According to the Atlanta Journal Constitution, several teens were arrested last week in Hawkinsville, GA for a senior prank that got out of control. http://www.ajc.com/news/17-arrested-when-chicken-521799.html I am not a fan of senior pranks, but every few years we hear about a bunch of kids who get in trouble trying to perpetrate one.
The kids let some chickens loose in the school and spread corn everywhere for them. Naturally the chickens made messes all over the school. The kids also put sardines in the AC system. I agree that they very clearly did not use good judgement.
The latest news reports I heard were that the kids, one of whom was the valedictorian, were charged with felony trespassing. Is it necessary to charge them with a felony? These are young adults who did something stupid. What adult can look back and say that they always used good judgement when they were that age? A felony conviction prevents them from voting. It affects their ability to get a good job for the rest of their lives. I don't think the prosecutors should punish poor judgement with more poor judgement. No one was hurt, after all. Yes, it cost the school money.
And here is what I think should be done instead of charging them with a felony. The kids should have to make restitution in terms of labor and money to fix the damage they caused. A few hours on their hands and knees scrubbing chicken poop off the floor will do a lot to improve their decision making skills.
They should also be on the hook for the repair costs to the AC system. The parents should not be allowed to pay for the damages on behalf of their children. The perpetrators should have to either get jobs and use their income to repay the school, or they should have to do janitorial work at the school through the summer until they have worked off the debt.
Ruining the lives of otherwise good kids should not be the outcome for a "prank." They didn't hurt or kill anyone, they didn't steal anything, they didn't cause major structural damage to anything. Let's get things into perspective.
What do you all think? How would you punish them? Or, if you have an update to this story, please comment and let us know.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Is This America or Not?
Events over the past few days in Morgan Hills, CA have captured my attention. That is where the four students (two of whom were of Mexican descent) at Oak Hill High School were told to go home for wearing shirts with the American flag on them on May 5. Yes, it is Cinco de Mayo and most of the hispanic students were wearing the colors of Mexico that day.
My question is: if one was allowed, why was the other not? The last I looked, we live in the United States of America, not Mexico. Cinco de Mayo is not a recognized US holiday, so what is the fuss about a few T-shirts? Let the kids wear what they want, or mandate the wearing of uniforms.
The kids celebrating Cinco de Mayo said it was disrespectful to them. Really?? Are they here illegally? If not, they are welcome to be here and celebrate their culture. They can wear the red, green, and yellow shirts every day if they want.
The kids in the flag shirts were exercising their First Amendment Right to free speech in their wardrobe choice. They were proclaiming their love of our country and making a statement about the illegal aliens that are invading our country. Also these kids were in school--a school paid for by the United States of America. They did not trespass on or disrupt any Cinco de Mayo celebrations outside of school
Would I have recommended to my child to wear it on that day? Probably not, but they have the right to do so. It is never wrong to display the US flag in the United States of America, or it shouldn't be.
And now the "disrespected" kids walked out of class and marched to the court house chanting, "Si, se puedes" which means "Yes, we can". Yes, we can WHAT? What is their point in this? I think it is just an excuse to make a scene since the national cameras are on them. What a shame.
When I was in school I learned that the US is a melting pot of many cultures. It is what makes us special. Each group should never lose their heritage or the traditions that make them unique. However, we are all blended as Americans. If you don't want to blend, go away and go back to the country that you think is so much better than this one.
Many of my ancestors immigrated here for a better life. I get that. But they did it legally so the country could allow the ones in that really wanted a better life, and reject those that were criminals or had communicable diseases. Americans value and welcome any immigrant that comes here legally. We hope you live a wonderful life here.
But for the illegal aliens that are coming across the borders, that is a different story. Sure, most of them are wonderful people who are hard working and just wanting to make a better life. But they shoud do it legally. This world is too dangerous and there are too many people who want to do us harm to allow the porous borders.
The Mexican people I have met are kind, hard working, religious, and family oriented. Welcome to you if you come legally, melt into our society (while retaining your culture), learn our language, and pay taxes like the rest of us. Many of the Ellis Island immigrants spent months, if not years, waiting on that island before they were allowed to enter the country. And it was for a good reason.
Do the immigration laws need to be changed to make it easier? Absolutely! No question in my mind. But until that is done, those laws are what we have. Instead of protesting a few kids in T-shirts, you should be protesting the grotesque immigration laws from Congress.
My question is: if one was allowed, why was the other not? The last I looked, we live in the United States of America, not Mexico. Cinco de Mayo is not a recognized US holiday, so what is the fuss about a few T-shirts? Let the kids wear what they want, or mandate the wearing of uniforms.
The kids celebrating Cinco de Mayo said it was disrespectful to them. Really?? Are they here illegally? If not, they are welcome to be here and celebrate their culture. They can wear the red, green, and yellow shirts every day if they want.
The kids in the flag shirts were exercising their First Amendment Right to free speech in their wardrobe choice. They were proclaiming their love of our country and making a statement about the illegal aliens that are invading our country. Also these kids were in school--a school paid for by the United States of America. They did not trespass on or disrupt any Cinco de Mayo celebrations outside of school
Would I have recommended to my child to wear it on that day? Probably not, but they have the right to do so. It is never wrong to display the US flag in the United States of America, or it shouldn't be.
And now the "disrespected" kids walked out of class and marched to the court house chanting, "Si, se puedes" which means "Yes, we can". Yes, we can WHAT? What is their point in this? I think it is just an excuse to make a scene since the national cameras are on them. What a shame.
When I was in school I learned that the US is a melting pot of many cultures. It is what makes us special. Each group should never lose their heritage or the traditions that make them unique. However, we are all blended as Americans. If you don't want to blend, go away and go back to the country that you think is so much better than this one.
Many of my ancestors immigrated here for a better life. I get that. But they did it legally so the country could allow the ones in that really wanted a better life, and reject those that were criminals or had communicable diseases. Americans value and welcome any immigrant that comes here legally. We hope you live a wonderful life here.
But for the illegal aliens that are coming across the borders, that is a different story. Sure, most of them are wonderful people who are hard working and just wanting to make a better life. But they shoud do it legally. This world is too dangerous and there are too many people who want to do us harm to allow the porous borders.
The Mexican people I have met are kind, hard working, religious, and family oriented. Welcome to you if you come legally, melt into our society (while retaining your culture), learn our language, and pay taxes like the rest of us. Many of the Ellis Island immigrants spent months, if not years, waiting on that island before they were allowed to enter the country. And it was for a good reason.
Do the immigration laws need to be changed to make it easier? Absolutely! No question in my mind. But until that is done, those laws are what we have. Instead of protesting a few kids in T-shirts, you should be protesting the grotesque immigration laws from Congress.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Who is Your Hero?
When I was a little girl, my dad was my hero. As a teenager, I worshipped rock stars and movie stars. In fact, I probably still have a little crush on Peter Blair Denis Bernard Noone. What?? You don't recognize that name? He was Herman of Herman's Hermits.
What?? You still don't know who he is? Well, neither do a lot of people. And that is what happens when your idols are stars. They flare up brightly then disappear. In my book I encourage parents to introduce real people who have done something extraordinary to their kids. On my radio show next week, Brad Meltzer is my guest. He has written a wonderful book to help parents do just that, entitled Heroes for My Son in which he briefly discusses several people who have made a mark on the world. He also has a blog on the website, http://www.herosformyson.com in which he presents lesser known people who have also been extraordinary in some way.
My advice to parents is to talk to your kids about why we look up to people who seem bigger than life, who we should look up to, and how it should affect our lives. If your child's favorite football star gets accused of rape, talk to him about it. Let him know that all people are human and fallible. And especially let him know that not all of their actions should be imitated.
If your daughter wants to copy a rock icon, look to see what she likes about that star. Let her know that some outfits are great for the stage, but not to be worn to the mall. Focus her on the reality that the star's life is not her life. And discuss how the star got to where she is--what work did she have to do to get there? How many years did it take? What sacrifices did she make?
Interest your child in biographies of real people. Amelia Earhart was, and is, a hero to me. I read all I could find about her when I was a kid. Let your child see the struggles people go through like Helen Keller and Anne Frank. They will learn that if those people can triumph and succeed, then they can also. Show them by examples that life is not always easy and it is not all about them. But if they work hard and believe in themselves, good things will come to them and/or to others.
We are humans. God has given us an amazing ability to rise to any challenge, to triumph over adversity, to scale or tunnel under any obstacle in our path. Others have done it and so can we!
And who is my hero now? Well, I am back to my dad.
What?? You still don't know who he is? Well, neither do a lot of people. And that is what happens when your idols are stars. They flare up brightly then disappear. In my book I encourage parents to introduce real people who have done something extraordinary to their kids. On my radio show next week, Brad Meltzer is my guest. He has written a wonderful book to help parents do just that, entitled Heroes for My Son in which he briefly discusses several people who have made a mark on the world. He also has a blog on the website, http://www.herosformyson.com in which he presents lesser known people who have also been extraordinary in some way.
My advice to parents is to talk to your kids about why we look up to people who seem bigger than life, who we should look up to, and how it should affect our lives. If your child's favorite football star gets accused of rape, talk to him about it. Let him know that all people are human and fallible. And especially let him know that not all of their actions should be imitated.
If your daughter wants to copy a rock icon, look to see what she likes about that star. Let her know that some outfits are great for the stage, but not to be worn to the mall. Focus her on the reality that the star's life is not her life. And discuss how the star got to where she is--what work did she have to do to get there? How many years did it take? What sacrifices did she make?
Interest your child in biographies of real people. Amelia Earhart was, and is, a hero to me. I read all I could find about her when I was a kid. Let your child see the struggles people go through like Helen Keller and Anne Frank. They will learn that if those people can triumph and succeed, then they can also. Show them by examples that life is not always easy and it is not all about them. But if they work hard and believe in themselves, good things will come to them and/or to others.
We are humans. God has given us an amazing ability to rise to any challenge, to triumph over adversity, to scale or tunnel under any obstacle in our path. Others have done it and so can we!
And who is my hero now? Well, I am back to my dad.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Grandparents Are Cool!
Me and my Texas cowgirls
Thinking back to when I was having babies, those were exciting times. I loved planning for the baby, wondering if I would have a boy or girl. We didn't have much money, but I sewed and scrimped and finally had all the things I needed for the baby's room. My parents lived 1000 miles away so there was not much they could do from there, but that was okay.
This was my baby and I wanted to make the decisions. I was going to be the mommy and I knew I would not make the mistakes my parents did. It never occurred to me that they actually didn't make that many errors, nor did it occur to me that I might make a few of my own. The point was that I was responsible for this baby, not the grandparents. Did they give me advice? Of course. Was all of it requested? Nope.
When I became a grandma, I did not know what my role was. Was I an additional parent? Was I a playmate? Was I supposed to tell my kids everything they could do better and encourage what they did right? What was I supposed to do?
Finally, I did what has worked for me in the past. I thought back to my child rearing days. Then it all became clear. Who am I to tell my kids what they did was right or wrong? That was for them to figure out, just like I did. It is their family and their responsibility. It is not mine. Whoa, that really takes the heat off me!
Luckily my kids share my values and we have a very few differences so far on the subject of child rearing. But when we do, I try to abide by their rules--even if it is not how I did it with them. After all, I raised them to make good decisons. And they do, as evidenced by their choices for mates. I have done all I can for them. I mean, I wrote them a book (Now You Know What I Know: Parenting Wisdom of a Grandmother) about all my mistakes, for goodness sake. What else do they want? Now it is their turn to love, make mistakes, and nurture their children.
My job now is to occasionally babysit, love, play and just be "cool". As I was thinking back, I remembered how NOT COOL my parents were and how definitely cool my grandparents were. So now we have a few rules at Grandma's house but mostly we play and have fun. There is always a treat somewhere for them and we laugh a lot. My job is to be one of the very few people in their lives that they know love them unconditionally--no matter what. How special is that?
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Back to the Land of Toilet Seats!
I know that we have some problems in this country--high unemployment, bitter partisan fighting on both sides of Congress, high deficits. But we do have one thing going for us. Toilet seats! Oh...and toilet paper.
We just got back from a trip out of the country (you can see the photos on my facebook site--http://www.facebook.com/ParentsRuleParentResourceforInformationandAdvice). While we had a wonderful time, I did once again notice, up close and personal, that many countries are not partial to toilet seats. The photo in this post is one I took after finishing my business along the Amazon. Notice the lack of toilet seat. And the toilet was about half as high as mine at home.
Ok, now picture yourself, ladies, squatting over this thing while trying to hold your pants out of the way, but not letting them lie in the fluid on the floor. Now you must also grab the blue rope hanging on the door with your third hand--oh, you only have two? Sorry! Ok, you have to grab the rope to hold the door closed. The whole area is leans downhill, too, so the door tends to want to be open.
Now with your free hand?? you must reach in your pocket or purse or whatever you can use to find some paper for wiping since there is none in there. All this needs to be done quickly since by now you have a major muscle burn going on those squatting thighs. And you must remember not to put the tissue in the toilet--that goes in a small waste can. The big blue can? Oh, that has water in it to use for flushing.
All in all, it was a very interesting trip to the jon, made worse because I kept laughing the whole time. My trip to the Amazon was amazing and wonderful. It is one I would definitely repeat. But this time I would go to REI and get the female funnel I almost bought before the trip. It sure would have come in handy a few times.
Friday, April 9, 2010
What if Your Child Divorced You?
I am 44 years old and I have these dreams.
I dream my 11 yr old son is hugging me. I dream he grabs my hand as we walk down a crowded street. I dream he smiles because he is happy to see me. All these dreams end the same way. I start crying because Adam and I are together again. Then I wake up with mixed emotions. I'm grateful for the few seconds of subconscious normalcy, but sad that my dreams are the only place Adam and I have a normal relationship. (from the book A Family's Heartbreak: A Parents Introduction to Parental Alienation by Michael Jefferies http://www.afamilysheartbreak.com)
April 25 is Parental Alienation Awareness Day and I am doing my part to spread the word about this viral disease that infects many families. Since I have been doing my radio show, Parents Rule!, I have heard so many stories from dads and moms who are alienated from the children they love so much. It is heart breaking to listen to the tales of lost affection and lost time with their kids, false claims of child abuse, tears shed, and dollars spent trying to put things right. And that is the affect on the alienated parent.
For the children, they have much higher rates of depression, low self-esteem, substance abuse, and suicide. These children are taught by the alienating parent to hold anger and resentment against the parent they are told no longer loves them. Sometimes they are even punished if they do not comply with the rule of hating the alienated parent. It is so sad. How can a child believe anyone can love them if they believe that a parent has stopped loving him? How can she ever have a normal relationship with another person?
The alienating parent for some reason--there are many reasons for this--has a need to separate the child from the other parent. This is usually the result of a divorce, but not always. Phone calls are not answered or returned. Visits are cancelled or become very uncomfortable due to the pressure on the child to show anger or disinterest in the alienated parent. Some parents have been arrested on trumped up charges of abuse. It is all so ugly and it must stop.
Unfortunately, the family court system in most states is useless in preventing or stopping this atrocity. Many alienated parents lose their jobs and fortunes trying to reconnect with their beloved child--most times, to no avail.
My show next week features the author referenced at the beginning of this blog. We are going to discuss his story and what can be done to fix the broken system in which these parents are trying to work. It will be a good show, so tune in Thurs April 15th 2-3 pm EST at http://www.americaswebradio.com. Listen is and find out what you can do to prevent this from happening to you.
I dream my 11 yr old son is hugging me. I dream he grabs my hand as we walk down a crowded street. I dream he smiles because he is happy to see me. All these dreams end the same way. I start crying because Adam and I are together again. Then I wake up with mixed emotions. I'm grateful for the few seconds of subconscious normalcy, but sad that my dreams are the only place Adam and I have a normal relationship. (from the book A Family's Heartbreak: A Parents Introduction to Parental Alienation by Michael Jefferies http://www.afamilysheartbreak.com)
April 25 is Parental Alienation Awareness Day and I am doing my part to spread the word about this viral disease that infects many families. Since I have been doing my radio show, Parents Rule!, I have heard so many stories from dads and moms who are alienated from the children they love so much. It is heart breaking to listen to the tales of lost affection and lost time with their kids, false claims of child abuse, tears shed, and dollars spent trying to put things right. And that is the affect on the alienated parent.
For the children, they have much higher rates of depression, low self-esteem, substance abuse, and suicide. These children are taught by the alienating parent to hold anger and resentment against the parent they are told no longer loves them. Sometimes they are even punished if they do not comply with the rule of hating the alienated parent. It is so sad. How can a child believe anyone can love them if they believe that a parent has stopped loving him? How can she ever have a normal relationship with another person?
The alienating parent for some reason--there are many reasons for this--has a need to separate the child from the other parent. This is usually the result of a divorce, but not always. Phone calls are not answered or returned. Visits are cancelled or become very uncomfortable due to the pressure on the child to show anger or disinterest in the alienated parent. Some parents have been arrested on trumped up charges of abuse. It is all so ugly and it must stop.
Unfortunately, the family court system in most states is useless in preventing or stopping this atrocity. Many alienated parents lose their jobs and fortunes trying to reconnect with their beloved child--most times, to no avail.
My show next week features the author referenced at the beginning of this blog. We are going to discuss his story and what can be done to fix the broken system in which these parents are trying to work. It will be a good show, so tune in Thurs April 15th 2-3 pm EST at http://www.americaswebradio.com. Listen is and find out what you can do to prevent this from happening to you.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Seattle School Facilitates Abortion Without Parental Consent
In my goal of providing timely parenting information to my readers/listeners, I am bringing this sad story to you. According to all the news outlets today, a Seattle high school's teen health center not only tested a girl for pregnancy without parental consent, it also sent her for an abortion. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/teen-abortion-high-school/story?id=10189694 This event is getting a lot of play on the internet and there are mixed feelings about this.
Apparently, this is legal in Washington state as well as 12 or 13 other states. Why? Why is this considered the right thing to do? It is just another example of the erosion of parental rights in the United States. Teen pregnancy and abortion are very important issues in the life of a teen. They need to be discussed at home with the family, not with strangers who do not have the child's best interest at heart. Advice from her parents is what that child needed.
Abortion is not without risk, physically or emotionally. What if the girl had died? What if she had a botched abortion and could never have children again? What if, after the abortion, she got depressed and committed suicide? I have know several people who have had abortions and the majority of them dealt with guilt and depression afterward. Wouldn't this child need her family for support of any decision?
What did the school tell this teen girl? "We had no idea this was being facilitated on campus," said the mother. "They just told her that if she concealed it from her family, that it would be free of charge and no financial responsibility." So they actively counseled her to keep the secret from her parents. That is just wrong, period.
When I was a teen, I did not have sex. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't think I could face my parents if I got pregnant or caught a disease. It was a deterrant for me and for many others. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. Teens are not emotionally capable of handling a sexual relationship. They are just learning to deal with the crazy hormone surges and mood changes that come with puberty and adolescence. Teens having sex too early is a recipe for a very bad emotional soup.
Even though I would have been afraid to tell my parents, I know they would have supported me and helped me make the right decision about what should be done. Would they have been angry? Absolutely. Would they have caused a scene? No question. But when all was said and done, they would have been there for me just like they were for every other crisis in my life. And so would practically every other parent.
Abortion back then was still illegal so that would not have been on the table. But we would have talked about keeping the baby versus adoption. Yes, they would have been disappointed. Every parent is when their child has to face a situation like that.
It doesn't mean that the parent stops loving that child. What it should mean is that they discuss their feelings openly and frankly. Information for parents and child is vital and they can get it from various sources, such as a pediatrician. Then they sit down as a family and decide what is best for the baby and for the teen.
What should NEVER happen is for the government or a school to usurp the parental role in such a situation. I think it is criminal to encourage a child to hide something like that from a parent. I am just sick to know that it is legal in so many states. This should be a wake up call for parents. Find out the laws in your state. Lobby to have such a horrendous law repealed if you have one. Stand up for parents rights. What if this had been your child? How would you have felt?
Apparently, this is legal in Washington state as well as 12 or 13 other states. Why? Why is this considered the right thing to do? It is just another example of the erosion of parental rights in the United States. Teen pregnancy and abortion are very important issues in the life of a teen. They need to be discussed at home with the family, not with strangers who do not have the child's best interest at heart. Advice from her parents is what that child needed.
Abortion is not without risk, physically or emotionally. What if the girl had died? What if she had a botched abortion and could never have children again? What if, after the abortion, she got depressed and committed suicide? I have know several people who have had abortions and the majority of them dealt with guilt and depression afterward. Wouldn't this child need her family for support of any decision?
What did the school tell this teen girl? "We had no idea this was being facilitated on campus," said the mother. "They just told her that if she concealed it from her family, that it would be free of charge and no financial responsibility." So they actively counseled her to keep the secret from her parents. That is just wrong, period.
When I was a teen, I did not have sex. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't think I could face my parents if I got pregnant or caught a disease. It was a deterrant for me and for many others. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. Teens are not emotionally capable of handling a sexual relationship. They are just learning to deal with the crazy hormone surges and mood changes that come with puberty and adolescence. Teens having sex too early is a recipe for a very bad emotional soup.
Even though I would have been afraid to tell my parents, I know they would have supported me and helped me make the right decision about what should be done. Would they have been angry? Absolutely. Would they have caused a scene? No question. But when all was said and done, they would have been there for me just like they were for every other crisis in my life. And so would practically every other parent.
Abortion back then was still illegal so that would not have been on the table. But we would have talked about keeping the baby versus adoption. Yes, they would have been disappointed. Every parent is when their child has to face a situation like that.
It doesn't mean that the parent stops loving that child. What it should mean is that they discuss their feelings openly and frankly. Information for parents and child is vital and they can get it from various sources, such as a pediatrician. Then they sit down as a family and decide what is best for the baby and for the teen.
What should NEVER happen is for the government or a school to usurp the parental role in such a situation. I think it is criminal to encourage a child to hide something like that from a parent. I am just sick to know that it is legal in so many states. This should be a wake up call for parents. Find out the laws in your state. Lobby to have such a horrendous law repealed if you have one. Stand up for parents rights. What if this had been your child? How would you have felt?
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