Don't Ask and I Won't Have to Lie--guest blog by Beverly Mahone

Dear Readers--today I have guest blogger, Beverly Mahone, who shares a chapter in her new book "Don't Ask and I Won't Have to Lie"....Pat


EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER 2: Because Mommy Said So
To understand why we lie, we need not look any further than our own mothers. They are the ones who taught us how to lie and when those lies were appropriate. Of course we, as little girls, never wanted to believe our mommies would do such a thing, but they did—just as their mothers more than likely lied to them.

The experts call it parenting by lying. (Heyman, Luu, & Lee, Volume 38, Issue 3 September 2009) It’s a strategy—and a very successful one I might add—used to manipulate a young child’s behavior and emotions. Our mothers warned us about all the bad things that would happen if we didn’t do what they told us to do. They even conned us into good behavior all year long by reminding us that Santa Claus wouldn’t bring us any toys if we were naughty.

Once, my inquiring mind wanted to know how Santa was able to get into our home since we had no chimney. How was I to know at the time that my mother was telling a bold-faced lie when she said Santa had a special key to unlock the door?

The trauma of losing my baby teeth was always glossed over with a visit from the Tooth Fairy, who never failed to leave a nice, shiny quarter. How was I to know there was no such creature who had wings, could fly up to my second-floor bedroom, unlock the window, come in, sneak a quarter under my pillow and be gone without making a sound?

On the flip side: What about those times our mothers forced us to lie to them? They told you not to do something. You did it anyway. They confronted you. What did you do? You lied so you wouldn’t get in trouble.

Isn’t it ironic that our moms spent so much time preaching "honesty is the best policy" while steadily lying to us about this or that? The other irony is the fact that sometimes their lies were

meant to protect us from hurt or just to make us happy. In a strange kind of way this could be perceived as a part of a mother’s nurturing process.

There was the time I remember making an ashtray as my Mother’s Day gift. It looked okay going into the kiln, but when it came out of the fiery furnace, it looked more like a foreign object. Despite my embarrassment, disappointment, and tears, I painted it red wrapped it up, and gave it to Lillian.

When she opened her gift, you would’ve thought I had given her a piece of gold jewelry with the way she reacted. She kept talking about how beautiful it was and placed it right on the coffee table in the living room for everyone to see.

To this day, she still has that little red ashtray I made in kindergarten 47 years ago—plus another ugly pink one I made in first grade. That’s one lie I was very happy to hear.

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In Beverly's new book, Don’t Ask and I Won’t Have to Lie, she tells her life story as she deals with her own moral conscience while discovering some of the “truths” behind the “lies” she has heard and told.

Beverly Mahone, http://www.beverlymahone.com/, is a veteran journalist, author, radio talk show host and motivational speaker who primarily talks about issues affecting middle-aged women. She also hosts her own radio show called The Boomer Beat every Thursday from 1pm – 2pm on WCOM Radio in Carrboro, NC.

Beverly has been classified as a baby boomer expert by the media and has appeared on numerous radio and talk programs including My Carolina Today.