If We Take Obese Kids Out of Homes, Who is Next?

It is all over the news today. A couple of doctors at Harvard want the government to remove obese children from their homes, place them on foster care, and treat the obesity. Let me think, didn't I hear something else about Harvard researchers recently? Oh, yes, they think that only Republicans enjoy celebrating the founding of our country. But I digress.

So what do I think? Obviously childhood obesity is a serious issue. Seventeen percent of kids are obese; three times the rate of obesity thirty years ago. More kids are being diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol than ever before. So yes, something must be done about this pending healthcare crisis.

Do I think it is a form of child abuse? Yes, but these parents don't realize that. In the majority of cases, you will find that they are raising their kids the same way they were raised. Are we not all guilty of that to some extent?

Is removing them from their homes a good idea? Absolutely not--and for many reasons:

• First of all, none of the articles I read this morning discussed the psychological effects this would have on the child. Now I am not a psychologist, but I am sure that many of these overwieght kids have some issues already--depression, low self esteem, and more. How does taking them away from the family unit, who they depend on and love, benefit them in that manner? What a traumatic event for that child.
• Putting them in foster homes is suggested as a solution. I know there are many wonderful foster parents out there, but I have heard so many horror stories of physical, mental, and sexual abuse that I have to question the wisdom of that move. So you move a depressed overweight, but loved child into a home in which they are put on a forced diet and possibly sexually abused--for their welfare? Hmmm.
• Do we have that many foster homes out there? The last I heard, the demand for foster homes was much greater than the supply already.
• What about the expense of adding that many more people that the government has to pay to care for?
• Another important reason to not resort to this forced removal from homes is: What is next? With Obamacare leading us down the path to socialized medicine, we better take a long look at the future. If we let the government start deciding who is a fit parent and who is not, where does that slippery slope lead? Trust me, don't trust the government. At some point they will be coming for your kids and putting them in re-training camps--for their weight, their level of exercise, their grades, the fact that they got caught smoking a cigarette, the fact that they drink sodas and eat chips and so forth. Am I paranoid? Perhaps, but remember, with socialized medicine you must control the actions of the public in order to afford the cost. So if kids can be, for want of a better term brainwashed, into good health practices, isn't that for the greater good? In my mind it is better not to peek into that Pandora's box.

So what can be done? There are many different ways to attack the problem:

• Remove all vending machines from schools. We didn't have them when I went to school and we survived just fine.
• Remove so many choices from school lunches and give them one entree, two vegetables, a desert (that could be fruit), and milk or water to drink. Give them healthy foods instead of so many choices and wasted food at the end of the day.
• Reinstate physical education in schools so that kids have it every day K through 12.
• Government money could be spent helping dieticians and physicians provide low or no cost dietary classes for families with identified obesity issues. If the whole family attends and learns, then they may be able to make the changes necessary for their health.
• Health educational classes for families of obesity to help them understand the consequences their child will face due to the obesity.
• Encourage more towns to have community gardens for families so they could grow their own healthy foods. The garden plots could be leased on a pro-rated sliding scale based on income.
• Free classes on gardening for those who would be interested in growing their own foods. Many poor people cannot afford organic foods, but might grow their own.

I could keep going; there are so many potential solutions. Bottomline is that you can only help people who want help. But there should be services that can help those that truly want it.

Dr. David Orentlicher, co-director of Hall Center for Law and Health at Indiana University of School Law said in an interview with ABC news, "Sometimes it is easier to take a child out of the home than take the time and resources to provide the right solution to the problem." I am saying that we need to get this right--for the kids, the families, our economy, and our future as a free nation.

Stop The Fighting at Kid's Ballgames Right Now!

I just saw an article on the internet about a fight at a ballgame in which 12 yr. olds were playing. Here is the link:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43715655/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/?GT1=43001

This type of thing absolutely drives me crazy. What are these people thinking? Attacking each other over an umpire's call? Really? Umpires are just people who love kids, are out there to have fun and make a few extra bucks. They do not have the benefit of instant replay. They are not perfect.

If the two boys got in a fight over the call, then the parents failed to teach them sportsmanship many years ago when they first started playing baseball. And they exacerbated that failure by joining in the fight. What a sad day in the lives of those kids and parents!

I definitely have a competitive streak in me. And I have complained about a call loudly enough for the umpire to have no doubt where I stood. But I stayed in my seat, let it pass, and moved on to the next thing happening on the field.

Let's teach our kids that no one is perfect--not the umpires, not them, not us. Teach them that they will get as many calls their way as against them over the course of a season. Teach them that winning is a good thing, but being a gracious loser is where true character is born. By loser, I mean losing a game, a call, or anything else that in the grand scheme of life doesn't mean much.

Of course, I believe in competing to the best of one's ability. I completely disagree with not keeping score in sports. But one of the things our kids need to learn in sports is not only to try to be the best they can be, but that sometimes, someone else is better or luckier. That is just the way it goes. The test of their character is how they handle both winning and losing.

I want parents to stop this nonsense of fighting at their kids' games right now. Please. For the sake of your children--think about what you are teaching them.

Harvard's 4th of July Study Unncessarily Divisive

Last week, Harvard released a study that made me scratch my head and think about the results. "Fourth of July celebrations in the United States shape the nation's political landscape by forming beliefs and increasing participation, primarily in favor of the Republican Party," said the report from Harvard, according to a report published by US News and World Report.

What in the world? This country is great because we have diversity of people and diversity of opinion. While I personally believe that there are some vocal people out there who do not have the best interest of the US at heart (instead, they have their own best interest--and it occurs in all political parties), the vast majority of us love our homeland. We just have very different views on what is the best course of action and differences in interpretation of our founding documents. Those differences in ideas are where the fresh ideas come from--from discussion and compromise.

As far as this study, who was studied? How were the questions developed? I can create a questionaire to make the Pope sound like he doesn't believe in God if I want. So, was there an ulterior motive to this study at this place and time? In a time when we have so much division in our country, do we need anything else to further divide us?

I don't believe so. I think this holiday, more than any other we celebrate should be a unifying experience as people all over the country remember the struggle to create a land of liberty, the likes of which had never before been seen. We can appreciate the fact that we are having picnics and watching fireworks united in our love for the opportunities we have. We are grateful that it is our choice to be there--we are not forced to participate or persecuted because we do by an oppresive government.

So what does this have to do with parenting? As I have been saying for a while now, parents need to take the lead in teaching your children about this country's blessings. Get out and celebrate this weekend, enjoy each other, and spend a little time explaining to your kids about why it is good to have respectful dialouge with others who may not agree with all of your own beliefs. Teach your kids that is one of the distinct benefits of living in a free country; it is how every person can be represented.

Happy Birthday, USA! Long may you live!

The Business of Children

To my readers: This week I have a guest blog interview who had written a fictional novel. However, it is based on factual events from her experiences as a teacher. Her name is Chloe Jon Paul and the book is " The Business of Children." As always, the opinions shared by the guest blogger are her own and not necessarily shared by me. Having said that, she does make some excellent points that parents can benefit from!

Questions:
1. What is the #1 issue facing schools today?
The #1 issue, I feel, is all the bureaucratic nonsense that nail teachers to the wall – not allowing them to be creative. The pressure put on teachers to “teach to the test” is what caused me to take an early retirement. In conjunction with that is the lack of administrative support when there is a problem with a student. Lack of teacher respect, bullying, and other issues compound the problem.

2. What can be done to resolve that issue?
I strongly believe that teachers have to continue their fight with teacher union activism, sending a clear message that they deserve better.

3. Should kids that need extra help be mainstreamed into regular classrooms?
No, I think it does more harm than good. While they are out of their regular class, they are missing the kind of instruction they really need. When they enter the regular classroom, everyone knows why they are there. I believe that regular classroom teachers can collaborate with special needs teachers to combine classes on a regular basis for some special instruction. I used to do this all the time and worked marvelously well.

4. How does that affect a. their learning in the classroom and b. the learning of other kids in the classroom?
I don’t think that much real learning does take place. Behavior problems do disrupt other kids and resentment on their part builds up.

5. There are a lot people who feel it is now better to put kids into private schools, what is your opinion? Can public schools still do the job well?
If one can afford to place one’s child in private school, then – yes, it would be better. Home schooling has increased significantly in the last few years. My own daughter home-schooled both her boys. Now, at age 14 and 16, they are both in college.
In the city where I live, home schooling is very big because the public school system here leaves much to be desired.

6. If parents could do one thing to help their kids succeed in school, what would that be?
Ah! If only people would heed my words! They must be willing to do what I did when my 2 children were growing up.

So, in a nutshell, here it is:
-One TV, record player, telephone in the house – nothing ever in their rooms!
-Dinner together every night with conversation about their day.
-Earning TV time by signing up for chores. Eventually, I allowed them to trade their TV time credits into cash.
-Making sure that they read quality books and show interest in the world around them by engaging in some kind of volunteer work.
*** I must have done something right because both my children are successful adults. They both have Master’s degrees and do interesting work in their respective fields.

7. Based on your experience, what is the a. most negative change you have seen in schools and b. the most positive change you have seen over the years?
The most negative change, as far as I’m concerned, is the emphasis put on assessment tests. Frankly, I can’t say that I’ve seen positive change.

8. How are the rookie teachers today different that when you began your career?
I think rookie teachers are savvier and they have the ability to network with other teachers worldwide through the many groups on the Internet – something we didn’t have years ago. They have instant access to oodles of information that took hours to research years ago.

9. Why did you write this book?
I wrote the book back in the early 90’s when I took a leave of absence from my teaching position. I wrote it because I felt it would be therapeutic for me to record some of my experiences but I didn’t want it to be a memoir. I had just finished a very bad year at the school where I was assigned and I seriously considered quitting altogether. Fortunately, I decided on a leave of absence without pay and went to stay with a dear friend in Maine where I had done the best teaching of my entire career. I actually trashed the book after I finished writing it, figuring that it had helped relieve some of the tension. My friend, however, retrieved it saying, “You are NOT throwing this away!” So I shelved it and went on to other writing projects which resulted in 2 other published works – non-fiction: What Happens Next? A Family Guide to Nursing Home Visits…and More

Entering the Age of Elegance: A Rite of Passage & Practical Guide for the Modern Maturing Woman

10. Why did you choose to write it in fiction?
I had always wanted to write fiction and I figured that the experiences I had had through the years, especially as a union activist, could lend credibility to the story. The characters are not real people that I ever knew or worked with although some of their characteristics could be considered a composite of several different people I encountered in my 35 years of teaching. Some people have asked if I’m Vera or Deidre and I must admit that there is probably a little of me in both of them. JJ
When writing fiction, an author must really get inside that character’s skin – think, talk, and act like they would. This is especially challenging when the character is male and you’re a female author. Some of the language at times may be a bit coarse. I don’t use that kind of language personally but I know that some friends will read the book and exclaim,” Chloe wrote that?!?
Most people aren’t going to sit down to read a heavy document explaining the ills of education but a novel that portrays those very ills can be a real eye-opener!

*******

About the Author:
Chloe Jon Paul, M.Ed., is a retired educator and writer of several published articles and a previous book entitled "What Happens Next: A Family Guide to Nursing Home Visits" and More... State representative for the National Family Caregivers Association's caregiver community action network 2006-2008; Advisory board member: MD, Healthcare Commission and the Interagency Commission for Aging Services: Maryland Dept. of Aging; Hospice and homeless shelter volunteer.

Goshen College Controversy Is Parenting Failure

Last week a firestorm erupted over the fact that a small Mennonite college, Goshen College in Indiana, decided to no longer play the National Anthem at sports events. At first I was outraged. Then I backed off and thought about the fact that they have every right to make that decision. Now after mulling it over for a few days, I have something to say about it today, on Flag Day.

After doing research, I discovered the following facts:

• Mennonites believe in peace and the fact sheet on the college states "...playing the national anthem has not been among Goshen College's practices because of our Christ-centered core value of compassionate peacemaking seeming to be in conflict with the anthem's militaristic language."
• Also some members of the religion, although this is not an official church position, say that to sing a hymn of allegience like that is to display more loyalty to country than to God.
• Historically they did not ever play the anthem until 2010 when they chose to lift the 116 year old ban on playing the anthem. They agreed to allow an instrumental version of the song to be played.
• Mennonites historically came to this country seeking religious freedom from the persecution that they received in their homelands.

So what are we looking at here? Their ancestors came to this country seeking a chance to practice their religion in peace. Finding that freedom in the new country, they were content to let others fight for their right to maintain that freedom against enemies that would deny freedoms to all of us. Okay, I get that. The Amish, Quakers, and others are peaceloving people who refuse to take up arms. I can respect that.

What troubles me is the lack of gratitude on the part of this college for the country that provides their ability to practice their religion without interference. This is the same country whose brave men and women died on battlefields, mothers wept at the loss of a child, fathers saw their lineage end as their sons died, children lost parents, and the world lost many brilliant future leaders so we all could remain free. This is the same country that has been a refuge for the oppressed for more than 200 years.

In my heart, I love God, family, and country. But sometimes that order gets all blurred together--days like Dec 7, 1941 and Sept 11, 2001. So while I understand their priorities, I am saddened by the fact that they feel no sense of loyalty to the country that has paid the price of their freedom in blood.

Parents of Goshen, wake up! I don't care what your church leaders say--this is the United States of America. She has stood for your freedom and protected it since your people first stepped foot on her beautiful shores. She deserves some measure of your appreciation and loyalty. It is time to teach your children about the greatness of our land and our history. Yes, it is run by flawed individuals who make mistakes. However, we can change that at the ballot box. Bottomline, is that we have lived with our freedoms intact for a long time now--less than 10% of the people in the history of this planet can boast of living with the freedoms we cherish. Teach that to your kids.

If the first verse of the national anthem is offensive to you, perhaps the last verse will be more acceptable:

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation.
Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust;”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Yes, I defend your right to live as you choose, but I am saddened and somewhat angry that you at Goshen College have no appreciation for why you can live as you choose.

Give the Botox to Barbie!

On Good Morning America there was story about a mom who injected her 8-year old daughter with Botox for an upcoming beauty pagent in which the girl was a participant. http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/botox-girl-mother-13611500

I am alternately saddened and enraged by this story. This poor little girl is being taught that looks are everything in life--that it doesn't matter what pain or discomfort is involved, she must do all she can to enhance her looks. What about just being a little girl, playing with dolls and friends? Why is that not enough? We need to let kids be kids and stop marginalizing their innocence. Why must they become mini-adults while interrupting imaginative play that is so beneficial to them for the rest of their lives? Instead they are learning that pain, suffering, and rejection are worthwhile prices to pay for a few short minutes of potential glory that they will barely remember.

These moms push and prod and make their little girls grow up too fast. Why? Is it a desire to give some meaning to their own sad lives? It certainly is NOT for the child. It is all about the mom and some twisted need to prove their little girl is better than the others around her. I think it is pathetic and it angers me. I have even heard stories about little girls having their baby teeth removed and fitted with dentures until their adult teeth come in!

And this mom ordered this poisonous substance off the internet and injected it herself. How did she know for sure what she was actually getting when ordering off the internet? She could have put anything into her precious little girl. According to ABC, the mom also waxed the poor baby's legs and bikini line. "I know one day she will be a model, actress or singer, and having these treatments now will ensure she stays looking younger and baby-faced for longer," says the mom. My question is: at what price to this girl's emotional and physical well being?

The whole thing is completely disgusting and irresponsible parenting. The girl was removed from the home and the mom is being investigated. For one, I hope she never goes back into this woman's custody.

Kids need time to grow and play and learn without being pushed into a cruel adult world. If you must teach your kids about Botox, why not pretend to inject it into Barbie while teaching her that Barbie is not the real world. Tell her that real women don't look like a Barbie doll with her perfection and taking injections of poison to enhance your looks is not necessary. Teach her that she is perfect as she is.

Parents are supposed to teach their children that the inner person is what matters; that they are special and perfect just the way God made them. Parents need to help feed their little self esteems and encourage them to become responsible, caring, productive adults--not little entitled walking Barbie dolls.

Dancin' At the Salty Dog

Well, it is getting to be the start of vacation season so I thought I would mention one of our favorite destinations to you.

The little man (one of my grandsons) may not be "dancing the night away" but he sure is involved in his moves. And he is not the only one. Any time Dave Kemmerly is playing at the Salty Dog Cafe on Hilton Head Island, S.C., you can find kids dancing around him--loving the tunes he is putting out. Since the kids are there it is a certainty that you will find parents and grandparents enjoying the entertainment (both the kids and Dave), laughing, taking photos and videos.

We have been going to the Deck to hear Dave for many years now and he was even on Parents Rule radio show last year. It is a laid back place where we can lean back and relax. Forgetting our stresses for a while, we listen to the variety of old songs, new songs, and novelty songs that Dave plays mostly by request. On the radio last year he said that he probably knows 3-4,000 songs. And I believe it because he is rarely stumped when asked for specific songs by sunburned vacationers. He plays guitar and occasionally piano on the Deck, but can also find his way around the drums, upright bass, and sax. He states that coming from a musical family (dad was a drummer who once played with Johnny Cash and mom was a classically trained pianist), he and his brothers just picked up the "family" business without too much difficulty.

It all makes for a great time full of music, burgers, shrimp, ice cream stained faces, dancing and lots of laughter and smiles under the stars. There are trivia contests every night and not too many bugs early in the season.

These days we are all under much stress with economic uncertainty and conflicts world-wide. That is why it is so important to find a place to de-stress. If you make it to Hilton Head, I recommend Dave Kemmerly and the Salty Dog Deck. But if you can't get there, find your own place where your world is at peace--even if it only for a few hours. Find your own "Dave" whereever or whatever that is to you.

And if you get to listen to Dave, do yourself a favor and request that he play some songs he has written. He doesn't play them very often, but they are terrific!