I refuse to apologize...

to my children if I want to spend time with you. I refuse to apologize for having my feelings hurt when I am not included in something in your life. Or for occasionally (really, you have to admit I am pretty good about this) giving you an opinion about something you said or did that you neither requested or appreciated.

Why do I refuse to apologize? Because I have earned the right to do those things and be forgiven. I have earned the right by:

• Walking the halls all night with a col icy baby
• Using those nasty cloth diapers because you were allergic to disposables and having to wash them out in the toilet before putting them in the diaper pail
• All the times I hemorrhaged from the finger sticks I got from diaper pins
• Crying and feeling like I failed you every time I had to paddle your padded behinds--here I thought I was sending you to your room to think about what you did wrong and to feel bad. Later I find out it was only a great chance for you to pad your underwear.
• Hours in the car hauling your butts from here to yon; not to mention bringing the friends along
• More hours listening to a 3 year old say "guess what?" 600 times a day.
• Letting you live when you were 3 and flipped me off
• Listening to three toddlers squeal "MINE!!!!" about 500 times a day for approximately 6 years
• The times I had to resort to yelling that you will not be allowed touch each other again in your whole lives if you whine "he touched me" one more time today in the car
• Putting out the fire you started in the backyard
• Digging up, cleaning up, and giving new life to all the GI Joe figurines that "died in battle and had to be buried."

Do I need to go on? This is only a partial list of the reasons why you need to give a break sometimes. Just shake your head and remind your self that, yes, I am a crazy old woman. Just remember it is you who made me that way.

Thanks for making me a Mom

You have given me the job I never weary of,
The name I will never change nor give to another.
You have made me the person I wish to be remembered as.
You have made me Mother.
For you have brought more joy then I knew existed.
You have filled my heart with song.
You have brought me to the one place
Where I know I belong.
Debra Shiveley Welch (http://www.debrashiveleywelch.net/)

All mothers know this feeling. It is expressed so well in these words. We become mothers in many ways: easily through a natural process, with difficulty conceiving, with difficult pregnancies, through adoption, through marriage. However you become a mother, it is the most wonderful thing.

You cannot imagine beforehand the amount of joy and love you can feel. It is indescribable. When you have moments—and you will—when you say what was I thinking?? I can’t do this. Remember the love and joy. Imprint those on your heart. Keep them close and you can do it. You will have all the skills and support you need.

Even when I was angry with them or scared I would not do a good job, I always was grateful to God for giving me the children I have seen grow into amazing adults. They blessed my life beyond measure and yours will too.