If your child is happy all the time, she needs professional assistance. If you are trying to make him happy all the time, you need professional assistance.
Ok, now I have pissed off a bunch of people. But, seriously folks, life is not about being happy 24-7. It just does not work that way. Life is full of joy and happiness and sunshine--yes. But we also have to deal with our share of disappointments, heartaches, dreary days, and back stabbing. Learning how to confront and deal with these are what make our character. Children who are not given the tools they need for the downs in life often will begin to lie and cheat, simply because they don't have the coping mechanisms they need.
Part of the parent role is to teach our child how to cope with these trials in life. Buying little Johnny everything he wants will fill some very temporary need in him for instant gratification happiness. However it is like a drug. He will need bigger and better toys and he will need them more often. Soon we have a junkie on our hands who must have everything he sees in order to have some small amount of contentment, leaving us bankrupt and wondering what 12 step program he needs by the time he is 14.
Maybe I have overstated. But the theory is sound. Also that does not protect her happiness when a little girl down the street calls her names and says she will not be her friend anymore.
What can parents do? We all want our kids to be happy. We want to be happy. Finding joy comes from within. Some people find it in religion, some in nature, some in helping others. Finding out who we truly are inside is how we find it. We are all special--no one else is exactly like us. That uniqueness is amazing and when we realize it, we are never the same.
This is the lesson for our children. Material things do not bring joy. So let's spend more time with our kids. Let's talk to them when they feel like life is kicking them around. Teach by example how to react to adversity in a positive way. As we become a more effective parents, we become more effective people. Before we know it, our lives have changed and we have joy everyday.
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5 comments:
I love your opening paragraph, Pat. There is so much denial and sugar-coating in our culture. The Hollywood influence of illusion permeates many people's views of life. Witness all the movies about weddings and wedding planning, which focus energy on a big production versus the marriage or relationship itself. I think the best thing any parent or older person can do for a kid is to help him or her express and handle real emotions--good, bad, ugly. Thanks for contributing to the positive mental health of America by sharing your philosophy.
Thanks Joyce, this is something I feel so strongly about. Mainly because I struggled with it so much as a parent.
I agree with you. Part of our role as parents is to teach our children to deal with the ups and downs in life. Great post!
Too often I see parents attempting to hide and protect their children from life's struggles. But how will they ever handle them when they are older?
Very good message I wish was more publicly discussed.
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