Thinking back to when I was having babies, those were exciting times. I loved planning for the baby, wondering if I would have a boy or girl. We didn't have much money, but I sewed and scrimped and finally had all the things I needed for the baby's room. My parents lived 1000 miles away so there was not much they could do from there, but that was okay.
This was my baby and I wanted to make the decisions. I was going to be the mommy and I knew I would not make the mistakes my parents did. It never occurred to me that they actually didn't make that many errors, nor did it occur to me that I might make a few of my own. The point was that I was responsible for this baby, not the grandparents. Did they give me advice? Of course. Was all of it requested? Nope.
When I became a grandma, I did not know what my role was. Was I an additional parent? Was I a playmate? Was I supposed to tell my kids everything they could do better and encourage what they did right? What was I supposed to do?
Finally, I did what has worked for me in the past. I thought back to my child rearing days. Then it all became clear. Who am I to tell my kids what they did was right or wrong? That was for them to figure out, just like I did. It is their family and their responsibility. It is not mine. Whoa, that really takes the heat off me!
Luckily my kids share my values and we have a very few differences so far on the subject of child rearing. But when we do, I try to abide by their rules--even if it is not how I did it with them. After all, I raised them to make good decisons. And they do, as evidenced by their choices for mates. I have done all I can for them. I mean, I wrote them a book (Now You Know What I Know: Parenting Wisdom of a Grandmother) about all my mistakes, for goodness sake. What else do they want? Now it is their turn to love, make mistakes, and nurture their children.
My job now is to occasionally babysit, love, play and just be "cool". As I was thinking back, I remembered how NOT COOL my parents were and how definitely cool my grandparents were. So now we have a few rules at Grandma's house but mostly we play and have fun. There is always a treat somewhere for them and we laugh a lot. My job is to be one of the very few people in their lives that they know love them unconditionally--no matter what. How special is that?
5 comments:
Pat,
Certainly your situation is MUCH DIFFERENT than mine. I hope my grandson will appreciate me as he continues to grow up. Right now I'm so busy being the "mean grandma" because as his primary caregiver, he has basically the same rules as my own daughter did when she was growing up.
I think it's an altogether situation when your grandchildren live with you versus going to visit them.
I just got back from a baby shower for my stepdaughter. I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself because her child makes my husband and me first-time grandparents! All the wonderful experiences you write about I'll get to know soon enough and I can't wait! And, yes, not being a primary caretaker like Beverly, I plan to do my share of spoiling. That's an added perk to a very special relationship!
Pat,
To say that there's nothing to compare to being a grandparent would be the understatement of the century. No matter what roles we, as grandparents, assume, they are always in a category of their own. Thank God for life experiences that teach us what we need to know.
Pat - I couldn't agree more...fun and love are the glue that holds families together. If your readers are looking for lots of inexpensive, neat ways to have fun with their grandchildren, thanks for reminding them about our brand new 5th edition of Grandloving: Making Memories with Your Grandchildren. They can read more about it on www.grandloving.com!
Again thanks too for the interview we did with you! Sue Johnson
Sue, I am sorry I didn't mention your book in the blog. I use it all the time for ideas.
Beverly, the clock is ticking down the hours until your daughter is out of school and you can just be the grandma. But you and Jared will be closer because of the time you have shared with him now.
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