Grandma Duty is Exhausting, but Great

Ok.. I am now rested up after my 8 days taking care of the two grandkids--ages 3 and almost 2. They survived us but were very glad to see their mom and dad come home. We just drug ourselves home and slept for two days. Well, not that long, but I was asleep in bed at 6:30 that night!

My highlights include: not being late dropping the 3 yr old off or picking him up for "school"; getting soundly beaten by a 3 yr old in Wii tennis; going to the park twice and having a great time--no one got hurt (I was worried about me) and no one got lost (worried about my husband); remembered how many things there are to "God Bless" when a child does not want to go to bed; and making a million memories with the two boys that I will never forget.

The almost 2 yr old vegetarian has the most wonderful smile that he showers on you when he sees you. It just makes you feel like you have made his day because you walked into the room. His little spontaneous hugs are always completely unexpected and given from the heart. He reminds me of what unconditional love is all about.

The 3 yr old meat eater is a talker. He reminds me of my son Michael (his uncle) in so many ways and that is one of them. He doesn't cry much but can throw a major temper tantrum when he wants to. He is so cute trying to exert his independence and wants some control over his environment. We quickly learned to give him choices and life was more peaceful. His creative mind kept us in stitches much of the time with what amazing ideas came to him.

It was a wonderful week that we will treasure. But we were tired. I don't remember how I did it with 3 stairsteps. It is obvious to us that it is a good thing that young adults have kids.

My prayer now is that our kids don't get the idea of dropping all 12 grandchildren off for a week at the same time!

Finding Bliss While Parenting

As parents, we love our kids--that goes without saying. When the baby is born we have that elation and excitement, then things go downhill. Lack of sleep, hormone surges, not knowing what to do with a crying baby, problems with breastfeeding, and such, all contribute a decreased sense of excitement about your choice to have a baby.

What can you do to not get burned out as parents? First realize that you cannot do it all. If you have a small child, don't expect to be able to keep a spotless house. Set realistic expectations for yourself. Trust me, as an experienced parent, they are only little for a short amount of time. Make the most of it. If other people don't want to come to your house because it is not always picked up, who cares?

Music is a great source of peace for me. I can be really stressed and put on Jimmy Buffett or Jackson Browne and I calm right down. Some people react that way to classical music or easy jazz--whatever works, keep it playing softly in the background. It will help soothe you without you even being aware of it.

When your new baby is sleeping, you sleep. Don't worry about straightening up the house. Take the time to renew yourself. Take that much needed bath, sleep, meditate, or whatever makes you feel rested. Again, don't worry about the house. You need your rest to keep up those late night and early morning feedings.

Learn to do some baby massage techniques. Bath time is a great opportunity to do this. You can have relaxing music, soft lights, and lavendar scented baby lotion. Massage works out his little aches and pains and he will sleep better. Talk to him during the massage, or sing if you want. It will be a calming time for both of you.

As your child gets older, take time to exercise. You can do it with your child or without. Exercise releases endorphins which contribute to a sense of well-being. A good aerobic exercise will also work out stress. I discovered running (well, slow jogging would be a better name for it--ok, it was just barely faster than walking, but it helped.) Anyway, my kids figured out pretty quick it made me less grumpy. Periodically I would be on one tirade or another and one of them would go get my running shoes and ask if I wanted to go for a run. The message was sent and received.

Ask for help! If you need some sleep, ask your mom or your husband or a neighbor to watch the child for you for a little while. Sleep, especially with a newborn, is essential and on short supply. Don't think or care that someone may think less of you. If they have ever had a child, they will be glad to help for a few hours. Have formula or a bottle of breast milk available for them and go to bed. Any mom needs energy and that comes from getting enough rest. So do it.

Find ways to have fun with your kids. Even on days when they are acting up, you can find a game or toy you can both play with to turn the day around. Don't forget about exercise. That is the best thing for an energetic, driving-you-crazy kid. She will burn off some of that energy and the two of you will have had fun.

Take a moment each day to appreciate the wonderful miracle you have produced. It may be harder while you are wiping crayon marks off the wall or trying to get magic marker designs off of his skin. But you will find the right time and then think about all the wonderful blessings you have had since that baby came into your world.

Then remember, it is only a start--there are so many more amaziing things headed your way!

Parrotheads on Parade

Where is the only place in the world where you can see sights like these?

Where can you sing Rocky Top, spin a Hula Hoop, and get a cold Tequila shot while standing in the same spot? Isn't my daughter in law cute doing the hula hoop?? The handsome gentleman behind her is my Monty.

Last week we loaded the decorated vehicles with food, grills, various adult beverages, soft drinks, and our iPods. We then made the annual pilgrimmage to dance at the feet of the King of Caribbean Soul.

It was a very hot day and we even carried enough water with us to fill a small wading pool--thank God! If you see the picture of the wading pool and see milk jugs in it, well there is a story to that. I decided the pool water should be cold so I filled some jugs with water and froze them. But when we got there, no one had a knife to cut off the plastic--so I just stuck the whole thing in the water. It was cold--and healthy!!

We had margaritas and Cheeseburgers in Paradise--not that I really think the parking of the amphitheater is paradise. Just go with it...! We had cold watermelon and lots of water to drink.

Grass skirts were not in short supply, nor were Hawaiian style shirts or leis. Laughing and joking with all kinds of people we did not know in the parking lot is always a blast and this year held true to form.

Why is this in a parenting blog? Every year whichever of my kids are available and I go to the Jimmy Buffett concert. I started when they were in middle school--but back then they only went for the concert, not the tailgate. Happily when I married Monty, he enjoyed it as much as the rest of us. It is more special that he can share the festivities.

When my kids got into high school, they started inviting their friends who invited their parents...!! Who would have thought that?? I remember one year when we had 40 people--all kids and their parents at the show together.

So we have kids and parents having a great time together. We laugh and sing and dance and act silly. We wrap our arms around each other in the evening and sing along with Buffett, swaying to the rhythm of the music.

It is a bonding time; a time when you just enjoy being together. Thoughts drift to my kids who could not be with us for this show, and somehow we are all connected. Memories of earlier shows when they joined us fill my head and my heart sees them.

Who is my advisor?

As the parent of grown children, I can look back and laugh at all the times I had to be firm with them. Were they thankful? Believe it or not, they weren't! I remember a lot "I hate you's" being hurled in my direction which were immediately followed by the inevitable slamming door.

I did not let that perturb me. There was no way that they could really hate someone who loved them as much as I did. So I would ignore them or yell "Well, I love you" through the still rattling door.

In my memory it was my daughter and I who performed this ritual most often.

The other day, we were at the park with her boys (yes, I cursed her into having one just like her..) and I asked her advice about something. As always, she carefully thought before she answered and then gave me exactly what I needed.

Later I thought about how many times over the past few years we have called each other to ask the other's opinion. What a treasure that is! Erika always gives great counsel. She is very intellingent, but also very intuitive. It is what makes her a great mom. And a great advisor.

Who would have thought back then that she would be my best friend, the woman I most trust in the whole world? Funny, isn't it?

I also believe that the fact that I enforced the rules of the house, despite her tirades about how awful I was, helped to make her the woman she is today. Moms, trust your inner self that knows the right thing to do. Be consistent with love and with discipline. That is how you prepare your children for the rigors of the adult world.

My daughter has seen more than her share of hardships and faces each new challenge with a courage I can not imagine. I know some of what I taught her helped her be prepared for what she had to face and how she is winning every battle.

When I watch her with her children, I see a lot of me (the good part)...maybe that is not so bad.