A Chance to Live History with Your Kids

My daughter took her 3 yr. old out of preschool early so they could watch the inauguration together and she could talk to him about it. She did not vote for Obama, but realized the historical significance of the moment. He may not remember, but she did the right thing and I am proud of her.

President Obama is of African American heritage. When I was little girl growing up in the south, his father would not have been served at many restaurants, had separate water fountains, separate restrooms, and was forced to sit in the back of a bus.

I was teenager in the 60’s when there were riots weekly on the streets. Other young black people were trying to find their rightful place in this country in a peaceful manner. I remember the first attempts at integration and the prejudices that tried to prevent it.

Now Obama is the leader of the free world. It is a wonderful testimony to the ability of Americans to overcome challenges and adapt to changing conditions in the world. It speaks to the tolerance that we are famous for—we have always welcomed the people of the world here and now we see their children succeeding in the American dream in business, the military, politics, and many other areas of life.

His election shows that what ever you set your mind to, you can achieve. It takes hard work and perseverance. I am sure he would not tell you it was easy. But he believed in himself and in his dream. He did what was necessary to make that dream happen.

What a great lesson to our kids. He does not speak ebonics, he does not wear his pants down below his butt, he is well dressed, he is well spoken, he looks the person he is speaking to in the eye. This is a man who works hard and has learned how to inspire others. Those are characteristics a parent can point to and say this is a good role model rather than some gangsta rap or nearly naked pop star. These are the qualities we should teach our children to emulate.

Be a part of history together.

What I Know For Sure About Being a Parent

Surprise! I bet you thought this was going to be a blank page, didn't you?

Actually, I am sure of a few things--may not know what to do about them all the time but then again, isn't this life a learning process? It is a well know fact that there were times I wished I had made a different decision as a parent, but luckily for me, my kids were able to survive my oft-clumsy parenting.

After raising 3 kids of my own and having 2 stepchildren, I have come to some conclusions. The first is that no parent is perfect. No, seriously, they aren't. Every parent makes mistakes such as over-reacting to something because you had a hard day at work or blamed the wrong child for breaking the TV.

In conjunction with that, no child is perfect. Really, I am not kidding. They all get sassy and loud at the wrong times. They all fight with their brother and throw temper tantrums. It's okay. You are not a bad parent if you admit your kids aren't perfection in bloom.

Now what do you do with this information? For one, let go of the guilt monster. Embrace the parent you are--warts and all. After all, aren't you really trying your best? Isn't your love for your child at the heart of all you do? You are doing fine.

All parents tend to beat themselves up unmercifully. I did. I know plenty of others who have. But in hindsight, I can see it did not do me any good and it did not help my kids. Actually it often had the opposite effect. Sometimes after I was maybe too strict about something, I would feel bad and then let the child get away with inappropriate behavior or let them do something I know I should not have let them do. Then I would feel bad all over again. Does this make any sense?

One of my sons has a story about a specific incident in which I was wrong. I apologized for it a long time ago and he forgave me. Now he just likes to get my goat, and for years, it used to work. But I have finally moved past it. I am in a much healthier place now--acknowledging that I was not perfect, but I also was a terrific mom in many ways.

During this week I am going to be blogging about some more things I know for sure as a prelude to the free parenting teleseminar I am hosting with parenting coach, Barb Desmarais
http://www.theparentingcoach.com on Monday January 19 at 7 pm EST. For more information about the teleseminar, go to my website: http://www.parentsrulewithpat.com or http://www.teleclasscatalog.com/

Abandoned children

Today several stories are buzzing around about children being abandoned in Nebraska.

Nebraska became the last state in the country to have a safe haven law for parents to abandon children without legal repercussions if they follow the law. This law is designed to protect unwanted infants. In Nebraska's case, the law permits abandonment of children up to age 19.

So, yes, parents are abandoning children of all ages. One man dropped off his nine children. My soul is in pain for these children. According to State Senator, Arnie Stuthman, "People are leaving them off just because they can't control them. They're probably in no real danger, so it's an easy way out for the caregiver."

What can be said about that?? Am I at a loss for words--not even a little bit. I just have to temper my comments a little.

What kind of parent is looking for an easy way out? Well, we all have had our moments, but seriously, looking for a way out?

Obviously, these parents should be afforded a required sterilizaiton so they cannot do this to any more children.

Is this the new birth control? Have a kid, drop it off. Or try it on for a few years and if it is inconvenient, then drop it off?

If the child is out of control, then the parents caused that situation in most cases. As I mention before every show on Parents Rule!, it is called parents rule because as parents we set the tone in the home. Parents have got to stop this incessant giving in to every whim of the child. They have got to stand up and say NO and say it a lot. And they have to mean it and stick to it.

Children who are taught respect at a young age--aka: toddler--will not be the uncontrollable teenager. Yes, kids will get into trouble. Mine did; they all do. But never did my kids get into any trouble in which I wished they could just go away and I would never see them again, much less me drive them there!!

Any one can have a baby. That in and of itself does not a parent make! In this day and age, birth control is too available and inexpensive for any one to have a child they do not want.

Just stop what you are doing and ask yourself if you are prepared to accept the consequences of having unprotected sex for the next 18 years. If the answer is no, then stop what you are doing, put your clothes back on, and go home! It is that simple.

Take a teen who is troubled already and put that child in a situation in which the parent just drops him off at a local hospital and says "See ya"--what does that do to that child? Or take a ten year old and the parent just deserts her.

It is something these kids may never recover from. Desertion by a parent is despicable. Children give parents unconditional love. They may be mad and say they don't love us, but they do. They may act out and give us untold frustrations. However, they give and crave that unconditional love with parents for their whole lives.

And how do you have nine kids before you decide you just don't want to be a parent anymore? Someone explain to me just how that happens!!! I don't get it!

Who is my advisor?

As the parent of grown children, I can look back and laugh at all the times I had to be firm with them. Were they thankful? Believe it or not, they weren't! I remember a lot "I hate you's" being hurled in my direction which were immediately followed by the inevitable slamming door.

I did not let that perturb me. There was no way that they could really hate someone who loved them as much as I did. So I would ignore them or yell "Well, I love you" through the still rattling door.

In my memory it was my daughter and I who performed this ritual most often.

The other day, we were at the park with her boys (yes, I cursed her into having one just like her..) and I asked her advice about something. As always, she carefully thought before she answered and then gave me exactly what I needed.

Later I thought about how many times over the past few years we have called each other to ask the other's opinion. What a treasure that is! Erika always gives great counsel. She is very intellingent, but also very intuitive. It is what makes her a great mom. And a great advisor.

Who would have thought back then that she would be my best friend, the woman I most trust in the whole world? Funny, isn't it?

I also believe that the fact that I enforced the rules of the house, despite her tirades about how awful I was, helped to make her the woman she is today. Moms, trust your inner self that knows the right thing to do. Be consistent with love and with discipline. That is how you prepare your children for the rigors of the adult world.

My daughter has seen more than her share of hardships and faces each new challenge with a courage I can not imagine. I know some of what I taught her helped her be prepared for what she had to face and how she is winning every battle.

When I watch her with her children, I see a lot of me (the good part)...maybe that is not so bad.