10 Ways to Date Your Spouse

At a wedding shower the other night someone told the bride and groom that the secret to marriage is to "always date your wife." Another guest, a young married man, said "That is easy until the baby comes." Since that night I have thought about both comments and, as usual, have an opinion about them. (You could at least pretend to be surprised...)

The advice to always date your wife goes both ways--always date your spouse or always keep that dating relationship may be better ways to put it. When dating, you are always trying to make the other one happy, find little gifts for each other, avoiding silly arguments, and doing a lot of kissing and snuggling. All those actions are great for a marriage and helps to keep the fires of romance and love kindled.

My main comments are regarding the second comment, which happens to be very true. When you have a baby, everything changes. You have less free time, less sleep, less money, and someone else to focus your attention on. Having said that, the baby also brings great joy to a loving couple and the upsides outweigh the downsides.

However you can still date your spouse. Here are my suggestions:

• Bring home a bouquet of flowers or a card unexpectedly for no reason every now and then. If you do it too often it loses its affect.
• Without warning, walk over to your spouse while they are cooking, changing a diaper, playing a video game, etc. and give them a big, sexy kiss--not just a peck, but the real enchilada.
• Never say bad things about your spouse to your friends. When you say positive things, that is what you invite into your home.
• Don't fight about little stupid things. If you get mad about something, walk away for a bit before you let them have it. Think about whether it will be important in 10 years. If yes, go back and discuss it. Avoid arguing if you can discuss. If no, let it go. Or, think about whether it would have made you mad when you were dating...chances are that most things will be a "no" here. Let it go.
• Never for any reason shut the other out of your bedroom.
• Never miss an opportunity to praise your spouse, especially in front of others. It reminds you why you married them in the first place and is an incentive to them to make you happy.
• Actually have a date. Hire a babysitter or ask grandma to babysit and go somewhere alone. It can be a dinner and a movie date, but there are other options--go for a hike or a bike ride, go visit friends, have friends over (and grandma has the baby at her house), go see a local tourist site that you have not seen, and so forth.
• Sometimes, after the baby is in bed, turn off the TV and computer. Light candles and be creative with sex.
• Play with each other (sorry, we covered sex in the bullet point above.) Play games, tickle each other, chase each other down the street, and so forth. Kids can be involved in this as family time. Never lose the ability to play and have fun.
• Always be respectful of each other. Never be mean to each other. Keep in mind what made you fall in love in the first place. Hang on to those qualities.