Merry Christmas, Mom

In 1997 my mom left this world to begin her work in the Universe. This time of year I really miss her. Mom and I did not always see eye to eye on much, but she always made Christmas special for the whole family. Every year she had something new to share--a new craft decoration project or a new Christmas dessert to try.

I remember one year she took the turkey skeleton from Thanksgiving and somehow made it into a sleigh. It astounds me to think of the hours she must have spent getting every little bit of turkey meat and gristle off that carcass. It was then painted gold and decorated with a stuffed Santa and beads, then place on fake snow. She even had little reindeer attached to the sleigh. It was beautiful.

One year the new dessert was Pumpkin Cookies. They were wonderful and instantly became a new family tradition. Now I bake the Pumpkin Cookies, but am thrilled to see my children now fixing them too. As each generation enjoys those cookies, a bit of my mom is there with them.

As a child there was always something special I had asked Santa to bring me waiting under the tree on Christmas morning. And when I had kids of my own, there were times when I either could not find or could not afford something I knew the kids especially wanted. But they always found that special present under the tree at Grandma's house. Sometimes I don't remember that I even told her what to buy, but it was there just the same.

She loved holidays, but Christmas was special to her. She was happiest during the Season. The aroma of baking filled her kitchen for weeks and she would sing as she decorated the house. No strife was ever permitted--if we fought, we were instantly reminded about the baby Jesus and how he came to bring peace to the world. There were no differences of opinion or arguing--just good old fashioned family unity and fun.

Yes, I miss her the most during Christmas. But I know she is with us, sharing the joy of the season and of our growing family.

Merry Christmas, Mom! I love you. And Merry Christmas to all of you.

Parents Can Help Prepare Kids to Read

One of the things I could have done better as a parent was to set aside time every day for reading. My kids didn't enjoy reading as much as I did when I was a child and I was at a loss as to how to deal with it. Turns out, I did some things right. I know, I am as surprised as you. But I talked to the kids all the time. Don't get too excited--anyone who has a 3 or 4 year old is talking to them all the time. They have discovered communicaiton in a big way and are determined to use it.

But talking to your kids (and thereby increasing their vocabulary) is one of the three tools a parent can use to prepare kids for reading. This is according to my radio show guest last week, Cathy Puett Miller, The Literacy Ambassodor.

Explore books together, says Miller. Play with them, read them, feel them, look at the pictures, make up new stories based on the illustrations.

And have fun together singing rhyming songs, playing listening games, and whatever else you can imagine that has to do with stories and books. Miller has many useful ideas that you can find at http://www.readingisforeveryone.org, as well as in her new book, Anytime Reading Readiness: Fun and Easy Family Activities That Prepare Your Child to Read. She can also be reached at 770-365-4733.

The show can be downloaded from iTunes if you want to hear the wonderful snippets of information from last week. You will find us there under Parents Rule.

Most of all, make time to read and talk about books, poems, and stories to your preschooler. Also let them see you read--they model your behavior. Books are wonderful and according to Miller's mom, "You can go anywhere in a book."

Heroic Acts Protect Family

Imagine you are planning a family Thanksgiving and the week before a shooter comes into your home intent on killing you. Now imagine finding out he already killed another beloved family member. This is not make believe. This is what happened to a young couple that I love like they are my own kids, Scott and Tiffany.

Tiffany's half sister broke up with her boyfriend (who I will refer to as Evil Guy), but he did not think that was what she really wanted. So Evil Guy broke into her father's house, kidnapping her at knife point. She was able to escape a day or so later and went back home. But Evil Guy had warned her that he would kill her family if she left, and sure enough, he showed up at her dad's house to do just that. As the girl escaped (thanks to a warning) to Scott and Tiffany's, her father met the young man in the front yard to try to talk him down. For his efforts the man was shot dead in his own yard.

Using her father's cell phone, Evil Guy called the girl and told her that he was coming for her. They attempted to escape the house but he arrived too soon. So Tiff, her baby, and her sister hid in the attic. Three other female friends hid in other parts of the house. Scott prepared for the arrival and before long a gun battle ensued in which Scott was shot in the abdomen.

Despite the angry wound, Scott was able to wrestle with Evil Guy for about 20 minutes until the police arrived. Scott was prepared to give his life to protect his wife, baby, and sister-in-law. He is an honest-to-God hero in my book. They captured the man and the family is doing its best to heal from the horrific ordeal. Just imagine the horror and fear they were subjected to by this terrible man--not knowing if they would survive the next few minutes.

And where, you ask, were the police? We don't know. Despite repeated 911 calls from Scott and the girls, no car was dispatched until the alarm company contacted them after the break-in. Had they come when first called, they would have arrived at Scott's house before Evil Guy. He would not have been shot. The women would not have had to listen to the battle, fearing for all their lives.

But the good news is that there was only one fatality instead of seven due to the heroism of two fathers prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice for the safety of their families. One did give his life; the other will survive the belly wound. The emotional scars will take much longer to heal for the family. Please pray for them.

I am very proud Scott is one of "my boys". His courage was great. Ambroze Redmoon said "courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear". To Scott, his family was that something more important. I take my hat off to him.

A Car is the Most Common Deadly Weapon

Beneath this slab
John Brown is stowed
He watched the ads
And not the road
Ogden Nash

There is a lot of truth to this old poem. When I was teaching my kids to drive, they all had to endure “the lecture” before they ever sat in the driver’s seat. I told them that once they were driving down the road; they had a deadly weapon in their hands. It could be deadly to themselves, someone they care about, or someone they don’t even know. Cars are wonderful conveyances to get from here to there. A great invention. But they are also very dangerous.

I don’t know if they remember the lecture, or not. I am sure they were only half listening in their eagerness to learn to drive. That is just human nature. Kids will only hear a portion of what we say to them. For instance, when I told one of the kids they could go to the movie if they cleaned their room—all they heard was they could go to the movie. They stopped listening after that phrase.

Remember that when you are talking to your kids. Don’t be afraid to repeat important things like telling them to drive safely, don’t tailgate, don’t text and drive, and don’t drink and drive.

And, most important, be a good driving example. Control road rage and speed. Use your blinkers and common sense. It is easier to make a good argument for not speeding if you are not speeding.

Our children’s lives are the central focus of our attention as parents. Make sure they are well trained before you send them out in a car by themselves.

And, most important of all, make sure they know they can call you, no questions asked, from anywhere, in any condition, rather than get in a car with another teen who is impaired by alcohol or drugs. No questions asked. It may save their lives.

How to Get Past the Crap in Your Life

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog entitled, What To Do With a Big Pile of Crap. Basically, I said we need to move on, find forgiveness, and celebrate who we are. One person who commented asked me to follow up with a blog about how to do those things.

Let me say that I am completely unqualified to answer that question and book stores are full of self help books on that subject. It is something I have struggled with over the course of my life--in fact, I still struggle with it from time to time. But I am winning the battle for my peace of mind and I want to share some of my ideas with you.

My life changed dramatically when I learned about meditation. In my book Now You Know What I Know: Parenting Wisdom of a Grandmother, I discuss my views about meditation. I pray and then I sit quietly waiting for God to speak back to me. I ask questions, then wait for the answers. Sometimes they come right away and sometimes it is later when I get an answer. But the peace in my soul that comes from being connected to God is unlike anything I can describe.

When I am hurt or angry, I try to hold my tongue and not lash out in the heat of the moment. Notice I said try because I am not always successful. It is best to wait, talk to God, and think about how this will affect you in 10 years before you respond.

Have you ever noticed in the Bible how much Jesus spoke about forgiveness? God always tells me to forgive. Anger and guilt are the two most destructive emotions in the world. As I mentioned in the earlier blog, love cannot be in the place in your heart where you have stored all that anger and guilt. Let them go. When you start to feel anger toward another person, force yourself to stop and sent them love instead. Even if you don't do it to their face, just say to yourself that you forgive them and wish them well. Eventually it will actually be true because you will have created a habit of forgiving instead of hating.

When you start feeling guilty about something in your past, ask yourself if you have asked God to forgive you. If yes, then He did--plain and simple. You are done; check it off your list. Did you as the other person to forgive you if appropriate? If yes, then your job is done there. Check that one off. Whether they forgave you is irrelevant. Now it is on them. You have done what you needed to do. Now you have to ask if you have forgiven yourself--obviously not or you would not still be feeling guilty.

So what do you do with the guilt? Put it aside. Realize that you are miraculous and perfect just as you are, warts and all. Who else can be you? Nobody, that's who. Look in the mirror and try to see you as God does or as someone who loves you does. Say to yourself every day, "I love who I am. My actions in the past are past and I refuse to let them interfere with my happiness in the present and future. I have learned the lesson and am ready to move ahead in peace. I love who I am." If you do this every day, or whenever you feel those pangs of regret, I can promise you will be able to put it behind you.

You are wondrously made and have a purpose. Maybe some of what happens to us does so in order for us to learn. Maybe we are in the way of someone else's free will. Maybe it is just piles of crap we can either step in and carry on our shoes until we decide to clean it off or we can go around it.

Are We a Government of the People, or Not?

Society in every state is a blessing, but government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one.
Thomas Paine, from Common Sense

Our government is sticking its fingers into every aspect of our lives. Our founding fathers did not want that. Our current elected officials in DC have forgotten that our founders wanted individuals and states to be more powerful than the federal government. For the most part, our Representatives and Senators have been inoculated with the DC vaccine that prevents them from caring about you and me.

As leaders, they believe they are untouchable. But we have a strong way to fight back. Let’s stop re-electing the same foolish and arrogant people. Just because they have a famous name or have been in office a long time does not mean they are doing a good job.

Look at the voting record of your elected officials. It’s not that hard. I get an email every week from http://www.congress.org. It tells me what my representatives and senators voted on and how they voted. It also tells me what upcoming votes there are so I can call them in a timely fashion if I want to let them know how want them to vote.

Remember, they are there to represent us but they cannot do that if we don’t tell them what we want. We have a responsibility to speak out, know the issues, research them, and vote. It is imperative that, as parents, we do this. So much of what we decide as voters affects them more than us.

Set a good example for our kids. Talk to them about civics and current events. Encourage them to be active. We are in this mess now because of apathy. We are the only way out.

It is time we take our constitutionally guaranteed power of the people back from Washington!

The Best Part of Me

You're the best part of me
The best that I am
Or ever will be
You, baby, you're the part
That allows me to open my heart
And let love inside
I want you to know
What I've always known
You're the best part of me.
from the song, You Are The Best Part of Me. Sung by Neil Diamond

Working in my office this morning, I had Neil Diamond music on in the background. I found myself listening to the words of this song and my mind drifted to my children. Memories of childhoods, pranks, talks, activities, and more popped into my consciousness.

I remembered times when my marriage was going bad, or when it was simply gone, and loneliness engulfed me. You, my children, were there for me. You gave me unasked for hugs, sticky kisses, and unconditional love. Even now, so many years later, the joy of that love makes me warm. You could not have known the pain I was in, but you soothed me.

And you kept me grounded and moving. There was never time to wallow in self-pity or spend weeks in bed. There were lunches to make and bottoms to wipe. There were games and practices to attend and hair to brush. Day by day, you kept me busy and I healed. You were the medicine that made me whole again.

Everyday you made me lots of things--tired, happy, frustrated, proud. But mostly you made me smile and laugh, even when I thought I would never smile and laugh again. When I felt unloveable and unable to love, you would show me that I could love because I loved you all so much. Your boundless love made me realize that I was loveable. Who needed therapy when I had you all?

I see you all now and realize that there are a few scars from your childhoods, and for that I am sorry. But mostly I see warm, caring adults who are better than I ever was at your ages. I see people who are making this world a more wonderful place, one person at a time. Sometimes, I marvel at the fact that you came from my body and wonder how that could be.

Truly, you are the best part of me.

What To Do With a Pile of Crap

I think you need to...focus on the wonder that is you…..Celebrate your marvelous existence…Perhaps that sounds difficult now, while every cell in your body is recovering from your pilgrimage….give yourself time to mourn. Be patient and compassionate with yourself, then do it. Cross over the threshold.
Mary Anne, from the book, When the Piano Stops by Catherine McCall

Each of us has crap to get over in our lives. Sometimes it is a big pile of crap. Sometimes it is a small pile of crap. But it is our crap and, therefore, important to us personally. Losing yourself to it only prevents you from seeing the glory of you. You are unique and special. Don't believe anyone who tells you different! You have a purpose in life that is wonderful and is only yours.

So let go of the crap. I hear you—it is easier said than done. But let it go. If it is a grudge against someone, forgive them. We don’t know what is in their hearts or their lives. But we do know ours. Remember that no two objects can fill the same space, so where hate and anger exists, there cannot be love. It may diminish your ability to love a little or a lot, depending on how much you are hanging on to.

If you focus on that anger rather than being truly happy, then the other person has control over you. So they have hurt you and now you have ceded control to them. Is that what you really want? And the rest of the sad news is that your anger and hate does not affect its object one iota. The only one it affects is you. So, as Mary Anne says in the book, Celebrate yourself and cross over the threshold into forgiveness.

When you do cross through that door, remember to slam it shut and lock it so it never again damages your life.

This is Real Life, Folks!

Ok, I have talked about my dad recently. What I didn't tell you was that he has four great-grandchildren--all boys. Yes, Monty and I have 12 grandchildren but some are steps and some are from his side of the family. That aside, Daddy is pretty proud of his boys.

This summer when the outliers (the ones who live in another country right now) were home, I was determined that we would get a photo of the 4 guys and their great-granddad. Sounds easy, doesn't it?

The first obstacle was coordinating everyone's schedules; a Herculean task of its own when you are trying to also include nap times and "happy, not cranky" times. Then, of course, you also have to consider the children, not just the parents.

Finally we were all together and decided to make a stab at getting a picture. Where were those people from photo studios who know how to make kids pay attention and smile sweetly at the camera? My biggest regret was in not videoing the whole thing--I could have made a lot of money on some funny video show!

Dad sat on the love seat and we surrounded him with kids ages 3 and under. The parents were making faces and noises in the background--funny by itself. My stepmom was laughing hysterically in the corner, far away from the chaos.

As you can see in the photo, all was normal. One child was climbing down to escape and constantly had to be put back on the loveseat. The infant was, thankfully, asleep. However none of us know how. The next one was crying hysterically. Why? We don't know except that he seemed to do that every time he was around Daddy. And the fourth munchkin was sitting sweetly making goofy faces at the camera.

This is real life, folks. What did I do? I enlarged them and gave them to everyone. Daddy's was framed and he got it for his birthday. Really, everytime I look at mine, I laugh remembering the craziness that went into that picture. To me, it is more valuable than a fine studio portrait.

How much reality do our kids need?

On Fox News the other day I saw a short segment about the pros and cons of a new American Girl doll. The back story on this on is that she was homeless. If you missed it, here is the link:
http://blog.parentinggirls.com/2009/09/video-homeless-doll-debate-on-foxnews.html.

What do you think?

Now, to be fair, the doll does have a happy ending in which her mommy gets a job and a house. But, seriously, is this what we want for our kids? Little girls that are playing with these dolls are very young, mostly 4-8 years old. Why do we want them to have that much reality forced on them at that age?

I thought dolls were for play rather than for social statements. Little girls play with dolls and mimic their own lives. It is a way for them learn about becoming an adult and dealing with issues in their own lives. Adding a homeless story to a small child that is not homeless can create all kinds of questions and fears that child is not prepared for at such a tender age.

Why do our babies have to know that ugliness and pain exist? Can't they just be innocent for a few years? Can't they just play with their dolls and have tea parties and pretend to be a puppy or a pilot? Can't they just be little?

There is plenty of time for kids to experience the negative things in the world. Why do we have to explain homelessness, drug addiction, mental illnesses, losing a job, and all these things involve to a 5 year old? What purpose does that serve?

It will frighten a child. I know I would have been afraid that I would end up homeless. That is not play. It is forcing our children to lose what little innocence we have not already taken away from them. Very sad!

Happy 85th Daddy

Yesterday was my dad's 85th birthday. To live that long is one thing, but to be fully in control of your mind and bladder is miraculous. He is an amazing man and I strive to be more like him. In honor of him, I am posting a poem I wrote for him several years ago. (The photo is my dad and sister from earlier this year.)

NOT COMPLETELY NEW

You taught me your ways
And under your loving gaze,
As a child, every day I grew
Into someone not completely new.

You gave me direction and love,
Taught me to cherish nature and the stars above.
You taught me to be honest and fair,
And about myself and others to care.
Just like you I wanted to be
Giving no thought to being me.

Inevitably I sought independence as a teen
And now I’m somewhere in between.
I am me and I am you,
Someone not completely new.

We can’t always know God’s plan
And some things we never understand.
However, now I know one thing.
When the angels come to sing
And take me to my final rest,
The part of me that is you has been the best.

For I am me and I am you,
Someone, thankfully, not completely new.

Forget Vampires: Grandma Scares Me to Death!

If little Nathanael could write about his Mema, this is what he would tell you all--that I scared the first real tears out of him. You know, that is not what a grandma aspires to, not what we dream of when we think of being in on the "firsts" in our grandchildren's lives. Unfortunately, it happened to me.

Background to the story: I babysat for two other little grand-guys while both parents went to the doctor. Both had upper respiratory symptoms and were feeling lousy. So I kept the guys for a couple of hours. The next day, Nathanael's dad asked if I could babysit for a little while.

Back to the story...I arrive at their house complete with a mask to wear when near the baby so in case I was a germ carrier, I might not pass it on to the baby. Sitting across the room from him was great. I didn't have to wear the mask and we were making faces at each other--he is so close to laughing and is so cute.

The trouble came when I took him from Mommy so they could leave. I put on my mask and picked him off her lap and all was well for a few minutes. I had him on my shoulder and he could not see my face. Unfortunately, then, he looked me dead in the face, or mask as it may be. Then all you-know-what broke loose.

The word scream does not adequately describe his reaction. Hysterical would be more accurate. Daddy came running over and pointed out as he was yanking my grandson out of my arms that Nathanael was actually crying tears. It was the first time he had seen tears in his son's eyes and I thought he was going to have a coniption. (If you don't know what that means, you aren't from Dixie...)

Of course I felt awful and my son proceded to try to make me feel worse--in fun. Soon the baby became accustomed to how I looked and we got along fine, but I didn't get any more smiles that night. He just kept looking at me with suspicion like he was saying. "Who are you? You sound like my Mema and feel like my Mema, but you don't look like my Mema."

I am happy to announce that I was there today, sans mask, and we laughed together a lot. He seemed to be over the mask trauma. (I hope I don't have to pay for therapy later.)

However, my other son called me to say that he heard from his brother that Nathanael had taken a good look at my face and became hysterical. I, of course, set the record straight and then forbade him from speaking to his brother ever again.

Are Our Kids Worth a Few Green Beans?

Many people … have spent a lifetime eating themselves into their current state of ill-health….In the end you are the one responsible for your own condition.
Dr. Dan Falor (recent guest on Parents Rule! radio show)

Don’t think I am pointing a finger at any of you because from my glass house, I am not the person to be throwing stones. I have done a lot of things, food wise, which are unhealthy. Actually, this struck a cord with me because I am trying to get back into a better nutritional state myself. To my disappointment, I have found that woman does not live on Cokes, hamburgers and pizza alone. This is sad because they certainly taste better than broccoli and brussel sprouts.

It is important that we examine our eating habits and what we are feeding our kids. It may take a little longer to cook a meal than to heat up a hot dog, but our kids are worth it. We all want them to lead full and happy lives, they can only do that if they are healthy. Take the extra time to steam some green beans to go along with that dog if that is what you want that night. Make a salad. Add some fresh fruit.

It's hard when kids have busy schedules and you are rushing home from work to make dinner and/or transport kids here and there. But you can cook ahead. I remember spending a lot of Sundays making meals ahead of a busy week. Then I just heated them up and we had a balanced meal instead of running through a drive-through.

Dr. Dan is right. We are responsible. It is up to us what we put in our bodies and what we have available for our kids to put in theirs. Take responsibility. Do the extra work. Isn’t it worth it for our health and the health of our kids?

Parenting Lessons from Ted Kennedy

First let me say that I am on a way different political spectrum from Ted Kennedy and he continually pissed me off while he was in the Senate. Having said that, as I watched the TV spectacle over his demise, it was evident to me that his actions could be used to inspire others to become better parents.

What are you talking about Pat? You just said you disagreed with the guy. Yes, but like everyone else, he had his good points also. So here is my list of How to be a Better Parent, Thanks to Ted Kennedy:

• Be there with your kids. Ted, having lost 3 brothers, took up the slack and became a surrogate dad for all of his nieces and nephews, as well as being a dad to his own kids. Over and over this past week I heard about how he was at every birthday, every graduation, every recital, every everything that was important to all these kids. It is impressive when a person can do that for their own kids, but add in a bunch of others and it is an impressive record. Just the fact that it was mentioned frequently showed how much it meant to all of the kids.
• Have special times with your kids. Each member of Kennedy clan can tell a story about how he went out of his way for them or made them feel special in some way. Can your kids say that about you?
• Instill patriotism in your kids. Several stories were told about how Ted told patriotic stories and read patriotic poems to the kids at various times throughout the year. Although he and I disagreed about what in the best interest of this country, it is apparent that he loved it. He displayed that love to all "his" kids.
• Make learning US history fun. This ties into the previous point. Ted organized a big day trip every year for the entire Kennedy clan. Well, it was his idea--I am sure his staff did the actual organizing. But they all went somewhere every year to learn about our history--battlefields, museums, tours, etc. What a great time for the whole family and they learned something in the meantime. Great idea!
• Teach perserverance. Many of the stories about Ted Kennedy desribed his determination to achieve his goals. Whether it was trying get a piece of legislation passed or winning a saliboat race, he did not give up. Setbacks would occur and he kept trudging ahead. With that attitude, you will win some and lose some, but the wins will far exceed the losses. And he modeled that in words and deeds to the young Kennedys who were watching him.
• Tolerance should be a lifestyle. Understand that others may not agree with you. I heard some Republican leaders tell stories about how he would argue them blue about a topic of discussion. Then he would find a way to create an atmosphere in which a compromise could be achieved. Or, if they were still to disagree, he did not let it interfere with a friendship. When bitterness creeps into differing opinions then no good can come from it. It is only with an open mind that important changes can be made. For instance, the best legislation from our Congress has always been a bi-partisan effort. In that all the needs of all the people have been addressed. That cannot happen when our elected officials stick to partisanship instead of tolerance and understanding and a desire for the greater good.
• Be a friend. This is such an important lesson for parents to teach kids, especially when we may not be the best example. But Ted Kennedy knew how to be a friend. Tale after tale was told about how when this person was going through surgery, Ted was the first person to call. Or how when that person lost a loved one, Ted was the first to be there at the door to offer a hug and a word of condolence. Many stories were told about him doing those things in the last year, as he was so ill himself. Children see these actions and will either learn from them or from their absence.
• Family is the most important thing in our lives. The whole Kennedy clan is an example of this, as are many families throughout our country. We see that with the Jackson family--throughout all of Michael's issues, the family stood together. My ex-husband's family in Tennessee is one of the best examples of family love I have ever seen. The Hawkins family members understand that they are blood--a bond that cannot be broken. No matter what happens, good or bad, they are always a family. If there are squabbles, (and what family doesn't have them?) they don't hold grudges and they find a way to bring understanding and peace. God forbid anything bad happen to any one in that type of family, but if it does, they come together in a united front to defeat the enemy--person, disease, situation, or whatever. It is so freeing to know that no matter what you do, you cannot lose the love and support of the family. Even when my ex and I split up, they made sure I knew that I was still a welcome member of that family and have had close ties to them over the years that we have been divorced. It is that unity that I saw in the Kennedys. And I hope you have the blessing of that kind of family. If not, it is not too late to start.

Trust me, I am not going to apply for his cannonization. He had plenty of warts and errors in his life--as do we all. But I see some traits in the man that I could admire--traits that will make our kids better adults and better citizens in this wonderful country we all love.

The Loss of a First Love

Today we learned that Ted Kennedy died and the press is busy cannonizing him as they do famous (or infamous) people as soon as they are gone. Frankly, I think he had a great life for someone who, if he were you or I, would have spend the rest of his life in prison (or at least a good part of it) after the death of Mary Jo Kopeckne. Interesting that he died so near to the 40th anninversary of her death.

Did he do good in his life of public service? I suppose he did, but that did not bring back the daughter to her parents. So his death, while I sympathize with those who loved him, leaves me void of emotion. But that is just me and I really don't idolize the famous.

However, I recently found out that my first unrequited love died many years ago as a young man. This guy was gorgeous, had a great body, and was wonderfully kind. He was in the "in crowd" but always had time to say hi or have a conversation with others. As an athlete, he excelled, especially in wrestling. And, it is my suspicion that many of the girls in my class also had a crush on Wally.

One night during college, I ran into him at a dance. It surprised me because he went to a different school, but he was visiting some friends for the weekend. At the time, I was in love with a guy that went to college in another state, so my high school crush was over, but it was so good to see him. (Remember, just looking at him was worth the time.) We talked all evening and danced a few dances; generally having a great time. As he walked me back to the dorm, I broke down and confessed my earlier feelings to him.

To my chagrin, he grinned at me and said, "I know." Flustered, I mumbled something about the fact that I never told any of my friends and couldn't understand how he knew. He said he could tell by my looks and actions. To which I replied about how grateful I was that he never let on that he knew--I would have been mortified! We had a good laugh about it and he told me that he was honored that I had felt that way about him. He said that with his school work and sports he just didn't have much time, or money, for girls--he had other priorities. And, looking back, I don't remember him having a steady girlfriend.

We parted as friends--no kiss, not even any hand holding (well there was a very nice hug)--and shared a few wonderful hours together. A few weeks ago, I reconnected with a high school girl friend (don't ya love Facebook?) and I asked her about Wally along with some others. She quickly said, "The guy you had such a crush on?" God, did everybody know?

Then she told the bad news--he had died. He was doing some kind of mission work, helping people he did not know, and got sick. Sadly, he didn't recover.

My heart broke when she told me. I always thought he was meant for great things. In his too-short life, he touched many people in a very positive way. I don't know of anyone this gentle soul ever hurt. Today, my mind is on Wally and why no one talked about his life on TV all day when he died.

RIP Wally Morrell! Part of me will always have that teenage crush on you.

Parents Rule or UN Rule?

I know no safe depository of the ultimate powers of society but the people themselves, and if we think them not enlightened enough to exercise their control with a wholesome discretion, the remedy is not to take it from them, but to inform their discretion by education.
Thomas Jefferson

Today on Parents Rule! my guest, Michael Farris and I are discussing the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. As titled, it is an innocuous sounding treaty. What kind of monster does not want children to be protected from evil and injustice? However, this document goes way beyond that and begins to interfere in the ability of a mom or dad to do their job as a parent.

Under the provisions, a child can take a parent to cout any time they disagree with a rule or restriction put on the child's behavior. Aren't the kids today too out of control as it is? Also, the wording in several areas of this document are very vague and open to interpretation. Who will do the interpreting? An 18 person panel in Geneva. And, if ratified, the treaty supersedes US law. Who else has a problem with that? And what does "an enforceable right to leisure" mean?

Central to our society is the parent-child relationship. The role of the parent does not end with childbirth. We are also to be the teacher and protector of our children. It is not the job of government to do that, nor is it the job of people from another country.

Children do not fit nicely into cookie cutter rules where what is right for one is right for all. They are individuals with individual personalities and purposes on this earth. No one can help a child prepare for adult life more than an informed, loving parent. No one living in another continent can or should make decisions about my child’s needs. They do not know my child, or me.

Parents must have the ability to guide, set boundaries, and enforce those boundaries as they see fit—naturally without abuse. What I am talking about are the majority of parents; those who care deeply for the best interest of their children. It is vital that parents start making a stand now for the future of our children and grandchildren.

The proposed Constitutional amendment, called the Parents Rights Amendment, will protect us even if the treaty is ratified. Check it out at http://www.parentalrights.org. And let me hear what you think.

You Can Call Me Liz...

Hey, world I am back. I have been off the radar for a few weeks, but now I am raring to go--can hardly go for raring. (What does that mean anyway?) To celebrate, I am going to tell you something that happened to me on my recent vacation. It has nothing to do with parenting, although the real Liz is expecting. Does that count?

I have a new alias, which I will be using in bars, in resorts in Jamaica, and in Vegas from now on. If you see someone who looks just like me in any of those places, she will only answer to LIZ.

Okay, so you want the back story?

We were recently on vaca at great resort in Jamaica and having dinner in the fancy-dancy French restaurant on property. We were dressed up and looking good and drinking a few glasses of bubbly when it happened. The wait staff came out singing Happy Birthday to Liz and set the cake, which also said Happy Birthday Liz, right in front of me. Standing there waiting for me to blow out the candles, they couldn't figure out the confused look on my face. Finally I stammered to them that I was not Liz. They looked at my sister in law expectantly and she informed them that her name was Karen.

To be fair, we were warned. When we walked in, the waiter said something to my husband about us celebrating a birthday and Monty told him we weren't. Now I understand the wink he got--it wasn't that he thought Monty was cute; this guy thought Monty was trying not to spoil the surprise.

We were hysterical laughing after they took the cake with the new candle wax topping away. The two tables near us were full of people looking perplexed or laughing. Eventually I said that maybe we should have just eaten the cake. At that, the people to my right started laughing all over again and I heard the word Liz mentioned.

Sure enough, Liz was at the table next to me and expressed her gratitude that I did not, in fact, eat her cake. With that, we laughed until tears ran down our cheeks--all eight of us.

So, I have now adopted and embraced my alias. Use it with caution.

Wacko Jacko or Mistreated Michael?

Michael Jackson. Just saying his name evokes emotions in people--worship, envy, sadness, disgust, revulsion, love, hate, pity, and many more. To me, I don't understand this man-boy who seemed to never grow up. I forget who in the memorial service called him Peter Pan, but that is how I have always seen him.

Was he guilty of molesting young boys? Was he inappropriate? By our standards, he was inappropriate, but what were his standards? Was he being honest when he said he was just showing them pure love, not sexual love? None of us will ever know because we were not present. In my mind, he may have been trying to give what he did not receive as a child.

What I do believe is that somewhere in his past, abuse took place. There were many stories of his father's abuse when the kids were growing up and, again, we will never know the truth. But something happened to that cute little guy who sang on the Ed Sullivan Show so many years ago. And, as parents, we need to see Michael as an example of what can happen when we do not take care of the little ones in our charge. The reasons I believe that there was abuse are:

• the self mutilation he inflicted on himself with the mulitple plastic surgeries, always trying to make himself another person,
• the fact that he appeared to be arrested in his emotional development and was childlike for his entire life,
• he always wanted to be surrounded by children that he could love,
• every photo I have ever seen of Michael and his parents shows him leaning away from his father (of course I have not seen all the photos and that could be wrong),
• and the Jackson children are all so careful and so quick to circle the wagons around one that is in trouble, especially Michael. That does not mean that abuse occurred but it is a symptom.

I do respect the fact that he lived his life the way he wanted and did not let the criticism affect how he did things. I am sure he took it to heart and was pained by it, but he remained true to himself. Too many times we see former child stars who have serious issues with drugs or emotions or relationships. Why is that? I think it because they have been put too soon into an adult world for which they are not prepared.

Parents, pay attention to how you interact with your kids. This is especially true if they are a prodigy or have a special gift. Don't push them into adulthood too soon. Let them be kids. Love them and hold them. Let them play and be silly. If they have a gift, they will do it naturally and they will love it. Let them lead you on how involved they want to be. Of course, encourage them and provide opportunity for them to pursue the talent. But don't rob them of their precious innocent childhood.

Let Me Introduce You to...

Nathanael Knox Hawkins, born 3 weeks early and these photos are the day after he was born. Pretty alert, don'cha think? He was 6 lbs. 14 oz and 20 in. long, but that decreased to 19 1/4 in. once his head came back to normal after being pushed in the birth canal. His dad kept making jokes about how much of his brain he uses and that he was an alien baby--obviously watches too much of the Sci Fi channel and not enough of the shows about childbirth. However, you can see that his Mema is pretty happy to see him and show him off for the camera.

Obviously he will be like his daddy who thinks he is late if he is 15 minutes early. On time is very late and actually late is totally unacceptable. My son, Nathanael's dad, called me late one evening and said that he and his wife thought something was happening. After a couple of questions it was clear that her water had broken and off to Northside Hospital we all flew.

He was born the next day and has been a terrific little baby...that is until yesterday! That was the day he peed on me. Totally unacceptable. He was doing some tummy time on my tummy and suddenly this warm wet feeling started growing on my abdomen. Sure enough, he had gotten me.

But at my age, I am just glad it wasn't me that peed on me.

More grandson updates in later posts...

Letterman Has To Go!

Like many others, I have been watching the drama unfold around David Letterman's comments about Sarah Palin's daughter. It has taken me a few days to get my head around everything that was said and I have come to the conclusion that Letterman has to go.

Please know that I have watched him since he had a daytime show and lit his set on fire on once. That was truly hysterical, but he has gotten increasingly mean-spirited over the years. When candidate Obama asked that children be left alone in the presidential race, I think he meant more than just until the voting takes place. Children of a candidate are off limits--telling rude jokes or making incendiary remarks about them is unacceptable--regardless of which side of the aisle their parents represent.

What was David Letterman's response to Ms. Palin's outrage? He said he was talking about her 18 year old daughter when he said that A-Rod knocked her up during the 7th inning stretch rather than her 14 year old daughter. In what way does that make it better? Yes, the older one is of age, but he was still saying, in so many words, that she was a slut.

There are many young girls who have made a mistake and found themselves pregnant. That does not mean they slept around promiscuously. It means they had a boyfriend and made a decision error.

Every woman in the country should be outraged by his comments and his subsequent semi explanation/not quite apology statement he made. At the very least, his network should show some integrity by forcing him to offer an apology to the Palin family. But I really think he should be fired.

What do you think?

The Future is Here

Last week, I was privileged to attend my niece's graduation from high school. My dad, my stepmom, and I made the trek (or, to be truthful, the flight) from Georgia to Ohio for the big event. We are all very proud of her achievements while in school.

However, I had been feeling a bit pessimistic lately about our country's steady path to Socialism under the current administration. The success of the US has always been the inventiveness and hard work of our people. Socialism punishes achievement and rewards mediocrity, and therefore do not create the great advances in civilization that our country has been famous for.

However, as I listened to the Senior chorus of West Branch High School in Beloit, OH sing the National Anthem my spirit was lifted. Then I listened to the 20 dozen commencement speeches. Ok, there were only 10 or 11. As I heard what those young adults had to say about how they see the future, my hopes again rose in my heart. These were kids who believe in our wonderful country and all it has to offer. Their parents taught them to be proud to be an American, not ashamed of it. These young people believe in the future and that they can create a better world than the one they were born into. I believe they can, too.

As we look across this country, many are graduating from high schools and colleges who have the faith of this group. We must trust in them because they will be responsible for the future. As parents and citizens, we must do all we can to hand over to them a country that is free, diverse, and productive. It is the best legacy we can give them.

So, for now, thank you, graduates of West Branch. Congratulations and God Bless You. You are our hope of a better future. I think we are in good hands. Go Warriors!

Everybody dance now...!

If you have ever had a family vacation at Hilton Head Island, SC, I hope you spent an evening under the stars listening to and singing along with Dave Kemmerly and his guitar on the deck at The Salty Dog in Sea Pines.

Monty and I love to sit back, have a beverage of choice and listen to Dave play fun songs and interact with the audience. Kids of all ages get up and "dance to the music." This year we were blessed to share this with grandsons who really enjoyed the dancing and singing and eating ice cream on the deck.

Parents can relax and watch kids run around and meet new friends to dance with. Everyone shares the job of watching out for the kids and they never get out of sight. The kids enjoy dancing with mom and dad, swirling in circles, twirling around a pole, and doing all sorts of creative dance moves that I don't think Broadway has seen before.

Sometimes we are treated to a song by some of the youngsters. It is something you will never forget as Dave shares his mike with kids who have such great songs as Happy Birthday, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and a variety of Hanna Montana vocalizations. They have such a great time, sometimes he has a little trouble getting the microphone back from their ice-cream-sticky fingers.

This is a time and place I can feel completely at peace and just feel the stressors of life lift off as I join the rest of the crowd in sing-alongs and laugh while watching the antics of the kids.

Has anyone out there been to hear Dave? Do you have a Salty Dog T-shirt? If not, and you ever get a chance, don't let it pass you by. It will be an evening you will want to repeat over and over. I know we do.

You can find out more about Dave at www.facebook.com/davekemmerly. Tell him you heard about him from me. I don't get anything out of it, just thought I would share one of the great memory making places in the USA.

I know you all think I never work, but I do. However, I want to have balance and so I play every chance I get and want to encourage you to do the same. In the words of a great country song, "I Hope You Dance."

Hilton Head Island Dolphin Adventure

Last week we were at our timeshare in Hilton Head Island, SC and went on a dolphin adventure. We had two of our kids, their spouses, and 3 grandchildren (plus a friend) with us to see the dolphins.

At first we were disappointed because we would just get quick glimpses but it was so fast the kids kept missing it. We reconciled ourselves to enjoying the great views and spending real quality time together. Then it happened! Out of the blue with no warning....strand feeding!

HHI is one of the rare places on earth that dolphins go "strand feeding." They rise up in the water, push the fish in front of them onto a bank, then land on the bank themselves. This is done just before high tide so if they get stranded on the beach, the tide will come and wash them back into the water. How do they know? No one knows, but they are very intelligent. It has been documented by National Geographic and others.

Anyway, we got to see that. It was amazing. The boat captain said it was something he saw once every couple of years. The adults were screaming, the kids were screaming, cameras were everywhere--it was magnificent. Sorry I don't have any photos of it. I did get it on video but don't know if I can upload that.

What a great family experience we had--a once in a lifetime adventure. Like I said before, get off the couch and go see something miraculous with your family.

Where is John Wayne When You Need Him?

With Memorial Day facing us in a few weeks, my thoughts have been on the derogatory things we hear in the news about our country. My father fought in WWII so we would have peace and freedom. I was born soon after the war was over and the country was still celebrating our victory, as well as getting back to normalcy.

When I was in school, we learned patriotic songs and I watched John Wayne in movies portraying what is good and clean and wonderful about the USA. Where is the modern day John Wayne? Is anyone else tired of having Hollywood and politicians apologize for our country?

This country we call home is the most loving and generous of any in the world. If you don't believe it, just look to see who is first to help other countries in times of disaster. It is us, even if they are our enemies. The citizens of this country will rally around another part of the country or town or neighborhood when they need help. No one asks why or hesitates. We just do what we feel we need to do.

Our military is the same way. I am very insulted for them by the recent comments calling the returning soldiers more dangerous to our country than the terrorists. Yes, there will be a rare soldier or sailor who is adversely affected by war--that has always been the case. But the majority of our military men and women are doing a job they feel they must do. They, like my father, are trying to keep us safe and I am extremely grateful to them.

Most of them will come back to the private sector with new skills and a renewed sense of responsibility and purpose. They are valued employees and loving family members. An appreciation of this country and what we stand for is found in the deserts, mountains, and forests of battle. Love of family and God is renewed in foxholes. Gratitude for the privileges we enjoy in the US is discovered by seeing other cultures in which freedom and independence of thought and spirit are not allowed. We not only allow all these things, but we encourage and celebrate them. These are the qualities our military bring home with them.

I remember being appalled that my kids did not learn patriotic songs in school like I did. So we sang them in the car going to grandma's or to practice. It is past time for parents to fill that need. Our children hear on the news what is wrong with our country. They hear actors and singers and even teachers denigrating our country. It is our responsibility to set the record straight for our kids. Tell them what is right here. Tell them that freedom is not enjoyed by all people and that we are privieged that our ancestors fought bitterly for it. Explain that freedom does not come without a price and that occasionally it must be re-won.

We must explain to our kids that we are not perfect but we are always about what is good. Since the government is run by people, mistakes will be made. Yes, there are politicians who are in it for the power and money, but our constitution's system of checks and balances prevents them from doing too much harm. And we need to teach them that there is no better form of government anywhere in the world.

Show the children in our care how anyone can achieve greatness or riches or happiness--or all three in our country. It takes drive and hard work, but they can do whatever they dream. That is true in very few other countries. There are so many examples in our history we can use to drive home those lessons.

Let's instill pride of country into our kids rather than shame. Admonish them to vote and participate in the processes that make our country unique. Encourage them to dream about and reach for the stars. Let's teach them to be part of the solution--part of making our country even better tomorrow than is was yesterday.

Get off the Couch!

On the left is my son, Logan's Dad, and I on our bike trip through the Panama rainforest. On the right is my husband and I at Cabo, a Mayan pyramid near Cancun, Mexico (and yes, we did climb to the top).

I have seen so many wonderful places and met so many wonderful people so far in my life. I spent too many years as a coach potato and that I regret. What I don't regret are the times since then that I got lost in the woods, fell off my bike, coudn't roll my kayak and had to swim the cold rocky water, sprained my ankle hiking, being kept awake all night by the gun shooting rednecks from hell in a campground (which is actually a very funny story that I need to tell you sometime), and all the uncomfortable things that have happened to me since I got my butt off the couch.

My life is so much better now because the fantastic far outweighs the inconvenient. The North GA mountains are wonderful--so many trails to hike or bike with all skill levels. So many rivers to walk to and sit by or kayak down. Since I became active, I have met all sorts of wonderful people, like a couple of Appalacian Trail through hikers that I gave Cokes to and they wrote about in their trail logs as their first piece of trail magic. Fun interesting people like Panama Pete (referenced in a previous blog) would have been lost to me. Check out www.panamapeteadventures.com if you ever go to Panama.

Wonderful views have blessed me--such as the mountain views from the top of the Chimneys in the Smokey Mts., the incredible clear water snorkeling in Panama, the indescribable delight and excitement of my grandson the first time he saw the ocean when we took him to Hilton Head Island, something in the night sky we could only call a UFO, a deer swimming across a river as the mist was rising one early morning, and so much more that I never would have seen from the couch--or even the recliner.

You can see from my photos that I am not thin. I am not particularly strong, but I stay active and can hike to the top of a mountain or just take my dog for a walk. It is true that I go slower these days, but the point is that I still go. And I never regret it.

My children and I have had all sorts of adventures, some good and some not so good, but we had them together. It is so much fun to laugh about them and remember them when we are together. Those moments are gone too quickly and we cannot get them back.

So, give yourself a the best present you ever had. Get off your butt and go out and see the world. You don't have to go to Panama, or Timbuktu. Take a walk in a local park and be there. Smell the smells, hear the sounds, see the wonder that God has made. Do it with your kids before it is too late.

Baby Beach Bum

Doesn't this picture just beg for a blog? Logan is so relaxed--not asleep, but chillin' and enjoying being wheeled around. Life is great for him. His every need is being cared for by loving parents, and occasionally, by doting grandparents and aunts and uncles.

I started to think about the times in my life when I have been this relaxed. What about you? What relaxes you?

For me, laying on the beach on a perfect day--not too hot, not too cold--a breeze blowing, the sound of sea gulls and kids laughing and playng (not mine so I don't have to care what they are doing) in the distance, the sound of the surf lapping at the shore. That will do it for me.

Sometimes I can get like that with meditation, but not always. And usually when I am picturing myself at the beach (see above paragraph).

I have felt like that sitting around with friends laughing and talking nonsense--camping, at home, at an outing. Just forgetting the problems of the world for a short period of time and living in the moment. Jimmy Buffett has a song called I Love the Now which describes being in the moment--not worried about the past or the future. We should all try to do that more often.

Sitting on a rock by a mountain stream hypnotized by the flow of the current and the quiet sounds of the forest around me. The cool air and the woodsy smells add to the charm.

So what makes you this peaceful? Another of my grandsons, Benton, was being pushed in a stroller and was also loving it. I told him it was his turn to push me and he looked shocked and that he couldn't do that. I said that he could because he was now 3 and a big boy. He thought for a minute and then told me, "Mema, I am still a little big boy." He wins.

Australia Is on My Butt

While on my Panama trip to visit Logan and What's Their Names I decided I wanted to go on an adventure trip with my son, Logan's Dad. No, that is not him in the photo. That is a howler monkey that almost made me wet my pants (if I hadn't been so dehydrated) when he screeched, or growled right above me. They sound a lot like a lion to me. Anyway we planned a mountain biking trip through the rainforest with Panama Pete (www.panamapeteadventures.com), who is terrific, by the way, and I really recommend him.

My other son, Michael (who still has a name because he is not yet a dad), said before I went that I should do any of the trips except the biking one. "You know you always fall off, Mom." I chose to ignore his negativity and have a great time on the 14K bike excursion. And I was doing really well for being 57 and not having been on a bike in a couple of years. That is Patspeak for the guys had to keep waiting for me, but I was not walking the bike.

We were crossing a bridge when I decided I needed to walk instead of ride across and as I put my foot down...I am not sure what happened next. All I know is I was sandwiched between the bridge and my bike. It all happened in slow motion but there was nothing I could do to prevent it--you know that feeling? Naturally the first thing I did was curse Michael because obviously it was due to his negativity that I was in that position. Then I started laughing. The guys came back for me, thank goodness. Panama Pete asked if I was okay and in the same breath asked if the bike was okay. I assured him that I protected it with my body so it was fine; for which he was extremely grateful.

The first thing I noticed the next day was the enormous bruise on my butt that looked just like a map of Australia. And it is practically actual size! I thought about doing something with it on E-bay but could not quite figure out what, so I let it go.

Of course the first thing smarty Michael asked was if I fell. I started to give him this story about trying to protect myself from giant tsetse flies who were protected by the Guacamole Act, but I don't think he saw the original movie, The In Laws. (By the way, if you haven't seen it with Peter Falk do yourself a favor and see it...) So I explained that since I was almost stopped at the time, it did not really qualify as a fall.

All in all, the trip was great. We saw toucans, leaf cutter ants, Coati, blue morpho butterfly, howler monkeys, and a lizard that I think is some kind of iguana. Pete pointed out tarantula holes in a bank, but when I asked him to prove it was really tarantula holes by pulling one out, he declined. I wonder...! The plants were beautiful and we had a great time.

Of course, I had the bruises the next day but I could walk without too much ibuprophen. So it was a successful trip, one I would encourage anyone to take--especially when you get a chance to spend a whole day by yourself with your married son.

Should the UN Control Parents' Actions?

Big RED Flags, everyone!! This is very important to read if you are a parent or grandparent.

In 1989 many countries ratified the treaty of the UN Convention of the Rights of the Child. The US did not and has not, although we did sign on to two sections of this treaty dealing with the child soldiers and child prostitution/pornography. President Clinton signed this treaty in 1995 but it was not ratified by the Senate.

Sen. Boxer of CA wants to vote on ratification. "Children deserve basic human rights ... and the convention protects children's rights by setting some standards here so that the most vulnerable people of society will be protected," Boxer said.

Critics say: "To the extent that an outside body, a group of unaccountable so-called experts in Switzerland have a say over how children in America should be raised, educated and disciplined -- that is an erosion of American sovereignty," said Steven Groves, a fellow at the Heritage Foundation, a conservative think tank.

Rep. Pete Hoesktra of MI is proposing a constitutional amendment protecting parents rights. http://www.parentsrights.us. He believes that there has been a continual erosion of the rights of parents for a long time and it is hurting families across this country. We don't need the UN to step in and tell us how to raise our kids.

I agree with him. Children are out of control because parents are afraid to discipline them for fear they will be accused of child abuse. In actuality, the fact that most parents are not disciplining for behavior that is destructive, disrepectful, or dangerous (the three D's referred to pediatrian Michael Papciak, MD in Alpharetta, GA.) can be discerned as a mild form of abuse because the child is allowed to do whatever they want with no consequences and are not being prepared for adult life. The vast majority of parents in this country will never abuse their child. And for the ones who do, there are US laws in place to protect the kids.

Why is the treaty ratification needed? Why should a group of UN officials come into your home and tell you how you can raise your child, how you can educate your child, etc? I agree that on the surface this treaty sounds great--protecting children is something we can all believe in. But the wording is vague and can be interpreted in many ways. We, as parents, need to be vigilant and stand up against anything that further erodes our authority in the home. For instance, who decides what is "in the best interests of the child"? As a parent, I want to make that decision until it is proven that I am not capable.

What can we do? As parents, we can find out more about this situation and contact our Congressional representatives to say that we want autonomy in our homes.

I Didn't Learn THAT in Spanish Class...

I spent last week in Panama City, Panama visiting my grandson, Logan and his parents, What's Their Names. Oh, please, one of the first things you learn as a parent is that you are now Logan's Dad or Logan's Mom for the next 18-23 years. (Sorry, kids, you know I love you, but truth is truth.)

It never ceases to amaze me that I can remember the names of all eleven grandchildren. You would have thought that by now I would be calling them 7 or 11 or hey you. However, I soon realized that it is easier to remember their names than their birth orders.

Back to Panama and the reason for this blog. Last Thursday we decided to do a short hike in El Parque Metropolitano. As the name suggests, it is very near the city. There is actually an overlook with a great view of the city on the trail through the jungle.

All was well when a woman and her kids passed us going up as we were coming back down. My son and daughter-in-law (What's Their Names) spent a couple of minutes chatting in Spanish with her and I smiled confidently from behind them. As she moved on she smiled at me and said "Bueno," which is Panamanian for "Howdy, yall." I repeated the greeting, then (to show off my Spanish skills) added, "Muy caliente hoy." At that she stopped smiling, gathered her children closer to her and rushed away.

My son, as soon as he could get his breath from laughing so hard, asked if I knew what I had said. "Of course--I said it was very warm today," I replied defensively. Again they burst into laughter. Finally they settled down long enough to tell me that I should have said "Hace calor." And then told me that I had told her I was horny. Again with the laughter... He went on to tell me it would have been worse if I had said, "Estoy caliente." To me that woud have meant the I was hot, but in that part of the world, it is an invitation that I certainly would not have intended.

Suddenly I remembered last year in Mexico and started laughing myself. Now I know why that resort gardener, who was about 18, looked so shocked when I spoke to him one very warm day.

They just don't teach this stuff in high school Spanish. So, if you are going to Latin America, forewarned is forearmed!

Use the Recession to Your Benefit

So much is happening right now. All the news we hear is bad. People are frightened. Parents don't know what to tell their kids. Jobs are being lost or income decreased. It is a mess.

But what if you could see a bright side to this dilema? What if something good could come out of it for your family? As parents, I believe this is where we need to focus right now. What are some ways we can do this?

• Maybe you have lost your job or taken a pay cut and are living on less income. Discuss with your kids the difference between NEEDS and WANTS. Make lists of what you need in order for your family to survive and make lists of what you want. Maybe each person could make a list, then compare them to the others. It is a great teaching opportunity for parents.
• Have each person go through their closet and pull out clothes, shoes, and accessories that you no longer use or like. Make it a family project to help someone less fortunate than you. Many people are without jobs right now and need some help. This is a simple way to teach your kids to think of the needs of others. It will make them feel good about themselves.
• As you set up your family budget for the month, share it with your older kids. Let them see where the money goes--how much for food, mortgage, utilities, and so forth. They will be surprised. You will find that the kids will come to you less often for money and will understand why you cannot give them all the things you could before.
• Help your children set up their budgets to live within their means, either with their allowances or from money earned from working. Some money should be set aside to save, even with the youngest ones. In this way, saving becomes a habit and continues into adulthood. They will thank you for it many times over when they are older. (That is one of the problems with good parenting...delayed gratification instead of instant.)
• With less spending money, get creative with entertainment. Instead of a fancy spring break vacation, maybe a few days hiking and camping in the woods. Sitting around a campfire at night is so great for talking and sharing. Find things to do that create family closeness--like card games and board games. There may be some grumbling at first, but soon they will see that it is actually FUN to hang with mom and dad--that maybe you are kind of cool.
• Make a game of trying to find fun things to do. Let each child make a suggestion and do it. At the end of a month or a week, everyone in the family can vote on what was the most fun. The winner gets a prize--a new video game, a gift certificate to a favorite store, the options are endless.

Okay, I have started you off...now it is your turn. Let me know what other things you can do to teach positive thinking to your children rather than doom and gloom. Remember, what we focus on is what we get in life. Zig Ziglar once said, "Whereever you are in life, you made an appointment to be there." That stuck with me. Believe good things are coming, and they will.

Now, turn off the news, get going, go have some fun with the kids!

Teaching Your Child to Mistreat God's Creatures is So Wrong!

Ok, I hear you. How many parents do that? Too many in my mind and by my definition.

I am pretty riled up on several levels about a situation in my neighborhood. Seven weeks ago a young couple with a little girl moved out of the neighborhood. They left their dog and cat at the old house and come by once a day to feed them. What the hell are they thinking?

What kind of example is that for their little girl? That is bad enough but the dog is completely undisciplined or trained--that seems to be why they left him. Well, it is their fault if he is unruly. I don't think the little thing ever got any lovin' since he is not socialized at all-- and he is about 5 years old. He is in a small run 24-7.

Another neighbor offered to take the cat, but they have not taken her up on it as of yet. And there are lots of pet rescues in the area that could take the dog. How could they leave those animals there feeling confused and alone? It breaks my heart. Now, I am a dog person, but I also have cats. My pets are part of my family and I could no sooner leave one of them than I could leave my husband or my kids.

And the other part of this that steams me is that they call themselves "Christians." Isn't there a quote from Jesus in the Bible that as you treat least of God's creatures, so you have treated Him? It upsets me that this child is learning to mistreat animals through neglect at such a young age. To me, that is not upholding the truths of God. If they do not want the pets, then find good homes for them--don't just abandon them. I will never respect the so-called Christian that can do this!

Parents, please think about it before you buy a pet, much less more than one. Do you love animals? Do you have time to care for the pet? Do you have room for them in your heart, home, and life? If the answer is NO or I Don't Know, then do not bring the pet home. It is that simple.

My wonderful Waya is a rescue that was mistreated and abandoned (she is in the photo). She had so many issues with trust and socializtion when we first got her. She was afraid to get inthe car to the point that if you went more than 1/2 mile, she would shake, foam at the mouth, and throw up. And you had to put her in the car. No way would she just get in by herself! She either hid or acted very mean if people came into the house--even if they came regularly.

Now she is such a great friend to me now. She and I bonded first and we spend a lot of time together. She is never judgmental when I get in a bad mood, she just gives me my space. When I return home from a trip or from the grocery, she is always thrilled to see me. She listens to me when I need to vent about something without trying to fix it for me--just lets me talk. She is very social with people and other animals. She has blossomed beautifully, but I never want another dog to be damaged like that.

Pets are great for kids. They give unconditional love and provide a lot of enterainment. Pets teach kids responsibility and give them a readily accessible "buddy." But not every home should have one, as evidenced by my former neighbor.

Celebrating my birthday with Billy Joel and Elton John

Yep, and they even sang Happy Birthday to me!

Well, I was in the audience and they sang a Happy Birthday song and it was 2 days after my birthday and the tickets were a birthday present.

I am sure that the fact that Elton John was born in March had nothing to do with it...

For my birthday, my kids got together and bought me tickets to see Billy Joel and Elton John in concert. I was blown over! Both by the gift and by the concert. When I pulled the tickets out of the gift bag, I was speechless. My husband was just as excited--until I told him I wasn't sure who was getting the second ticket. That cooled him down and bit and made him be nice for a couple of days.

Seriously, he knew he was going and he is always nice (which is quite annoying sometimes when people--aka: my kids--want to know why he is nicer than me... but that is different story.) What a great show. I drug myself out of my sick bed--sorry all of you who were sitting around me. I did try to not cough too much and to breathe shallow so as not to spread too many germs.

The way Billy and Elton played together was nothing short of miraculous to my non-musical brain. They would be playing a song and they alternated on the keyboards without ever skipping a beat, or a bar, or whatever it is . We in the audience only knew if we were watching very closely. And, they did all my favorite songs--how did they know?

Even better was that I was able to share it with my daughter and son-in-law. Scott had given Erika tickets for her birthday a couple of weeks ago so we went down together. Unfortunately our tickets were not together, but we have had a great time comparing notes ever since.

Another thing that I enjoyed was that so many young people were there--20's and 30's kind of people. Most of these kids weren't even born when some of those songs were popular, but they were singing away with songs like Crocodile Rock and My Life. Obviously they had great parents who taught them about good rock and roll.

Anyway, we had a great time and I just want to say how great my kids are! This was an "over the top" kind of gift that leaves me stunned and speechless. I remember when their gifts were cold toast in bed, homemade cards and clay pots, a cheap dime store necklace, and such. They were all wonderful and filled my heart because they gave the gifts out of love--I could see the eagerness in their faces when I opened each one--so sure I would love it. And I did love all of those gifts.

This was the same way. The kids that were here were anticipating my reaction and my son who lives in Panama, called and asked if I had gotten my gift yet. They were as excited to give me this gift as I was to receive it. I saw that old anticipatory look in their faces that they had when they were little. For that, the gift was so much more precious. They are all adults and did not give something out of obligation. The fact that it was something they knew I would enjoy and that they were so enthused about presenting to me meant more than the actual gift.

Thanks, Erika, Scott, Michael, Susan, Aaron, and Jaime. I am the luckiest mom in the world and I love you all.

Yea, Obama!

As most of you know, I did not vote for President Obama--we have many philosophical differences in how to get out of the recession and other stuff. But something he said last night during his address to Congress made me want to stand up and cheer.

When he was talking about education, the President said something that we don't hear anymore. It was a common theme when I was growing up. By the time my kids were going to school, things were different. It was discussed in hushed tones by small discreet groups and in a few homes. But most people did not believe it or want it to be the truth. Why? Because it is hard sometimes. And, frankly, I did not think there was a politician from either party that beleived it.

What was this very controversial thing he said?

He said that education begins in the home. And that is not all! He had the gall to say that parents should turn off the TV and the computer and read to their children or help them with their homework. I am sure most people simply chose to ignore what he said or stare at him on the TV set with disbelieving eyes and ears. Many people this morning are probably wondering if he is completle deranged by the rigors of the Presidency already.

But, I say, "you go, Mr. President!" It is about time we get back to thinking that our children's education is our responsibility--not the government's! It is the parents' responsibility to guide a child's education, to teach them the basics of numbers and alphabet and colors. It is a parent's job to see that the child gets to school and does their homework. It is the parent's responsibility to make sure no one (even the parent) does the work for the child.

It is about time we bring this out of the proverbial closet. Let's talk about it out loud and at PTSA meetings. Way to go, Obama. You certainly got this right!

Valentine Pizza with a Stud

This past weekend was Valentine's Day and my husband and I had a wonderful time. But that is not what this post is about. It is really about another Valentine's Day 13 years ago.

I was single and not dating anyone--my choice. I had given up on dating and decided that I could focus on my family and friends and be perfectly fine. And I was doing great, although Valentine's Day was a little sad for me. My friends were all busy and my kids all had boyfriends or girlfriends so I was looking at an evening by myself.

Not so bad, I thought. I would pamper myself with a long shower and a facial. Some wine...I will go to bed early and it will be over. Actually I was starting to look forward to it. The phone rang on my desk and my son, Michael, was on the line wanting to know what I was doing that evening.

I told him and he immediately said I was going out with him. He was in high school and had a girlfriend, so I thanked him for the offer. But to my mind, he needed to spend the evening with his girlfriend and I told him so. Michael explained that he had taken her out the night before and she knew what he had planned for me.

When I got home from work, he had flowers and a stuffed bear for me. We left the house--he drove--and went to Mellow Mushroom Pizza. Michael would not let me pay for anything. He opened doors and was such a great date. We talked and laughed and the evening went by too fast. That was the best pizza I have ever eaten and it was the most memorable Valentine's I have ever had.

Thanks, Baby!

Grandma Duty is Exhausting, but Great

Ok.. I am now rested up after my 8 days taking care of the two grandkids--ages 3 and almost 2. They survived us but were very glad to see their mom and dad come home. We just drug ourselves home and slept for two days. Well, not that long, but I was asleep in bed at 6:30 that night!

My highlights include: not being late dropping the 3 yr old off or picking him up for "school"; getting soundly beaten by a 3 yr old in Wii tennis; going to the park twice and having a great time--no one got hurt (I was worried about me) and no one got lost (worried about my husband); remembered how many things there are to "God Bless" when a child does not want to go to bed; and making a million memories with the two boys that I will never forget.

The almost 2 yr old vegetarian has the most wonderful smile that he showers on you when he sees you. It just makes you feel like you have made his day because you walked into the room. His little spontaneous hugs are always completely unexpected and given from the heart. He reminds me of what unconditional love is all about.

The 3 yr old meat eater is a talker. He reminds me of my son Michael (his uncle) in so many ways and that is one of them. He doesn't cry much but can throw a major temper tantrum when he wants to. He is so cute trying to exert his independence and wants some control over his environment. We quickly learned to give him choices and life was more peaceful. His creative mind kept us in stitches much of the time with what amazing ideas came to him.

It was a wonderful week that we will treasure. But we were tired. I don't remember how I did it with 3 stairsteps. It is obvious to us that it is a good thing that young adults have kids.

My prayer now is that our kids don't get the idea of dropping all 12 grandchildren off for a week at the same time!

"Cop Farts" for breakfast

Ok. Here I am at my daughter's house while she is in Hawaii. If that is not bad enough, I have her two toddlers. OMG! I forgot so many things...not the least of which is "what can I get these kids to eat?" The older one said this morning that he wanted "cop farts" for breakfast. Somehow, I am sure that is not really want he wants. Besides, my daughter did not tell me anything about those in the notes she left for me.

Obviously my brain is fried from lack of sleep. Looking back to dinner last night, I remembered that you have to make some hard choices nutrition-wise. So I gave the meat eater his brother's meat loat (which really disappointed the dog waiting for the next bite to be thrown from the high chair.) And I gave the vegetable eater his brother's acorn squash.

Sometimes it just boils down to quiet... and getting them to eat something without a big battle. Luckily I did get them both to eat some corn and peas--of course there was some bribery involved with the meat-eater. But it all worked out okay.

It is important to encourage children to eat a balanced meal. But sometimes it just isn't going to happen. They are little individuals and have their own likes and dislikes. So I will keep trying to offer nutritious meals.

But, as a grandmom, my main goal is that they do not starve until their parents some home.

Why the (bleep) did she want 8 more?

So the news today has been about the new mom of octuplets and the fact that she has 6 kids at home already. There has been a lot of discussion about should she have done it, is it ethical, should the doctor be charged with malpractice, and so forth. On the ABC website there were tons of comments on the story.

Some people are criticizing her for not aborting some of the fetuses. Do you have any idea how hard that is for someone who had fertility treatments? You go through an awful lot of misery on the slim chance of getting pregnant, then are asked if you want to get rid of some of them. A hard decision.

We know so little about this woman and her family. It could be that she is the villian the press is trying to make her. It could be that she is independently wealthy and loves kids. Who knows? I am sure the truth will come out soon.

But my question is "Why?" Bill Cosby once said that he and his wife had five children because they did not want six. So I stole it and told most people that I had three because I did not want four. Why would anyone want fourteen? Or why would they want seven if they had to have fertility treatments to do it?

That is the part that I don't understand. I love my kids with everything I am, but it was hard having three stair steps. Sometimes I felt like my whole day dealt with trying to stop arguments and answer whoever was whining, "Mommy" at the time. Now this woman has fourteen with the oldest being seven or eight...can we get her a lifetime supply of Valium?