Sometimes its bad when the going gets tough
When we look in the mirror and we want to give up
Sometimes we dont even think well try
Sometimes we cry
Well were gonna have to sit down and think it right through
If we're only human what more can we do
The only thing to do is eat humble pie
Sometimes we cry
from Sometimes We Cry by Van Morrison
There are times in our lives--not just as parents, but as humans--when we need to sit down and cry. We all have moments in life where we are overwhelmed by stress, indecision, regret, sadness, and many more reasons why we want to cry. No, that is not accurate. Actually we need to cry. Crying releases powerful internal natural substances that elevate our moods. Have you ever been crying your heart out when an offbeat comment from someone else can suddenly sent you into uncontrollable laughter? In the movie, Steel Magnolias, Dolly Parton claims laughter through tears as her favorite emotion.
Crying is cleansing and purifying. God have us tears because it is healthy for us . When you hold deep emotions inside, any doctor will say that you are raising your risks for all sorts of physical ailments, such as high blood pressure, ulcers, heart attacks, depression, lupus, and many more diseases and conditions. Is it worth it?
Feeling overwhelmed by life is one of the hardest things any of us face. There are many causes of that feeling--many of which deal with loss in our lives. Cry. Keep crying--get it all out. But find a way to keep doing the little things of life that keep you connected to the world and to your family and friends. Get out of bed. Go to work. Cook dinner. Call someone else who is suffering and do something for them. Sometimes you will have to fake it a little, but even that will help.
Confiding in someone you can trust can really give you a lift. It also lets you know that you are not alone. Or you can get help from outside your cirlce of friends--a therapist, AA, Alanon, a spiritual advisor, or even a stranger on a help line.
Crying is not abnormal or strange. It is a normal part of life. As the song says, "sometimes we cry" and the Bible says that there is "a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance." I listened to this song the other day and have not been able to get it out of my mind or my heart. A deepseated need to blog about this topic grew in my consciousness. So, if you are the reason, please heed the words and know you are okay. You will be fine--maybe not the same--but fine.
Blessings to all.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Fifteen things to tell your teenager
To my readers: I have opened up my blog to guest bloggers. There were so many knowledgeable people who wanted to be on the radio show that I never got the chance to have on. So I am giving them a forum for their ideas.
Fifteen things to tell your teenager before they close their eyes to sleep
by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC
Having a teenager is one of the most challenging times in a parent’s marriage — as well as their life. It is scary, frustrating, and chaotic. It is a time of letting go, enforcing rules, strengthening boundaries and also nurturing. Teens may appear to be fighting against us at times — rebelling from our rules, pointing out our inadequacies, and telling us “how out of it we are.”
However, they also still love and need us. They need their mom and dad to stay strong and enforce the rules and structure that help make them feel secure. There are certain things teenagers really need to hear from their parents. You cannot say these things when they would be most apropos. However, you can say them at night when the child is relaxed and going to sleep. Also, they offer less resistance at night just before bedtime. They will remember what you said, and they will reflect on it when you least expect it.
I have written down 15 of those things that should be said during your child’s teen years.
1. No one will ever love you in the same way or have your best interests at heart more than your mom/dad and I will.
2. You have so many gifts and options; I will help you capitalize/benefit from them as best I can.
3. How can I help you reach your dreams?
4. No matter what you confide in me, I will always love you and do what is best for you.
5. My job is not to be your buddy. I am your parent and will love and mentor you.
6. I am sorry. (Say this whenever you hurt your child, or your child is in pain from something someone else said to them.)
7. I embrace your friends, but I love you the most.
8. It is okay to mess up; I do it all the time.
9. I am sorry you don’t like my rules, but you will have to abide by them. I will hold you accountable if you break them and there will be a consequence.
10. If you are in trouble call me first, no matter where you are. I may be angry, but my first concern will always be your safety. We will talk about punishment or consequences later.
11. You are an integral part of this family, and the family needs you to run smoothly.
12. I don’t care what your friends get to do. I am not their parent; I am yours and you are my main responsibility and concern.
13. I admire you more than you can ever understand or know.
14. If you get in trouble at school, be honest with me. Your teacher is the authority at school and if I hear it from your teacher before I hear it from you, I will feel betrayed or deceived. I may react to this breach of trust.
15. From the first time I saw your eyes, I vowed to be the best parent I could be for you. I make mistakes but they are not meant to hurt you. I make them because I love you so much and get scared sometimes. It is hard parenting a teen (your child will understand this confession).
The number of years your child is a teen are relatively short, but no time in your child’s life can influence the relationship they have with you into adulthood as much as their teen years. Hold strong boundaries, talk with them, listen to them, and tell them frequently with a hug how much you love them. They will make it through — and so will you.
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman, of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever. Read more about the book at www.StartTalkingBook.com and more about Rapini at www.maryjorapini.com. Twitter Mary Jo: @maryjorapini
-------------------------------
Start Talking features succinct yet lively answers, sample conversations, and real life stories to help open the door to better mother/daughter communication. Rapini and Sherman have compiled more than 113 questions girls (and their moms) routinely ask – or should be asking – about health, sex, body image, and dating.
Fifteen things to tell your teenager before they close their eyes to sleep
by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC
Having a teenager is one of the most challenging times in a parent’s marriage — as well as their life. It is scary, frustrating, and chaotic. It is a time of letting go, enforcing rules, strengthening boundaries and also nurturing. Teens may appear to be fighting against us at times — rebelling from our rules, pointing out our inadequacies, and telling us “how out of it we are.”However, they also still love and need us. They need their mom and dad to stay strong and enforce the rules and structure that help make them feel secure. There are certain things teenagers really need to hear from their parents. You cannot say these things when they would be most apropos. However, you can say them at night when the child is relaxed and going to sleep. Also, they offer less resistance at night just before bedtime. They will remember what you said, and they will reflect on it when you least expect it.
I have written down 15 of those things that should be said during your child’s teen years.
1. No one will ever love you in the same way or have your best interests at heart more than your mom/dad and I will.
2. You have so many gifts and options; I will help you capitalize/benefit from them as best I can.
3. How can I help you reach your dreams?
4. No matter what you confide in me, I will always love you and do what is best for you.
5. My job is not to be your buddy. I am your parent and will love and mentor you.
6. I am sorry. (Say this whenever you hurt your child, or your child is in pain from something someone else said to them.)
7. I embrace your friends, but I love you the most.
8. It is okay to mess up; I do it all the time.
9. I am sorry you don’t like my rules, but you will have to abide by them. I will hold you accountable if you break them and there will be a consequence.
10. If you are in trouble call me first, no matter where you are. I may be angry, but my first concern will always be your safety. We will talk about punishment or consequences later.
11. You are an integral part of this family, and the family needs you to run smoothly.
12. I don’t care what your friends get to do. I am not their parent; I am yours and you are my main responsibility and concern.
13. I admire you more than you can ever understand or know.
14. If you get in trouble at school, be honest with me. Your teacher is the authority at school and if I hear it from your teacher before I hear it from you, I will feel betrayed or deceived. I may react to this breach of trust.
15. From the first time I saw your eyes, I vowed to be the best parent I could be for you. I make mistakes but they are not meant to hurt you. I make them because I love you so much and get scared sometimes. It is hard parenting a teen (your child will understand this confession).
The number of years your child is a teen are relatively short, but no time in your child’s life can influence the relationship they have with you into adulthood as much as their teen years. Hold strong boundaries, talk with them, listen to them, and tell them frequently with a hug how much you love them. They will make it through — and so will you.
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman, of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever. Read more about the book at www.StartTalkingBook.com and more about Rapini at www.maryjorapini.com. Twitter Mary Jo: @maryjorapini
-------------------------------
Start Talking features succinct yet lively answers, sample conversations, and real life stories to help open the door to better mother/daughter communication. Rapini and Sherman have compiled more than 113 questions girls (and their moms) routinely ask – or should be asking – about health, sex, body image, and dating.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Relating to Older Children
To my readers: I have opened up my blog to guest bloggers. There were so many knowledgeable people who wanted to be on the radio show that I never got the chance to have on. So I am giving them a forum for their ideas.
My first guest blogger is Annie Burnside and you will benefit from her wise words--Pat
In the modern age of texts, tweets, and status updates, it is of utmost importance that parents maintain open lines of face-to-face, soul-to-soul communication with their children. This does not mean resisting a highly technological world, but rather continually exploring new ways to connect with one another both on and beyond the keyboard. As children get older, parents must observe carefully what their children enjoy and meet them there as often as they can. This may at times include technology in different forms, but should not become the main focus within a family. The more attuned parents are to their children’s interests, the better able they are to utilize those interests as opportunities for expanded connection.
As children mature, the interactions between parent and child shift greatly. Part of this change is due to quantity of time spent together, but the nature of the hours shared also shifts dramatically. Today’s children often become immersed in a world of technology and friendships that may seem quite foreign to parents. Parents can view all new interests as pathways to greater awareness and connection and tailor them to fit into family life. To light that path, parents must continually assess whether they are offering a true understanding of core concepts such as authenticity, self-love, connectedness and presence in tandem with their child’s inevitable foray into a fast-paced and ever-changing world. Parents must not only teach these concepts but also model ways for their children to integrate them into life experiences and relationships.
The invitation for all parents is to actively participate in as many areas of their children’s lives as possible without decreasing their natural move towards independence. Their interests when viewed from an expanded perspective offer rich material and opportunity to connect with them in deep and joyous ways. Songs, movies, and all veins of creative expression (even technology) provide optimal entry points into daily conversation and in-depth discussion. Parents can utilize everyday life to dissect and review the core concepts mentioned above to expand perspective and enhance the parent/child bond. The space and opportunity to discuss the touchstones of the day can be created through a weekly family discussion or a nightly five-minute chat at bedtime. Parents must be continually on the lookout for a bridge into their children’s world.
As children grow older, the sharing is of a different nature, but stems from the same loving bond as before even if the child does not outwardly express this deeply felt connection. Parents must trust that it is there and forge ahead in the desire to keep intimacy alive. It becomes the parent’s job to tap into the essence of what their children enjoy even if the form does not fully resonate. Parents should take the time every so often to close their eyes to recall in their heart the feeling of coming into their own passions when they were the same age as their children. The technology available is more advanced today, but it is important for parents to remember the feeling of listening to a popular song or watching a favorite show each week. If parents can access their inner-adolescent, they will have a much greater chance of connecting now with their own children.
Parents can open themselves to the possibility that they can move into their children’s world a bit more and enjoy the ride with them rather than in opposition to them. As parents give their children permission to be authentic in their choices, they must also offer them the parental insight that there are multiple angles to every choice. Parents can encourage transparency and honesty by creating a family structure that helps children monitor their choices—such as computer use on the first floor only. Parents should not be afraid to expect and enforce accountability, while at the same time remain open to the child’s new world. It is imperative that parents take the time to teach children that current choices affect future reality. In other words, parents should assist them in coming to understand that they are a source, not an effect—joy begets more joy, inspiration begets more inspiration, and the opposite.
Conscious parenting requires active participation in all aspects of family life, connecting not only within the parents’ comfort zones but also within the children’s. Parents can begin to intuitively feel for the openings to interact richly with their children that occur naturally rather than push too hard at the wrong time. The teenage years are fast and fleeting. There is much sharing, laughter, togetherness, and JOY to be had. As parents model authentic living and deep connection with others, their beloved children just may follow suit in their own way, through not only their face-to-face, soul-to-soul interactions, but through their inevitable online interactions as well.
Bio: A modern bridge between the mainstream and the mystical, Annie Burnside is a soul nurturer specializing in conscious relationships and spiritual development. Her spiritual support practice assists others in balancing the exterior world with an interior focus. Annie teaches workshops, speaks publicly and writes the Soul to Soul Perspective blog for the Chicago Tribune, a regular blog for ModernMom.com, and the family consciousness column for Evolving Your Spirit Magazine. She lives with her husband and three children in Chicago, IL. http://www.annieburnside.com/
My first guest blogger is Annie Burnside and you will benefit from her wise words--Pat
In the modern age of texts, tweets, and status updates, it is of utmost importance that parents maintain open lines of face-to-face, soul-to-soul communication with their children. This does not mean resisting a highly technological world, but rather continually exploring new ways to connect with one another both on and beyond the keyboard. As children get older, parents must observe carefully what their children enjoy and meet them there as often as they can. This may at times include technology in different forms, but should not become the main focus within a family. The more attuned parents are to their children’s interests, the better able they are to utilize those interests as opportunities for expanded connection.
As children mature, the interactions between parent and child shift greatly. Part of this change is due to quantity of time spent together, but the nature of the hours shared also shifts dramatically. Today’s children often become immersed in a world of technology and friendships that may seem quite foreign to parents. Parents can view all new interests as pathways to greater awareness and connection and tailor them to fit into family life. To light that path, parents must continually assess whether they are offering a true understanding of core concepts such as authenticity, self-love, connectedness and presence in tandem with their child’s inevitable foray into a fast-paced and ever-changing world. Parents must not only teach these concepts but also model ways for their children to integrate them into life experiences and relationships.
The invitation for all parents is to actively participate in as many areas of their children’s lives as possible without decreasing their natural move towards independence. Their interests when viewed from an expanded perspective offer rich material and opportunity to connect with them in deep and joyous ways. Songs, movies, and all veins of creative expression (even technology) provide optimal entry points into daily conversation and in-depth discussion. Parents can utilize everyday life to dissect and review the core concepts mentioned above to expand perspective and enhance the parent/child bond. The space and opportunity to discuss the touchstones of the day can be created through a weekly family discussion or a nightly five-minute chat at bedtime. Parents must be continually on the lookout for a bridge into their children’s world.
As children grow older, the sharing is of a different nature, but stems from the same loving bond as before even if the child does not outwardly express this deeply felt connection. Parents must trust that it is there and forge ahead in the desire to keep intimacy alive. It becomes the parent’s job to tap into the essence of what their children enjoy even if the form does not fully resonate. Parents should take the time every so often to close their eyes to recall in their heart the feeling of coming into their own passions when they were the same age as their children. The technology available is more advanced today, but it is important for parents to remember the feeling of listening to a popular song or watching a favorite show each week. If parents can access their inner-adolescent, they will have a much greater chance of connecting now with their own children.
Parents can open themselves to the possibility that they can move into their children’s world a bit more and enjoy the ride with them rather than in opposition to them. As parents give their children permission to be authentic in their choices, they must also offer them the parental insight that there are multiple angles to every choice. Parents can encourage transparency and honesty by creating a family structure that helps children monitor their choices—such as computer use on the first floor only. Parents should not be afraid to expect and enforce accountability, while at the same time remain open to the child’s new world. It is imperative that parents take the time to teach children that current choices affect future reality. In other words, parents should assist them in coming to understand that they are a source, not an effect—joy begets more joy, inspiration begets more inspiration, and the opposite.
Conscious parenting requires active participation in all aspects of family life, connecting not only within the parents’ comfort zones but also within the children’s. Parents can begin to intuitively feel for the openings to interact richly with their children that occur naturally rather than push too hard at the wrong time. The teenage years are fast and fleeting. There is much sharing, laughter, togetherness, and JOY to be had. As parents model authentic living and deep connection with others, their beloved children just may follow suit in their own way, through not only their face-to-face, soul-to-soul interactions, but through their inevitable online interactions as well.
Bio: A modern bridge between the mainstream and the mystical, Annie Burnside is a soul nurturer specializing in conscious relationships and spiritual development. Her spiritual support practice assists others in balancing the exterior world with an interior focus. Annie teaches workshops, speaks publicly and writes the Soul to Soul Perspective blog for the Chicago Tribune, a regular blog for ModernMom.com, and the family consciousness column for Evolving Your Spirit Magazine. She lives with her husband and three children in Chicago, IL. http://www.annieburnside.com/
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Change Is Good
I am one of those people who resist change, then finally decide that I have to do it and charge ahead. For a while now I have been thinking of puttng Parents Rule! radio show into hiatus. But, as I said, creating new routine is not my favorite thing. True to my nature, I am also going to change this blog by bringing in more guest bloggers. In that way, you can still have the benefit of people who would have been guests on the show.
Why am I doing this? Recently some things happened in my life that put the show in a new perspective and I realized that now is not the right time for me to be doing it. It is always possible that I will bring it back, slightly changed, but still a great resource for parents. But right now, I have some other priorities that must take my attention. The radio station gave me a wonderful opportunity and I am forever grateful. But it is also time to part ways there.
So my last show is this week and I have bittersweet feelings about that. It is best to never look back. We should keep looking forward, carrying the lessons from the past, but focusing on the path we are walking today. Using a quote from my book, Now You Know What I Know: Parenting Wisdom of a Grandmother:
Don’t regret the past. Its experiences make you who you are today. Don’t live in the past with remorse, guilt, or shame. Learn from it and move on. Living in the past will hamper your growth and future happiness.
The future is what dreams are made of and should be anticipated eagerly. But don’t live for the future either. While your eyes are focused too far ahead, you miss the beauty and opportunity around you. It is also easy to stumble if you are looking forward or backward.
Live for the present, live in the present. Learn from the past and hope for the future but cherish each day in the present with which you are blessed. Experience each moment and enjoy each day. Fill your heart with joy and look at the wonderful things around you. You are blessed and can find a miracle in each day if you look for it. All you have to do is look in your child’s face to see a miracle when you need one.
Why am I doing this? Recently some things happened in my life that put the show in a new perspective and I realized that now is not the right time for me to be doing it. It is always possible that I will bring it back, slightly changed, but still a great resource for parents. But right now, I have some other priorities that must take my attention. The radio station gave me a wonderful opportunity and I am forever grateful. But it is also time to part ways there.
So my last show is this week and I have bittersweet feelings about that. It is best to never look back. We should keep looking forward, carrying the lessons from the past, but focusing on the path we are walking today. Using a quote from my book, Now You Know What I Know: Parenting Wisdom of a Grandmother:
Don’t regret the past. Its experiences make you who you are today. Don’t live in the past with remorse, guilt, or shame. Learn from it and move on. Living in the past will hamper your growth and future happiness.
The future is what dreams are made of and should be anticipated eagerly. But don’t live for the future either. While your eyes are focused too far ahead, you miss the beauty and opportunity around you. It is also easy to stumble if you are looking forward or backward.
Live for the present, live in the present. Learn from the past and hope for the future but cherish each day in the present with which you are blessed. Experience each moment and enjoy each day. Fill your heart with joy and look at the wonderful things around you. You are blessed and can find a miracle in each day if you look for it. All you have to do is look in your child’s face to see a miracle when you need one.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Ohio Mom Proves that More School Choice is Imperative
Last week a story appeared about an Ohio mom who went to jail for sending her kids to a better school than the one they were attending. http://abcnews.go.com/US/ohio-mom-jailed-sending-kids-school-district/story?id=12763654 While her methods may have been fraudulent, what mother would not have at least thought of doing the same thing? She is enrolled in school to become a teacher while also working full time to take care of her children. Money is tight and the neighborhood, and it's schools, is not the best one. So she used her parents address and sent the kids to another school where they would be safer and get a better education.
Frankly, I might have done the same thing in the same circumstances. The whole issue would have resolved itself shortly as she was just a few hours away from her degree. The income increase would let her move into a better neighborhood. Now that is in jeopardy because no one can work as a teacher in Ohio who has been convicted of a felony. For some reason, she was convicted of a felony.
Now I ask you...what should have happened to her? How about a slap on the wrist? After all we live in a country where a tax cheat is now head of the IRS. What she did was nothing like that. Why could they not have looked at who this woman was and how she was trying to rise out of her circumstances to provide a better living for her daughters? Isn't that what we all want?
As much as I dislike being on the same side of an issue with Al Sharpton, we agree that this was over the top. I don't, however, agree that is was racially motivated. Yes, they were looking to make an example of someone and her ticket came up. (There have been 30-40 similar issues in that district in the past two years, but nothing like this happened to them.)
But there is no proof that racism was behind this atrocious miscarriage of justice and the race cards gets played too often without proof. I don't see this as a black/white/purple/green issue. It is a "what's right" issue. It is a matter of doing the right thing based on circumstances.
A former guest on my radio show and author of The Big Black Lie and the Black Sphere blog, Kevin Jackson, http://www.theblacksphere.net was going this week to Ohio to see if he can help her, but had to postpone it until next week due to the weather. I believe the whole verdict should be vacated or at least, reduced to a misdemeanor so she has a way of supporting her children.
What if by putting her children in that other school, she prevented a bullying incident that occured like the one we heard about this week in PA? http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/caught-tape-13-year-attacked-classmates/story?id=12809350
So what is the answer? More school choice is the answer. More charter schools, more vouchers, finding ways to ease the restrictions between school districts. If a school is losing students because it is not safe or the educational opportunity is not up to par, then work on that school. Don't punish kids and parents who are doing the right thing the wrong way. Find ways to make the school, first safe, and then a better educational opportunity.
This madness has to stop where real criminals get away and poor hard working people are victimized by the system that should be protecting them. That is my rant.
Frankly, I might have done the same thing in the same circumstances. The whole issue would have resolved itself shortly as she was just a few hours away from her degree. The income increase would let her move into a better neighborhood. Now that is in jeopardy because no one can work as a teacher in Ohio who has been convicted of a felony. For some reason, she was convicted of a felony.
Now I ask you...what should have happened to her? How about a slap on the wrist? After all we live in a country where a tax cheat is now head of the IRS. What she did was nothing like that. Why could they not have looked at who this woman was and how she was trying to rise out of her circumstances to provide a better living for her daughters? Isn't that what we all want?
As much as I dislike being on the same side of an issue with Al Sharpton, we agree that this was over the top. I don't, however, agree that is was racially motivated. Yes, they were looking to make an example of someone and her ticket came up. (There have been 30-40 similar issues in that district in the past two years, but nothing like this happened to them.)
But there is no proof that racism was behind this atrocious miscarriage of justice and the race cards gets played too often without proof. I don't see this as a black/white/purple/green issue. It is a "what's right" issue. It is a matter of doing the right thing based on circumstances.
A former guest on my radio show and author of The Big Black Lie and the Black Sphere blog, Kevin Jackson, http://www.theblacksphere.net was going this week to Ohio to see if he can help her, but had to postpone it until next week due to the weather. I believe the whole verdict should be vacated or at least, reduced to a misdemeanor so she has a way of supporting her children.
What if by putting her children in that other school, she prevented a bullying incident that occured like the one we heard about this week in PA? http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/caught-tape-13-year-attacked-classmates/story?id=12809350
So what is the answer? More school choice is the answer. More charter schools, more vouchers, finding ways to ease the restrictions between school districts. If a school is losing students because it is not safe or the educational opportunity is not up to par, then work on that school. Don't punish kids and parents who are doing the right thing the wrong way. Find ways to make the school, first safe, and then a better educational opportunity.
This madness has to stop where real criminals get away and poor hard working people are victimized by the system that should be protecting them. That is my rant.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Don't Ask and I Won't Have to Lie--guest blog by Beverly Mahone
Dear Readers--today I have guest blogger, Beverly Mahone, who shares a chapter in her new book "Don't Ask and I Won't Have to Lie"....Pat
EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER 2: Because Mommy Said So
To understand why we lie, we need not look any further than our own mothers. They are the ones who taught us how to lie and when those lies were appropriate. Of course we, as little girls, never wanted to believe our mommies would do such a thing, but they did—just as their mothers more than likely lied to them.
The experts call it parenting by lying. (Heyman, Luu, & Lee, Volume 38, Issue 3 September 2009) It’s a strategy—and a very successful one I might add—used to manipulate a young child’s behavior and emotions. Our mothers warned us about all the bad things that would happen if we didn’t do what they told us to do. They even conned us into good behavior all year long by reminding us that Santa Claus wouldn’t bring us any toys if we were naughty.
Once, my inquiring mind wanted to know how Santa was able to get into our home since we had no chimney. How was I to know at the time that my mother was telling a bold-faced lie when she said Santa had a special key to unlock the door?
The trauma of losing my baby teeth was always glossed over with a visit from the Tooth Fairy, who never failed to leave a nice, shiny quarter. How was I to know there was no such creature who had wings, could fly up to my second-floor bedroom, unlock the window, come in, sneak a quarter under my pillow and be gone without making a sound?
On the flip side: What about those times our mothers forced us to lie to them? They told you not to do something. You did it anyway. They confronted you. What did you do? You lied so you wouldn’t get in trouble.
Isn’t it ironic that our moms spent so much time preaching "honesty is the best policy" while steadily lying to us about this or that? The other irony is the fact that sometimes their lies were
meant to protect us from hurt or just to make us happy. In a strange kind of way this could be perceived as a part of a mother’s nurturing process.
There was the time I remember making an ashtray as my Mother’s Day gift. It looked okay going into the kiln, but when it came out of the fiery furnace, it looked more like a foreign object. Despite my embarrassment, disappointment, and tears, I painted it red wrapped it up, and gave it to Lillian.
When she opened her gift, you would’ve thought I had given her a piece of gold jewelry with the way she reacted. She kept talking about how beautiful it was and placed it right on the coffee table in the living room for everyone to see.
To this day, she still has that little red ashtray I made in kindergarten 47 years ago—plus another ugly pink one I made in first grade. That’s one lie I was very happy to hear.
*****************************
In Beverly's new book, Don’t Ask and I Won’t Have to Lie, she tells her life story as she deals with her own moral conscience while discovering some of the “truths” behind the “lies” she has heard and told.
Beverly Mahone, http://www.beverlymahone.com/, is a veteran journalist, author, radio talk show host and motivational speaker who primarily talks about issues affecting middle-aged women. She also hosts her own radio show called The Boomer Beat every Thursday from 1pm – 2pm on WCOM Radio in Carrboro, NC.
Beverly has been classified as a baby boomer expert by the media and has appeared on numerous radio and talk programs including My Carolina Today.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Cured of Ovarian Cancer!
"He said that as far as he was concerned I was cured." These are the words my beautiful daughter just shared with me over the phone as she drove home from her GYN oncologist' s office. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 5 years ago, just before she turned 30. Many of you know the amazing miraculous story of how we found it, but I am no going into that today. So few women can speak those words about ovarian cancer that this is truly a miracle.
Today is about celebration. I was expecting that result because she has done so well but when she said the words, I could not speak at first. As I choked out the first phrases of joy, the tears started and are still flowing as I write this. Thank you God. Thank you doctors and nurses. Thank you Benton--someday we will tell you the story of how you saved your mommy's life. Thank you to all her friends and family who came together in such a wonderful way over these last 5 years.
Today I cannot remember being as grateful for anything since I gave birth to my healthy babies as I am this minute. And I cannot stop crying. It feels like I am releasing 5 years of unspoken fears and frustration for all the anguish my baby had to go through. In my heart I knew this would be the outcome, but when I finally heard it said, the joy was unspeakable.
I am so happy. Thanks for letting me share it with you.
Today is about celebration. I was expecting that result because she has done so well but when she said the words, I could not speak at first. As I choked out the first phrases of joy, the tears started and are still flowing as I write this. Thank you God. Thank you doctors and nurses. Thank you Benton--someday we will tell you the story of how you saved your mommy's life. Thank you to all her friends and family who came together in such a wonderful way over these last 5 years.
Today I cannot remember being as grateful for anything since I gave birth to my healthy babies as I am this minute. And I cannot stop crying. It feels like I am releasing 5 years of unspoken fears and frustration for all the anguish my baby had to go through. In my heart I knew this would be the outcome, but when I finally heard it said, the joy was unspeakable.
I am so happy. Thanks for letting me share it with you.
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