Share Your Wisdom With Your Children

When I wrote my book, Now You Know What I Know: Parenting Wisdom of a Grandmother, my goal was to tell my kids what I did wrong and what I did right as a parent. They will make their own parenting mistakes, but I saw no need for them to repeat mine.

As I was writing, I would try to remember an event or a saying that I wanted to share with them. Sometimes it took me weeks to find or recall it. Sometimes I never did. Many times I wished I had written more down.

Now What Do You Know: A Wisdom Guide Written By You for YOUR Children is a natural companion book to mine. It is small enough to fit in a purse or diaper bag or bedside stand. It is spiral bound which makes it easy to write it. It can be found at http://shop.ebay.com/items/_W0QQ_nkwZnewQ20parentQ20giftsQQ_armrsZ1QQ_fromZR40QQ_mdoZ
or at my website: http://www.parentsrulewithpat.com.

To use it, write down:

• Bits of wisdom you have collected. If you have been inspired by something, write it in the book. If you had a great idea for a new family tradition that is catching on, capture the idea and how you came up with it.
• Record wise and profound sayings from other people that you would want to share with your child one day.
• As you learn more about parenting, you will find that there were situations you could have handled more effectively. Chronicle those--record the instance, what you did, how you would change your reaction. This will be very useful to your children as they are raising your grandchildren.
• Keep details of how you felt the first time you saw him--how he looked to you, what you were thinking, and such.
• Secure special art work created by your child into the book: drawings, poems, etc.
• Write poems or draw your own pictures to pass on.
• Log your feelings about her first day a school, graduation, leaving for college, getting married, and so on.

The uses are limitless and the benefits to you and your child are boundless. So many good things have come from my book between my chldren and I. It is my wish that all of you have the same opportunity.

Finding Bliss While Parenting

As parents, we love our kids--that goes without saying. When the baby is born we have that elation and excitement, then things go downhill. Lack of sleep, hormone surges, not knowing what to do with a crying baby, problems with breastfeeding, and such, all contribute a decreased sense of excitement about your choice to have a baby.

What can you do to not get burned out as parents? First realize that you cannot do it all. If you have a small child, don't expect to be able to keep a spotless house. Set realistic expectations for yourself. Trust me, as an experienced parent, they are only little for a short amount of time. Make the most of it. If other people don't want to come to your house because it is not always picked up, who cares?

Music is a great source of peace for me. I can be really stressed and put on Jimmy Buffett or Jackson Browne and I calm right down. Some people react that way to classical music or easy jazz--whatever works, keep it playing softly in the background. It will help soothe you without you even being aware of it.

When your new baby is sleeping, you sleep. Don't worry about straightening up the house. Take the time to renew yourself. Take that much needed bath, sleep, meditate, or whatever makes you feel rested. Again, don't worry about the house. You need your rest to keep up those late night and early morning feedings.

Learn to do some baby massage techniques. Bath time is a great opportunity to do this. You can have relaxing music, soft lights, and lavendar scented baby lotion. Massage works out his little aches and pains and he will sleep better. Talk to him during the massage, or sing if you want. It will be a calming time for both of you.

As your child gets older, take time to exercise. You can do it with your child or without. Exercise releases endorphins which contribute to a sense of well-being. A good aerobic exercise will also work out stress. I discovered running (well, slow jogging would be a better name for it--ok, it was just barely faster than walking, but it helped.) Anyway, my kids figured out pretty quick it made me less grumpy. Periodically I would be on one tirade or another and one of them would go get my running shoes and ask if I wanted to go for a run. The message was sent and received.

Ask for help! If you need some sleep, ask your mom or your husband or a neighbor to watch the child for you for a little while. Sleep, especially with a newborn, is essential and on short supply. Don't think or care that someone may think less of you. If they have ever had a child, they will be glad to help for a few hours. Have formula or a bottle of breast milk available for them and go to bed. Any mom needs energy and that comes from getting enough rest. So do it.

Find ways to have fun with your kids. Even on days when they are acting up, you can find a game or toy you can both play with to turn the day around. Don't forget about exercise. That is the best thing for an energetic, driving-you-crazy kid. She will burn off some of that energy and the two of you will have had fun.

Take a moment each day to appreciate the wonderful miracle you have produced. It may be harder while you are wiping crayon marks off the wall or trying to get magic marker designs off of his skin. But you will find the right time and then think about all the wonderful blessings you have had since that baby came into your world.

Then remember, it is only a start--there are so many more amaziing things headed your way!

Thanksgiving Memory

As Thanksgiving approaches, I am taken back to a time when this holiday was sad for me. My ex used to take the kids every year to PA to visit his family. They got to see grandparents, uncles, aunt, cousins and had a great time.

We had worked out this deal where he would take them for the November trip, which also was around his birthday. In return, I would get the kids every Christmas eve. That way, they always knew that Santa knew where to go. The agreement was always worth it on Christmas morning when I got to see their faces when they came downstairs to see what Santa Claus brought them.

But on the last Thursday of November, I was forlorn. So I did things to occupy my time--like running the Atlanta Half-Marathon. (No need to do a whole marathon. If you can do half, you can do the whole one, right?) I would plan kayaking trips or spend the whole day with my parents, which was great also. But my mind always wandered to kids--what were they doing, what did they have to eat, did they miss me?

The best time of the day was when they would call. Their voices were the tonic I needed and I would feel better. They told me the stories of their trip and how much fun they were having. Once again, I realized that I had done the right thing.

Today, many years later, I am looking forward to the holiday with most of the kids and some of the grandkids. We are all close, but they are also close to that side of the family. The cousins are all close in age and now they are all having kids that will be close in age.

Sometimes it is hard to be a parent and to be unselfish. Believe me, I was not always a perfect, unselfish parent. But in this case, I did the right thing for my children. It is great when you can look back and be able to say that.

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Hasta Mas Tarde, Padre

Today my newest grandson is 4 weeks old. Yesterday my son, the new dad, left to go back to Panama and his job. He left his wife and son here because she cannot travel for a while yet. I rode to the airport with her in case she needed to tend to the baby on the way home.

It broke my heart to hear him tell his son good by and to take care of his mom. I looked away and teared up while he and Jaime said their emotional good by. They are so close and need each other so. It is hard to see them separated.

I remember when my Michael was born, he was a little jaundiced and had to stay in the hospital for a few days under the bili light. It was so hard to go home to his room and have no baby to put in the crib. I am sure Aaron felt the same way when he arrived in their apartment last night. Even the dog was not there--he had to pick him up today.

What I can say to them is that they are very blessed. Time passes quickly. Jaime is surrounded with friends and family. We will do all we can to keep her distracted and busy. It is certain, due to his job, that Aaron will spend some long hours catching up on work responsibilites. Especially since he was here for a month.

Oh yes, that is what I said. He was able to take Family Leave and spend a month with his wife and infant. And he made the most of it, spending the whole time with the two of them. Some men would have gone out with friends and not spent almost every waking moment with his family. Instead he used the time to help Jaime and get to know that wonderful miracle that was given to them. What a blessing that was for all of them. So few fathers get that bonding time immediately after birth.

Their love is a blessing also. I have a picture in my head of two very old people sitting on a porch watching all their grandchildren and great-grandchildren playing in the yard while the couple reflects on their life together. So few people are together from childhood through old age. These two will, I know. It is that kind of love.. and that kind of love will survive any separation they may have.

At Christmas, he will come back here, and then take them back to their home in Panama where they will start their real lives as a small family. I see only the best in the future for them.