Parents Rule!

Don't Protect Your Children--Teach Them to Survive

2011-11-29T12:32:00.011-05:00

Will your kids survive the difficulties of life?

If you are like me, you looked at your newborn and promised never to let anything ever hurt him or her. As my children grew older, I realized that was something over which I had no control. Sure, I could manage some things--giving them a safe place to live, nutritious food for health, teaching them not to run out in front of cars, and so forth.

But children will get hurt. They will experience pain for which our kisses cannot be used to heal the boo-boo. They will have accidents. They will have broken hearts. They will become disillusioned about something or someone. And the list goes on and on.

So what is a loving parent to do? Our role is to prepare our kids for those times. We must show by example and by words how to survive the tough times that life throws at us. For instance, if you have bad news, what do you do? If you go to bed for days and withdraw from everyone, you are teaching that sometimes it is impossible to cope with situations. However, if you grieve, but continue to go to work and make dinner for your family, then you are teaching your child that they can be stronger than the pain.

I am reading a very insightful book, The Survivors Club by Ben Sherwood (awesome book, by the way). In one chapter, a woman named Yehuda, whose friends had family members that survived the Holocaust, decided to study the differences between Holocaust survivors and the PTSD she was seeing in Viet Nam Vets. She states that trauma will happen and that our children need to be prepared for it. Her example is that her daughter, in the aftermath of 9-11, sometimes fears the future. Yehuda says, "I'm always temped to reassure her that harm will not come her way. But then I think of all the Holocaust survivors and I cannot promise this. Instead I reassure her that she will have the strength and resourcefulness to cope with whatever challenges her." Then they develop emergency plans and practice them.

What I love about this is that it is not useless platitudes. Instead, she sees the reality of life and is trying to help her child develop coping strategies so when sadness or tragedy do come to her, she will be able to do more than just survive--she will be able to thrive.

I know that is what I want for my children and grandchildren. As I am fond of saying, we are not supposed to be raising kids. We are raising the next generation of adults and we must prepare instead of coddle, guide instead of protect, and encourage instead of cocoon. It's devastating to watch our kids in physical or emotional pain. But, trust me, one day when your baby is going through an unbelievably difficult time and doing it with grace and hope, you will know that my words and Yehuda's words are more true than you would ever want them to be.

Courtesy and Respect--Teach it!

2011-10-13T17:25:00.005-04:00

Courtesy and Respect---Teach It!Note from Pat: I received this article the other day and thought it gave some good pointers on teaching kids about respect. Hope you like it!

The author is Gary M. Unruh, MSW LCSW, a child and family mental health counselor with nearly forty years of experience. He is the author of the award-winning book Unleashing the Power of Parental Love: 4 Steps to Raising Joyful and Self-Confident Kids (www.unleashingparentallove.com).

Make sure you read to the bottom--there is a video at the end you will want to see...

Teaching Respect

for oneself and others

by Gary M. Unruh, MSW, LCSW

Raising a respectful child is one of the three Rs (responsibility, respect, and resiliency) that are part of a parent's job description.If we hear a three-year-old say, "No, my do it. Get away!" that is pretty normal. But it is disrespectful for a thirteen-year-old to say, "I don't have to do that if I don't want to."

Helping your child move from one level to another takes focus and constant vigilance. A child can also disrespect herself. That is what is happening when you hear "I'm so stupid" or "Nobody wants to eat lunch with me at school; I guess I'll just have to eat by myself."

Respect (for oneself and others) is a learned behavior, and the learning curve is full of roadblocks. The three most common obstacles to respect are:

1. Looking out for oneself first and ignoring another person's needs.

2. Encouraging a child's independence and at the same time helping them understand the importance of looking out for another person's needs.

3. Experiencing mistakes too harshly and creating disrespect for themselves.

Here are some ways to deal with each of these.Looking out for oneself first. If you don't think this is a human tendency, spend an hour with a toddler. If children don't progress past this attitude, respect for others will not develop.

But don't skip validating your child's needs and feelings as you teach respect for others. Telling your child he should be disappointed or mad when a teacher has been mean is essential. After that, the second step works better: teaching your child how to deal respectfully with his teacher.

When your thirteen-year-old argues, take the time to hear her point, support parts or all of what she says, and sometimes change your mind--in favor of what your child says. Most parents skip step one (supporting a child's feelings) and go directly to step two: teaching respectful behavior. Don't make that mistake.

Balancing independence with looking out for other people's needs.

Alex yells at the principal, saying it's not fair that he got an after-school suspension when his friends did the same thing and got off scot-free. That's independent thinking, but the comments and his espressions were disrespectful. Alex's parents have done a good job helping Alex know and respect his needs, but his delivery needs some work. Learning to balance independence and respect for others is a tough skill to teach, but it can be done with enough practice.

Handling mistakes too harshly.

As a teenager, Erin spends too much time doing perfect homework and sometimes does not try activities because she believes she won't be able to do them perfectly. Four-year-old Taylor has a temper tantrum every time he can't find a puzzle piece or can't get a Lego piece to fit right. These children have learned that mistakes make them feel bad about themselves, rather than using mistakes to learn and improve.

Parents need to decrease this excessive internal harshness by focusing on and supporting the child's feelings that are causing the problem. Let's say Erin tells her parents she doesn't want to disappoint them by getting Bs or Cs. Now the parents know the source of the pressure and can reduce the grade expectation. Don't expect this internal harshness to go away overnight, however. It'll take awhile to see the results of the approach of addressing feelings first and correcting behavior second.

Here's the take-home lesson: When you establish your child's self-respect, teaching respect for others will be a lot easier.

Parenting and interacting with a respectful child is a pleasure for everyone.

High School Doesn't Last Forever

2011-09-27T13:36:00.013-04:00

In the last year, I have learned a new lesson. Yes, even old horses can gradually be taught to learn!

In March of my junior year in high school, my family moved. As you can imagine, it was traumatic to me. Luckily, the place we moved to was terrific and the kids at the school were very nice to me. However, I only had a few friends and did not get to really get to know many of the graduating class--just no time. Part of me was envious that they had so many stories about growing up with each other that I could not share and sometimes I felt like a real outsider.

Over the years, I have gone to a few reunions, but last year's (cough, cough over the number) reunion was the best. We have all reached an age where we are just glad to see each other, renew old friendships, make new ones, and mourn our losses. With the fun we had that night, along with email and Facebook, many of us have been staying in touch. I know many of these people for the first time and they are wonderfully exciting, caring, and fun people.

In the photo above is Larry "Pepper" Smith. Larry and his wife, Christine Cordone, now live in Key West, FL and are entertainers (singers, songwriters, entertainers, music producers) at the Pier House Resort. Larry is a case in point--we did not run in the same circles--he was popular; I was a newcomer. He was in band; I was busy with my church. And so forth. Needless to say, we knew who each other was and I had always heard that he was a terrific musician, but cannot say I ever heard him play or sing by himself.

At last year's reunion he invited all of us to come hear them if we were in Key West. So this month, my husband and I took him up on his offer. We were so pleasantly surprised at the reception we received, as well as the quality of the entertainment. When Monty and I walked into the lounge where Larry was seated at the piano, he made a big deal to the audience about how we graduated from high school together and played a special song for Monty and I since our anniversary was the next day. You would have thought we had been close friends instead of passing acquaintances.

We were also invited into his "inner circle" of friends who were singing with him that night. They were also warm and welcoming. Larry has become a wonderful musician! He plays a few instruments, has a terrific singing voice, and writes some great songs which you can find at http://www.keywestislandnight.com. Turns out the rumors in high school about him were true--he is very talented. If you are in Key West, check out one of his shows--I promise you will want to hear more.

The lesson is for our kids is that high school doesn't last forever. It is a difficult time with new responsibilities, new hormones, new expectations, more hormones, lack of maturity, and did I mention hormones? Teach them that

life moves on and people grow, change, and mature;
the next place you go--another town, college, military, and so on--do not know that you were Homecoming queen or that you were the pimpled faced kid with low self esteem that always sat by himself;
eventually you are all on the same plane;
they can make anything of their lives that they want no matter where they started;
people change over the course of their lives and someone who was a best pal may no longer fit, whereas a person you didn't like in high school could become a new best friend so don't slam any doors;
many kids who could not get dates in high school become popular and famous (or infamous) later in life.

Things for parents to consider:

Be your child's cheerleader.
If you need to move for work, don't be afraid to do it. My parents certainly had to listen to a lot of crying and yelling when I got the news, but it turned out fine.
Kids are very resilient--they can adjust to quite a bit. Sometimes we don't give them enough credit.
Find stories like this one to share with your kids if they are having emotional distress with adolescence.
Get them involved in something like music, sports, scouting, or whatever interests them and keep encouraging them. Chemicals from a physician is not the answer.

I was glad high school was not forever, but it is fun to go back sometimes and peek back behind that curtain one more time.

Since I mentioned Larry, I thought I would leave you with a song of his and some photos of mine.

Live Like You Are Dying

2011-09-15T15:53:00.013-04:00

A few weeks ago, my husband and I went on a wonderful trip to Key West and one of the hightlights of the trip was taking a sea plane out to and exploring Dry Tortugas National Park. During the flight, a tape was playing that alternately played music or pointed out landmarks or interesting sites we were passing over. One of the songs was "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw. Everytime I hear this impactful song, I reassess how I am living my life. Little did I know it, but in less than an hour this song was going to come to life for me.

On the trip Monty and I were given the gift of meeting Lisa, who is 12 years younger than I, and who was traveling by herself. She was great company and we really enjoyed talking to her. Upon hearing that she was a retired special education teacher, I already knew she was extraordinary. It takes a wonderful spirit to devote yourself to disabled children.

As the three of us wandered around the fort and looked at the fish in the pristine water, she told us that she was working out her "bucket list." I was very honored when she shared this private information with us and it made our time together more valuable. As I watched her throughout the day, I was inspired by her attitude and actions. She would sit on the beach and spend several minutes looking at each of the shells in the small collection she had in her hand or stare out at the ocean and comment on how beautiful it was. Then she would speak to us, quick with a smile and a laugh and a great sense of humor. And I marvelled at her.

So what is Lisa doing with the rest of her life? She is currently planning a trip around the world to see all the places she has dreamed of visiting. And she is doing it by herself. Fortunately, but not surprisingly, she has friends who plan to meet her in different countries so she will not always be alone in her journey.

Her affect on me has been enormous and I am not sure why, but I know it has to do with her humor, courage, kindness, and her acceptance of the limitations of this life. It is a surety she did not arrive at this place of peace overnight, but she has. She is in my thoughts and prayers every day. It is very rare for me to be overly impressed by any human being--we are all so flawed that I find it difficult to put anyone up on a pedestal. I have not done that with her, but in the few hours we were with her, she zoomed into the list of the top 5 people I respect and admire most. She is an inspiration for all of us.

Maybe her impact is because as a cardiac nurse I met so many people who put off doing things or going places that they really desired. Then their life or that of their spouse came to an early end and now their dreams would never be realized. After all that, I was now privileged to meet someone who is actually getting the chance to live those dreams.

As parents, this is a great lesson for us and for our children. When you get the chance to clean house or play tag--play tag. If you have to make a choice about working late or going to the ballgame--go to the ballgame. In the Tim McGraw song, a line goes "Someday I hope you get the chance to live life like you were dyin'." But I think that is a decision we make everyday, in every choice we make.

We don't know how many moments we are given in this life. So don't waste any of the precious ones!

Hostels--What You Need to Know

2011-09-14T12:13:00.006-04:00

Recently I met a man who runs two hostels in Flagstaff AZ and realized I knew nothing about them. Are they a viable alternative for lodging when traveling? Are they safe? What exactly is a hostel? Where are they located?

John McCulloch of Grand Canyon International Hostel answered my questions and then graciously agreed to tape a segment for Parents Rule! video blog to answer questions you might have. That tape is found at the bottom of this blog or at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYyONXrmOZE (As you will see in the video, he is also a very talented musician.)

Turns out that hostels are a quite interesting alternative for traveling on a steep budget. Elder hostels are even available for those of us who are graying. So now there is no good excuse not to travel and see places you have always wanted to visit. Get out there and have fun!

9-11 Tribute: Where Were You?

2011-09-08T20:06:00.017-04:00

On September 11, 2001, I came home from an early morning meeting and my son yelled to me to watch the TV--that a plane had flown into one of the World Trade Center buildings. As we sat on his bed and watched together, it was through a haze of disbelief that I began to realize that our country was being attacked.

I remember hugging him and telling him that this was a moment we would always remember because the world as we knew it had just changed. How right I was. But I was safe at home in Suwanee, GA. My husband was working in Canada, but I knew he was not flying that day. As far as I knew, everyone I loved was safe for now.

Unfortunately, there were 3000 American citizens who were not. They were overcome by smoke in their offices. They were disintegrated immediately when the planes flew into their buildings. They jumped to their deaths preferring a sudden impact demise to a firey one. They were on hijacked planes and did not know what was going to happen. They tried to take back a plane headed to Washington DC and crashed in PA to save more innocent lives. They perished in valiants efforts to rescue and protect.

So many stories. So many souls that survived, but were forever changed. So many left to mourn and wonder about how this could happen. In my YouTube video blog this week I am featuring the story of a woman who is a survivor of the Twin Towers on 9-11. Her children were among those walking the streets of NYC with a photo of her, not knowing whether she was alive or dead.

For the ten years since 9-11 we have been healing, but the memory is just as fresh today as it was then. I pray we never forget that day and do all we can to prevent anything like that from happening again.

So let's fly our flag and hold our heads up high. We were not beaten. We were bruised and battered and paid a heavy toll on that Sept 11 morning. But we were not destoyed. We still stand tall and proud. Our landscape may have changed but our spirits never did, never will.

We are Americans, citizens of the greatest nation that was ever created. We will never forget, but we will not let it keep us from moving forward.

God Bless America!

5 Back-to-School Homework Tips Every Parent Must Have

2011-08-12T17:27:00.003-04:00

I was trying to decide on a blog topic and saw a newsletter in my email box. In the newsletter was this article that I really like--informative and timely. It is re-printed with permission and I hope it is helpful to you--Pat

5 Back-to-School Homework Tips Every Parent Must Have

by Ann K. Dolin, M.Ed.

The ritual of back to school time is here once again. Some parents can't wait to get their kids out the door, while others don't want those lazy summer days to end. Regardless of how parents feel about a transition to a new school year, they all have one thing in common — a universal desire to see their children succeed. Read on to find out how you can make this school year the best ever.

• Establish a Start Time

So much of success in school depends on how well kids perform after the school bell rings. That's right: homework. If you're the parent of a child with the "I'll do it later" syndrome, setting a time in which homework starts is key. There are essentially five times to start homework: right after school, after a 30 minute break, before dinner, after dinner, and right before bedtime. The latter two options are not nearly as productive as the first three, but determining when your child should start homework depends on age.

Elementary students often need down time after school or when they return from their extra-curricular activities; about 30 minutes is usually sufficient. This is when homework should start. Although each day might be different due to sports, lessons and other activities, the routine of starting 30 minutes after returning should not change.

It's much harder to dictate an exact starting time to an adolescent. For older students, consider having the family policy that homework starts before dinner. This step in itself will greatly reduce late night stress when homework still isn't complete.

• Allow a Variety of Homework Spaces

Throw away the old idea that homework needs to be done in the same place each day. New research finds that it's far more productive to vary the location. One day homework might be done in the dining room, another day the home office area, etc. Keep in mind that regardless of where homework is completed, some kids function better when they can lie on the floor, sit on the sofa, or even pace the room while studying for a test.

In addition, the traditional notion that people need complete silence and a sterile environment in order to concentrate has recently come under fire. Various studies have shown that distractible students can actually attend better when they are given something to hold or touch. If you find that your child tends to fidget by touching objects around her, tapping her feet, or rocking in her chair, it's likely that she's craving sensory input.

Many children need this type of stimulation, especially when tasks are tedious or boring. Consider allowing your child to hold a stress ball or another fidget toy such as the Tangle Jr.

• Create a Clean Sweep

Organization is a major component of school success. In the beginning of the year nearly every student starts off being organized, but has a hard time maintaining this initial effort. You can help your child by establishing a 20 minute pre-arranged weekly maintenance session called the "Clean Sweep." During this time, your child will be responsible for organizing anything related to school, which includes cleaning out binders, folders, and backpack. Program this time into your smart phone and have your children do the same if they own a cell phone. Many families find that Sunday evening is an ideal time to prepare for the week ahead.

• Know How Much to Help

Knowing how much to help your child with schoolwork is perhaps the most important part of school success. With young children (K-3) there's more hand-holding. As students age the rule of thumb is to get them started, watch them do the first few problems to be sure they understand the material, then walk away. Sitting with your child while he does homework is not productive, and sends the message that he is incapable of doing the assignment. Remember, a parent's pen should never touch the paper. This is the child's homework. On the other hand, knowing when to provide support is equally as important. When you see your child struggling, by all means, intervene. Work with him until he's able to understand the content and then let him work on his own. When it comes to schoolwork, independence is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child.

• Stay the Course

In the beginning of the year, every parent starts out gung-ho, but then the daily check-ins on homework fade as the stress of fall sets in. If you have a fairly responsible child, this is generally just fine. It's likely you'll need to check in from time to time, but if you find your child is doing well without your help, don't intervene. If you have a roller coaster type of kid who starts out strong, fades without parental support and then kicks it into gear when you get involved once again, be careful not to follow that same pattern again this year. Continue to monitor homework completion regularly and step back ever so slightly, but not completely, after the first quarter.

Finally, remember that praise is a powerful tool, especially when it comes to homework. Research shows that by simply praising effort rather than intelligence, kids will develop greater motivation to keep trying, even when the going gets tough.

****************************************************

Ann K. Dolin, M.Ed., is the founder and president of Educational Connections, Inc., a tutoring, test prep, and consulting company in Fairfax, VA and Bethesda, MD. In her new book, Homework Made Simple: Tips, Tools and Solutions for Stress-Free Homework, Dolin offers proven solutions to help the six key types of students who struggle with homework. Numerous examples and easy-to-implement, fun tips will help make homework less of a chore for the whole family. Learn more at anndolin.com or ectutoring.com.

Timely Tips for Grandparents

2011-08-02T10:49:00.000-04:00

I occasionally have guest bloggers, as you know. I really liked this piece by Chloe Jon Paul and thought it would be useful for you all. Pat

Timely Tips for Grandparents

New census data reveals that 4.9 million children under the age of 18 live where grandparents are head of the household. If you are one of those grandparents, you may want to consider these tips as part of your action plan.

Communication
When a child/teenager misbehaves, try saying: “ I’m not angry – a bit disappointed, maybe because your behavior right now just isn’t matching the good person inside you. I know that good person exists and I want to see him (her) come out again.”
At the dinner table, ask: “What was the best part of your day?” You might also want to ask: “if there was one thing you could change about today, what would it be?”
If you receive a call from a teacher or school administrator about the student’s misbehavior in the classroom, respond with: “I’d like to be part of the solution and not the problem. Tell me what you need so we may discuss this further.”

Co-operation
Schedule a periodic family conference to review ground rules. You may even want to design a rating scale to show how well or poorly they are being followed. If the rating is low, ask the child what would need to be done to improve the rating.
You can turn clean-up time and homework into a game by playing Beat the Clock. Set the kitchen timer for one hour and if the child completes the task fully and successfully before the timer goes off, offer a small reward. My kids earned their TV time this way.

Creative Problem Solving
When a child makes a mistake, the best thing you can say is” “That was a perfect mistake for learning something new! Now, tell me what you would do differently the next time you find yourself in this situation.”
Role-play can also be a way to help a child solve a troubling problem. Switch roles with the child and act out a problem and see what happens!

As a grandparent raising grandchildren, you should be able to find support groups in your local area or on the Internet. In the meantime, you can try these tips – and you’ll be glad you did! The key to success here is consistency and practicing positive discipline.

Children need to be led gently but firmly in approaching the challenges they will face in life. You can be instrumental in this and it will be your legacy.

**********************

Chloe Jon Paul, M.Ed., is a retired educator and writer of several published articles and a previous book entitled "What Happens Next: A Family Guide to Nursing Home Visits"

Since age 55 among her many accomplishments are the following:

Fulbright Fellowship Seminars Abroad award to South Africa
Ms. Maryland Senior America
Volunteer internship during 2005 Maryland legislative session
State representative for Alternatives to Violence Project
Advisory board member: MD Healthcare Commission and Interagency Commission for Aging Services

Byte-Sized Parents Rule!

2011-07-19T20:21:00.007-04:00

For several months I have wrestled with the idea of bringing back Parents Rule! radio show but was not sure what format to use. Radio was great fun and I miss it. But I began to think that it was hard for you all to find the time in your busy schedules to listen to an hour long radio show.

Voila! Why not bring Parents Rule! to You Tube? http://www.youtube.com/parentsrule1 That is more easily used by young parents who are constantly on the go. You Tube is on your iPads, laptops, iPods and smart phones. So now we are more readliy available and in small doses. Each segment on You Tube is going to be 5-20 minutes. I am aiming for an average of 10 minutes. You will still get all the advice, information, and encouragement that you loved from the radio show--just in shorter segments that fit into your schedule better.

And I get to make eye contact with you. I really like that part of the Parents Rule! video blog--feels like I can connect with you better. There will be times when I am speaking about a topic I feel strongly about and times when I have guest interviews--just like on the radio.

Today is my kick off, so tune in and let me know what you think. "Like" the videos that mean something to you. Feel free to comment whether you agree or disagree.

Join me--we are going to have fun with this http://www.youtube.com/parentsrule1

If We Take Obese Kids Out of Homes, Who is Next?

2011-07-14T14:09:00.007-04:00

It is all over the news today. A couple of doctors at Harvard want the government to remove obese children from their homes, place them on foster care, and treat the obesity. Let me think, didn't I hear something else about Harvard researchers recently? Oh, yes, they think that only Republicans enjoy celebrating the founding of our country. But I digress.

So what do I think? Obviously childhood obesity is a serious issue. Seventeen percent of kids are obese; three times the rate of obesity thirty years ago. More kids are being diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol than ever before. So yes, something must be done about this pending healthcare crisis.

Do I think it is a form of child abuse? Yes, but these parents don't realize that. In the majority of cases, you will find that they are raising their kids the same way they were raised. Are we not all guilty of that to some extent?

Is removing them from their homes a good idea? Absolutely not--and for many reasons:

First of all, none of the articles I read this morning discussed the psychological effects this would have on the child. Now I am not a psychologist, but I am sure that many of these overwieght kids have some issues already--depression, low self esteem, and more. How does taking them away from the family unit, who they depend on and love, benefit them in that manner? What a traumatic event for that child.
Putting them in foster homes is suggested as a solution. I know there are many wonderful foster parents out there, but I have heard so many horror stories of physical, mental, and sexual abuse that I have to question the wisdom of that move. So you move a depressed overweight, but loved child into a home in which they are put on a forced diet and possibly sexually abused--for their welfare? Hmmm.
Do we have that many foster homes out there? The last I heard, the demand for foster homes was much greater than the supply already.
What about the expense of adding that many more people that the government has to pay to care for?
Another important reason to not resort to this forced removal from homes is: What is next? With Obamacare leading us down the path to socialized medicine, we better take a long look at the future. If we let the government start deciding who is a fit parent and who is not, where does that slippery slope lead? Trust me, don't trust the government. At some point they will be coming for your kids and putting them in re-training camps--for their weight, their level of exercise, their grades, the fact that they got caught smoking a cigarette, the fact that they drink sodas and eat chips and so forth. Am I paranoid? Perhaps, but remember, with socialized medicine you must control the actions of the public in order to afford the cost. So if kids can be, for want of a better term brainwashed, into good health practices, isn't that for the greater good? In my mind it is better not to peek into that Pandora's box.

So what can be done? There are many different ways to attack the problem:

Remove all vending machines from schools. We didn't have them when I went to school and we survived just fine.
Remove so many choices from school lunches and give them one entree, two vegetables, a desert (that could be fruit), and milk or water to drink. Give them healthy foods instead of so many choices and wasted food at the end of the day.
Reinstate physical education in schools so that kids have it every day K through 12.
Government money could be spent helping dieticians and physicians provide low or no cost dietary classes for families with identified obesity issues. If the whole family attends and learns, then they may be able to make the changes necessary for their health.
Health educational classes for families of obesity to help them understand the consequences their child will face due to the obesity.
Encourage more towns to have community gardens for families so they could grow their own healthy foods. The garden plots could be leased on a pro-rated sliding scale based on income.
Free classes on gardening for those who would be interested in growing their own foods. Many poor people cannot afford organic foods, but might grow their own.

I could keep going; there are so many potential solutions. Bottomline is that you can only help people who want help. But there should be services that can help those that truly want it.

Dr. David Orentlicher, co-director of Hall Center for Law and Health at Indiana University of School Law said in an interview with ABC news, "Sometimes it is easier to take a child out of the home than take the time and resources to provide the right solution to the problem." I am saying that we need to get this right--for the kids, the families, our economy, and our future as a free nation.

Stop The Fighting at Kid's Ballgames Right Now!

2011-07-11T18:15:00.004-04:00

I just saw an article on the internet about a fight at a ballgame in which 12 yr. olds were playing. Here is the link:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43715655/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/?GT1=43001

This type of thing absolutely drives me crazy. What are these people thinking? Attacking each other over an umpire's call? Really? Umpires are just people who love kids, are out there to have fun and make a few extra bucks. They do not have the benefit of instant replay. They are not perfect.

If the two boys got in a fight over the call, then the parents failed to teach them sportsmanship many years ago when they first started playing baseball. And they exacerbated that failure by joining in the fight. What a sad day in the lives of those kids and parents!

I definitely have a competitive streak in me. And I have complained about a call loudly enough for the umpire to have no doubt where I stood. But I stayed in my seat, let it pass, and moved on to the next thing happening on the field.

Let's teach our kids that no one is perfect--not the umpires, not them, not us. Teach them that they will get as many calls their way as against them over the course of a season. Teach them that winning is a good thing, but being a gracious loser is where true character is born. By loser, I mean losing a game, a call, or anything else that in the grand scheme of life doesn't mean much.

Of course, I believe in competing to the best of one's ability. I completely disagree with not keeping score in sports. But one of the things our kids need to learn in sports is not only to try to be the best they can be, but that sometimes, someone else is better or luckier. That is just the way it goes. The test of their character is how they handle both winning and losing.

I want parents to stop this nonsense of fighting at their kids' games right now. Please. For the sake of your children--think about what you are teaching them.

Harvard's 4th of July Study Unncessarily Divisive

2011-07-03T10:59:00.006-04:00

Last week, Harvard released a study that made me scratch my head and think about the results. "Fourth of July celebrations in the United States shape the nation's political landscape by forming beliefs and increasing participation, primarily in favor of the Republican Party," said the report from Harvard, according to a report published by US News and World Report.

What in the world? This country is great because we have diversity of people and diversity of opinion. While I personally believe that there are some vocal people out there who do not have the best interest of the US at heart (instead, they have their own best interest--and it occurs in all political parties), the vast majority of us love our homeland. We just have very different views on what is the best course of action and differences in interpretation of our founding documents. Those differences in ideas are where the fresh ideas come from--from discussion and compromise.

As far as this study, who was studied? How were the questions developed? I can create a questionaire to make the Pope sound like he doesn't believe in God if I want. So, was there an ulterior motive to this study at this place and time? In a time when we have so much division in our country, do we need anything else to further divide us?

I don't believe so. I think this holiday, more than any other we celebrate should be a unifying experience as people all over the country remember the struggle to create a land of liberty, the likes of which had never before been seen. We can appreciate the fact that we are having picnics and watching fireworks united in our love for the opportunities we have. We are grateful that it is our choice to be there--we are not forced to participate or persecuted because we do by an oppresive government.

So what does this have to do with parenting? As I have been saying for a while now, parents need to take the lead in teaching your children about this country's blessings. Get out and celebrate this weekend, enjoy each other, and spend a little time explaining to your kids about why it is good to have respectful dialouge with others who may not agree with all of your own beliefs. Teach your kids that is one of the distinct benefits of living in a free country; it is how every person can be represented.

Happy Birthday, USA! Long may you live!

The Business of Children

2011-06-22T10:55:00.007-04:00

To my readers: This week I have a guest blog interview who had written a fictional novel. However, it is based on factual events from her experiences as a teacher. Her name is Chloe Jon Paul and the book is " The Business of Children." As always, the opinions shared by the guest blogger are her own and not necessarily shared by me. Having said that, she does make some excellent points that parents can benefit from!

Questions:
1. What is the #1 issue facing schools today?
The #1 issue, I feel, is all the bureaucratic nonsense that nail teachers to the wall – not allowing them to be creative. The pressure put on teachers to “teach to the test” is what caused me to take an early retirement. In conjunction with that is the lack of administrative support when there is a problem with a student. Lack of teacher respect, bullying, and other issues compound the problem.

2. What can be done to resolve that issue?
I strongly believe that teachers have to continue their fight with teacher union activism, sending a clear message that they deserve better.

3. Should kids that need extra help be mainstreamed into regular classrooms?
No, I think it does more harm than good. While they are out of their regular class, they are missing the kind of instruction they really need. When they enter the regular classroom, everyone knows why they are there. I believe that regular classroom teachers can collaborate with special needs teachers to combine classes on a regular basis for some special instruction. I used to do this all the time and worked marvelously well.

4. How does that affect a. their learning in the classroom and b. the learning of other kids in the classroom?
I don’t think that much real learning does take place. Behavior problems do disrupt other kids and resentment on their part builds up.

5. There are a lot people who feel it is now better to put kids into private schools, what is your opinion? Can public schools still do the job well?
If one can afford to place one’s child in private school, then – yes, it would be better. Home schooling has increased significantly in the last few years. My own daughter home-schooled both her boys. Now, at age 14 and 16, they are both in college.
In the city where I live, home schooling is very big because the public school system here leaves much to be desired.

6. If parents could do one thing to help their kids succeed in school, what would that be?
Ah! If only people would heed my words! They must be willing to do what I did when my 2 children were growing up.

So, in a nutshell, here it is:
-One TV, record player, telephone in the house – nothing ever in their rooms!
-Dinner together every night with conversation about their day.
-Earning TV time by signing up for chores. Eventually, I allowed them to trade their TV time credits into cash.
-Making sure that they read quality books and show interest in the world around them by engaging in some kind of volunteer work.
*** I must have done something right because both my children are successful adults. They both have Master’s degrees and do interesting work in their respective fields.

7. Based on your experience, what is the a. most negative change you have seen in schools and b. the most positive change you have seen over the years?
The most negative change, as far as I’m concerned, is the emphasis put on assessment tests. Frankly, I can’t say that I’ve seen positive change.

8. How are the rookie teachers today different that when you began your career?
I think rookie teachers are savvier and they have the ability to network with other teachers worldwide through the many groups on the Internet – something we didn’t have years ago. They have instant access to oodles of information that took hours to research years ago.

9. Why did you write this book?
I wrote the book back in the early 90’s when I took a leave of absence from my teaching position. I wrote it because I felt it would be therapeutic for me to record some of my experiences but I didn’t want it to be a memoir. I had just finished a very bad year at the school where I was assigned and I seriously considered quitting altogether. Fortunately, I decided on a leave of absence without pay and went to stay with a dear friend in Maine where I had done the best teaching of my entire career. I actually trashed the book after I finished writing it, figuring that it had helped relieve some of the tension. My friend, however, retrieved it saying, “You are NOT throwing this away!” So I shelved it and went on to other writing projects which resulted in 2 other published works – non-fiction: What Happens Next? A Family Guide to Nursing Home Visits…and More

Entering the Age of Elegance: A Rite of Passage & Practical Guide for the Modern Maturing Woman

10. Why did you choose to write it in fiction?
I had always wanted to write fiction and I figured that the experiences I had had through the years, especially as a union activist, could lend credibility to the story. The characters are not real people that I ever knew or worked with although some of their characteristics could be considered a composite of several different people I encountered in my 35 years of teaching. Some people have asked if I’m Vera or Deidre and I must admit that there is probably a little of me in both of them. JJ
When writing fiction, an author must really get inside that character’s skin – think, talk, and act like they would. This is especially challenging when the character is male and you’re a female author. Some of the language at times may be a bit coarse. I don’t use that kind of language personally but I know that some friends will read the book and exclaim,” Chloe wrote that?!?
Most people aren’t going to sit down to read a heavy document explaining the ills of education but a novel that portrays those very ills can be a real eye-opener!

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About the Author:
Chloe Jon Paul, M.Ed., is a retired educator and writer of several published articles and a previous book entitled "What Happens Next: A Family Guide to Nursing Home Visits" and More... State representative for the National Family Caregivers Association's caregiver community action network 2006-2008; Advisory board member: MD, Healthcare Commission and the Interagency Commission for Aging Services: Maryland Dept. of Aging; Hospice and homeless shelter volunteer.

Goshen College Controversy Is Parenting Failure

2011-06-14T10:24:00.006-04:00

Last week a firestorm erupted over the fact that a small Mennonite college, Goshen College in Indiana, decided to no longer play the National Anthem at sports events. At first I was outraged. Then I backed off and thought about the fact that they have every right to make that decision. Now after mulling it over for a few days, I have something to say about it today, on Flag Day.

After doing research, I discovered the following facts:

Mennonites believe in peace and the fact sheet on the college states "...playing the national anthem has not been among Goshen College's practices because of our Christ-centered core value of compassionate peacemaking seeming to be in conflict with the anthem's militaristic language."
Also some members of the religion, although this is not an official church position, say that to sing a hymn of allegience like that is to display more loyalty to country than to God.
Historically they did not ever play the anthem until 2010 when they chose to lift the 116 year old ban on playing the anthem. They agreed to allow an instrumental version of the song to be played.
Mennonites historically came to this country seeking religious freedom from the persecution that they received in their homelands.

So what are we looking at here? Their ancestors came to this country seeking a chance to practice their religion in peace. Finding that freedom in the new country, they were content to let others fight for their right to maintain that freedom against enemies that would deny freedoms to all of us. Okay, I get that. The Amish, Quakers, and others are peaceloving people who refuse to take up arms. I can respect that.

What troubles me is the lack of gratitude on the part of this college for the country that provides their ability to practice their religion without interference. This is the same country whose brave men and women died on battlefields, mothers wept at the loss of a child, fathers saw their lineage end as their sons died, children lost parents, and the world lost many brilliant future leaders so we all could remain free. This is the same country that has been a refuge for the oppressed for more than 200 years.

In my heart, I love God, family, and country. But sometimes that order gets all blurred together--days like Dec 7, 1941 and Sept 11, 2001. So while I understand their priorities, I am saddened by the fact that they feel no sense of loyalty to the country that has paid the price of their freedom in blood.

Parents of Goshen, wake up! I don't care what your church leaders say--this is the United States of America. She has stood for your freedom and protected it since your people first stepped foot on her beautiful shores. She deserves some measure of your appreciation and loyalty. It is time to teach your children about the greatness of our land and our history. Yes, it is run by flawed individuals who make mistakes. However, we can change that at the ballot box. Bottomline, is that we have lived with our freedoms intact for a long time now--less than 10% of the people in the history of this planet can boast of living with the freedoms we cherish. Teach that to your kids.

If the first verse of the national anthem is offensive to you, perhaps the last verse will be more acceptable:

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation.
Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust;”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Yes, I defend your right to live as you choose, but I am saddened and somewhat angry that you at Goshen College have no appreciation for why you can live as you choose.

Give the Botox to Barbie!

2011-05-17T16:22:00.013-04:00

On Good Morning America there was story about a mom who injected her 8-year old daughter with Botox for an upcoming beauty pagent in which the girl was a participant. http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/botox-girl-mother-13611500

I am alternately saddened and enraged by this story. This poor little girl is being taught that looks are everything in life--that it doesn't matter what pain or discomfort is involved, she must do all she can to enhance her looks. What about just being a little girl, playing with dolls and friends? Why is that not enough? We need to let kids be kids and stop marginalizing their innocence. Why must they become mini-adults while interrupting imaginative play that is so beneficial to them for the rest of their lives? Instead they are learning that pain, suffering, and rejection are worthwhile prices to pay for a few short minutes of potential glory that they will barely remember.

These moms push and prod and make their little girls grow up too fast. Why? Is it a desire to give some meaning to their own sad lives? It certainly is NOT for the child. It is all about the mom and some twisted need to prove their little girl is better than the others around her. I think it is pathetic and it angers me. I have even heard stories about little girls having their baby teeth removed and fitted with dentures until their adult teeth come in!

And this mom ordered this poisonous substance off the internet and injected it herself. How did she know for sure what she was actually getting when ordering off the internet? She could have put anything into her precious little girl. According to ABC, the mom also waxed the poor baby's legs and bikini line. "I know one day she will be a model, actress or singer, and having these treatments now will ensure she stays looking younger and baby-faced for longer," says the mom. My question is: at what price to this girl's emotional and physical well being?

The whole thing is completely disgusting and irresponsible parenting. The girl was removed from the home and the mom is being investigated. For one, I hope she never goes back into this woman's custody.

Kids need time to grow and play and learn without being pushed into a cruel adult world. If you must teach your kids about Botox, why not pretend to inject it into Barbie while teaching her that Barbie is not the real world. Tell her that real women don't look like a Barbie doll with her perfection and taking injections of poison to enhance your looks is not necessary. Teach her that she is perfect as she is.

Parents are supposed to teach their children that the inner person is what matters; that they are special and perfect just the way God made them. Parents need to help feed their little self esteems and encourage them to become responsible, caring, productive adults--not little entitled walking Barbie dolls.

Dancin' At the Salty Dog

2011-05-03T17:23:00.006-04:00

Well, it is getting to be the start of vacation season so I thought I would mention one of our favorite destinations to you.

The little man (one of my grandsons) may not be "dancing the night away" but he sure is involved in his moves. And he is not the only one. Any time Dave Kemmerly is playing at the Salty Dog Cafe on Hilton Head Island, S.C., you can find kids dancing around him--loving the tunes he is putting out. Since the kids are there it is a certainty that you will find parents and grandparents enjoying the entertainment (both the kids and Dave), laughing, taking photos and videos.

We have been going to the Deck to hear Dave for many years now and he was even on Parents Rule radio show last year. It is a laid back place where we can lean back and relax. Forgetting our stresses for a while, we listen to the variety of old songs, new songs, and novelty songs that Dave plays mostly by request. On the radio last year he said that he probably knows 3-4,000 songs. And I believe it because he is rarely stumped when asked for specific songs by sunburned vacationers. He plays guitar and occasionally piano on the Deck, but can also find his way around the drums, upright bass, and sax. He states that coming from a musical family (dad was a drummer who once played with Johnny Cash and mom was a classically trained pianist), he and his brothers just picked up the "family" business without too much difficulty.

It all makes for a great time full of music, burgers, shrimp, ice cream stained faces, dancing and lots of laughter and smiles under the stars. There are trivia contests every night and not too many bugs early in the season.

These days we are all under much stress with economic uncertainty and conflicts world-wide. That is why it is so important to find a place to de-stress. If you make it to Hilton Head, I recommend Dave Kemmerly and the Salty Dog Deck. But if you can't get there, find your own place where your world is at peace--even if it only for a few hours. Find your own "Dave" whereever or whatever that is to you.

And if you get to listen to Dave, do yourself a favor and request that he play some songs he has written. He doesn't play them very often, but they are terrific!

Journaling by the Moonlight: A Mother’s Path to Self-Discovery

2011-04-30T08:00:00.005-04:00

Today I have the great pleasure of being a host of the Virtual Blog Tour of author Tina M Games whose book Journaling by the Moonlight: A Mother's Path to Self-Discovery (and its accompanying deck of 54 journaling prompt cards) is celebrating its 1st birthday on Amazon on Tuesday May 3, 2011.

Author Tina M Games is certified creativity and life purpose coach. She calls herself the "Moonlight Muse" for women who want to tap into the "full moon within" and claim their authentic self, both personally and professionally. Through her signature coaching programs, based on the phases of the moon, Tina gently guides women from darkness to light as they create an authentic vision filled with purpose, passion and creative expression.

Yesterday, Tina visited Dawn Espelage at http://lifelinesjournaling.blogspot.com/ , where she answered about how this idea took shape, astrology’s role, tapping into intuition and thoughts on living an authentic life.

Today, I'd like to share with you a recent interview I had with Tina when I got to ask her some questions on importance for kids to follow their heart, journaling importance for moms, moon in our lives and Tina’s on learning lesson. I hope you enjoy it.

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Tina M Games: Thank you, Pat, for your interest in my book, Journaling by the Moonlight: A Mother's Path to Self-Discovery and its accompanying deck of 54 journaling prompt cards.

I believe that mothers are a significant part of the "ripple effect" - that will transform the world into a more loving, more nurturing place. Imagine for a moment a "pebble thrown into a pond." It creates a ripple that goes on and on and on.

When a mother is living life with complete authenticity, she's subconsciously giving permission for her kids to do the same. She's truly at her best - creating powerful change for her family, her community, and for the world at large. It's all part of "the ripple."

It's my belief that "a happy mother makes the best mother" - and our kids really do want to see their moms happy!

Pat Montgomery: Why is it important to teach our kids to follow their hearts?

Tina M Games: Wouldn't the world be a much better place if we were all following our hearts? If we could truly live life with passion and purpose, everything would have a richer and deeper meaning. It would create a ripple of positive and loving energy that could literally heal the world.

I believe that mothers are a significant part of the "ripple effect" - that will transform the world into a more loving, more nurturing place. Imagine for a moment a "pebble thrown into a pond." It creates a ripple that goes on and on and on.

When a mother is living life with complete authenticity, she's subconsciously giving permission for her kids to do the same. She's truly at her best - creating powerful change for her family, her community, and for the world at large. It's all part of "the ripple." And if our children could live life in a way that honors who they really are, it would make the ripple even bigger because they would touch lives in a positive way, too - just by living authentically.

Because moms are natural role models, our kids are observing all the time. There's a lot of truth in the saying, "Monkey see, monkey do." In other words, when a mom is modelling the value of following her heart, her kids "get it" - much more than they would if she was just saying it. Kids feel energy. They know when a person is happy and when they're not. So why not be happy - and get the ripple going!

Pat Montgomery: Why is it important for moms to journal—aren’t their days busy enough?

Tina M Games: As a busy Mom myself, I know the value of time. But I also know the value of prioritizing. Moms are at the beginning of the "ripple effect." Each and every one of us has the power to create great change in the world. And this change is most impactful, when we begin with ourselves - looking at the mirror and honoring the person who is staring back at you. This is WHO will create great change in your life. So why not honor yourself with the gift of time?

A journal writing practice can begin with only five or ten minutes a day. One of the techniques that I use with my clients is called a "five minute writing sprint." I invite my clients to close their eyes for a few seconds and ponder a question or a quote. What immediately comes to mind when they think about this question or quote? Then I ask them to open their eyes and begin to write for five full minutes. No censoring, no corrections in spelling - just writing, whatever comes to mind. Then I ask them to go back and read it, paying close attention for little nuggets of wisdom, often hidden in rambling thoughts.

If we can take 30-45 minutes to have a pedicure, we can journal write. I do it all the time. The ladies at my local nail salon know that I will come in with my journal - and I will sit and write while getting a pedicure. They honor my time and they give me the space to "be" with my thoughts while taking care of my desire to have a nice pedicure. And I can't begin to tell you how much wisdom I gain, how many answers I receive, when I slow down and give myself the gift of time.

We all are busy and we all want to get "there" (wherever "there" is) in the fastest way possible. But true wisdom and real clarity only come in the "slowing down" and in the "listening and paying attention." If we're too busy speeding ahead to the next place in life, we're going to miss an awful lot along the way.

Pat Montgomery: You based your book and your advice on the phases of the moon—what is so important about the moon in our lives?

Tina M Games: The moon brings a very feminine energy to our lives. She tugs at our emotions, moving with the ebbs and flows, and mirrors our menstrual cycles (the lunar calendar follows a 28-day cycle just as our bodies do). In astrology, the moon represents our emotional nature. It also shows the type of relationship a woman may have with her own mother as well as the type of mother she may be herself (her style, her demeanor, her strengths, her weaknesses).

My work with the moon phases came out of my own experience of connecting with the moon during a really dark period in my life. Shortly after the birth of my first child, and after making some fairly significant life changes at the same time, I fell into depression - a place that felt so foreign to me, a place where I felt like I had fallen into a black hole with no way out. It was during this time, a period that spanned over two years that I had disconnected from everything that made me happy. Because my son suffered from chronic illnesses related to serious colds and severe ear infections, I made a very difficult choice to give up a successful career in order to care for my son full-time. I hadn't realized until this experience how much of my identity was tied into my career. Without it, I felt very lost and very unhappy.

It was during this time that I fell back on a great passion of mine - journal writing. And as a mom of a baby who did not have a normal sleep schedule, I found myself exhausted and emotional much of the time. So night after night, after I'd get my son settled and after my husband went to bed, I'd grab my journal and retreat to my favorite chair - beside a big bay window where I caught a glimpse of the moon. It was the moon that taught me the meaning of transition. I'd watch this beautiful lunar goddess, night after night, move in and out of her various phases. And before long, I began to connect her phases with my own emotional tides.

I noticed that the moon always began in darkness and gradually, she'd move into full light - and cycle back around again. And I noticed the contrast between dark and light - the darkness of the night sky against the beautiful full moon light. I started connecting to this - as if I was being divinely guided through my own transitions of dark and light. I began to notice the ebbs and flows of my emotions. There were good days and bad days.

So when I came to the point of writing my book, I wanted mothers to realize that every human transition begins in darkness and gradually moves into light, where we get a glimpse of what is possible. And then we retreat, to ponder the many ways we can manifest these possibilities into reality. This requires deep work, where we step into our own truth and into our own power - and where we can emerge in the most authentic way possible. This is what I call the Blue Moon phase - when we finally realize that we are here on this Earth to be WHO we are, to put our personal thumbprint on the world in the most truthful, most authentic, most unique way possible. Each one of us are individuals being divinely guided on our own purposeful path.

Pat Montgomery: What have you learned along the way?

Tina M Games: What really changed things for me was the discovery that my life had a bigger meaning, a bigger purpose - and motherhood was only a part of it. By journal writing through my two-year depression, I began to discover the synchronicities in my life. I started exploring my life story - up until that point.

I began having rich conversations with my mother and learned about the depression that she had battled, trying to raise four kids with very little support. We discussed the importance of having a personal identity - a connection to something deeper within ourselves that was expressed fully in the outside world.

This led to other dialogues with other mothers - and I was fascinated by the similarities in our stories. While we all loved being moms, we all desired "that something else" - that something that connected all the dots, that brought all the life experiences together to create a path toward a bigger purpose.

Here in 2011, I can look back on those two years of my life where I fell in complete darkness, floundering, trying to find my way out - and I can say, it was all part of my life's journey. It's what led me to my life purpose - to empower mothers to step into their greatness. It's a ripple effect. A mother touches so many lives - and when she's down, it affects the flow of the ripple in a significant way. And when she's up, the ripples go on and on and on.

My experience with depression - that feeling of being totally disconnected to myself and the world around me - led me to the pages of my journal. It led me to asking the question, "I'm a Mom, but who am I really?" And by "being" with the truth of the reality and by listening to my intuitive wisdom, I found my voice. I found my bigger purpose in life.

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I hope you enjoyed this interview with Tina M Games and that you’ll check out her book and card deck Journaling by the Moonlight: A Mother's Path to Self-Discovery this month at http://moonlightmomscircle.com/book-launch/pages/pre-launch.html

Here's why:

FREE 3-DAY PASS
When you visit the page at the link above and request a "launch reminder", you will automatically receive a FREE pass to Tina's 3-day "I’m a Mom… But Who Am I Really? Telesummit" with 11 creative writing moms and grandmothers speaking on how to use intuition, journaling and creativity to explore life purpose. You can listen to the telesummit online in the comfort of your own home, and even ask questions during the broadcast.

This telesummit is a completely free "no purchase necessary"
gift from Tina, to celebrate the 1st birthday of her book.

FREE GIFTS
When you buy Tina's book or the card deck during its birthday celebration on Tuesday May 3, 2011, you can ALSO receive a complete library of beautiful personal development gifts from authors, speakers, coaches and other enlightened professionals from around the globe.

To claim your 3-Day Pass and read about the free gifts, go to: http://moonlightmomscircle.com/book-launch/pages/pre-launch.html

Thanks for reading! As usual, please feel free to share your comments and thoughts below. I love reading your feedback.

AND… be sure to follow Tina tomorrow when the next stop on the Virtual Blog Tour is Andrew Mondia who will be interviewing Tina on inspiration by connecting moon with journaling, personal growth and the intention for readers. To visit that "stop" on the tour, go to http://www.andyinspire.com/?p=315

A World Without Fish: How Kids Can Help Save the Oceans

2011-04-18T10:46:00.018-04:00

Mark Kurlansky, renowned author of the award-winning bestseller Cod, has just authored a forthcoming family book called WORLD WITHOUT FISH which is a children’s book that includes — biology, economics, evolution, politics, climate, history, culture, food and nutrition — in a manner that is instantly understandable and appealing to kids. Below is the interview about his new book with questions asked from his 10-year-old daughter and fishing companion, Talia:

What Inspired you to do the book and what made you decide to make it a young adult book? I have been thinking about these issues for 45 years since my first job as a commercial fishermen. I have often written about them, especially in Cod and The Last Fish Tale. But it is an enormously complicated issue and one that needs explaining. I find that kids are particularly interested in it and in environmental issues in general. They understand that we are leaving them a mess and are not particularly happy about it. So I decided to write a book for the whole family that would give an understanding of the problem of what is and isn’t being done about it and what can be done by us as individuals and as families. I think that it is a writer’s job to work toward a more enlightened society and that begins by feeding the hungry minds of children and then helping families to find their direction. A society of enlightened families is a healthy society.

How did you decide to weave in a graphic novel and how did you decide the story and characters? I am a great believer in storytelling and in a sense all of my text is connected circles of storytelling so that a book is constructed a bit like an onion.. But a graphic novel was an opportunity for a more pure form of storytelling. It is about a father teaching his daughter as she confronts the realities of the world and the daughter than teaching her daughter. So on one level it is about you and me except that I promoted myself to distinguished marine biologist, which, of course, I am not. On another level it is about parents and children, which is what all environmental issues are about. The central issue is what kind of planet do we pass on to our children.

Do you really believe that if we work hard enough even us kids can make a difference? Kids can make an enormous difference if they proceed with gentle and respectful determination. They can teach their parents, and families are the building blocks of society. But also they are the inheritors of the world and will not only have its enormous problems but its enormous responsibilities. Technology is changing the world a at faster pace than has ever happened before and your generation by controlling and directing that change can have a greater impact than any generation in history. We could feel sorry for all the problems you are getting but also envious of the exciting opportunities. You begin this process of becoming a responsible and significant force for change as a child. It begins by learning.

What do you believe is the most effective thing that we all can do? Talk. Of course first you have to study and learn so that you know what you are talking about. Then talk with your family, with your friends and neighbors, get your parents talking with the store keepers, asking about the fish they buy and why everything has to come wrapped in plastic. Is your yellow school bus painted with chromium? Isn’t there a safer paint? Do we have to be using so much energy? Should we shut off lights, walk instead of riding. Everybody needs to be talking about these things.

What are the fish that we should eat? There are two considerations.—your health and the health of the planet. For your health you should eat low on the food chain. Fish is extremely healthy but certain pollutants such as heavy metals concentrate as they go up the food chain. So large fish are less healthy than small ones. Also you should eat fish from sustainable fisheries, fishermen who are careful to preserve the species they fish. Line caught is preferable to other kinds of net fishing although smaller fish are caught with different types of netting that may not be harmful. Alaskan salmon are well managed and delicious. California sardines are also well-managed and being fairly low on the food chain and rich in oils extremely healthy.

Is their anything that is scarily bad to buy and eat? Blue fin tuna are endangered, hard to regulate because they migrate all over the world and so high on the food chain that they are probably bad for your health. Avoid eating fish from chain restaurants and cheap frozen fish.. They need to get low priced fish and this usually leads to abusive fishing. Beware of overfishing inexpensive pacific pollack.

Do you recommend anything? Such as companies to buy from etc. There are organizations of fishermen specializing in sustainable techniques. Unfortunately many do not create brand names so they are hard to identify. Thos who do are often more expensive but they are worth it both for their good fishing practices and the high quality of their fish. Two examples are Chatham cod from Massachusetts and Copper River Salmon from Alaska.

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Mark Kurlansky is a former commercial fisherman and New York Times bestselling author of Cod: A Biography of the Fish That Changed the World, Salt: A World History, The Big Oyster: History on the Half Shell, and 16 other books. He’s won numerous awards, including the James A. Beard Award, Glenfiddich Award for food writing, ALA Notable Book Award, The New York Public Library Best Books of the Year Award, Los Angeles Times Science Writing Award, Dayton Literary Peace Prize. He has illustrated many of his books himself. Kurlansky lives with his wife and daughter in New York City and Gloucester, Massachusetts. His website is http://www.markkurlansky.com/

Talia Kurlansky is 10 years old and working her way through the fifth grade. An adept Editorial Advisor, she vetted each chapter of WORLD WITHOUT FISH, helping her dad (bestselling author Mark Kurlansky) ensure that there were no boring parts and that the book would be equally enjoyable to children and adults.

Tame the Power of Technology

2011-04-07T20:43:00.008-04:00

Nine Top Tips to Tame the Power of Technology When It Interferes with Homework by Ann K. Dolin, M.Ed.

Technology has transformed our world, but for our kids, life without gadgets would be unimaginable. They expect to have access to these devices 24/7, but their expectations and reality are very different. Tech¬nology can be an asset to learning. It can also be a significant detractor unless parents establish clear policies and consequences. If the overuse of technology is af¬fecting your child’s schoolwork, try these simple solutions:

• Set limits starting with an electronics-free routine. When your child returns from school, allow screen access for an agreed upon period of time, and then the electronics go off. In many families, it is a half hour, but whatever time allotment you determine, stick with that time limit daily. You may also want to have a small box or container labeled “electronics go here”. That way, you’re not holding out your hand asking for your child’s beloved cell phone. Having a neutral place for it to be placed makes the transition less confrontational. It also limits the child’s temptation to sneak calls, texts, or games while doing homework.

• Trust but verify. After homework is completed, your child can retrieve his electronics after an adult has verified that the work is done. This usually includes checking completed assignments against what has been recorded in your child’s planner or posted online by the teachers.

• Consider returning electronics later in the evening. If your child is one who will rush through homework just to have access to his gadgets, consider a later time for returning them. You may find that about an hour after dinner works well. By this time homework should be out of the way unless an extracurricular activity is thrown in the mix.

• Having a routine decreases battles because kids know what to expect. Even if your child’s schedule is different every day, stick to a routine as much as possible. For example, if your child returns home from school at 4:00 and has a half hour of screen time, then homework would start at 4:30. The electronics can be collected from the basket by your child at 7:00 p.m. Now, if he has soccer practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 5:30 to 6:30, allow him access for a half hour after school. Expect that he start his homework before practice and then work on it again immediately after dinner when he returns. On those evenings, he may not earn screen time until his work is completed. Depending on the age of your child, you may be wondering…

• What if he needs the computer for research? The answer is to allow him to print out information needed for the writing portion of the as-signment. That way, he’ll have the information, but won’t have con¬tinuous and distracting access to the Internet.

• What if he needs to type his homework? If your teen has a desk and computer in his room, but is constantly surfing the Internet when he should be doing homework, disable the Internet and only run word processing programs only. This isn’t hard to set up.

• What should I do if I see him online or texting when he should be doing homework? After you’ve established a “no screen time” policy and window of time that this rule is in place, you must enforce it. Let’s say your policy is in effect from 5:00 to 7:00 p.m. If he breaks the rule, penalize him an hour and restrict his use until 8:00 p.m.

• She says she focuses better when multitasking. Could this be true? No. In fact, studies show that when kids continually multitask, they lose the ability to focus on one thing at a time. Picture your daughter with earphones in while listening to her iPod, texting furiously, and checking her Facebook page all at the same time. This is common, but not pro-ductive. The problem is that when kids try to concentrate on just one task, such as reading or studying, they’re less able to sustain attention because they are so accustomed to stimulation from multiple sources. Even though you can discourage this type of behavior, you cannot stop it. You can, however, eliminate it during homework time.

• She says she can’t focus without music. Should I allow her to listen? There may be something to her claims. Studies show that the majority of kids do attend better with background music. If your child is productive when listening to her iPod, allow its use; however, if she is constantly distracted, then consider soft background music only. By setting limits and boundaries now, you’ll be helping to create a positive and production homework environment in the future. Good habits now will pay off throughout the high school years and in college, too.

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Ann K. Dolin, M.Ed., is the founder and president of Educational Connections, Inc., a comprehensive provider of educational services in Fairfax, VA and Bethesda, MD. In her new book, Homework Made Simple: Tips, Tools and Solutions for Stress-Free Homework, Dolin offers proven solutions to help the six key types of students who struggle with homework. Numerous examples and easy-to-implement, fun tips will help make homework less of a chore for the whole family. Learn more at anndolin.com or ectutoring.com.

Your Child Needs a Friend

2011-03-30T12:29:00.007-04:00

To my readers: I have opened up my blog to guest bloggers. There were so many knowledgeable people who wanted to be on the radio show that I never got the chance to have on. So I am giving them a forum for their ideas.

Your Child Needs a Friend
by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC

It wasn’t long after Jared Loughner shot Congresswoman Gabrielle Gibson that the FBI and police were looking for anyone who knew or was friends with Jared. It became clear very quickly that he had few friends and was a loner most of his life. Being a loner is on almost every profile of mental illness and is also highly correlated to happiness. Happier people tend to have more friends. It makes sense that if you are happy and enjoy life you are going to attract more people to you. Having friends and being liked by people is the single most important thing (outside of having a mom and dad) to a small child.

This need for friends grows as the child grows and becomes an adolescent. In my own life, I cannot imagine going through grade school, high school or college without my friends. Perhaps one of the most difficult things I see is children who don’t have friends. Many times these kids lack the skills to maintain a friendship. Parents do not help their children when they reach out to other children and instead try to become their child’s friend. Parents need to remain parents and encourage friendships among children.

Friends help a child learn different ways to relate to others. Through interacting with friends, your child learns more about who they are. Friends help children learn boundaries, make decisions and develop a healthy sense of self. Kids who don’t have friends don’t feel good about themselves. Research supports that children who have friends have fewer social problems, a healthier self-esteem, and a greater sense of wellbeing. Kids without friends are more likely to feel abandoned and victimized by peers. They may have trouble adjusting to school and, as they get older, their behavior may become more deviant.

Parents often ask what is normal. At what age does my child need friends? There is no clear answer for that, but we do know that 70 to 75 percent of preschoolers have friends outside of their family. By the time the child is an adolescent that percentage should go up to 80 or 90 percent. Adolescents usually have one or two close friends. Many times these friends are so close they follow the adolescent into adulthood and well beyond marriage. Friends validate and help your child feel secure while going through awkward stages. Research shows that children entering first grade have better school attitudes if they already have friends, and teens that have friends experience fewer psychological problems. Parents should understand and value their children’s friends. While the child is young, parents should help their child maintain friendships with play dates and get-togethers. When your child is an adolescent, rather than talk negatively about your child’s friend, it may be wiser to invite the friend over with their family to join yours. Knowing your adolescent’s friends is an important aspect of parenting.

What if you have a child who doesn’t make friends easily? Maybe your family has moved a lot, or maybe your child has a learning disorder that makes them feel less secure in reaching out and making friends. Here are a few suggestions that may help you encourage your child to make friends.

• Talk to your child about what kind of friend they would like. Ask them who they like the most in their class. Listen to them. They are telling you what they value in people. It will help your child if you repeat these attributes back to your child, so they can hear what qualities they value.

• Suggest to your child that you host a small party or movie night. Invite only one or two potential friends over. Don’t hover, but be available to your child if they need you. This will help your child feel confident, but not smothered. Make sure you offer good food (especially when teens are around).

• If you find your child withdrawing while their guests or friends are at your home, take your child to the side and hug them. Reassure them that having friends may be difficult, but it is important. Also, point out the positives you have witnessed with your child and their guests. Parenting a child who warms up slowly to peers requires patience and optimism.

• Making your home a safe place for your child to invite friends is an opportunity to help your child feel secure and also teach children how to get along. Don’t allow disrespectful words or behaviors, but do give your children and their friends room to work out their differences. Your child’s friends will become some of the best teachers.

• After the friends leave, spend some time with your child talking about the experience. Ask your child what they liked best about inviting friends over, and ask them what they didn’t like. This will help your child learn more about themselves, and it also teaches them what behaviors work and which don’t. It also gives you as a parent a good look into what your child is struggling with in their social interactions and what they are more confident with. Friends are not a luxury; they are a necessity for being healthy emotionally, physically and spiritually. No one should have to go through life without a couple good friends. If your child says, “I don’t have any friends.” Your response as a parent should always be, “Let’s work on that, you have way too much love, interests, and humor not to share them.”

Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman, of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever. Read more about the book at www.StartTalkingBook.com and more about Rapini atwww.maryjorapini.com.Twitter Mary Jo: @maryjorapini

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Start Talking features succinct yet lively answers, sample conversations, and real life stories to help open the door to better mother/daughter communication. Rapini and Sherman have compiled more than 113 questions girls (and their moms) routinely ask – or should be asking – about health, sex, body image, and dating.

Knowing Your Child's Texting Lingo May Save Their Life

2011-03-23T14:47:00.007-04:00

To my readers: I have opened up my blog to guest bloggers. There were so many knowledgeable people who wanted to be on the radio show that I never got the chance to have on. So I am giving them a forum for their ideas.

Knowing Your Child's Lingo May Save Their Life
by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC

Parents, your children's safety may depend upon you knowing their text and instant messaging lingo. Numerous web sites including TrueCare.net, and Netsmartz.org are now helping parents learn how to understand what their kids are saying to each other in an effort to prevent and stop bullying. For example, did you know that CD9 means parents are around or that MIRL means meet me in real life? If you think you have had the talk with your child and they understand the rules about texting and instant messaging, don't be sure that this is all you need to know to be safe. I participated in 17 stories for HLN and CNN last year. Thirteen of those stories had to do with children being hospitalized or killed due to bullying, suicide, or kidnappings from people they talked to on the Internet or texting.
Here are a few terms that will help you get started with understanding your children's texts or instant messaging:

Starbucks...*$
Thanks...10x
One to one...121
I love you...143
I hate you...182
To...2
Too cool...2c
Too cool for you...2c4u
Today...2 day
Too hot to handle...2H2H
Too late...2L8
Too much to handle...2M2H
Too much information...2 MI
Tomorrow...2morrow or 2mrw
Tonight...2nite
To you too...2U2
Mom...303
Threesome...3sum
For...4
Information...411
Marijuana...420
Forever...4ever
Forgive me...4GM
For real...4rl
For you...4U
For you too...4U2
Forward...4ward
Oral Sex...8
Over, out of, get rid of...86
Parent in room...CD9
Parent has left...99
Anyplace, anywhere, anytime...A3
Always and forever...AAF
As a matter of fact...AAMOF
Address...addy
As far as I'm concerned...AFAIAC
At home...AH
AOL Instant Messenger...AIM
Actually laughing out loud...ALOL
Available on cell...AOC
Angel on your pillow...AOYP
Age, sex, location...ASL
Age, Sex, Location, Picture...ASLP
At what time...AWT
As you know...AYK
Are you stupid or something...AYSOS
Drug of choice...DOC

There has become a sexualization of youth in our society.
Sex is power, and kids want power. They want to fit in and feel good, and there are people who do not have your children's best interest at heart. These people are available at all times via the internet and texting. Parents must be aware and talk with their kids. Make your home a safe place your child can come home to. You can create a safe place by following these guidelines offered by Netsmartz.org.
1. Keep the computer in a common area.
2. Create safe user names and profiles.
3. Don't let your children meet face to face with strangers they met online (you have to be checking to know.)
4. Teach children what to do if they get an offensive or threatening IM, E-Mail, or chartroom post (they should begin by showing you.) For cyberbullying, go to wiredsafety.org or email www.cybertipline.com. You can also call them at 1-800-843-5678.
5. Look into filtering or monitoring software for your computer.
6. Let children show you what they can do online and visit their favorite sites.
Parents, it takes your involvement to keep your child safe.

Remember that girls cyberbully more than boys and that bullying is no longer the bullying you grew up with. It is constant torture; and it happens at a time your child'ssense of self is not fully developed. This is part of the reason it can have disastrous effects on children. Any child under the age of 14 should not be on a social network. If your tween is on Facebook, MySpace, or any of the other social networks, I would ask you to reconsider setting firmer boundaries at home. Blaming the schools, churches, or wherever else your child encountered a harmful person will not help if your child is hurt, nor will it heal your pain if your child takes their life.

Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman, of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever. Read more about the book at www.StartTalkingBook.com and more about Rapini at www.maryjorapini.com. Twitter Mary Jo: @maryjorapini
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Start Talking features succinct yet lively answers, sample conversations, and real life stories to help open the door to better mother/daughter communication. Rapini and Sherman have compiled more than 113 questions girls (and their moms) routinely ask – or should be asking – about health, sex, body image, and dating.

Sometimes We Cry--But It's Okay

2011-03-21T19:28:00.003-04:00

Sometimes its bad when the going gets tough
When we look in the mirror and we want to give up
Sometimes we dont even think well try
Sometimes we cry

Well were gonna have to sit down and think it right through
If we're only human what more can we do
The only thing to do is eat humble pie
Sometimes we cry
from Sometimes We Cry by Van Morrison

There are times in our lives--not just as parents, but as humans--when we need to sit down and cry. We all have moments in life where we are overwhelmed by stress, indecision, regret, sadness, and many more reasons why we want to cry. No, that is not accurate. Actually we need to cry. Crying releases powerful internal natural substances that elevate our moods. Have you ever been crying your heart out when an offbeat comment from someone else can suddenly sent you into uncontrollable laughter? In the movie, Steel Magnolias, Dolly Parton claims laughter through tears as her favorite emotion.

Crying is cleansing and purifying. God have us tears because it is healthy for us . When you hold deep emotions inside, any doctor will say that you are raising your risks for all sorts of physical ailments, such as high blood pressure, ulcers, heart attacks, depression, lupus, and many more diseases and conditions. Is it worth it?

Feeling overwhelmed by life is one of the hardest things any of us face. There are many causes of that feeling--many of which deal with loss in our lives. Cry. Keep crying--get it all out. But find a way to keep doing the little things of life that keep you connected to the world and to your family and friends. Get out of bed. Go to work. Cook dinner. Call someone else who is suffering and do something for them. Sometimes you will have to fake it a little, but even that will help.

Confiding in someone you can trust can really give you a lift. It also lets you know that you are not alone. Or you can get help from outside your cirlce of friends--a therapist, AA, Alanon, a spiritual advisor, or even a stranger on a help line.

Crying is not abnormal or strange. It is a normal part of life. As the song says, "sometimes we cry" and the Bible says that there is "a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance." I listened to this song the other day and have not been able to get it out of my mind or my heart. A deepseated need to blog about this topic grew in my consciousness. So, if you are the reason, please heed the words and know you are okay. You will be fine--maybe not the same--but fine.

Blessings to all.

Fifteen things to tell your teenager

2011-03-14T11:12:00.005-04:00

To my readers: I have opened up my blog to guest bloggers. There were so many knowledgeable people who wanted to be on the radio show that I never got the chance to have on. So I am giving them a forum for their ideas.

Fifteen things to tell your teenager before they close their eyes to sleep
by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC

Having a teenager is one of the most challenging times in a parent’s marriage — as well as their life. It is scary, frustrating, and chaotic. It is a time of letting go, enforcing rules, strengthening boundaries and also nurturing. Teens may appear to be fighting against us at times — rebelling from our rules, pointing out our inadequacies, and telling us “how out of it we are.”

However, they also still love and need us. They need their mom and dad to stay strong and enforce the rules and structure that help make them feel secure. There are certain things teenagers really need to hear from their parents. You cannot say these things when they would be most apropos. However, you can say them at night when the child is relaxed and going to sleep. Also, they offer less resistance at night just before bedtime. They will remember what you said, and they will reflect on it when you least expect it.

I have written down 15 of those things that should be said during your child’s teen years.

1. No one will ever love you in the same way or have your best interests at heart more than your mom/dad and I will.
2. You have so many gifts and options; I will help you capitalize/benefit from them as best I can.
3. How can I help you reach your dreams?
4. No matter what you confide in me, I will always love you and do what is best for you.
5. My job is not to be your buddy. I am your parent and will love and mentor you.
6. I am sorry. (Say this whenever you hurt your child, or your child is in pain from something someone else said to them.)
7. I embrace your friends, but I love you the most.
8. It is okay to mess up; I do it all the time.
9. I am sorry you don’t like my rules, but you will have to abide by them. I will hold you accountable if you break them and there will be a consequence.
10. If you are in trouble call me first, no matter where you are. I may be angry, but my first concern will always be your safety. We will talk about punishment or consequences later.
11. You are an integral part of this family, and the family needs you to run smoothly.
12. I don’t care what your friends get to do. I am not their parent; I am yours and you are my main responsibility and concern.
13. I admire you more than you can ever understand or know.
14. If you get in trouble at school, be honest with me. Your teacher is the authority at school and if I hear it from your teacher before I hear it from you, I will feel betrayed or deceived. I may react to this breach of trust.
15. From the first time I saw your eyes, I vowed to be the best parent I could be for you. I make mistakes but they are not meant to hurt you. I make them because I love you so much and get scared sometimes. It is hard parenting a teen (your child will understand this confession).

The number of years your child is a teen are relatively short, but no time in your child’s life can influence the relationship they have with you into adulthood as much as their teen years. Hold strong boundaries, talk with them, listen to them, and tell them frequently with a hug how much you love them. They will make it through — and so will you.

Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman, of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever. Read more about the book at www.StartTalkingBook.com and more about Rapini at www.maryjorapini.com. Twitter Mary Jo: @maryjorapini

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Start Talking features succinct yet lively answers, sample conversations, and real life stories to help open the door to better mother/daughter communication. Rapini and Sherman have compiled more than 113 questions girls (and their moms) routinely ask – or should be asking – about health, sex, body image, and dating.

Relating to Older Children

2011-03-08T16:25:00.010-05:00

To my readers: I have opened up my blog to guest bloggers. There were so many knowledgeable people who wanted to be on the radio show that I never got the chance to have on. So I am giving them a forum for their ideas.

My first guest blogger is Annie Burnside and you will benefit from her wise words--Pat

In the modern age of texts, tweets, and status updates, it is of utmost importance that parents maintain open lines of face-to-face, soul-to-soul communication with their children. This does not mean resisting a highly technological world, but rather continually exploring new ways to connect with one another both on and beyond the keyboard. As children get older, parents must observe carefully what their children enjoy and meet them there as often as they can. This may at times include technology in different forms, but should not become the main focus within a family. The more attuned parents are to their children’s interests, the better able they are to utilize those interests as opportunities for expanded connection.

As children mature, the interactions between parent and child shift greatly. Part of this change is due to quantity of time spent together, but the nature of the hours shared also shifts dramatically. Today’s children often become immersed in a world of technology and friendships that may seem quite foreign to parents. Parents can view all new interests as pathways to greater awareness and connection and tailor them to fit into family life. To light that path, parents must continually assess whether they are offering a true understanding of core concepts such as authenticity, self-love, connectedness and presence in tandem with their child’s inevitable foray into a fast-paced and ever-changing world. Parents must not only teach these concepts but also model ways for their children to integrate them into life experiences and relationships.

The invitation for all parents is to actively participate in as many areas of their children’s lives as possible without decreasing their natural move towards independence. Their interests when viewed from an expanded perspective offer rich material and opportunity to connect with them in deep and joyous ways. Songs, movies, and all veins of creative expression (even technology) provide optimal entry points into daily conversation and in-depth discussion. Parents can utilize everyday life to dissect and review the core concepts mentioned above to expand perspective and enhance the parent/child bond. The space and opportunity to discuss the touchstones of the day can be created through a weekly family discussion or a nightly five-minute chat at bedtime. Parents must be continually on the lookout for a bridge into their children’s world.

As children grow older, the sharing is of a different nature, but stems from the same loving bond as before even if the child does not outwardly express this deeply felt connection. Parents must trust that it is there and forge ahead in the desire to keep intimacy alive. It becomes the parent’s job to tap into the essence of what their children enjoy even if the form does not fully resonate. Parents should take the time every so often to close their eyes to recall in their heart the feeling of coming into their own passions when they were the same age as their children. The technology available is more advanced today, but it is important for parents to remember the feeling of listening to a popular song or watching a favorite show each week. If parents can access their inner-adolescent, they will have a much greater chance of connecting now with their own children.

Parents can open themselves to the possibility that they can move into their children’s world a bit more and enjoy the ride with them rather than in opposition to them. As parents give their children permission to be authentic in their choices, they must also offer them the parental insight that there are multiple angles to every choice. Parents can encourage transparency and honesty by creating a family structure that helps children monitor their choices—such as computer use on the first floor only. Parents should not be afraid to expect and enforce accountability, while at the same time remain open to the child’s new world. It is imperative that parents take the time to teach children that current choices affect future reality. In other words, parents should assist them in coming to understand that they are a source, not an effect—joy begets more joy, inspiration begets more inspiration, and the opposite.

Conscious parenting requires active participation in all aspects of family life, connecting not only within the parents’ comfort zones but also within the children’s. Parents can begin to intuitively feel for the openings to interact richly with their children that occur naturally rather than push too hard at the wrong time. The teenage years are fast and fleeting. There is much sharing, laughter, togetherness, and JOY to be had. As parents model authentic living and deep connection with others, their beloved children just may follow suit in their own way, through not only their face-to-face, soul-to-soul interactions, but through their inevitable online interactions as well.

Bio: A modern bridge between the mainstream and the mystical, Annie Burnside is a soul nurturer specializing in conscious relationships and spiritual development. Her spiritual support practice assists others in balancing the exterior world with an interior focus. Annie teaches workshops, speaks publicly and writes the Soul to Soul Perspective blog for the Chicago Tribune, a regular blog for ModernMom.com, and the family consciousness column for Evolving Your Spirit Magazine. She lives with her husband and three children in Chicago, IL. http://www.annieburnside.com/

Change Is Good

2011-03-01T09:21:00.004-05:00

I am one of those people who resist change, then finally decide that I have to do it and charge ahead. For a while now I have been thinking of puttng Parents Rule! radio show into hiatus. But, as I said, creating new routine is not my favorite thing. True to my nature, I am also going to change this blog by bringing in more guest bloggers. In that way, you can still have the benefit of people who would have been guests on the show.

Why am I doing this? Recently some things happened in my life that put the show in a new perspective and I realized that now is not the right time for me to be doing it. It is always possible that I will bring it back, slightly changed, but still a great resource for parents. But right now, I have some other priorities that must take my attention. The radio station gave me a wonderful opportunity and I am forever grateful. But it is also time to part ways there.

So my last show is this week and I have bittersweet feelings about that. It is best to never look back. We should keep looking forward, carrying the lessons from the past, but focusing on the path we are walking today. Using a quote from my book, Now You Know What I Know: Parenting Wisdom of a Grandmother:

Don’t regret the past. Its experiences make you who you are today. Don’t live in the past with remorse, guilt, or shame. Learn from it and move on. Living in the past will hamper your growth and future happiness.

The future is what dreams are made of and should be anticipated eagerly. But don’t live for the future either. While your eyes are focused too far ahead, you miss the beauty and opportunity around you. It is also easy to stumble if you are looking forward or backward.

Live for the present, live in the present. Learn from the past and hope for the future but cherish each day in the present with which you are blessed. Experience each moment and enjoy each day. Fill your heart with joy and look at the wonderful things around you. You are blessed and can find a miracle in each day if you look for it. All you have to do is look in your child’s face to see a miracle when you need one.

Ohio Mom Proves that More School Choice is Imperative

2011-02-02T17:13:00.006-05:00

Last week a story appeared about an Ohio mom who went to jail for sending her kids to a better school than the one they were attending. http://abcnews.go.com/US/ohio-mom-jailed-sending-kids-school-district/story?id=12763654 While her methods may have been fraudulent, what mother would not have at least thought of doing the same thing? She is enrolled in school to become a teacher while also working full time to take care of her children. Money is tight and the neighborhood, and it's schools, is not the best one. So she used her parents address and sent the kids to another school where they would be safer and get a better education.

Frankly, I might have done the same thing in the same circumstances. The whole issue would have resolved itself shortly as she was just a few hours away from her degree. The income increase would let her move into a better neighborhood. Now that is in jeopardy because no one can work as a teacher in Ohio who has been convicted of a felony. For some reason, she was convicted of a felony.

Now I ask you...what should have happened to her? How about a slap on the wrist? After all we live in a country where a tax cheat is now head of the IRS. What she did was nothing like that. Why could they not have looked at who this woman was and how she was trying to rise out of her circumstances to provide a better living for her daughters? Isn't that what we all want?

As much as I dislike being on the same side of an issue with Al Sharpton, we agree that this was over the top. I don't, however, agree that is was racially motivated. Yes, they were looking to make an example of someone and her ticket came up. (There have been 30-40 similar issues in that district in the past two years, but nothing like this happened to them.)

But there is no proof that racism was behind this atrocious miscarriage of justice and the race cards gets played too often without proof. I don't see this as a black/white/purple/green issue. It is a "what's right" issue. It is a matter of doing the right thing based on circumstances.

A former guest on my radio show and author of The Big Black Lie and the Black Sphere blog, Kevin Jackson, http://www.theblacksphere.net was going this week to Ohio to see if he can help her, but had to postpone it until next week due to the weather. I believe the whole verdict should be vacated or at least, reduced to a misdemeanor so she has a way of supporting her children.

What if by putting her children in that other school, she prevented a bullying incident that occured like the one we heard about this week in PA? http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/caught-tape-13-year-attacked-classmates/story?id=12809350

So what is the answer? More school choice is the answer. More charter schools, more vouchers, finding ways to ease the restrictions between school districts. If a school is losing students because it is not safe or the educational opportunity is not up to par, then work on that school. Don't punish kids and parents who are doing the right thing the wrong way. Find ways to make the school, first safe, and then a better educational opportunity.

This madness has to stop where real criminals get away and poor hard working people are victimized by the system that should be protecting them. That is my rant.

Don't Ask and I Won't Have to Lie--guest blog by Beverly Mahone

2011-01-26T11:27:00.008-05:00

Dear Readers--today I have guest blogger, Beverly Mahone, who shares a chapter in her new book "Don't Ask and I Won't Have to Lie"....Pat

EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER 2: Because Mommy Said So
To understand why we lie, we need not look any further than our own mothers. They are the ones who taught us how to lie and when those lies were appropriate. Of course we, as little girls, never wanted to believe our mommies would do such a thing, but they did—just as their mothers more than likely lied to them.

The experts call it parenting by lying. (Heyman, Luu, & Lee, Volume 38, Issue 3 September 2009) It’s a strategy—and a very successful one I might add—used to manipulate a young child’s behavior and emotions. Our mothers warned us about all the bad things that would happen if we didn’t do what they told us to do. They even conned us into good behavior all year long by reminding us that Santa Claus wouldn’t bring us any toys if we were naughty.

Once, my inquiring mind wanted to know how Santa was able to get into our home since we had no chimney. How was I to know at the time that my mother was telling a bold-faced lie when she said Santa had a special key to unlock the door?

The trauma of losing my baby teeth was always glossed over with a visit from the Tooth Fairy, who never failed to leave a nice, shiny quarter. How was I to know there was no such creature who had wings, could fly up to my second-floor bedroom, unlock the window, come in, sneak a quarter under my pillow and be gone without making a sound?

On the flip side: What about those times our mothers forced us to lie to them? They told you not to do something. You did it anyway. They confronted you. What did you do? You lied so you wouldn’t get in trouble.

Isn’t it ironic that our moms spent so much time preaching "honesty is the best policy" while steadily lying to us about this or that? The other irony is the fact that sometimes their lies were

meant to protect us from hurt or just to make us happy. In a strange kind of way this could be perceived as a part of a mother’s nurturing process.

There was the time I remember making an ashtray as my Mother’s Day gift. It looked okay going into the kiln, but when it came out of the fiery furnace, it looked more like a foreign object. Despite my embarrassment, disappointment, and tears, I painted it red wrapped it up, and gave it to Lillian.

When she opened her gift, you would’ve thought I had given her a piece of gold jewelry with the way she reacted. She kept talking about how beautiful it was and placed it right on the coffee table in the living room for everyone to see.

To this day, she still has that little red ashtray I made in kindergarten 47 years ago—plus another ugly pink one I made in first grade. That’s one lie I was very happy to hear.

*****************************
In Beverly's new book, Don’t Ask and I Won’t Have to Lie, she tells her life story as she deals with her own moral conscience while discovering some of the “truths” behind the “lies” she has heard and told.

Beverly Mahone, http://www.beverlymahone.com/, is a veteran journalist, author, radio talk show host and motivational speaker who primarily talks about issues affecting middle-aged women. She also hosts her own radio show called The Boomer Beat every Thursday from 1pm – 2pm on WCOM Radio in Carrboro, NC.

Beverly has been classified as a baby boomer expert by the media and has appeared on numerous radio and talk programs including My Carolina Today.

Cured of Ovarian Cancer!

2011-01-19T15:38:00.004-05:00

"He said that as far as he was concerned I was cured." These are the words my beautiful daughter just shared with me over the phone as she drove home from her GYN oncologist' s office. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 5 years ago, just before she turned 30. Many of you know the amazing miraculous story of how we found it, but I am no going into that today. So few women can speak those words about ovarian cancer that this is truly a miracle.

Today is about celebration. I was expecting that result because she has done so well but when she said the words, I could not speak at first. As I choked out the first phrases of joy, the tears started and are still flowing as I write this. Thank you God. Thank you doctors and nurses. Thank you Benton--someday we will tell you the story of how you saved your mommy's life. Thank you to all her friends and family who came together in such a wonderful way over these last 5 years.

Today I cannot remember being as grateful for anything since I gave birth to my healthy babies as I am this minute. And I cannot stop crying. It feels like I am releasing 5 years of unspoken fears and frustration for all the anguish my baby had to go through. In my heart I knew this would be the outcome, but when I finally heard it said, the joy was unspeakable.

I am so happy. Thanks for letting me share it with you.

Parenting Lessons from Jared Loughner

2011-01-12T12:04:00.004-05:00

When I hear something that seems as senseless and vile as the shooting this week in Arizona, I try to find a positive or a lesson from it. Nothing in life is completely random. It seems clear that this young man who shot all those people, had a plan. But it is also evident that he was troubled. I have read comments about him in which a professor was afraid to turn his back on him and that he talked to himself and was a loner.

My heart goes out to all the victims of the shooting. It also goes out to Jared's parents. From all accounts, they are completely devastated. That is understandable. Their statement made yesterday broke my heart. However, there are questions that need to asked--not to judge them, but to ask ourselves if it is possible this could occur in our own lives with our children.

What can parents learn from this mutiple tragedy? After much thought, it seems apparent to me that we must see our children for who they are, not who we want them to be. Parents everywhere have dreams for their offspring. We always want to believe in the best in them and see them in the best light. Sadly, many parents carry it a little to far and refuse to see the troubled child living in their home.

To neighbors and teachers, Jared was a troubled person and had been that way for many years. Did he have a form of Autism Spectrum Disorder? Did he have multiple personalities? Was he bipolar? Was there a treatable malady distorting his mentation? Was he sociopathic? Who knows?

I have made so many mistakes with my parenting that I will never say that any parent did a bad job. Who knows what went on in their home. Maybe these parents tried over and over to get help for him. At age 22, that was hardly still an option--he is of age and can only make those decisions for himself. And, from personal experience, I know that you cannot help someone who doesn't want help.

Also as parents, we cannot plan our children's lives as adults. They have to make their own way and walk their own path. There are many stories of wonderful parents who had children who went astray. There is no way to predict when this will happen, or to which families. If we have done all we can as parents and our child chooses to walk a dark path, we should have no guilt for that. It is their choice.

But, my point today is that we must look at and really SEE our children. Are they having trouble in school? Having issues with relationships? Unable to keep a job? Disrespectful to us or to others? Are one person one day and a different one the next? Is your gut telling you that something is wrong, even though your heart is begging you not to believe it? Listen to what your children say. Read what they write on social media sites and blogs and slips of paper in their room. Pay attention and take action if warranted.

I pray none of you ever have to go through what any of the affected families are suffering. I pray my family never has to either.

If Only I Didn't Love My Kids So Much...

2011-01-06T10:32:00.007-05:00

From the first moment I held my babies and looked into their eyes, I was forever in love with them. The overpowering feeling was like nothing I could have ever imagined. It is funny how that feeling never goes away--even when they are adults and have their own lives. As the new year rolls in, I have spent a little time in reflection and have the following to share.

If only I didn't love my kids so much, I would have gotten a lot more sleep, rather than sleeping on the floor next to their crib or bed when they were sick--staying awake most of the night to make sure they were okay. But then I might have missed something I could have done for them or I might have missed the moonlight reflected on the sweet innocent sleeping faces that I can still see today.

If only I didn't love my kids so much, I would have shed fewer tears. They didn't see the times when I had to punish them, then went to my room and cried because of it. Or the times when they were in pain--physical or emotional--I cried as many tears as they did. It is so hard to see someone you love so much hurting and not be able to do anything about it. But then, when they were little, I would not have been able to kiss the boo-boo with enough feeling to make it better.

If only I didn't love my kids so much, I would have had so much more time for myself. Instead of going to concerts, practices, ballgames, activities, and such, I could have been out having fun with my friends. But then, I would have missed the best times of my life.

If only I didn't love my kids so much, I would not get my feeling hurt as often. Unintentional and the very rare intentional, slights from my children wouldn't matter to me. It is hard to understand that the love a child has for a parent is different than the love a parent has for a child. For a mom, our child become who is now an adult was once the baby that grew within her, the one she nursed and protected, the one she corrected and guided. It is a special feeling that appears in no other relationship. So we moms sometimes get our feelings hurt if we feel we have been slighted. But then, I would not be the person I am if I didn't care that much.

If only I didn't love my kids so much, I could have spared them more pain in life. I could have protected them from life more often and not let anything ever hurt them, just like I promised them when they were babies. But then, they would not be the resilient resourceful adults they are now. To love them means letting them learn that they can fall and get back up. It also means teaching them to take responsibility for their decisions and their actions.

If only I didn 't love my kids so much, I would not feel empty on holidays when I have share them with in-laws. Don't get me wrong, I love all the in-laws my kids have brought into our lives and I understand they love their children (and mine) as much as I do. It is just hard to share sometimes. But then, it makes me appreciate the times we are together so much more. I truly value the moments when my kids go out of their way to spend time with me. It is a wonderful gift.

If only I didn't love my kids so much, my life would be so empty. The joy they have brought me is immeasureable. And now we have added stepchildren and spouses and grandchildren to the family so we number 25. And the joy of Christmas was enhanced with the news that the 26th member of the family will be here in August. I am truly blessed.

What Are the HOT Toys for Christmas?

2010-12-02T20:27:00.002-05:00

Well, I finally let you all down. I tried to have Chris Byrne, the Toy Guy, that you have seen on TV shows, such as GMA, Fox and Friends, Today Show, Live with Regis and Kelly, and many others. Sadly, we could not get our schedules to mesh.

So I have gone to his website http://www.timetoplaymag.com and am listing for you what he says will be the top sellers for this year.

By the way, you should check out his website--they have giveaways year round and on Monday they are announcing the winner of a play award that was voted on by visitors to the site!

There is lots of information about different toys and videos showing them. For instance, I have been wondering what in the heck a Squinkie is--now I know.

So, without further ado, here is Chris' list of HOT toys (in alphabetical order):

Bop It Bounce, recommended for boys and girls 8 and up
Dance Star Mickey, recommended for all kids (or kids at heart) 2 and up
FurReal Friends Go-Go, My Walking Pup, recommended for girls 4 and up
Hogwarts Castle, recommended for boys and girls 8 and up
Imaginext Bigfoot the Monster, recommended for boys 3 and up
iXL, recommended for boys and girls 3 and up
Lalaloopsy, recommended for girls 8 and up
Leapster Explorer, recommended for boys and girls 4 and up
Lego Games, recommended for boys and girls 7 and up
Loopx, recommended for boys and girls 7 and up
Monster High, recommended for girls 6 and up
Moon Dough, recommended for boys and girls 2 and up
Nerf and Strike Stampede ECS Blaster, recommended for boys 8 and up
Silly Bandz, recommended for boys and girls 5 and up
Sing-A-Ma-Jigs, recommended for boys and girls 3 and up
Squinkies, recommended for girls 3 and up
V.Reader, recommended for boys and girls 3 and up
Zoombles, recommended for girls 4 and up

Hope this helps with your shopping for the holidays! Have fun.

Beware of "Bad" Praise!

2010-11-18T11:50:00.003-05:00

Is there good praise and bad praise for your kids? Isn't any praise good for them? After all, there have been studies that show that self-esteem is incredibly important in our kids. So how can there be bad praise?

In the book, Nurtureshock: New Thinking About Children http://www.nurtureshock.com , authors Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman show why there is such a thing. Not only does a certain type of praise not help our kids, it can actually decrease their desire to achieve.

An example in the book shows kids being giving tests. After the first test, one child is told they are very smart. The other is told they must have tried really hard. For the next test, the children are given a choice of an easier test or a harder one that will teach them something.

The child who was told they were smart picked the easier test. The one who was told they tried hard picked the harder one. And it was not true for just one group of kids. It is universal. The "smart" kid could not allow themselves to fail, so they would not put themselves in a position where that could happen.

If you praise effort, you give the child a variable they can control--the amount of work they put into a project. Conversely, the kids who were praised for their intellect (which they do not control) felt no need to put out effort.

These results were true, regardless of socioeconomic class or gender. So if you want to make a big difference in your child, praise their efforts. Tell them they worked hard on a project and did it well rather than tell them how smart they are. Tell them they hit the ball well in the baseball game rather than saying they are great ball players.

If you think about it, it makes sense.

Children Need to Learn Patriotism at Home

2010-11-10T11:10:00.004-05:00

Recently I saw a YouTube video entitled I Fought For You by The Sound Tank. I will post it on my Parents Rule Facebook page tomorrow. It is an excellent way to start a discussion with your child about our country. This week we celebrate Veteran's Day, a day set aside to honor all those men and women who have served our country and played a part in gaining and preserving our freedom.

So many forces are trying to take away our freedoms these days and we must be vigilant. But, even more important, we must teach our children to be on guard against attacks from outside and from inside our borders. Some attacks sound innocent enough until you scratch under the surface and find out the true goals.

Therefore we must (and we must teach our children) to never take a pundit's or a politician's or a reporter's word as absolute fact until we have done the research ourselves. Our country has always been united in its desire to protect our freedom. We need to continue on that path or face loss of what we hold dear about our wonderful country.

Talk to your kids--make sure they know that freedom comes at a price. It is sometimes a steep price, but worth it. Ask any Gold Star mom (one who has lost a child in military service) and she will tell you how proud she is of her child's desire to play their role in our country's history.

God bless our troops and keep them safe.

Stop Those Terrible Kids Selling Pumpkins...Really?

2010-10-27T18:17:00.003-04:00

According to http://www.idahoreporter.com, a government official shut down an illegal pumpkin stand last week in Lewiston, Idaho. Thank God these dedicated officials are out the protecting us from the crimes of 4 and 6-yr olds. What would have happened if they had not been on top of this heinous crime?

Here's is what the outcome could have been:

Two little kids would have earned some money to buy sports equipment.
These children may have learned that money is earned, not picked off the money tree (as my parents were fond of telling me.)
The parents may have taught their children a valuable lesson that will aid them in life.
The kids may have had the satisfied feeling of playing with a toy or a ball that they had earned through hard work, instead expecting the government to take care of them.
The people who bought the pumpkins would have left feeling a little happier because they knew they had helped the kids help themselves.

As you can see, the consequences could have been dire. Thank goodness all of that was averted. Let's not raise another generation of entrepreneurs, for Pete's sake.

So, does this rule extend to garage sales and lemonade stands? Where does it start and end?

Seriously folks, this is why Americans are joining the Tea (taxed enough already) Parties. It is not because of racism or trying to push the political agenda of one party. Individuals from all races, all ages, all socio-economic stages, and all political parties are joining because our government beauracracies are out of control.

Incidents like this one are disgusting. This kind of government intrusion was unheard of when I was growing up. I want our country back to a state in which a child can sell a pumpkin or a cup of lemonade without being harassed by the government who is supposed to be there to support them.

10 Ways to Date Your Spouse

2010-10-06T14:56:00.004-04:00

At a wedding shower the other night someone told the bride and groom that the secret to marriage is to "always date your wife." Another guest, a young married man, said "That is easy until the baby comes." Since that night I have thought about both comments and, as usual, have an opinion about them. (You could at least pretend to be surprised...)

The advice to always date your wife goes both ways--always date your spouse or always keep that dating relationship may be better ways to put it. When dating, you are always trying to make the other one happy, find little gifts for each other, avoiding silly arguments, and doing a lot of kissing and snuggling. All those actions are great for a marriage and helps to keep the fires of romance and love kindled.

My main comments are regarding the second comment, which happens to be very true. When you have a baby, everything changes. You have less free time, less sleep, less money, and someone else to focus your attention on. Having said that, the baby also brings great joy to a loving couple and the upsides outweigh the downsides.

However you can still date your spouse. Here are my suggestions:

Bring home a bouquet of flowers or a card unexpectedly for no reason every now and then. If you do it too often it loses its affect.
Without warning, walk over to your spouse while they are cooking, changing a diaper, playing a video game, etc. and give them a big, sexy kiss--not just a peck, but the real enchilada.
Never say bad things about your spouse to your friends. When you say positive things, that is what you invite into your home.
Don't fight about little stupid things. If you get mad about something, walk away for a bit before you let them have it. Think about whether it will be important in 10 years. If yes, go back and discuss it. Avoid arguing if you can discuss. If no, let it go. Or, think about whether it would have made you mad when you were dating...chances are that most things will be a "no" here. Let it go.
Never for any reason shut the other out of your bedroom.
Never miss an opportunity to praise your spouse, especially in front of others. It reminds you why you married them in the first place and is an incentive to them to make you happy.
Actually have a date. Hire a babysitter or ask grandma to babysit and go somewhere alone. It can be a dinner and a movie date, but there are other options--go for a hike or a bike ride, go visit friends, have friends over (and grandma has the baby at her house), go see a local tourist site that you have not seen, and so forth.
Sometimes, after the baby is in bed, turn off the TV and computer. Light candles and be creative with sex.
Play with each other (sorry, we covered sex in the bullet point above.) Play games, tickle each other, chase each other down the street, and so forth. Kids can be involved in this as family time. Never lose the ability to play and have fun.
Always be respectful of each other. Never be mean to each other. Keep in mind what made you fall in love in the first place. Hang on to those qualities.

Cynical About Politicians? Good!

2010-09-29T19:02:00.005-04:00

This week in the Huffington Post is a blog regarding a recent poll. Part of the results of the poll were that young voters, who came out in droves two years ago, are now more cynical about the process. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/15/rock-the-vote-poll-young-yepublicans-excited_n_717935.html

This is a great chance for parents to talk about our country to their kids. (If you are not sure how or what to say, my free e-book, The Patriot Parent: Still the Best Hope for America is a place to start. It is available from http://www.parentsrulewithpat.com)

Regardless of why they are more cynical, I am glad they are. Is it because they are conservative and didn't win? Or is it because they voted for change that they now do not believe in? I can't tell you. What I can say is that this can be a good sign for our country.

I talked to many young people before the last election and many were swept away by the emotion of needing change in this country. When I asked them what kind of change they wanted and what the candidates had to offer, they could not verbalize it. Frankly, I was disappointed.

Parents, this is a chance to make our country better! How?

Tell your kids to be cynical, but keep voting. If they stop voting there is no chance of any change in what is going on in Washington in both parties.
Help talk them through what they believe needs to change. Help them verbalize their thoughts and the reasons why they believe that way.
Teach them how to research issues and candidates in order to vote for the person who best represents their ideals.
Learn together about the history of our country and of the political parties--you may learn some things that will surprise you.
Assure them that candidates will let them down. After all, they are campaigning on their ideals also and the reality is that not everything they promise can be delivered.
Teach them, though, that the only way to create change of any significance is at the ballot box. Always cast an informed vote in every election--federal, state, and local.
Teach them by your actions. Get involved and let your vote make a difference.

So, to say the young people are cynical is great news. That is the first step toward being a powerful voter.

Creating Positive Space with Your Kids

2010-09-23T11:19:00.003-04:00

Learn to become still, and to take your attention away from what you don’t want, and all the emotional charge around it, and place the attention on what you wish to experience…Energy flows where attention goes.
Michael Bernard Beckwith, from The Secret

There is so much truth to that statement. When you expect good things, good things happen and vice versa. People who expect bad things also tend to make the decisions that put bad things in their lives, such as women who don’t see their own worth marrying someone who also doesn’t see their worth and treats them badly.

As for me, I remember sitting my daughter down when she was 12 or 13 to tell her that we were going to have a tough time over the next few years. My goal was to assure her that no matter how bad it got and how mad we got at each other, I would always love her. I wanted her to know that the hormone fluctuations and intense emotions are normal. My intent was good.

But I believe that if I had not had that talk with her, things may have been smoother through her teen years. I set the expectation that it would be awful and, many times, it was. I have wondered how different things might have been if I had set a different expectation.

Maybe I should have found a way to celebrate her entrance into womanhood and told her how great she could be—that no matter what happened around her, she was beautiful inside and out, that I was always there for her and loved her, that she had all the tools she needed to make it through the hormone fluctuations with flying colors.

What if I my thoughts, and ultimately hers, had always had a positive expectation instead of a negative one? I dreaded her becoming a teenager because my mom and I had such struggles. Who knows if I could have had an impact? Something inside of me tells me that we would not have had such a difficult time, however.

So cherish your kids. From the time they are little, see them as the little individuals they are. They are not extensions of you and your dreams. They have their own dreams and lessons to learn. Encourage them by word, action, and thought. The more you know they will succeed, they more they will know it too. It is going to be exciting to watch!

If anyone has an example of how this type of thinking has changed their lives or their kids' lives, please post a comment and let everyone know.

World Peace Starts at the Salty Dog with Dave Kemmerly

2010-09-16T14:16:00.007-04:00

We ended the summer the same way we started it this year--listening to Dave Kemmerly entertain at the Salty Dog deck on Hilton Head Island, SC.

As I sat there looking over the pier, watching the birds in the sky dance to the music Dave was making, a familiar feeling of peace settled over my soul. It is always the same when we sit on this deck.

Looking around, I watched people chat with friends and with strangers. Dancing children made new friends to dance with in the moonlight. Families danced together. People were singing along with Dave. Many races, ages, and I suppose religions, were represented in the group. However, it appeared that no one was thinking about those things at that moment.

And, isn't that how we are going to achieve world peace? When we find what we have in common and celebrate it? So what do we have in common? You can find it on that wooden deck covered by plastic chairs and tables. Family. That is what we have in common all over the world.

Worldwide we need to focus on what is best for our families. There is nothing wrong with ambition and achievement. But greed and power-grabbing are dangerous roads to travel. I thought of some ways everyone can promote world peace, based on my observations that night:

Discover what gives you joy in life. Pursue it with your whole heart.
Focus on your family--give them your time.
Make decisions based on what will best serve your family unit, not necessarily you as an individual.
Create time to play and act like a child, no matter how old you are.
See other people as people who have families they love and who love them.
Make an effort to find the commonality in everyone you meet.
Celebrate the fact that we are all different.
Celebrate, also, the fact that we are all the same in many ways.

That night at the Salty Dog, there was no fighting, no focusing on areas of disagreement, no selfishness. That night there was family unity, a feeling that others on the deck could be your friends, and just plain fun. That is what so much of the world is missing.

But you can find it at the Salty Dog listening to Dave, or at your own version of the Dog wherever you live, even if it is only for a few hours. It is there somewhere. It is worth the search.

What Did You Do On 9-11-10 to Remember?

2010-09-11T17:13:00.005-04:00

The waves spun me around and flipped me as I celebrated the last day of our vacation. My boogie board spit away from me and the salt burned my eyes again. What a great day. On the last day at the beach, Monty and I were playing in the surf--just us and the teenagers. It was so much fun.

Earlier today I had gone for a 2 mile run on the beach and now I was definitely cooled off as the water carried me and my board toward the beach. While I was waiting between sets of waves, my thoughts went back to a day nine years ago that was much different. It was the day our Twin Towers sank into the ground after a vicious attack on our country. It was a day of terror and anger and determination and hope.

A week and a half later in 2001 we were at this same beach on Hilton Head Island, SC. Monty and I talked briefly about cancelling the trip but decided not to let the bastards beat us and keep us cowering at home. There were very few people on the beach that week--nice for us, but sad somehow that so many people were still afraid.

I remember the definite lack of planes in the sky. The only ones we saw were military. It was very surreal. Occasionally a fighter would fly over or a fighter helicopter breezed by. But what I will never forget is the Coast Guard helicopter that flew low along the coastline. We were all still anxious and looking over our shoulders. But when the Coast Guard flew over we felt so much better because we knew that young men and women were standing guard. Most often we never notice them, or they are far away standing their posts so we don't see them. And I had been at that beach before when those choppers flew over and didn't pay attention.

But on that day, it was visible evidence that we were being protected. Apparently everyone on the beach felt the same way because there was a rolling applause as the the crew flew past us. We all spontaneously cheered and clapped. It was amazing and emotional. And for the rest of the week, the sight of the Coast Guard and their vigilance had the same reaction. No matter what people were doing, they stopped to show their appreciation.

So today on the anniversary of September 11, 2001, I am celebrating life. I think that is what the victims of the attacks and the troops who have died since keeping us safe would have wanted us to do. Otherwise, they died for nothing. So I said my prayer and thanked them, then went out to live my life in joy. I hope you are doing the same.

Hate Can Never Create Peace

2010-09-07T15:12:00.003-04:00

All over the news today is the story of a "Christian" pastor who wants to burn a Koran on the anniversary of our tragedy on 9/11. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39032043/ns/world_news-south_and_central_asia/?GT1=43001
How is this Christ-like? Isn't that what being a Christian is supposed to be--living a Christ-like life? Sir, I ask you, would Jesus do this?

I agree that what happened to our country was despicable, but we have sent our military to retaliate for the attack. Our country was founded on the principle of religious freedom. So no matter what we may think of the religion of Islam, the people have a right to worship. My personal opinion is that the majority of Muslims quietly go about their business and do not cause problems. The Muslim extremists that attacked us are not men of God. They are men who crave power and control.

Yes, this pastor has a 1st amendment right to burn the Koran, but if he truly wanted to make a "religious" statement, why did he not just do it quietly with his congregation? This media circus he has propagated feels like a desperate attempt for one man's 15 minutes of fame.

Just another note: my parents taught me that my rights end where they infringe on someone else's rights. And this publicity stunt can, and probably will, cost the lives of some of our brave military so far from home. Is it really worth it? Please back down, sir. Hate will never create love or peace. Hate can only create more hate and violence.

Another point I want to make is that there are children in that church. Do we want to teach them to hate or to love? Christ taught us to love everyone, even those that hate you. We need to be teaching our children to love all of God's children. That is the only way that maybe one day, we can have peace.

A Little Elbow Grease Can Reap Big Benefits with Kids

2010-09-01T20:06:00.006-04:00

Kids work hard when they want to work hard, and this happens only when they are motivated to do so by some positive internal goal, and not by fear or because they are worried about disappointing others. They work hard because they value hard work. Instilling kids with values like this is the first step on the long road to real success.
Rafe Esquith, author of Lighting Their Fires: How Parents and Teachers Can Raise Extraordinary Kids in a Mixed Up, Muddled Up, Shook Up World http://www.hobartshakespeareans.org/

Kids are taught by example as well as by word. If they see us, as parents, slacking on whatever it is we need to do, then they probably will also. But if they see us giving our all every day, they are likely to emulate that value.

It was late in my parenting life when I learned that threats and pleading and ignoring don’t get their rooms cleaned. Maybe when they were young, if I had made it a game to clean up, they would have been more willing. Or if there was a reward for it.

My 4 yr old grandson was over a few weeks ago and he asked if he could help me do some yard work. After I picked myself up off the floor and while I hustled him outside before he could change his mind, I asked him why he asked to help. Turns out his mom had a reward system in place and he had to get a certain number of stars to earn a toy he wanted. He got stars for doing jobs he was not asked to do. For instance, if he cleared his plate off the table without being asked, he got a star. If he picked up toys when finished and without being told to, he got a star. Hard work was something he was willing to do to get that toy—my daughter is so much smarter than I was. So we worked in the yard and he soaked me with the hose and we had a great time, all of which I reported back to mom.

Encourage kids, set up a reward system, make it fun, whatever it takes to teach kids the value of hard work. Rafe recommends gardening because kids don’t get instant gratification. Instead they slowly see the benefits of their work, with a reward at the end of the product they were growing. Working with them cleaning their room or gardening can also be fun. Keep it light and make it a good time. We never have too much time together.

We have to reverse the trend toward expectations of instant gratification instead of the benefit of elbow grease in this society—and it starts at home.

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone!

2010-08-25T17:45:00.003-04:00

Okay, here I go again--stepping out of my comfort zone. This weekend I am going to have a booth at the Suwanee Festival of Books to promote my two books. It is not natural for me to do this. I start to worry about all kinds of things: what if no one talks to me all day? what if I don't sell one book? what if someone comes by and tells me what a jerk I am? what if this and what if that?

So many times in my life I have been pushed or cajoled out of that comfort space and into a "scary" situation. And you know what? When it was all over, none of the "what if's" happened--or at least the most horrible of them didn't. Each time I learned something about myself that I didn't know--that I was stronger and more capable than I gave myself credit for. Each time when I looked back, I realized that I had enjoyed the experience.

So I guess this will be the same. And part of me is really excited to be there. What I suggest to you is find something in the next month or two that you think is beyond you--hike to the top of a mountain, write a book, learn a new language, take up a new hobby, doesn't matter what it is. Stretch yourself and get away from comfortable. Learn from it.

For me, to stand in a booth and promote my work is much harder than writing. But it is going to be a great event. So if you are in or near Suwnaee, GA August 28-29, come by and see me in booth D2 at the Suwanee Festival of Books. I have a gift for the first person who says they came because of this blog. There will other events, besides me: workshops, storytellers, book characters, educational events, food and much more! It is a free event, so bring the whole family. Hope to see you there.

Gratitude Is the Root of the Joy Tree

2010-08-25T17:25:00.004-04:00

An attitude of gratitude
When stuff has got you down
Can get you satisfatitude
And turn your world around
An attitude of gratitude
Hooray for what’s okay
Say thank you with emphatitude
And it’s a brand new day
Jimmy Buffett, An Attitude of Gratitude

As I have lived my life and learned my lessons, it has been made clear to me that gratitude is vital for happiness. Being grateful for what you have puts you in the present with peace of mind. Look around you. No matter what your current circumstances, you can find wonderful people, events, and things in your life today. Is it not the life you expected? Is that all bad?

A few years ago, I thought I was going to lose all the material things I had collected in my life. It was an awful time full of tears and sleepless nights. I cried to God to help me and in my soul I heard the answer was to be grateful for what I have.

So I looked around me and listed what I had for which I was the most grateful. The material things I was so worried about keeping were not even high on that list. After that, when I was worried and upset, I would think about that list and fall asleep saying a prayer of thanks to God instead of begging for help day in and day out.

Soon I was sleeping better and opportunities arose that let us get out of the difficulties and we actually got to keep our things. But it was a big lesson for me. Let it be a lesson to you and pass it on to your kids. That attitude of gratitude makes you look at life differently, more positively. We all need less negative in our lives—especially our kids.

So gratitude is the root of the joy tree. From solid grateful roots, the trunk and leaves grow--things such as a great career, wonderful family, a vacation here and there, good friends, and hopefully, security in your old age. Protect the tree's roots and it will live for a long time, bending in the wind but not breaking. It will be a shelter in times of storm and a peaceful retreat when you are stressed. But most of all, you can look at it everyday and enjoy its beauty and serenity.

Welcome to the World: Open Letter to A Grandson

2010-08-16T10:10:00.002-04:00

Dylan,

This world into which you were born is an amazing and complex place.

On one hand, there is conflict between countries and between people. It feels sometimes like the whole world is angry. There are wars and threats of war. There are natural disasters and man-made disasters. There are divorces and horrible custody battles. There are insults and intolerance.

But, on the other hand, there is great beauty and great kindness. There are people who are always standing ready to help someone else, no matter what it costs them. Through the disasters, many offer aid and comfort. Brows are wiped and injuries bandaged. Kind words are spoken and a gentle touch eases hearts.

As I look at your serenely sleeping face, I see the future. And it is good. You will be raised by loving parents who will provide what you need to grow into an adult—someone who will be as precious to them as your parents are to me. Never take for granted the gift of these two wonderful people who love you so dearly. It is the basis of who you will become.

They will love you, spoil you, and cherish you. But they will also teach you discipline, respect, and understanding. Some lessons, my sweet grandson, will be hard-learned and painful. Some will not. It is crucial for you to learn all of them—for you are the future.

Carl Sandberg, a great poet, once said, “A baby is God’s opinion that the world should go on.” You are that promise. As each new soul enters this world, a drop of new hope falls onto the arid ground. But, together, all of you will all produce enough nourishment to the world that it will once again flourish.

You will see the world with fresh eyes that will make us shake our heads in wonder. Someday you may do the same for mankind. Your world will be what you make it. Your destiny is in your hands. When I look into your eyes, I know the future is safe.

Does a Family Need a Dad?

2010-08-13T14:18:00.005-04:00

This week, Jennifer Aniston made a big commotion by saying that a family does not need a dad--a single mom can handle parenting just fine. She was immediately attacked about this stance by many conservative spokespeople, including Bill O'Reilly.

So, what is your take on her comments?

First of all, let's remember that she was promoting her new movie in which the character gives up looking for Mr. Right and takes baby making into her own hands. Naturally she is going to put the movie in a good light--that is her job. If you haven't heard this story, here is the link to a synopsis: http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/celebrity.news.gossip/08/13/aniston.oreilly.ppl/index.html

Having said that, I was a single mom for many years. Was it easy? Of course not. I never wanted to be divorced. We tried to make it work, but there came a time when divorce was truly the best choice for me, for him, and for our children.

It is my belief that children need both a male and a female influence in their lives. To grow and become the best individuals they can be, balance is important. That balance in the lives of my children came with all the influences in their lives. The female side came from me, their grandmothers, aunts, and the mothers of their friends. The male influences came from their father, their grandfathers, their uncles, fathers of friends, and eventually from my wonderful husband, Monty.

Any single mom can find balance in the lives of their children through extended family and friends. I know what it is like to desperately want to have a child. Gratefully, I never had to suffer through infertility or not finding the right guy. Well, okay, maybe I had not found the absolute right guy, as things turned out. But I did not know it at the time.

I had my children with little difficulty. Had I not, it is possible that I would have made the decision made by many women today--to have one anyway and raise it myself. Why is that wrong? Why is that diminishing dads? These women much prefer to have a dad in the home, but none have shown up. Why should their dreams of motherhood die?

There are ways that dads are diminished in this world. I am not going to get into that on this post, but it does happen every day. Aniston's comments, however, do not. They speak to a conscious choice of an adult woman who weighs the options and makes a choice. Her return comments were well chosen and I applaud them.

How Can You Have a Family Insurance Plan That Has NO Maternity Option?

2010-08-04T16:24:00.005-04:00

Time for me to vent a little--ok, a lot. One of our kids is thinking about having another child. So, what is the problem, Pat? That is a good thing, right?

The issue is their health insurance. When they had the first baby, my daughter in law was working for a company that offered health insurance. She has since been laid off and started a small business of her own.

They are now both self-employed and have a private family plan. But, get this, there is no maternity option. I mean, none! I was sure there would be a rider you could purchase extra, but no. How in the heck can you have a family plan without the option of making a family? Only one insurance company in the state of GA offers a maternity option with a private family plan--and it is new in the past month or so. Now if they worked for a company and had group insurance, no problem.

So we called the Insurance Commissioner's (John Oxendine) office. What was their response? "Really? We have not heard of this problem before now?" REALLY? Shouldn't the insurance commissioner know what the insurance companies in his state offer? I'm just saying. They did offer to "look into it". All my daughter in law had to do was send in a letter of request and wait several weeks for their review of the matter.

Now, you all know that I am not a fan of universal healthcare. It causes more issues than it solves. But this type of BS, excuse my language, is why so many people are supporting it. The insurance companies wail about the perils of universal healthcare. But they are causing a big part of the problem. Lawsuits are another issue that cause this disconnect with the needs of the insured--but that is an issue for another rant.

The insurance company representative told her that most couples are paying for the prenatal care and the birth, then the insurance kicks in after the mom and child are discharged from the hospital. Also the insurer said they will pay for a "medically necessary" C-Section. Of course, they could not tell us what is deemed medically necessary since each "each case is measured on its own merit." Whatever that means!

All this is well and good (and expensive) if it is a perfectly normal pregnancy, delivery, and baby. The parents would be out of pocket $5000-$10,000. But what if something goes wrong? Oops, too bad for you. The costs just skyrocketed.

It is despicable. This hard working couple cannot have another child until this gets resolved. They are great parents who pay their bills and pay their taxes. They provide a loving home and a good example for their child. They are active members of their community and just really good people. They would love to have their kids close together, but now it is looking like that may not happen.

But anyone on welfare can have as many babies as they want, whenever they want. They just go down to Grady and walk out with the baby--and no bill. The tax payers have paid it. This is just wrong. Can't my share of the tax money go to help my own? And why isn't the Georgia Insurance Commissioner on top of this? Why aren't they supporting the entrepreneurs of the state instead of treating them like second class citizens?

Has anyone else had a similar problem? I would love to hear about it. Also, we need to be letting our insurance commissioners know that this is not acceptable. What do you all think?

Clothes Don't Cause Pregnancy, People Do

2010-07-21T16:18:00.004-04:00

In the news this week is a story about a company, Forever 21, that is launching a clothing line for pregnant teens and young women. This is stirring up an intense controversy. In my mind it is much like the idea that toys in Happy Meals cause fat kids.

The "Love 21 Maternity" line, according to Larry Meyer, executive vice president of Forever 21, is focused on their customers who are eighteen and older. They have opened the line in five states, three of which (Texas, Arizona, and California) have the highest teen pregnancy rates. Because of those states, the accusation, according to the story on www.foxnews.com, is that Forever 21 approves of teen pregnancy. Meyer states that it is just coincidental about the three states.

Now I will admit to being a devout capitalist. I support people who develop a product and find a way to market it successfully. In my thinking, if they saw those rates of pregnancy and said, "hey, there is a market for our designs," there is nothing wrong in that. It is a long way from saying, "let's design some great clothes so more kids will get pregnant."

I am also a devout "parents rights" person. But that works two ways. I want the government to stay out of the home and let parents raise their kids in the best way for their own family. However, that means that parents have the responsibility to make good decisions. Parents need to do all they can to prevent teen pregnancy, rather than just hide in a closet and hope it doesn't happen to their kids.

To continue with my first analogy, clothes don't cause pregnancy, people cause pregnancy. Just like toys in kids meals don't make kids fat, irresponsible parents that won't say "no" do. And I have more faith in our teenagers than that. Teens don't get pregnant because of cute clothes. If they deliberately get pregnant, there are bigger issues in that child's heart than what they are wearing.

Montana Has it Wrong: Parents Should Teach Sex Education

2010-07-15T10:37:00.004-04:00

If you get your news from the internet or watch Fox News, you know about the controversial sex education program proposed by the Helena, Montana school board. I tried to find a story about it on CNN but could not find one...interesting.

For those of you who have not heard the proposal, there are several topics that have raised the ire of many of Helena's citizens. First is the idea of teaching kindergarten students correct names for body parts, such as penis, vagina, nipples, testicles, etc. Second on the hit list is teaching fifth graders about sexual intercourse, including vaginal, oral, and anal. And the third item on the school agenda is teaching erotic art to high school students. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100714/ap_on_re_us/us_montana_sex_education

What the heck are they thinking?

It is one more example of government (aka: schools) usurping parents rights. If a parent wants to call their son's penis a pee-pee or a tallywacker, then they have the right to make that decision. If their daughter comes home from school in first grade and wants to know why a classmate has two mommies and no daddy, it should be up to the parents to discuss it with her--not the school.

When I was in school, in fifth or sixth grade we had to watch "the movie." Girls watched it together and then the boys watched it. Part of health class, it taught basic sexual anatomy. It was just the scientific data--nothing added. The schools did not see it as their place to teach about how and when to have sex. It did not teach all the different forms of sexual activity.

Almost fifty years later, it is still not their place. What to share and when to share it with their kids are parental decisions. No government entity should interfere with any of the basic tenets of parenting, including something as important as sex education. We have a recent example in which a school encouraged a pregnant teen to not tell her parents about the pregnancy. If she would not tell them, the school offered to make arrangements and provide transportation for an abortion. I have already written about this in an earlier post, but it still enrages me that the school would actively encourage the child not to confide in her parents during this difficult time.

These are moral and ethical decisions that should be family-based. We, as parents, have to rebel against outrages such as these. In the next election, fire all those school board members and replace them with people who will not trample on parents rights. The parents who showed up to speak against this proposal were heard. Hopefully when the board meets next month, there is a chance that the plan will be altered.

Good job, Montana parents, for standing up for your rights! I am rooting for you.

Can You Make a Difference?

2010-07-07T06:00:00.004-04:00

As promised, on the Fouth of July, my new e-book became available. Unfortunately, I had also promised a few more patriotic blogs leading up to the 4th and the book launch. No one told the nasty cold bug that knocked me flat on my buttocks last week that I had all this "stuff" to do. With the immense help of my daughter in law, Susan, I managed to get the book ready and not much else.

My big plan was to have a wonderfully clever and remarkably intelligent blog on Independence Day to celebrate. Instead I laid in bed, barely conscious that it was a holiday. Oh, the best laid plans of mice and men....!

Since my brain is still functioning on a low level, I thought I would share a sample of the book with you:

Teach children that one person can make a difference in someone
else’s life and in the world. I recently read a transcript of Oprah
interviewing Will and Jada Pinckett Smith. Some wise words came from
Will Smith when asked how they keep their kids grounded. "I tell them all
the time: 'Mommy and Daddy are rich. You all are broke,'" he says. "We
don't allow them to just sit around. We talk about the concept of the group
and the necessity of you adding to the family. Then you have to add to
your neighborhood, and then, you have to add to humanity.”

This exactly what I am talking about. It starts with the family. Sometimes
all it takes is a smile to brighten someone’s day. Or a quick phone call to
a sick friend keeps them from feeing alone. Compassion, courtesy, and
sincere caring for others should be made to be part of the family
“brainwash.”

In our country’s history, family has always taken care of family and
neighbors have always taken care of neighbors. It is why we collect
money for earthquake survivors, for cancer patients, and for the elderly
lady down the street who cannot pay the rent because she had to spend
extra this month for medicine.

This is not the role of government, schools, or employers. It really gets my
goat that now many employers use the amount of volunteerism a person
does as a criterion for how much of a raise they are entitled to for the year.

Volunteer work, while worthwhile, has nothing to do with the average
person’s job performance. In fact, that does not sound like volunteerism;
more like indentured servitude, to me. It is the job of the parent to instill
this value into their kids. Or not…their choice.

Another example to share with children is that in 2009, there was a local
election in a small town in Florida. The victor won by one vote because
only one person showed up to vote. Talk about one person making a
difference!

The e-book can be ordered free for a limited time from my website http://www.parentsrulewithpat.com

Do We Have a Living Constitution, Or Is It Just Outdated?

2010-06-23T20:20:00.004-04:00

Interestingly as I am writing this blog series, I have learned a couple of facts that worry me. And they should worry you, my patriot parents.

First, a publisher, Wilder Publications, has placed a disclaimer on a book they are selling on Amazon. The book contains the Declaration of Independence, The US Constitution, and The Federalist Papers. Here is the wording of the disclaimer: "This book is a product of its time and does not reflect the same values as it would if it were written today. Parents might wish to discuss with their children how views on race, gender, sexuality, ethnicity and interpersonal relations have changed since this book was written before allowing them to read this classic work."

Now very little can be found on the internet about this publisher--not one of the big ones. But the fact that they would do this is disturbing to me. Will other publishers follow suit? I pray not. The Constitution is not a "product of its time", but rather a timely document that holds the current laws of our nation. It is not simply "a classic work" to be lumped together with pieces of fiction (on which they put the same disclaimer), such as Lady Chatterly's Lover.

Again, let me repeat. It is the basis of our current set of laws. It is timeless. The group Media Matters said that the disclaimer simply "reminds parents and teachers that children may not know how different our society is today." I agree that parents and teachers should talk to their kids about these documents. But I don't believe a disclaimer of it being "a product of its time" is necessary. In fact, I find it insulting. Yes, times are different. But didn't we all learn that in school? Can't our kids tell that by the strange clothing in the photos? As I have said many times, parents need to be talking to their children about our country and this is one reason why.

That being said, the magic of the US Constitution is that it can be changed by amendment. Our founders knew that times would change and therefore, created a living document that could reflect the needs of future generations. Thomas Jefferson said, "I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and constitutions. But laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind...we might as well require a man to wear still the coat that fitted him when a boy as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors."

This brings me to my second point of concern--the definition of a living constitution. I was taught as I stated above, that our written laws could be changed as the times warranted, making it a living document. Any changes are a function of the legislative branch of our government and, in our constitution, the process for making these amendments is spelled out clearly.

However, now there are judges who believe that the term "living constitution" refers to something else. They believe that the judicial system can, and should, change laws or create new ones in order to adjust to today's world. This is a violation of the Constitution. It is the job of the courts, including the Supreme Court to interpret laws, not to make them. And, sadly, we have some jurists around the country today that are legislating from the bench.

This is an huge upset in the delicate balance of power in our country. If the legislature passes a bad law, the judicial branch can overturn the law. The executive branch has limits to what it can do and has to work with the legislative branch to create change. However, the only recourse to reverse a Supreme Court decision is to pass a new law that is written in a way that the Court will not overturn it.

In my opinion we are walking a slippery slope when we upset the power balance. Given too much power, one branch can overcome the other two and lead to tyranny.

These are issues parents can discuss with their children. Well, the older ones anyway. Know what they are being taught in school. And stay connected to them. The only way we got to this point was through apathy. Let's end the apathy and get involved. Get out and vote. Call your representation in Washington DC and let them know your opinions of upcoming bills and appointee confirmations.

I would love to know what you think.

Is God in the Constitution?

2010-06-19T12:39:00.004-04:00

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..." This is the beginning of the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America.

Our founders set up a system of laws in our Constitution that has been the basis of our republic for its entire history. In these laws, this is really the only reference to religion I have found. If you know of another, please educate me.

However, God was very visible and present in the Declaration of Independence when it said, "...among the Powers of the Earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them..." and "...all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights..." So our founders obviously believed in God. They wanted those Judeo Christian precepts of peace, understanding, justice, and tolerance to be the basis of the new country.

So why one and not the other? In my opinion, the Constitution, being a set of laws, was deliberately written this way. The early settlers to this land came, in part, seeking religious freedom. They wanted to worship God in their own ways after their own belief systems. Knowing this right been denied this right in their ancestors, our founders did not want to see it denied to others. Their goal in terms of religion was to have an Eden where all people could worship God in the ways of their own choosing, or also have the right to not worship if that was the choice. To make laws that then told the constituents how to worship was distasteful to them. It flew in the face of their hopes of our country never becoming an oppressive theocracy.

Over the years, we have been that beautiful oasis where the oppressed could find shelter and a home. Yes, we have had some bumps in the road toward that oasis, but it is still the beacon of religious freedom for many who come here. In every city and town we have churches, synogogues, mosques, and temples. We have woods and oceans for the ones who find God in those places. Each soul is free to pursue their own religious expression.

It was worth fighting a raging sea for in 1492. It was worth fighting for in 1776. It is worth fighting for now--figuratively and literally. I read some statements from some of the Islamic extremists that want to see this country under Sharia law, and they are trying to make that happen.

I don't think it ever can, but we must be vigilant to protect this precious freedom that so many others envy and which so many others want to destroy. Parents must educate their children that this is one of our most valuable freedoms and we must cherish it. We must let our legislators and judges know how valuable it is to us.

We must pass this freedom on to the next generation.

God Bless Our America.

Betsy Ross Did Not Make the First US Flag

2010-06-14T10:55:00.004-04:00

Our flag carries American ideas, American history and American feelings. It is not a painted rag. It is a whole national history. It is the Constitution. It is the Government. It is the emblem of the sovereignty of the people. It is the NATION.
-Henry Ward Beecher, 1861

Isn't that a lovely site? Happy Flag Day, everyone.

In keeping with my theme of promoting patiotism and love of our country, I am discussing our beloved flag. As I said in my last post, parents need to be teaching their kids about our history. This in one way I can assist in that.

Betsy Ross did not design and sew the first US flag, as I learned in school. Actually, that rumor started around the 1876 Centennial celebrations, according to research by the Smithsonian Institute.

So who did create our flag? No one is really sure. But there is a lot of speculation over who designed and sewed the first one. What we do know is that is has undergone 26 revisions since our first "Grand Union Flag." Why don't you and your kids research this as a family project?

And what does the flag stand for? Every child should be taught this. Do an internet search for the poem, Face the Flag, as it is a wonderful and uplifting narrative about our country and our flag. We should also know how to fly the flag with respect: this link is great http://www.holidayinsights.com/other/flagday.htm Also if your flag is torn or frayed, it should be retired appropriately. Call your local Boy Scouts and they will retire your flag for you. They have a special ceremony for it.

Below is a great way to teach the Pledge of Allegiance to our flag (you can find it spoken by John Wayne with an internet search).

Pledge of Allegiance
Written by Francis Bellamy and Commentary by John Wayne

I pledge allegiance to the flag

What do those words mean to you? To me they say thank you America for your strength, your courage, and for our freedom which has been a beacon to the world for 200 years.

of the United States of America

Whose bright stars are 50 states each bearing its own stamp of individuality. People 200 m strong, People who come to her from all corners of the earth.

And to the republic for which it stands

A land of laws with an ingenious system of checks and balances that allows no man to become a tyrant and lets no group to prevail. If their power is not tempered with real concern for the governed, a land where the power of dissent and free speech is jealously guarded. The ballot box is the sword and people its wielder.

One nation under God

A land where freedom of worship is a cornerstone of her being. A land drenched with temples and churches, synagogues and alters that rise in profusion to embrace all the religions of the world.

Indivisible

A land forged by the hot steel of raw courage and formed forever by the awful crucible—Civil War

With liberty

Where a man in pursuit of an honest life will not be denied his chance. Where her citizens move freely within her vast borders without hindrance or fear. A land brimming with opportunity where freedom of choice is the guideline for all.

and justice

The courts of our land are open to all. Its wheels of justice grind for all causes, all people. They look to every avenue for justice every concern of the law and they temper their reasoning with mercy for all.

for all

God bless the USA.

Saving Our Country--One Child at a Time

2010-06-08T18:55:00.002-04:00

If you have read many of my blogs, you know how fiercely patriotic I am. Lately I have been saddened to see how many Americans no longer have the "American dream". Listening to the news, you would think that we live in a terrible country who hates everyone else and is overrun with greed and corruption. What government doesn't have their fair share of greed and corruption? But it is not what defines us as a country.

So for the next few weeks I am going to write a blog each week to talk to you parents about hope and change we can really believe in. In actuality we live in the best country that has ever been on the face of the home we call earth. Americans cherish individual liberty, creativity, and growth. Our constitution guarantees that we have the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." There are very few countries, even today, in which that is true.

I am calling on parents to "brainwash" their kids--in a good way. During the days building up to the Independence Day celebrations, talk to your kids. Tell them all the wonderful things that our ancestors have stood and died for. Teach them what is in the constitution and how the magic of our constitution is that is can be changed. Our leaders can be changed and laws can be changed. We hold national elections every two years to guarantee that no one person can control our lives.

My dad "brainwashed" me. He fought in WW II for our freedom and was very proud of it. He told me on a regular basis how wonderful this country is. He grew up a poor country boy from Tennesse and was able to go to college and have professional success that his father could only dream of. The first song I ever learned was the Marine Corps Hymn, and he also made sure I knew other patriotic songs. He insisted that we be silent when the National Anthem was played to reflect on what it means. To this day, I still get tears when I hear America the Beautiful or God Bless America. Smaltzy? Yes, but is that a bad thing?

Explain to your children that yes, we have not always done the right thing in this country. We are a government of people who are fallible and make mistakes. However, our lawmakers, while they may differ on what is best, all try to come from a place of right intention. And if they don't, we can move someone else in that will. We are always the first country to come to the aid of another country in crisis, even our enemies.

Our individual freedoms are precious and our kids need to understand that if we and they are apathetic, we can lose them. Don't count on your schools to teach your kids what you want them to know. Some teach history from the left and some teach it from the right. To me, history is history and should be a retelling of facts without bias from either side.

Over the next few weeks, I am going to share some ideas that you can use to teach your children about our amazing history and why we should be proud to be Americans. Sadly, too many times these days they are hearing how awful we are--most of which is absolutely not true. When we do make blunders, we eventually find a way to try to make it right. That is what we do. We are Americans, proud to be from the greatest nation on earth.

The Cost of Cyberbullying

2010-06-02T10:11:00.004-04:00

She was not just my sister, she was my best friend. We would do a lot of things together, and I loved that. I miss that so much today. All I have now is a big, black hole where my heart was. Because my little sister is gone, I won't be able to see her anymore--no more trips to the mall, no more smiles, hugs, late movie nights, nothing. It's gone. How can someone ever get that back?"
By Peyton Neblett, sister of Rachel Neblett who committed suicide because of cyberstalking

I pray that none of you ever have to say those words about your child. This is a problem we can do something about. For one thing, we can teach our kids coping skills for when bad things happen to them.

I read an article recently that claimed that there are more and more teens and young adults being put on anti-depressant meds because they have not learned to cope with adversity. How sad! Mom and Dad have protected them and sheltered them and fought their battles their whole lives. While as parents we want our kids to never be hurt and we vow to never let anything bad happen to them, it cannot and should not be prevented completely.

Instead of holding them up, we have to let them fall while they are learning to walk. Our kids need to know they can fall, or be pushed down, and get back up by themselves. Our job is to guide them and give them support when they need it. Mean things will be said about them or they will have their heart broken. We cannot stop that, but we can cry with them and let them know that life will go on. We have to find a way, through words and example, to teach life survival skills.

Another thing we can do is to teach our kids to respect others. It is surprising to me how often this vital lesson is overlooked. When I was growing up, I was taught that my rights ended when they infringed on someone else's. I remember my dad telling me that my right to free speech ends when I use it to intentionally hurt someone else. Our children will not respect themselves if they do not respect others.

Children who are taught to respect others will be the ones who stand up for the underdog, rather than abuse him or her. We need to be sure our kids understand that there is more strength and power in standing for right than bending for pressure.

I recently did a radio with Patricia Agatston, who co-authored the book, Cyberbullying: Bullying in the Digital Age. She had so much information and help. You can find out more about bullying and cyberbullying at http://www.cyberbullyhelp.com .

Remember, these kids will be adults one day and will have to live in world that does not revolve around them. We need to prepare them for this world.

Fowl Felony in Hawkinsville, GA

2010-05-13T15:29:00.004-04:00

According to the Atlanta Journal Constitution, several teens were arrested last week in Hawkinsville, GA for a senior prank that got out of control. http://www.ajc.com/news/17-arrested-when-chicken-521799.html I am not a fan of senior pranks, but every few years we hear about a bunch of kids who get in trouble trying to perpetrate one.

The kids let some chickens loose in the school and spread corn everywhere for them. Naturally the chickens made messes all over the school. The kids also put sardines in the AC system. I agree that they very clearly did not use good judgement.

The latest news reports I heard were that the kids, one of whom was the valedictorian, were charged with felony trespassing. Is it necessary to charge them with a felony? These are young adults who did something stupid. What adult can look back and say that they always used good judgement when they were that age? A felony conviction prevents them from voting. It affects their ability to get a good job for the rest of their lives. I don't think the prosecutors should punish poor judgement with more poor judgement. No one was hurt, after all. Yes, it cost the school money.

And here is what I think should be done instead of charging them with a felony. The kids should have to make restitution in terms of labor and money to fix the damage they caused. A few hours on their hands and knees scrubbing chicken poop off the floor will do a lot to improve their decision making skills.

They should also be on the hook for the repair costs to the AC system. The parents should not be allowed to pay for the damages on behalf of their children. The perpetrators should have to either get jobs and use their income to repay the school, or they should have to do janitorial work at the school through the summer until they have worked off the debt.

Ruining the lives of otherwise good kids should not be the outcome for a "prank." They didn't hurt or kill anyone, they didn't steal anything, they didn't cause major structural damage to anything. Let's get things into perspective.

What do you all think? How would you punish them? Or, if you have an update to this story, please comment and let us know.

Is This America or Not?

2010-05-07T13:41:00.004-04:00

Events over the past few days in Morgan Hills, CA have captured my attention. That is where the four students (two of whom were of Mexican descent) at Oak Hill High School were told to go home for wearing shirts with the American flag on them on May 5. Yes, it is Cinco de Mayo and most of the hispanic students were wearing the colors of Mexico that day.

My question is: if one was allowed, why was the other not? The last I looked, we live in the United States of America, not Mexico. Cinco de Mayo is not a recognized US holiday, so what is the fuss about a few T-shirts? Let the kids wear what they want, or mandate the wearing of uniforms.

The kids celebrating Cinco de Mayo said it was disrespectful to them. Really?? Are they here illegally? If not, they are welcome to be here and celebrate their culture. They can wear the red, green, and yellow shirts every day if they want.

The kids in the flag shirts were exercising their First Amendment Right to free speech in their wardrobe choice. They were proclaiming their love of our country and making a statement about the illegal aliens that are invading our country. Also these kids were in school--a school paid for by the United States of America. They did not trespass on or disrupt any Cinco de Mayo celebrations outside of school

Would I have recommended to my child to wear it on that day? Probably not, but they have the right to do so. It is never wrong to display the US flag in the United States of America, or it shouldn't be.

And now the "disrespected" kids walked out of class and marched to the court house chanting, "Si, se puedes" which means "Yes, we can". Yes, we can WHAT? What is their point in this? I think it is just an excuse to make a scene since the national cameras are on them. What a shame.

When I was in school I learned that the US is a melting pot of many cultures. It is what makes us special. Each group should never lose their heritage or the traditions that make them unique. However, we are all blended as Americans. If you don't want to blend, go away and go back to the country that you think is so much better than this one.

Many of my ancestors immigrated here for a better life. I get that. But they did it legally so the country could allow the ones in that really wanted a better life, and reject those that were criminals or had communicable diseases. Americans value and welcome any immigrant that comes here legally. We hope you live a wonderful life here.

But for the illegal aliens that are coming across the borders, that is a different story. Sure, most of them are wonderful people who are hard working and just wanting to make a better life. But they shoud do it legally. This world is too dangerous and there are too many people who want to do us harm to allow the porous borders.

The Mexican people I have met are kind, hard working, religious, and family oriented. Welcome to you if you come legally, melt into our society (while retaining your culture), learn our language, and pay taxes like the rest of us. Many of the Ellis Island immigrants spent months, if not years, waiting on that island before they were allowed to enter the country. And it was for a good reason.

Do the immigration laws need to be changed to make it easier? Absolutely! No question in my mind. But until that is done, those laws are what we have. Instead of protesting a few kids in T-shirts, you should be protesting the grotesque immigration laws from Congress.

Who is Your Hero?

2010-05-03T18:42:00.003-04:00

When I was a little girl, my dad was my hero. As a teenager, I worshipped rock stars and movie stars. In fact, I probably still have a little crush on Peter Blair Denis Bernard Noone. What?? You don't recognize that name? He was Herman of Herman's Hermits.

What?? You still don't know who he is? Well, neither do a lot of people. And that is what happens when your idols are stars. They flare up brightly then disappear. In my book I encourage parents to introduce real people who have done something extraordinary to their kids. On my radio show next week, Brad Meltzer is my guest. He has written a wonderful book to help parents do just that, entitled Heroes for My Son in which he briefly discusses several people who have made a mark on the world. He also has a blog on the website, http://www.herosformyson.com in which he presents lesser known people who have also been extraordinary in some way.

My advice to parents is to talk to your kids about why we look up to people who seem bigger than life, who we should look up to, and how it should affect our lives. If your child's favorite football star gets accused of rape, talk to him about it. Let him know that all people are human and fallible. And especially let him know that not all of their actions should be imitated.

If your daughter wants to copy a rock icon, look to see what she likes about that star. Let her know that some outfits are great for the stage, but not to be worn to the mall. Focus her on the reality that the star's life is not her life. And discuss how the star got to where she is--what work did she have to do to get there? How many years did it take? What sacrifices did she make?

Interest your child in biographies of real people. Amelia Earhart was, and is, a hero to me. I read all I could find about her when I was a kid. Let your child see the struggles people go through like Helen Keller and Anne Frank. They will learn that if those people can triumph and succeed, then they can also. Show them by examples that life is not always easy and it is not all about them. But if they work hard and believe in themselves, good things will come to them and/or to others.

We are humans. God has given us an amazing ability to rise to any challenge, to triumph over adversity, to scale or tunnel under any obstacle in our path. Others have done it and so can we!

And who is my hero now? Well, I am back to my dad.

Grandparents Are Cool!

2010-04-20T19:49:00.004-04:00

Me and my Texas cowgirls

Thinking back to when I was having babies, those were exciting times. I loved planning for the baby, wondering if I would have a boy or girl. We didn't have much money, but I sewed and scrimped and finally had all the things I needed for the baby's room. My parents lived 1000 miles away so there was not much they could do from there, but that was okay.

This was my baby and I wanted to make the decisions. I was going to be the mommy and I knew I would not make the mistakes my parents did. It never occurred to me that they actually didn't make that many errors, nor did it occur to me that I might make a few of my own. The point was that I was responsible for this baby, not the grandparents. Did they give me advice? Of course. Was all of it requested? Nope.

When I became a grandma, I did not know what my role was. Was I an additional parent? Was I a playmate? Was I supposed to tell my kids everything they could do better and encourage what they did right? What was I supposed to do?

Finally, I did what has worked for me in the past. I thought back to my child rearing days. Then it all became clear. Who am I to tell my kids what they did was right or wrong? That was for them to figure out, just like I did. It is their family and their responsibility. It is not mine. Whoa, that really takes the heat off me!

Luckily my kids share my values and we have a very few differences so far on the subject of child rearing. But when we do, I try to abide by their rules--even if it is not how I did it with them. After all, I raised them to make good decisons. And they do, as evidenced by their choices for mates. I have done all I can for them. I mean, I wrote them a book (Now You Know What I Know: Parenting Wisdom of a Grandmother) about all my mistakes, for goodness sake. What else do they want? Now it is their turn to love, make mistakes, and nurture their children.

My job now is to occasionally babysit, love, play and just be "cool". As I was thinking back, I remembered how NOT COOL my parents were and how definitely cool my grandparents were. So now we have a few rules at Grandma's house but mostly we play and have fun. There is always a treat somewhere for them and we laugh a lot. My job is to be one of the very few people in their lives that they know love them unconditionally--no matter what. How special is that?

Back to the Land of Toilet Seats!

2010-04-18T17:59:00.004-04:00

I know that we have some problems in this country--high unemployment, bitter partisan fighting on both sides of Congress, high deficits. But we do have one thing going for us. Toilet seats! Oh...and toilet paper.

We just got back from a trip out of the country (you can see the photos on my facebook site--http://www.facebook.com/ParentsRuleParentResourceforInformationandAdvice). While we had a wonderful time, I did once again notice, up close and personal, that many countries are not partial to toilet seats. The photo in this post is one I took after finishing my business along the Amazon. Notice the lack of toilet seat. And the toilet was about half as high as mine at home.

Ok, now picture yourself, ladies, squatting over this thing while trying to hold your pants out of the way, but not letting them lie in the fluid on the floor. Now you must also grab the blue rope hanging on the door with your third hand--oh, you only have two? Sorry! Ok, you have to grab the rope to hold the door closed. The whole area is leans downhill, too, so the door tends to want to be open.

Now with your free hand?? you must reach in your pocket or purse or whatever you can use to find some paper for wiping since there is none in there. All this needs to be done quickly since by now you have a major muscle burn going on those squatting thighs. And you must remember not to put the tissue in the toilet--that goes in a small waste can. The big blue can? Oh, that has water in it to use for flushing.

All in all, it was a very interesting trip to the jon, made worse because I kept laughing the whole time. My trip to the Amazon was amazing and wonderful. It is one I would definitely repeat. But this time I would go to REI and get the female funnel I almost bought before the trip. It sure would have come in handy a few times.

What if Your Child Divorced You?

2010-04-09T11:55:00.002-04:00

I am 44 years old and I have these dreams.
I dream my 11 yr old son is hugging me. I dream he grabs my hand as we walk down a crowded street. I dream he smiles because he is happy to see me. All these dreams end the same way. I start crying because Adam and I are together again. Then I wake up with mixed emotions. I'm grateful for the few seconds of subconscious normalcy, but sad that my dreams are the only place Adam and I have a normal relationship. (from the book A Family's Heartbreak: A Parents Introduction to Parental Alienation by Michael Jefferies http://www.afamilysheartbreak.com)

April 25 is Parental Alienation Awareness Day and I am doing my part to spread the word about this viral disease that infects many families. Since I have been doing my radio show, Parents Rule!, I have heard so many stories from dads and moms who are alienated from the children they love so much. It is heart breaking to listen to the tales of lost affection and lost time with their kids, false claims of child abuse, tears shed, and dollars spent trying to put things right. And that is the affect on the alienated parent.

For the children, they have much higher rates of depression, low self-esteem, substance abuse, and suicide. These children are taught by the alienating parent to hold anger and resentment against the parent they are told no longer loves them. Sometimes they are even punished if they do not comply with the rule of hating the alienated parent. It is so sad. How can a child believe anyone can love them if they believe that a parent has stopped loving him? How can she ever have a normal relationship with another person?

The alienating parent for some reason--there are many reasons for this--has a need to separate the child from the other parent. This is usually the result of a divorce, but not always. Phone calls are not answered or returned. Visits are cancelled or become very uncomfortable due to the pressure on the child to show anger or disinterest in the alienated parent. Some parents have been arrested on trumped up charges of abuse. It is all so ugly and it must stop.

Unfortunately, the family court system in most states is useless in preventing or stopping this atrocity. Many alienated parents lose their jobs and fortunes trying to reconnect with their beloved child--most times, to no avail.

My show next week features the author referenced at the beginning of this blog. We are going to discuss his story and what can be done to fix the broken system in which these parents are trying to work. It will be a good show, so tune in Thurs April 15th 2-3 pm EST at http://www.americaswebradio.com. Listen is and find out what you can do to prevent this from happening to you.

Seattle School Facilitates Abortion Without Parental Consent

2010-03-24T20:57:00.003-04:00

In my goal of providing timely parenting information to my readers/listeners, I am bringing this sad story to you. According to all the news outlets today, a Seattle high school's teen health center not only tested a girl for pregnancy without parental consent, it also sent her for an abortion. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/teen-abortion-high-school/story?id=10189694 This event is getting a lot of play on the internet and there are mixed feelings about this.

Apparently, this is legal in Washington state as well as 12 or 13 other states. Why? Why is this considered the right thing to do? It is just another example of the erosion of parental rights in the United States. Teen pregnancy and abortion are very important issues in the life of a teen. They need to be discussed at home with the family, not with strangers who do not have the child's best interest at heart. Advice from her parents is what that child needed.

Abortion is not without risk, physically or emotionally. What if the girl had died? What if she had a botched abortion and could never have children again? What if, after the abortion, she got depressed and committed suicide? I have know several people who have had abortions and the majority of them dealt with guilt and depression afterward. Wouldn't this child need her family for support of any decision?

What did the school tell this teen girl? "We had no idea this was being facilitated on campus," said the mother. "They just told her that if she concealed it from her family, that it would be free of charge and no financial responsibility." So they actively counseled her to keep the secret from her parents. That is just wrong, period.

When I was a teen, I did not have sex. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't think I could face my parents if I got pregnant or caught a disease. It was a deterrant for me and for many others. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. Teens are not emotionally capable of handling a sexual relationship. They are just learning to deal with the crazy hormone surges and mood changes that come with puberty and adolescence. Teens having sex too early is a recipe for a very bad emotional soup.

Even though I would have been afraid to tell my parents, I know they would have supported me and helped me make the right decision about what should be done. Would they have been angry? Absolutely. Would they have caused a scene? No question. But when all was said and done, they would have been there for me just like they were for every other crisis in my life. And so would practically every other parent.

Abortion back then was still illegal so that would not have been on the table. But we would have talked about keeping the baby versus adoption. Yes, they would have been disappointed. Every parent is when their child has to face a situation like that.

It doesn't mean that the parent stops loving that child. What it should mean is that they discuss their feelings openly and frankly. Information for parents and child is vital and they can get it from various sources, such as a pediatrician. Then they sit down as a family and decide what is best for the baby and for the teen.

What should NEVER happen is for the government or a school to usurp the parental role in such a situation. I think it is criminal to encourage a child to hide something like that from a parent. I am just sick to know that it is legal in so many states. This should be a wake up call for parents. Find out the laws in your state. Lobby to have such a horrendous law repealed if you have one. Stand up for parents rights. What if this had been your child? How would you have felt?

What To Do If You Witness a Theft?

2010-03-04T10:02:00.003-05:00

How many of you have ever seen someone shoplift right in front of you? If you did, what would you do? What if it was a child and the mother did not see? Would you:
A. Tell the mom
B. Tell the clerk
C. Do nothing
D. Tell the clerk, but pay for it yourself

This happened to a friend of mine. Check her blog about it at http://www.babyboomerbev.blogspot.com/ under Mind Your Own Business Boomer Grandma. My friend told the clerk who stopped the mom and daughter before they left the store. Yes, it was a preschooler and yes, it was only a lollypop. But isn't that how it starts? First a lollypop, then fancy panties, then a Ferrari.

What appalled me about the story was the mom's angry reaction. I would have been embarassed, but also grateful to Bev for letting me know what happened so I could put a stop to it. One of my kids that age stole candy and I marched them back to the store to apologize and pay for it. They never did it again.

From the mom's reaction, I wonder if she really did know. Bev said it looked like the child knew what she was doing. And just last week a mom and dad were arrested for using their small child to steal something--I think it was a purse. The mom told her to "do it for mommy." Really? That is what you want to teach your child?

As Bev asks, where are the morals these days? We have a very lenient society in which our young people are given anything they want instead of having to work for it. I think that is the start of this type of behavior. They think that just because they want it, they should be able to take it. Hmm. Are they learning that at home or from Congress?

Are You an Olympics Junkie Like Me?

2010-03-02T17:32:00.000-05:00

I love the Olympics--winter and summer, but I think the winter games are my favorite. In 1980, I remember nursing a newborn late at night in my living room while silently chanting U-S-A U-S-A. The Miracle on Ice unfolded before my eyes and I was mesmerized. There they were; a bunch of college kids playing against "professionals" from other countries and we won the gold. Before that I liked the Olympics, but after that, I was hooked.

I started listening to the stories of how the competitors got there--the sacrifices they and their parents made so they could participate in these incredible events that bring the world together--if only for a couple of weeks every two years. It shows me that it can be done.

This year, I cried with the Canadian ice skater who skated for her mom; the mom that died suddenly two days before JoAnnie was due to compete. I cried with her when she raised her arms toward heaven and her mom after a skate that won her a bronze medal.

I saw a hockey player play his best for parents who hocked their wedding rings many years earlier so they could afford hockey lessons for their child. And I saw a skier who skied to gold for his brother with cerebral palsy. The brother was there cheering louder than anyone else.

There are so many glorious athletic accomplishments that occur during the Olympics. But what I love the most is the knowledge that a family worked together so an athlete could compete. For instance there was the family of another skier who voted to forego buying each other Christmas presents this year and pool their money so they could send a son and a brother to Vancouver.

That is what family is all about, folks. Think about it.

Schools in Our Bedrooms? No Way!

2010-02-22T17:57:00.000-05:00

Were you as outraged as I was about the story from PA in which a school official secretly activated a webcam on a laptap loaned to a student? The only response from the officials that I can find on internet searches is that they can turn on the webcam to locate a missing laptop. No problem with that here.

But this does not seem to be the case with Blake Robins. He says he was just eating candy and using the computer at home. The next day he was called into the school office and accused of possibly selling drugs. For proof, they produced a photo taken of him from the webcam the night before. Was it drugs or candy he was eating that night? I am sure I don't know, but this family insists it was candy.

Regardless, what right did the school have to turn on the webcam in that case? Not once have the officials claimed that the laptop was reported missing or lost. Is this just a case of an over-zealous administrator? Or a pervert hoping to see something that is better left private? There is certainly more to this story and I hope the full truth comes out.

How many more kids have potentially been victimized without their knowledge by this vice principal? We need to know.

Word of warning: A "free" computer may not be that free after all.

Tiger Woods--A Great Opportunity for Parents

2010-02-19T16:00:00.000-05:00

Ok, who else is tired of Tiger Woods being in the news today? He apologized--let it go. Does what he did affect my life? Not one bit. Will the economy rebound if he answers more questions? Nope. What he did affects his immediate family and no one else.

Yes, I know he has been an icon for adults and children for a long time. And he has fallen off his pedestal. Last I looked, the world was still turning and rotating around the sun. I know that many children admire him and parents are afraid that they will imitate this sexual behavior trying to be like Tiger. It is possible.

But parents can use this opportunity to teach and guide their kids. Remind them that all celebrities are human and, as such, are subject to the inevitable mistakes we all make. Did he make a big one? Absolutely, and did it over and over again. The good that can come from his blunder is a valuable tool for parents to use. Explain to them that sometimes fame comes with a high price tag--lack of privacy. You cannot have one without the other.

Celebrities should be admired for the work and perseverance they have put into their sport or craft, rather than for how they dress, talk, or live their personal lives. It is a great opportunity for parents to show kids how to separate the two.

Use his example to talk to your kids about sex, especially unprotected sex (seriously, Tiger, unprotected sex with a porn star? What were you thinking?). Then talk to them about how in this digital age, it is almost impossible to make an error of judgment without the whole world finding out. For example, a young girl that send a "sext" message to her boyfriend may soon find it on the internet for the rest of the school to see. She thinks it is innocent fun, then suddenly she is a "slut" and everyone is laughing at her.

You can also use this self-induced tragedy to teach your kids that they have to come clean when it is discovered they have strayed. Don't try to hide it; it is easier to make things blow over if you just own up to the lapse in good sense, apologize, do whatever is appropriate, and let it die a natrual death.

Do I still admire Tiger? Sure I do--on the golf course. He worked hard to get where he was. He struggled and practiced and failed and kept trying. He changed how people see golf. What is not to admire? I am sad that he let his family down, but again, that is his tragedy. It is not mine. And we parents should use this example to help our kids learn to make good decisions in their lives. At least some benefit can come from all of this. I am sure that Tiger would be happy about that.

Helping Children Through Nightmares

2010-02-17T16:19:00.000-05:00

How many of us have had nightmares in our lives? They can be really scary--so much so that you don't want to go back to sleep sometimes. And our children have them too. How are we parents supposed to help our kids feel better after a nightmare when we don't know how to do it for ourselves?

One thing we can do is listen to the details of the nightmare. Have the child tell you exactly what happened. Yes, I know this is probably 3 am but she needs you right now, not 5 hours from now. As the child talks about the dream, discuss it with her on her level. If it is an older child, maybe you could suggest that the monster in the dream may really be the math test that she is nervous about. If it is a small child, go through the room and look everywhere for the monster. Then do a monster removal dance or ceremony in which you tell the monster that it cannot come back.

Sometimes, just letting the child snuggle next to you for a few minutes in your bed will make them feel more at ease. Or I have also gotten in bed with the child (in their bed) to "protect" them if the monster comes back. It never did, because it knew I was there.

The next day, maybe the child could draw a picture of what scared him in the dream and you can talk about it. Talking about whatever it is will minimize the effect on the child. Have a dream dictionary so you can both look up the meanings of certain dream symbols.

When we have an understanding of what dreams are and what the symbology is, dreaming takes on a whole new role in our lives. It is there that our conscious lets down and we can get messages or creative ideas. According to Anne Hill, dreamworker and host of Dream Talk Radio http://www.annehill.org/ , dreams of all sorts, even nightmares, should be celebrated because they are trying to teach us or tell us something.

WAHM's, Need a Marketing Edge?

2010-02-11T10:59:00.000-05:00

So many moms are running a home-based business these days in order to make ends meet. As you have discovered, it is important to have some kind of edge; a reason for someone to open your email or read your direct mail piece.

First, let me say that I don't usually use this blog to promote products, but I have used this one effectively in the past. So I want to share it with you. Besides, it is just fun.

Heidi Richards Mooney has developed the Quirky Marketing Calendar- How to Use Zany and Non-traditional Holidays to Promote Your Business 365 Days a Year (4th Edition). Like any calendar, it is full of dates. Unlike any calendar, it explains why that date is important. For instance, today is February 11th. It is White Shirt Day--so offer a discount to anyone wearing a white shirt or give a prize to every 3rd white shirt that comes through the door. Think of how many people will come into your business or check your website if you are offering a zany special every day...or every week.

Check it out by clicking on the icon on this blog site. Have fun with it.

Want To Be On TV?

2010-02-11T09:47:00.000-05:00

Lately I have been watching a show on CMT called World's Strictest Parents. Interesting. For me, it is very thought provoking. If you haven't seen it, here is the skinny: kids with respet issues raised in not strict homes are sent to very strict homes for a week to learn how good they had it at home. Living under different standards from their families back home, the teens are subject to consequences for breaking rules and skipping chores while the strict parents attempt to mend their ways.

It is sad to me that so many kids feel so entitled to everything they have and do not have to work for anything. What happened to doing chores around the house? Has that suddenly become illegal? How do parents expect their kids to go out into the real world and become successful when they don't have a clue how to take care of themselves, let alone a business or a job?

The strict parents on the show are even more strict than I was--insert my kids here who are asking, is that possible? Some of what they expect these lazy, indulged kids to do is out there but is also eye-opening for them. And the funny thing is that the kids develop attachments to the strict parents because everything is tempered with love and sincerity. Children know when you are being fake and when you are really interested in them.

For me, it is a lesson to all parents to teach responsibility and respect to kids: for themselves, for their family, for other people, and for nature.

The best part is that now they are casting for new unruly kids and strict parents for upcoming episodes. If you are interested, you can click on this link: http://www.theworldsstrictestparents.com/

Happy parenting!

Pick Me Up and Let Me Walk

2010-02-08T17:03:00.000-05:00

Communications with our children is always a challenge--no matter what the age. Some of my grandchildren are being taught Baby Sign in an effort to improve pre- and early speech communication. There are also programs out there that are meant to help kids learn to read at an early age. I love that so much emphasis is being placed on communication and books and reading. It is an area that has been too long overlooked.

Having said that, there are times when our kids communicate with us in no uncertain terms. There is no mistaking the message. One of those instances occurred yesterday at my son's house. His 8 month old son loves for you to hold his fingers and let him walk around the house. Yesterday we had all had a several turns and our aching backs told us to let him crawl for a while. My son, Nathanael's dad, had him last, laid him on the carpet, and let go of his little fingers.

Nathanael crawled about 4 inches before he started talking--it was baby gibberish, but it was clear that he was pissed. He would turn his head back to his daddy, give him an evil look, and start in jabbering again in that frustrated voice. We were all pretty sure what he wanted. So Nathanael's dad presented his fingers and the baby, grabbing them, scrambled to his feet with a big smile on his face. And they were off! Very clearly, this child will be a good communicator.

Find ways to help you kids communicate from the time they are born. It is a big help to you as you try to unravel their differing communication patterns.

Since I am talking about communication and reading and such, let me mention to anyone in the Atlanta Metro area that Cathy Puett Miller will be at Yawn's Bookstore in Canton, GA on Feb. 11 for a book signing. Her books, Anytime Reading Readiness, a guidebook for parents of 3-6 year olds AND Before They Read, a partner book for teachers of preschool AND kindergarten will be featured.

Cathy was my guest on Parents Rule! on Dec 3 discussing these very topics. She was delightful and informative. The show can still be heard or downloaded from the following site: http://www.radiosandysprings.com/showpages/parents.php So go say hi and check out her books.

Peaceful Divorce is Best for the Kids

2010-01-21T10:38:00.000-05:00

The more you focus on anger, the more anger you will feel. Focus on the children now instead.
Belinda Rachman (guest on Parents Rule! radio show http://www.divorce-inaday.com

If you have listened to Parents Rule! radio show or read this blog any time at all, you know that this is a pet subject of mine. Divorce is terrible. It is devastating for all involved. There are times when there really is no other choice—it takes two committed people to save a troubled marriage and no marriage should remain intact when abuse is present.

Peaceful divorce is hard to find because when you finally arrive at that stage, there is a lot of anger on both sides. But please, look at the faces of your children. Feel their pain. Put yourself in their place. What is best for them? That is where your focus should be. If divorce is best, then make it as easy on them as possible.

They love both of the parents and are being ripped away from one of them. It is not their fault, but they are the most affected. Please keep their emotional well being first and foremost in your thoughts and actions during this time. Mediation is a peaceful way to come to the end of a marriage. Find ways to be civil to each other—for the sake of your children.

If there is a chance to save the marriage, take it. Marriage is not supposed to be disposable, especially when children are involved. Do the hard work and remember why you married that person in the first place, Find those qualities again. It is very hard being a single parent—on both parents and on the kids.

If divorce is the only answer for you, whatever you do, focus on the kids. When you focus your attention away from your immediate pain to their needs, you find that you make better decisions for all of you. Give a little, get a little. Constantly remind the kids that both parents still love them and always will. They cannot hear that enough. And, most important, remind them over and over that it is not their fault.

Parents! Join me in helping Haitian parents today!

2010-01-15T12:21:00.000-05:00

Today I am donating money to an organization that will aid in relief efforts in devastated Haiti. I am challenging you to join me.

Yesterday I heard a story on the radio. It was by phone from someone on the ground in Haiti. He described standing in the road as a screaming woman ran up to him. She was begging for help for the small bundle she carried in her arms--her baby. A piece of cloth covered the baby's head; a scene not to unusual due to the amount of dust around them. When he lifted the material he realized that the baby's face was gone--completely gone--and the baby was dead. He assisted in getting the woman to someone who could help her, but I am sure that scene will be forever played out in his mind.

I heard another story of a mom who lost all five of her children in the earthquake. It is time, as parents, we stand up to help other parents in these desparate conditions. Americans are the most generous and loving people in the world. We are always the ones who step up the most to help. Let us not let the Haitian people down--not because we will get something out of it, but because it is the right thing to do.

Who is with me? Go to www.redcross.org or www.care.org or any other legitimate charity and give whatever you can afford.

No Way My Child Has Learning Problem!

2010-01-13T15:00:00.000-05:00

A great many children have problems of some sort in learning. It could be ADD, where he has a problem with attetion level. She might have a hearing problem, making learning difficult. Personally, I must have some degree of dyscalculia, which is results in problems with arithmetic and math concepts. There is no telling how many times I told my father that math wasn't logical and didn't make sense. Obviously, Dad, the engineer, totally disagreed with me. And I wholeheartedly feel that dysgraphia (a disorder that results in illegibility) is a requirement to enter med school.

The point is that whether your child has a serious dyslexia or has poor reading comprehension, the worst thing parents can do is to ignore the problem by convincing themselves that it will be outgrown someday. Actually, the earlier the intervention begins, the better the result. Issues are being discovered at earlier ages nowadays and kids can get a step up before even starting elementary school.

Having a issue with learning does reflect poorly on parents or environment. It simply is. A great number of very famous people have had learning issues. Beethoveen, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Walt Disney, and Ansel Adams are a few known to every household. Just because someone has a hurdle to jump, it doesn't mean they are stuck at the starting gate.

As parents, we have the main role in helping our kids overcome the challenges of life and this is just one of them. Stay connected to your child, the teachers, the therapists, and the doctors. No one knows your child like you do. You will know what is best for them, so stick to your guns. The only thing you can do wrong is to do nothing.

This week's guest on Parents Rule!, Jeanne Gehret http://www.verbalimagespress.com states that parents should "Emphasize that he can overcome these difficulties by using different ways to learn, and that he will receive plenty of help. " Be your child's cheerleader and advocate. You will all benefit in the long run.

As a matter of fact, a couple of weeks ago I was flipping TV channels and heard the words "my learning disability" so I stopped to listen. It was a discussion between Bill O'Reilly (who admits to dyslexia) and Glen Beck (who has ADD). They were talking about the challenges they had to overcome and how the "disability" had been a major factor in their success. It was a very interesting discussion. Like them or hate them, they are both very successful and they give a large part of that credit to what they learned as a result of having a "learning disability."

Makes you think, doesn't it?

Merry Christmas, Mom

2009-12-17T02:31:00.000-05:00

In 1997 my mom left this world to begin her work in the Universe. This time of year I really miss her. Mom and I did not always see eye to eye on much, but she always made Christmas special for the whole family. Every year she had something new to share--a new craft decoration project or a new Christmas dessert to try.

I remember one year she took the turkey skeleton from Thanksgiving and somehow made it into a sleigh. It astounds me to think of the hours she must have spent getting every little bit of turkey meat and gristle off that carcass. It was then painted gold and decorated with a stuffed Santa and beads, then place on fake snow. She even had little reindeer attached to the sleigh. It was beautiful.

One year the new dessert was Pumpkin Cookies. They were wonderful and instantly became a new family tradition. Now I bake the Pumpkin Cookies, but am thrilled to see my children now fixing them too. As each generation enjoys those cookies, a bit of my mom is there with them.

As a child there was always something special I had asked Santa to bring me waiting under the tree on Christmas morning. And when I had kids of my own, there were times when I either could not find or could not afford something I knew the kids especially wanted. But they always found that special present under the tree at Grandma's house. Sometimes I don't remember that I even told her what to buy, but it was there just the same.

She loved holidays, but Christmas was special to her. She was happiest during the Season. The aroma of baking filled her kitchen for weeks and she would sing as she decorated the house. No strife was ever permitted--if we fought, we were instantly reminded about the baby Jesus and how he came to bring peace to the world. There were no differences of opinion or arguing--just good old fashioned family unity and fun.

Yes, I miss her the most during Christmas. But I know she is with us, sharing the joy of the season and of our growing family.

Merry Christmas, Mom! I love you. And Merry Christmas to all of you.

Parents Can Help Prepare Kids to Read

2009-12-07T13:30:00.000-05:00

One of the things I could have done better as a parent was to set aside time every day for reading. My kids didn't enjoy reading as much as I did when I was a child and I was at a loss as to how to deal with it. Turns out, I did some things right. I know, I am as surprised as you. But I talked to the kids all the time. Don't get too excited--anyone who has a 3 or 4 year old is talking to them all the time. They have discovered communicaiton in a big way and are determined to use it.

But talking to your kids (and thereby increasing their vocabulary) is one of the three tools a parent can use to prepare kids for reading. This is according to my radio show guest last week, Cathy Puett Miller, The Literacy Ambassodor.

Explore books together, says Miller. Play with them, read them, feel them, look at the pictures, make up new stories based on the illustrations.

And have fun together singing rhyming songs, playing listening games, and whatever else you can imagine that has to do with stories and books. Miller has many useful ideas that you can find at http://www.readingisforeveryone.org, as well as in her new book, Anytime Reading Readiness: Fun and Easy Family Activities That Prepare Your Child to Read. She can also be reached at 770-365-4733.

The show can be downloaded from iTunes if you want to hear the wonderful snippets of information from last week. You will find us there under Parents Rule.

Most of all, make time to read and talk about books, poems, and stories to your preschooler. Also let them see you read--they model your behavior. Books are wonderful and according to Miller's mom, "You can go anywhere in a book."

Heroic Acts Protect Family

2009-12-01T11:19:00.000-05:00

Imagine you are planning a family Thanksgiving and the week before a shooter comes into your home intent on killing you. Now imagine finding out he already killed another beloved family member. This is not make believe. This is what happened to a young couple that I love like they are my own kids, Scott and Tiffany.

Tiffany's half sister broke up with her boyfriend (who I will refer to as Evil Guy), but he did not think that was what she really wanted. So Evil Guy broke into her father's house, kidnapping her at knife point. She was able to escape a day or so later and went back home. But Evil Guy had warned her that he would kill her family if she left, and sure enough, he showed up at her dad's house to do just that. As the girl escaped (thanks to a warning) to Scott and Tiffany's, her father met the young man in the front yard to try to talk him down. For his efforts the man was shot dead in his own yard.

Using her father's cell phone, Evil Guy called the girl and told her that he was coming for her. They attempted to escape the house but he arrived too soon. So Tiff, her baby, and her sister hid in the attic. Three other female friends hid in other parts of the house. Scott prepared for the arrival and before long a gun battle ensued in which Scott was shot in the abdomen.

Despite the angry wound, Scott was able to wrestle with Evil Guy for about 20 minutes until the police arrived. Scott was prepared to give his life to protect his wife, baby, and sister-in-law. He is an honest-to-God hero in my book. They captured the man and the family is doing its best to heal from the horrific ordeal. Just imagine the horror and fear they were subjected to by this terrible man--not knowing if they would survive the next few minutes.

And where, you ask, were the police? We don't know. Despite repeated 911 calls from Scott and the girls, no car was dispatched until the alarm company contacted them after the break-in. Had they come when first called, they would have arrived at Scott's house before Evil Guy. He would not have been shot. The women would not have had to listen to the battle, fearing for all their lives.

But the good news is that there was only one fatality instead of seven due to the heroism of two fathers prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice for the safety of their families. One did give his life; the other will survive the belly wound. The emotional scars will take much longer to heal for the family. Please pray for them.

I am very proud Scott is one of "my boys". His courage was great. Ambroze Redmoon said "courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear". To Scott, his family was that something more important. I take my hat off to him.

A Car is the Most Common Deadly Weapon

2009-11-11T14:20:00.000-05:00

Beneath this slab
John Brown is stowed
He watched the ads
And not the road
Ogden Nash

There is a lot of truth to this old poem. When I was teaching my kids to drive, they all had to endure “the lecture” before they ever sat in the driver’s seat. I told them that once they were driving down the road; they had a deadly weapon in their hands. It could be deadly to themselves, someone they care about, or someone they don’t even know. Cars are wonderful conveyances to get from here to there. A great invention. But they are also very dangerous.

I don’t know if they remember the lecture, or not. I am sure they were only half listening in their eagerness to learn to drive. That is just human nature. Kids will only hear a portion of what we say to them. For instance, when I told one of the kids they could go to the movie if they cleaned their room—all they heard was they could go to the movie. They stopped listening after that phrase.

Remember that when you are talking to your kids. Don’t be afraid to repeat important things like telling them to drive safely, don’t tailgate, don’t text and drive, and don’t drink and drive.

And, most important, be a good driving example. Control road rage and speed. Use your blinkers and common sense. It is easier to make a good argument for not speeding if you are not speeding.

Our children’s lives are the central focus of our attention as parents. Make sure they are well trained before you send them out in a car by themselves.

And, most important of all, make sure they know they can call you, no questions asked, from anywhere, in any condition, rather than get in a car with another teen who is impaired by alcohol or drugs. No questions asked. It may save their lives.

How to Get Past the Crap in Your Life

2009-11-04T16:52:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog entitled, What To Do With a Big Pile of Crap. Basically, I said we need to move on, find forgiveness, and celebrate who we are. One person who commented asked me to follow up with a blog about how to do those things.

Let me say that I am completely unqualified to answer that question and book stores are full of self help books on that subject. It is something I have struggled with over the course of my life--in fact, I still struggle with it from time to time. But I am winning the battle for my peace of mind and I want to share some of my ideas with you.

My life changed dramatically when I learned about meditation. In my book Now You Know What I Know: Parenting Wisdom of a Grandmother, I discuss my views about meditation. I pray and then I sit quietly waiting for God to speak back to me. I ask questions, then wait for the answers. Sometimes they come right away and sometimes it is later when I get an answer. But the peace in my soul that comes from being connected to God is unlike anything I can describe.

When I am hurt or angry, I try to hold my tongue and not lash out in the heat of the moment. Notice I said try because I am not always successful. It is best to wait, talk to God, and think about how this will affect you in 10 years before you respond.

Have you ever noticed in the Bible how much Jesus spoke about forgiveness? God always tells me to forgive. Anger and guilt are the two most destructive emotions in the world. As I mentioned in the earlier blog, love cannot be in the place in your heart where you have stored all that anger and guilt. Let them go. When you start to feel anger toward another person, force yourself to stop and sent them love instead. Even if you don't do it to their face, just say to yourself that you forgive them and wish them well. Eventually it will actually be true because you will have created a habit of forgiving instead of hating.

When you start feeling guilty about something in your past, ask yourself if you have asked God to forgive you. If yes, then He did--plain and simple. You are done; check it off your list. Did you as the other person to forgive you if appropriate? If yes, then your job is done there. Check that one off. Whether they forgave you is irrelevant. Now it is on them. You have done what you needed to do. Now you have to ask if you have forgiven yourself--obviously not or you would not still be feeling guilty.

So what do you do with the guilt? Put it aside. Realize that you are miraculous and perfect just as you are, warts and all. Who else can be you? Nobody, that's who. Look in the mirror and try to see you as God does or as someone who loves you does. Say to yourself every day, "I love who I am. My actions in the past are past and I refuse to let them interfere with my happiness in the present and future. I have learned the lesson and am ready to move ahead in peace. I love who I am." If you do this every day, or whenever you feel those pangs of regret, I can promise you will be able to put it behind you.

You are wondrously made and have a purpose. Maybe some of what happens to us does so in order for us to learn. Maybe we are in the way of someone else's free will. Maybe it is just piles of crap we can either step in and carry on our shoes until we decide to clean it off or we can go around it.

Are We a Government of the People, or Not?

2009-10-29T11:24:00.000-04:00

Society in every state is a blessing, but government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one.
Thomas Paine, from Common Sense

Our government is sticking its fingers into every aspect of our lives. Our founding fathers did not want that. Our current elected officials in DC have forgotten that our founders wanted individuals and states to be more powerful than the federal government. For the most part, our Representatives and Senators have been inoculated with the DC vaccine that prevents them from caring about you and me.

As leaders, they believe they are untouchable. But we have a strong way to fight back. Let’s stop re-electing the same foolish and arrogant people. Just because they have a famous name or have been in office a long time does not mean they are doing a good job.

Look at the voting record of your elected officials. It’s not that hard. I get an email every week from http://www.congress.org. It tells me what my representatives and senators voted on and how they voted. It also tells me what upcoming votes there are so I can call them in a timely fashion if I want to let them know how want them to vote.

Remember, they are there to represent us but they cannot do that if we don’t tell them what we want. We have a responsibility to speak out, know the issues, research them, and vote. It is imperative that, as parents, we do this. So much of what we decide as voters affects them more than us.

Set a good example for our kids. Talk to them about civics and current events. Encourage them to be active. We are in this mess now because of apathy. We are the only way out.

It is time we take our constitutionally guaranteed power of the people back from Washington!

The Best Part of Me

2009-10-21T13:21:00.000-04:00

You're the best part of me
The best that I am
Or ever will be
You, baby, you're the part
That allows me to open my heart
And let love inside
I want you to know
What I've always known
You're the best part of me.
from the song, You Are The Best Part of Me. Sung by Neil Diamond

Working in my office this morning, I had Neil Diamond music on in the background. I found myself listening to the words of this song and my mind drifted to my children. Memories of childhoods, pranks, talks, activities, and more popped into my consciousness.

I remembered times when my marriage was going bad, or when it was simply gone, and loneliness engulfed me. You, my children, were there for me. You gave me unasked for hugs, sticky kisses, and unconditional love. Even now, so many years later, the joy of that love makes me warm. You could not have known the pain I was in, but you soothed me.

And you kept me grounded and moving. There was never time to wallow in self-pity or spend weeks in bed. There were lunches to make and bottoms to wipe. There were games and practices to attend and hair to brush. Day by day, you kept me busy and I healed. You were the medicine that made me whole again.

Everyday you made me lots of things--tired, happy, frustrated, proud. But mostly you made me smile and laugh, even when I thought I would never smile and laugh again. When I felt unloveable and unable to love, you would show me that I could love because I loved you all so much. Your boundless love made me realize that I was loveable. Who needed therapy when I had you all?

I see you all now and realize that there are a few scars from your childhoods, and for that I am sorry. But mostly I see warm, caring adults who are better than I ever was at your ages. I see people who are making this world a more wonderful place, one person at a time. Sometimes, I marvel at the fact that you came from my body and wonder how that could be.

Truly, you are the best part of me.

What To Do With a Pile of Crap

2009-10-15T10:49:00.000-04:00

I think you need to...focus on the wonder that is you…..Celebrate your marvelous existence…Perhaps that sounds difficult now, while every cell in your body is recovering from your pilgrimage….give yourself time to mourn. Be patient and compassionate with yourself, then do it. Cross over the threshold.
Mary Anne, from the book, When the Piano Stops by Catherine McCall

Each of us has crap to get over in our lives. Sometimes it is a big pile of crap. Sometimes it is a small pile of crap. But it is our crap and, therefore, important to us personally. Losing yourself to it only prevents you from seeing the glory of you. You are unique and special. Don't believe anyone who tells you different! You have a purpose in life that is wonderful and is only yours.

So let go of the crap. I hear you—it is easier said than done. But let it go. If it is a grudge against someone, forgive them. We don’t know what is in their hearts or their lives. But we do know ours. Remember that no two objects can fill the same space, so where hate and anger exists, there cannot be love. It may diminish your ability to love a little or a lot, depending on how much you are hanging on to.

If you focus on that anger rather than being truly happy, then the other person has control over you. So they have hurt you and now you have ceded control to them. Is that what you really want? And the rest of the sad news is that your anger and hate does not affect its object one iota. The only one it affects is you. So, as Mary Anne says in the book, Celebrate yourself and cross over the threshold into forgiveness.

When you do cross through that door, remember to slam it shut and lock it so it never again damages your life.

This is Real Life, Folks!

2009-10-07T15:40:00.001-04:00

Ok, I have talked about my dad recently. What I didn't tell you was that he has four great-grandchildren--all boys. Yes, Monty and I have 12 grandchildren but some are steps and some are from his side of the family. That aside, Daddy is pretty proud of his boys.

This summer when the outliers (the ones who live in another country right now) were home, I was determined that we would get a photo of the 4 guys and their great-granddad. Sounds easy, doesn't it?

The first obstacle was coordinating everyone's schedules; a Herculean task of its own when you are trying to also include nap times and "happy, not cranky" times. Then, of course, you also have to consider the children, not just the parents.

Finally we were all together and decided to make a stab at getting a picture. Where were those people from photo studios who know how to make kids pay attention and smile sweetly at the camera? My biggest regret was in not videoing the whole thing--I could have made a lot of money on some funny video show!

Dad sat on the love seat and we surrounded him with kids ages 3 and under. The parents were making faces and noises in the background--funny by itself. My stepmom was laughing hysterically in the corner, far away from the chaos.

As you can see in the photo, all was normal. One child was climbing down to escape and constantly had to be put back on the loveseat. The infant was, thankfully, asleep. However none of us know how. The next one was crying hysterically. Why? We don't know except that he seemed to do that every time he was around Daddy. And the fourth munchkin was sitting sweetly making goofy faces at the camera.

This is real life, folks. What did I do? I enlarged them and gave them to everyone. Daddy's was framed and he got it for his birthday. Really, everytime I look at mine, I laugh remembering the craziness that went into that picture. To me, it is more valuable than a fine studio portrait.

How much reality do our kids need?

2009-09-30T12:17:00.000-04:00

On Fox News the other day I saw a short segment about the pros and cons of a new American Girl doll. The back story on this on is that she was homeless. If you missed it, here is the link:
http://blog.parentinggirls.com/2009/09/video-homeless-doll-debate-on-foxnews.html.

What do you think?

Now, to be fair, the doll does have a happy ending in which her mommy gets a job and a house. But, seriously, is this what we want for our kids? Little girls that are playing with these dolls are very young, mostly 4-8 years old. Why do we want them to have that much reality forced on them at that age?

I thought dolls were for play rather than for social statements. Little girls play with dolls and mimic their own lives. It is a way for them learn about becoming an adult and dealing with issues in their own lives. Adding a homeless story to a small child that is not homeless can create all kinds of questions and fears that child is not prepared for at such a tender age.

Why do our babies have to know that ugliness and pain exist? Can't they just be innocent for a few years? Can't they just play with their dolls and have tea parties and pretend to be a puppy or a pilot? Can't they just be little?

There is plenty of time for kids to experience the negative things in the world. Why do we have to explain homelessness, drug addiction, mental illnesses, losing a job, and all these things involve to a 5 year old? What purpose does that serve?

It will frighten a child. I know I would have been afraid that I would end up homeless. That is not play. It is forcing our children to lose what little innocence we have not already taken away from them. Very sad!

Happy 85th Daddy

2009-09-25T23:28:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was my dad's 85th birthday. To live that long is one thing, but to be fully in control of your mind and bladder is miraculous. He is an amazing man and I strive to be more like him. In honor of him, I am posting a poem I wrote for him several years ago. (The photo is my dad and sister from earlier this year.)

NOT COMPLETELY NEW

You taught me your ways
And under your loving gaze,
As a child, every day I grew
Into someone not completely new.

You gave me direction and love,
Taught me to cherish nature and the stars above.
You taught me to be honest and fair,
And about myself and others to care.
Just like you I wanted to be
Giving no thought to being me.

Inevitably I sought independence as a teen
And now I’m somewhere in between.
I am me and I am you,
Someone not completely new.

We can’t always know God’s plan
And some things we never understand.
However, now I know one thing.
When the angels come to sing
And take me to my final rest,
The part of me that is you has been the best.

For I am me and I am you,
Someone, thankfully, not completely new.

Forget Vampires: Grandma Scares Me to Death!

2009-09-15T18:56:00.000-04:00

If little Nathanael could write about his Mema, this is what he would tell you all--that I scared the first real tears out of him. You know, that is not what a grandma aspires to, not what we dream of when we think of being in on the "firsts" in our grandchildren's lives. Unfortunately, it happened to me.

Background to the story: I babysat for two other little grand-guys while both parents went to the doctor. Both had upper respiratory symptoms and were feeling lousy. So I kept the guys for a couple of hours. The next day, Nathanael's dad asked if I could babysit for a little while.

Back to the story...I arrive at their house complete with a mask to wear when near the baby so in case I was a germ carrier, I might not pass it on to the baby. Sitting across the room from him was great. I didn't have to wear the mask and we were making faces at each other--he is so close to laughing and is so cute.

The trouble came when I took him from Mommy so they could leave. I put on my mask and picked him off her lap and all was well for a few minutes. I had him on my shoulder and he could not see my face. Unfortunately, then, he looked me dead in the face, or mask as it may be. Then all you-know-what broke loose.

The word scream does not adequately describe his reaction. Hysterical would be more accurate. Daddy came running over and pointed out as he was yanking my grandson out of my arms that Nathanael was actually crying tears. It was the first time he had seen tears in his son's eyes and I thought he was going to have a coniption. (If you don't know what that means, you aren't from Dixie...)

Of course I felt awful and my son proceded to try to make me feel worse--in fun. Soon the baby became accustomed to how I looked and we got along fine, but I didn't get any more smiles that night. He just kept looking at me with suspicion like he was saying. "Who are you? You sound like my Mema and feel like my Mema, but you don't look like my Mema."

I am happy to announce that I was there today, sans mask, and we laughed together a lot. He seemed to be over the mask trauma. (I hope I don't have to pay for therapy later.)

However, my other son called me to say that he heard from his brother that Nathanael had taken a good look at my face and became hysterical. I, of course, set the record straight and then forbade him from speaking to his brother ever again.

Are Our Kids Worth a Few Green Beans?

2009-09-10T10:48:00.000-04:00

Many people … have spent a lifetime eating themselves into their current state of ill-health….In the end you are the one responsible for your own condition.
Dr. Dan Falor (recent guest on Parents Rule! radio show)

Don’t think I am pointing a finger at any of you because from my glass house, I am not the person to be throwing stones. I have done a lot of things, food wise, which are unhealthy. Actually, this struck a cord with me because I am trying to get back into a better nutritional state myself. To my disappointment, I have found that woman does not live on Cokes, hamburgers and pizza alone. This is sad because they certainly taste better than broccoli and brussel sprouts.

It is important that we examine our eating habits and what we are feeding our kids. It may take a little longer to cook a meal than to heat up a hot dog, but our kids are worth it. We all want them to lead full and happy lives, they can only do that if they are healthy. Take the extra time to steam some green beans to go along with that dog if that is what you want that night. Make a salad. Add some fresh fruit.

It's hard when kids have busy schedules and you are rushing home from work to make dinner and/or transport kids here and there. But you can cook ahead. I remember spending a lot of Sundays making meals ahead of a busy week. Then I just heated them up and we had a balanced meal instead of running through a drive-through.

Dr. Dan is right. We are responsible. It is up to us what we put in our bodies and what we have available for our kids to put in theirs. Take responsibility. Do the extra work. Isn’t it worth it for our health and the health of our kids?

Parenting Lessons from Ted Kennedy

2009-09-01T17:10:00.000-04:00

First let me say that I am on a way different political spectrum from Ted Kennedy and he continually pissed me off while he was in the Senate. Having said that, as I watched the TV spectacle over his demise, it was evident to me that his actions could be used to inspire others to become better parents.

What are you talking about Pat? You just said you disagreed with the guy. Yes, but like everyone else, he had his good points also. So here is my list of How to be a Better Parent, Thanks to Ted Kennedy:

Be there with your kids. Ted, having lost 3 brothers, took up the slack and became a surrogate dad for all of his nieces and nephews, as well as being a dad to his own kids. Over and over this past week I heard about how he was at every birthday, every graduation, every recital, every everything that was important to all these kids. It is impressive when a person can do that for their own kids, but add in a bunch of others and it is an impressive record. Just the fact that it was mentioned frequently showed how much it meant to all of the kids.
Have special times with your kids. Each member of Kennedy clan can tell a story about how he went out of his way for them or made them feel special in some way. Can your kids say that about you?
Instill patriotism in your kids. Several stories were told about how Ted told patriotic stories and read patriotic poems to the kids at various times throughout the year. Although he and I disagreed about what in the best interest of this country, it is apparent that he loved it. He displayed that love to all "his" kids.
Make learning US history fun. This ties into the previous point. Ted organized a big day trip every year for the entire Kennedy clan. Well, it was his idea--I am sure his staff did the actual organizing. But they all went somewhere every year to learn about our history--battlefields, museums, tours, etc. What a great time for the whole family and they learned something in the meantime. Great idea!
Teach perserverance. Many of the stories about Ted Kennedy desribed his determination to achieve his goals. Whether it was trying get a piece of legislation passed or winning a saliboat race, he did not give up. Setbacks would occur and he kept trudging ahead. With that attitude, you will win some and lose some, but the wins will far exceed the losses. And he modeled that in words and deeds to the young Kennedys who were watching him.
Tolerance should be a lifestyle. Understand that others may not agree with you. I heard some Republican leaders tell stories about how he would argue them blue about a topic of discussion. Then he would find a way to create an atmosphere in which a compromise could be achieved. Or, if they were still to disagree, he did not let it interfere with a friendship. When bitterness creeps into differing opinions then no good can come from it. It is only with an open mind that important changes can be made. For instance, the best legislation from our Congress has always been a bi-partisan effort. In that all the needs of all the people have been addressed. That cannot happen when our elected officials stick to partisanship instead of tolerance and understanding and a desire for the greater good.
Be a friend. This is such an important lesson for parents to teach kids, especially when we may not be the best example. But Ted Kennedy knew how to be a friend. Tale after tale was told about how when this person was going through surgery, Ted was the first person to call. Or how when that person lost a loved one, Ted was the first to be there at the door to offer a hug and a word of condolence. Many stories were told about him doing those things in the last year, as he was so ill himself. Children see these actions and will either learn from them or from their absence.
Family is the most important thing in our lives. The whole Kennedy clan is an example of this, as are many families throughout our country. We see that with the Jackson family--throughout all of Michael's issues, the family stood together. My ex-husband's family in Tennessee is one of the best examples of family love I have ever seen. The Hawkins family members understand that they are blood--a bond that cannot be broken. No matter what happens, good or bad, they are always a family. If there are squabbles, (and what family doesn't have them?) they don't hold grudges and they find a way to bring understanding and peace. God forbid anything bad happen to any one in that type of family, but if it does, they come together in a united front to defeat the enemy--person, disease, situation, or whatever. It is so freeing to know that no matter what you do, you cannot lose the love and support of the family. Even when my ex and I split up, they made sure I knew that I was still a welcome member of that family and have had close ties to them over the years that we have been divorced. It is that unity that I saw in the Kennedys. And I hope you have the blessing of that kind of family. If not, it is not too late to start.

Trust me, I am not going to apply for his cannonization. He had plenty of warts and errors in his life--as do we all. But I see some traits in the man that I could admire--traits that will make our kids better adults and better citizens in this wonderful country we all love.

The Loss of a First Love

2009-08-26T14:24:00.000-04:00

Today we learned that Ted Kennedy died and the press is busy cannonizing him as they do famous (or infamous) people as soon as they are gone. Frankly, I think he had a great life for someone who, if he were you or I, would have spend the rest of his life in prison (or at least a good part of it) after the death of Mary Jo Kopeckne. Interesting that he died so near to the 40th anninversary of her death.

Did he do good in his life of public service? I suppose he did, but that did not bring back the daughter to her parents. So his death, while I sympathize with those who loved him, leaves me void of emotion. But that is just me and I really don't idolize the famous.

However, I recently found out that my first unrequited love died many years ago as a young man. This guy was gorgeous, had a great body, and was wonderfully kind. He was in the "in crowd" but always had time to say hi or have a conversation with others. As an athlete, he excelled, especially in wrestling. And, it is my suspicion that many of the girls in my class also had a crush on Wally.

One night during college, I ran into him at a dance. It surprised me because he went to a different school, but he was visiting some friends for the weekend. At the time, I was in love with a guy that went to college in another state, so my high school crush was over, but it was so good to see him. (Remember, just looking at him was worth the time.) We talked all evening and danced a few dances; generally having a great time. As he walked me back to the dorm, I broke down and confessed my earlier feelings to him.

To my chagrin, he grinned at me and said, "I know." Flustered, I mumbled something about the fact that I never told any of my friends and couldn't understand how he knew. He said he could tell by my looks and actions. To which I replied about how grateful I was that he never let on that he knew--I would have been mortified! We had a good laugh about it and he told me that he was honored that I had felt that way about him. He said that with his school work and sports he just didn't have much time, or money, for girls--he had other priorities. And, looking back, I don't remember him having a steady girlfriend.

We parted as friends--no kiss, not even any hand holding (well there was a very nice hug)--and shared a few wonderful hours together. A few weeks ago, I reconnected with a high school girl friend (don't ya love Facebook?) and I asked her about Wally along with some others. She quickly said, "The guy you had such a crush on?" God, did everybody know?

Then she told the bad news--he had died. He was doing some kind of mission work, helping people he did not know, and got sick. Sadly, he didn't recover.

My heart broke when she told me. I always thought he was meant for great things. In his too-short life, he touched many people in a very positive way. I don't know of anyone this gentle soul ever hurt. Today, my mind is on Wally and why no one talked about his life on TV all day when he died.

RIP Wally Morrell! Part of me will always have that teenage crush on you.

Parents Rule or UN Rule?

2009-08-20T10:43:00.000-04:00

I know no safe depository of the ultimate powers of society but the people themselves, and if we think them not enlightened enough to exercise their control with a wholesome discretion, the remedy is not to take it from them, but to inform their discretion by education.
Thomas Jefferson

Today on Parents Rule! my guest, Michael Farris and I are discussing the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. As titled, it is an innocuous sounding treaty. What kind of monster does not want children to be protected from evil and injustice? However, this document goes way beyond that and begins to interfere in the ability of a mom or dad to do their job as a parent.

Under the provisions, a child can take a parent to cout any time they disagree with a rule or restriction put on the child's behavior. Aren't the kids today too out of control as it is? Also, the wording in several areas of this document are very vague and open to interpretation. Who will do the interpreting? An 18 person panel in Geneva. And, if ratified, the treaty supersedes US law. Who else has a problem with that? And what does "an enforceable right to leisure" mean?

Central to our society is the parent-child relationship. The role of the parent does not end with childbirth. We are also to be the teacher and protector of our children. It is not the job of government to do that, nor is it the job of people from another country.

Children do not fit nicely into cookie cutter rules where what is right for one is right for all. They are individuals with individual personalities and purposes on this earth. No one can help a child prepare for adult life more than an informed, loving parent. No one living in another continent can or should make decisions about my child’s needs. They do not know my child, or me.

Parents must have the ability to guide, set boundaries, and enforce those boundaries as they see fit—naturally without abuse. What I am talking about are the majority of parents; those who care deeply for the best interest of their children. It is vital that parents start making a stand now for the future of our children and grandchildren.

The proposed Constitutional amendment, called the Parents Rights Amendment, will protect us even if the treaty is ratified. Check it out at http://www.parentalrights.org. And let me hear what you think.

You Can Call Me Liz...

2009-08-18T22:21:00.000-04:00

Hey, world I am back. I have been off the radar for a few weeks, but now I am raring to go--can hardly go for raring. (What does that mean anyway?) To celebrate, I am going to tell you something that happened to me on my recent vacation. It has nothing to do with parenting, although the real Liz is expecting. Does that count?

I have a new alias, which I will be using in bars, in resorts in Jamaica, and in Vegas from now on. If you see someone who looks just like me in any of those places, she will only answer to LIZ.

Okay, so you want the back story?

We were recently on vaca at great resort in Jamaica and having dinner in the fancy-dancy French restaurant on property. We were dressed up and looking good and drinking a few glasses of bubbly when it happened. The wait staff came out singing Happy Birthday to Liz and set the cake, which also said Happy Birthday Liz, right in front of me. Standing there waiting for me to blow out the candles, they couldn't figure out the confused look on my face. Finally I stammered to them that I was not Liz. They looked at my sister in law expectantly and she informed them that her name was Karen.

To be fair, we were warned. When we walked in, the waiter said something to my husband about us celebrating a birthday and Monty told him we weren't. Now I understand the wink he got--it wasn't that he thought Monty was cute; this guy thought Monty was trying not to spoil the surprise.

We were hysterical laughing after they took the cake with the new candle wax topping away. The two tables near us were full of people looking perplexed or laughing. Eventually I said that maybe we should have just eaten the cake. At that, the people to my right started laughing all over again and I heard the word Liz mentioned.

Sure enough, Liz was at the table next to me and expressed her gratitude that I did not, in fact, eat her cake. With that, we laughed until tears ran down our cheeks--all eight of us.

So, I have now adopted and embraced my alias. Use it with caution.

Wacko Jacko or Mistreated Michael?

2009-07-08T11:52:00.000-04:00

Michael Jackson. Just saying his name evokes emotions in people--worship, envy, sadness, disgust, revulsion, love, hate, pity, and many more. To me, I don't understand this man-boy who seemed to never grow up. I forget who in the memorial service called him Peter Pan, but that is how I have always seen him.

Was he guilty of molesting young boys? Was he inappropriate? By our standards, he was inappropriate, but what were his standards? Was he being honest when he said he was just showing them pure love, not sexual love? None of us will ever know because we were not present. In my mind, he may have been trying to give what he did not receive as a child.

What I do believe is that somewhere in his past, abuse took place. There were many stories of his father's abuse when the kids were growing up and, again, we will never know the truth. But something happened to that cute little guy who sang on the Ed Sullivan Show so many years ago. And, as parents, we need to see Michael as an example of what can happen when we do not take care of the little ones in our charge. The reasons I believe that there was abuse are:

the self mutilation he inflicted on himself with the mulitple plastic surgeries, always trying to make himself another person,
the fact that he appeared to be arrested in his emotional development and was childlike for his entire life,
he always wanted to be surrounded by children that he could love,
every photo I have ever seen of Michael and his parents shows him leaning away from his father (of course I have not seen all the photos and that could be wrong),
and the Jackson children are all so careful and so quick to circle the wagons around one that is in trouble, especially Michael. That does not mean that abuse occurred but it is a symptom.

I do respect the fact that he lived his life the way he wanted and did not let the criticism affect how he did things. I am sure he took it to heart and was pained by it, but he remained true to himself. Too many times we see former child stars who have serious issues with drugs or emotions or relationships. Why is that? I think it because they have been put too soon into an adult world for which they are not prepared.

Parents, pay attention to how you interact with your kids. This is especially true if they are a prodigy or have a special gift. Don't push them into adulthood too soon. Let them be kids. Love them and hold them. Let them play and be silly. If they have a gift, they will do it naturally and they will love it. Let them lead you on how involved they want to be. Of course, encourage them and provide opportunity for them to pursue the talent. But don't rob them of their precious innocent childhood.

Let Me Introduce You to...

2009-06-18T18:11:00.000-04:00

Nathanael Knox Hawkins, born 3 weeks early and these photos are the day after he was born. Pretty alert, don'cha think? He was 6 lbs. 14 oz and 20 in. long, but that decreased to 19 1/4 in. once his head came back to normal after being pushed in the birth canal. His dad kept making jokes about how much of his brain he uses and that he was an alien baby--obviously watches too much of the Sci Fi channel and not enough of the shows about childbirth. However, you can see that his Mema is pretty happy to see him and show him off for the camera.

Obviously he will be like his daddy who thinks he is late if he is 15 minutes early. On time is very late and actually late is totally unacceptable. My son, Nathanael's dad, called me late one evening and said that he and his wife thought something was happening. After a couple of questions it was clear that her water had broken and off to Northside Hospital we all flew.

He was born the next day and has been a terrific little baby...that is until yesterday! That was the day he peed on me. Totally unacceptable. He was doing some tummy time on my tummy and suddenly this warm wet feeling started growing on my abdomen. Sure enough, he had gotten me.

But at my age, I am just glad it wasn't me that peed on me.

Letterman Has To Go!

2009-06-14T12:43:00.000-04:00

Like many others, I have been watching the drama unfold around David Letterman's comments about Sarah Palin's daughter. It has taken me a few days to get my head around everything that was said and I have come to the conclusion that Letterman has to go.

Please know that I have watched him since he had a daytime show and lit his set on fire on once. That was truly hysterical, but he has gotten increasingly mean-spirited over the years. When candidate Obama asked that children be left alone in the presidential race, I think he meant more than just until the voting takes place. Children of a candidate are off limits--telling rude jokes or making incendiary remarks about them is unacceptable--regardless of which side of the aisle their parents represent.

What was David Letterman's response to Ms. Palin's outrage? He said he was talking about her 18 year old daughter when he said that A-Rod knocked her up during the 7th inning stretch rather than her 14 year old daughter. In what way does that make it better? Yes, the older one is of age, but he was still saying, in so many words, that she was a slut.

There are many young girls who have made a mistake and found themselves pregnant. That does not mean they slept around promiscuously. It means they had a boyfriend and made a decision error.

Every woman in the country should be outraged by his comments and his subsequent semi explanation/not quite apology statement he made. At the very least, his network should show some integrity by forcing him to offer an apology to the Palin family. But I really think he should be fired.

What do you think?

The Future is Here

2009-06-10T18:14:00.000-04:00

Last week, I was privileged to attend my niece's graduation from high school. My dad, my stepmom, and I made the trek (or, to be truthful, the flight) from Georgia to Ohio for the big event. We are all very proud of her achievements while in school.

However, I had been feeling a bit pessimistic lately about our country's steady path to Socialism under the current administration. The success of the US has always been the inventiveness and hard work of our people. Socialism punishes achievement and rewards mediocrity, and therefore do not create the great advances in civilization that our country has been famous for.

However, as I listened to the Senior chorus of West Branch High School in Beloit, OH sing the National Anthem my spirit was lifted. Then I listened to the 20 dozen commencement speeches. Ok, there were only 10 or 11. As I heard what those young adults had to say about how they see the future, my hopes again rose in my heart. These were kids who believe in our wonderful country and all it has to offer. Their parents taught them to be proud to be an American, not ashamed of it. These young people believe in the future and that they can create a better world than the one they were born into. I believe they can, too.

As we look across this country, many are graduating from high schools and colleges who have the faith of this group. We must trust in them because they will be responsible for the future. As parents and citizens, we must do all we can to hand over to them a country that is free, diverse, and productive. It is the best legacy we can give them.

So, for now, thank you, graduates of West Branch. Congratulations and God Bless You. You are our hope of a better future. I think we are in good hands. Go Warriors!

Everybody dance now...!

2009-06-03T20:23:00.000-04:00

If you have ever had a family vacation at Hilton Head Island, SC, I hope you spent an evening under the stars listening to and singing along with Dave Kemmerly and his guitar on the deck at The Salty Dog in Sea Pines.

Monty and I love to sit back, have a beverage of choice and listen to Dave play fun songs and interact with the audience. Kids of all ages get up and "dance to the music." This year we were blessed to share this with grandsons who really enjoyed the dancing and singing and eating ice cream on the deck.

Parents can relax and watch kids run around and meet new friends to dance with. Everyone shares the job of watching out for the kids and they never get out of sight. The kids enjoy dancing with mom and dad, swirling in circles, twirling around a pole, and doing all sorts of creative dance moves that I don't think Broadway has seen before.

Sometimes we are treated to a song by some of the youngsters. It is something you will never forget as Dave shares his mike with kids who have such great songs as Happy Birthday, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and a variety of Hanna Montana vocalizations. They have such a great time, sometimes he has a little trouble getting the microphone back from their ice-cream-sticky fingers.

This is a time and place I can feel completely at peace and just feel the stressors of life lift off as I join the rest of the crowd in sing-alongs and laugh while watching the antics of the kids.

Has anyone out there been to hear Dave? Do you have a Salty Dog T-shirt? If not, and you ever get a chance, don't let it pass you by. It will be an evening you will want to repeat over and over. I know we do.

You can find out more about Dave at www.facebook.com/davekemmerly. Tell him you heard about him from me. I don't get anything out of it, just thought I would share one of the great memory making places in the USA.

I know you all think I never work, but I do. However, I want to have balance and so I play every chance I get and want to encourage you to do the same. In the words of a great country song, "I Hope You Dance."

Hilton Head Island Dolphin Adventure

2009-05-21T10:51:00.000-04:00

Last week we were at our timeshare in Hilton Head Island, SC and went on a dolphin adventure. We had two of our kids, their spouses, and 3 grandchildren (plus a friend) with us to see the dolphins.

At first we were disappointed because we would just get quick glimpses but it was so fast the kids kept missing it. We reconciled ourselves to enjoying the great views and spending real quality time together. Then it happened! Out of the blue with no warning....strand feeding!

HHI is one of the rare places on earth that dolphins go "strand feeding." They rise up in the water, push the fish in front of them onto a bank, then land on the bank themselves. This is done just before high tide so if they get stranded on the beach, the tide will come and wash them back into the water. How do they know? No one knows, but they are very intelligent. It has been documented by National Geographic and others.

Anyway, we got to see that. It was amazing. The boat captain said it was something he saw once every couple of years. The adults were screaming, the kids were screaming, cameras were everywhere--it was magnificent. Sorry I don't have any photos of it. I did get it on video but don't know if I can upload that.

What a great family experience we had--a once in a lifetime adventure. Like I said before, get off the couch and go see something miraculous with your family.

Where is John Wayne When You Need Him?

2009-05-12T09:13:00.000-04:00

With Memorial Day facing us in a few weeks, my thoughts have been on the derogatory things we hear in the news about our country. My father fought in WWII so we would have peace and freedom. I was born soon after the war was over and the country was still celebrating our victory, as well as getting back to normalcy.

When I was in school, we learned patriotic songs and I watched John Wayne in movies portraying what is good and clean and wonderful about the USA. Where is the modern day John Wayne? Is anyone else tired of having Hollywood and politicians apologize for our country?

This country we call home is the most loving and generous of any in the world. If you don't believe it, just look to see who is first to help other countries in times of disaster. It is us, even if they are our enemies. The citizens of this country will rally around another part of the country or town or neighborhood when they need help. No one asks why or hesitates. We just do what we feel we need to do.

Our military is the same way. I am very insulted for them by the recent comments calling the returning soldiers more dangerous to our country than the terrorists. Yes, there will be a rare soldier or sailor who is adversely affected by war--that has always been the case. But the majority of our military men and women are doing a job they feel they must do. They, like my father, are trying to keep us safe and I am extremely grateful to them.

Most of them will come back to the private sector with new skills and a renewed sense of responsibility and purpose. They are valued employees and loving family members. An appreciation of this country and what we stand for is found in the deserts, mountains, and forests of battle. Love of family and God is renewed in foxholes. Gratitude for the privileges we enjoy in the US is discovered by seeing other cultures in which freedom and independence of thought and spirit are not allowed. We not only allow all these things, but we encourage and celebrate them. These are the qualities our military bring home with them.

I remember being appalled that my kids did not learn patriotic songs in school like I did. So we sang them in the car going to grandma's or to practice. It is past time for parents to fill that need. Our children hear on the news what is wrong with our country. They hear actors and singers and even teachers denigrating our country. It is our responsibility to set the record straight for our kids. Tell them what is right here. Tell them that freedom is not enjoyed by all people and that we are privieged that our ancestors fought bitterly for it. Explain that freedom does not come without a price and that occasionally it must be re-won.

We must explain to our kids that we are not perfect but we are always about what is good. Since the government is run by people, mistakes will be made. Yes, there are politicians who are in it for the power and money, but our constitution's system of checks and balances prevents them from doing too much harm. And we need to teach them that there is no better form of government anywhere in the world.

Show the children in our care how anyone can achieve greatness or riches or happiness--or all three in our country. It takes drive and hard work, but they can do whatever they dream. That is true in very few other countries. There are so many examples in our history we can use to drive home those lessons.

Let's instill pride of country into our kids rather than shame. Admonish them to vote and participate in the processes that make our country unique. Encourage them to dream about and reach for the stars. Let's teach them to be part of the solution--part of making our country even better tomorrow than is was yesterday.