is on them. You have done what you needed to do. Now you have to ask if you have forgiven yourself--obviously not or you would not still be feeling guilty.

So what do you do with the guilt? Put it aside. Realize that you are miraculous and perfect just as you are, warts and all. Who else can be you? Nobody, that's who. Look in the mirror and try to see you as God does or as someone who loves you does. Say to yourself every day, "I love who I am. My actions in the past are past and I refuse to let them interfere with my happiness in the present and future. I have learned the lesson and am ready to move ahead in peace. I love who I am." If you do this every day, or whenever you feel those pangs of regret, I can promise you will be able to put it behind you.

You are wondrously made and have a purpose. Maybe some of what happens to us does so in order for us to learn. Maybe we are in the way of someone else's free will. Maybe it is just piles of crap we can either step in and carry on our shoes until we decide to clean it off or we can go around it.

Are We a Government of the People, or Not?

Society in every state is a blessing, but government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one.
Thomas Paine, from Common Sense

Our government is sticking its fingers into every aspect of our lives. Our founding fathers did not want that. Our current elected officials in DC have forgotten that our founders wanted individuals and states to be more powerful than the federal government. For the most part, our Representatives and Senators have been inoculated with the DC vaccine that prevents them from caring about you and me.

As leaders, they believe they are untouchable. But we have a strong way to fight back. Let’s stop re-electing the same foolish and arrogant people. Just because they have a famous name or have been in office a long time does not mean they are doing a good job.

Look at the voting record of your elected officials. It’s not that hard. I get an email every week from http://www.congress.org. It tells me what my representatives and senators voted on and how they voted. It also tells me what upcoming votes there are so I can call them in a timely fashion if I want to let them know how want them to vote.

Remember, they are there to represent us but they cannot do that if we don’t tell them what we want. We have a responsibility to speak out, know the issues, research them, and vote. It is imperative that, as parents, we do this. So much of what we decide as voters affects them more than us.

Set a good example for our kids. Talk to them about civics and current events. Encourage them to be active. We are in this mess now because of apathy. We are the only way out.

It is time we take our constitutionally guaranteed power of the people back from Washington!

The Best Part of Me

You're the best part of me
The best that I am
Or ever will be
You, baby, you're the part
That allows me to open my heart
And let love inside
I want you to know
What I've always known
You're the best part of me.
from the song, You Are The Best Part of Me. Sung by Neil Diamond

Working in my office this morning, I had Neil Diamond music on in the background. I found myself listening to the words of this song and my mind drifted to my children. Memories of childhoods, pranks, talks, activities, and more popped into my consciousness.

I remembered times when my marriage was going bad, or when it was simply gone, and loneliness engulfed me. You, my children, were there for me. You gave me unasked for hugs, sticky kisses, and unconditional love. Even now, so many years later, the joy of that love makes me warm. You could not have known the pain I was in, but you soothed me.

And you kept me grounded and moving. There was never time to wallow in self-pity or spend weeks in bed. There were lunches to make and bottoms to wipe. There were games and practices to attend and hair to brush. Day by day, you kept me busy and I healed. You were the medicine that made me whole again.

Everyday you made me lots of things--tired, happy, frustrated, proud. But mostly you made me smile and laugh, even when I thought I would never smile and laugh again. When I felt unloveable and unable to love, you would show me that I could love because I loved you all so much. Your boundless love made me realize that I was loveable. Who needed therapy when I had you all?

I see you all now and realize that there are a few scars from your childhoods, and for that I am sorry. But mostly I see warm, caring adults who are better than I ever was at your ages. I see people who are making this world a more wonderful place, one person at a time. Sometimes, I marvel at the fact that you came from my body and wonder how that could be.

Truly, you are the best part of me.