Thanks for making me a Mom

You have given me the job I never weary of,
The name I will never change nor give to another.
You have made me the person I wish to be remembered as.
You have made me Mother.
For you have brought more joy then I knew existed.
You have filled my heart with song.
You have brought me to the one place
Where I know I belong.
Debra Shiveley Welch (http://www.debrashiveleywelch.net/)

All mothers know this feeling. It is expressed so well in these words. We become mothers in many ways: easily through a natural process, with difficulty conceiving, with difficult pregnancies, through adoption, through marriage. However you become a mother, it is the most wonderful thing.

You cannot imagine beforehand the amount of joy and love you can feel. It is indescribable. When you have moments—and you will—when you say what was I thinking?? I can’t do this. Remember the love and joy. Imprint those on your heart. Keep them close and you can do it. You will have all the skills and support you need.

Even when I was angry with them or scared I would not do a good job, I always was grateful to God for giving me the children I have seen grow into amazing adults. They blessed my life beyond measure and yours will too.

A Thanksgiving to Remember

This is a blog I wrote for Thanksgiving and saved until I coud get onto this site again.

As a cocky Peachtree Road Race veteran, I decided to run the Atlanta Half Marathon. The surprising thing is that I stopped at the Half and did not sign up for the whole marathon. You know, Pisces tend to overestimate their ability and/or time to get things done. And I am truly a Pisces!

When I called my mom and told her that the kids and I might be late for Thanksgiving Dinner because I needed to run 13.1 miles that morning, she wanted to know if I needed financial help for psychiatrist visits. In my huffy disgust I told her that it was not a problem and that it would be fun and we changed the subject to what I was to prepare for the annual feast.

Over the next few weeks, I ran when I could. During each run, I thought about how good Thanksgiving dinner would taste and how I would be able to eat anything I wanted without guilt. After all, I would have burned up a lot of calories that morning! Having three kids and a job hindered my training. My goal had been to be running about 15 miles before the day of race so I would have no problems that day. It was a nice dream—but the longest I could manage in my schedule was 10. “That should be fine,” I told myself, actually believing it at the time.

Thanksgiving morning I awoke to a temperature in the mid-30’s and rain. Stubbornly I insisted on going and made it to the start area, met up with a friend, and started running with everyone else. At the start area, the lines for the potties were extremely long and I patiently waited. Finally I was in one and finishing my business when I heard the race start! Hurriedly I completed my task and ran to join the others, but of course, was at the back of the pack.

In the first ½ mile, I tripped over a pylon hidden by the masses in front of me and cut my leg. I seriously thought about quitting at that point and stood on the side of the road by myself. As I stood there the vehicle that followed the racers to pick up anyone who could not make it passed me! After whining for a while, I decided to keep going despite the blood dripping down my leg. I was so tough!

From there, everything went fine until about mile 11. My rain-sodden shoes were so heavy that every step was a chore. I was tired and I ached. A few miles back the endorphins had kicked in and I felt great. Some Powerade and an energy bar had perked me up and I was going strong. I was passing people and doing better than I thought I would do.

Now the endorphins had kicked back out. At mile 12 I hit the wall—the theoretical wall runners speak of in hushed tones, hoping that it never happens to them. Everything went into slow motion in my mind and all was blurred around me. I was not sure where I was or how to get where I was going, so I decided to follow this crowd around me. They seemed to be headed somewhere.

Beyond the finish line, my boyfriend caught up to and stopped me because I just kept going. I never knew I had completed the run. Then I ran to the porta-potties and kept doing that for a while, even after I got home.

And I was cold—I was so cold! At home even the hot shower didn’t warm me. I got into bed with lots of covers and shivered myself to sleep. When I woke up it was dark outside and the house was empty. I had missed the Thanksgiving dinner at my parents that I had so been looking forward to, missed the day with the kids, missed the turkey and the pumpkin pie.
A few minutes later the door burst open and the kids rushed in with my boyfriend bringing up the rear and carrying plates of food. “Thanks Mom,” I thought. She had put a little of everything in plates and sent them to me. It was the next day before my stomach would agree to let me actually eat much of it though.

Was it worth it? As I looked back, I was proud of finishing. Despite the adversity, I had persevered and triumphed. And I went back several more years and ran the same race. So yes, it was worth it.

Why I have been gone so long!

Okay, I last posted a blog in September and now it is the last day of November...what the heck happened to me? Did I fall in a mud puddle and break my blogging fingers??? Not likely in Georgia this year!

It is so embarassing that I hate to say it. But I will gather up my fragile pride and make a confession. I could not remember how to sign in to my blog....there I have finally admitted it! Whew, that feels better.

When I created this blog, it stretched my computer techno abilities to the max. Naturally, in hindsight, I should have written down my login name and password. Apparently at the time I was suffering under the illusion that I was still 25 and all of my brain cells were still functional. Anyway, I was sure I would remember it. Alas, the best laid plans....you know the rest.

So I finally dug around in this site and found a way to have them tell me what it was I forgot. I love that part about computers! And here I am, ready to write with my login and password safely tucked away in a passcode protected site. Now if I can just remember the passcode....

Make your kids teach you all they know about computers

I did not grow up with a keyboard in my hand. When we learned about computers they were for huge corporations and the government and took up whole rooms! In college I remember there were some classes for something called dos, but I thought it would never affect me. After all I was going into nursing--what possible use could this computer thing be to me?

Do I need to tell you how far behind the eight ball I was, and still am? For the past few weeks I have been struggling to figure out my computer issues and my internet issues. For the past few weeks I have been utterly stymied and stumped. (Is that redundant?) Finally I got someone to help me and the cost is not cheap!! He is great and has explained a lot to me, but whenever I listen to his explanations, I am also counting in my head how long it is taking since I am paying him by the hour.

So, take my advice. Get all the information you can from your kids while they are at home. Once they leave, they will be too far away or so busy you hate to bother them.

By the way, I am almost up and running again. At least I can write my blog again!!

Ban Baggy Pants? My thoughts...

An Atlanta city councilman is proposing a ban on baggy pants. It would be an amendment to the indecency laws. What do you think about this? No one hates that look more than I do! It is ridiculous. One person called it racial profiling, but I have seen kids of all colors wearing the pants that way. By the way, the ban would also include showing the strap of a thong or wearing jogging bras in public unless they are covered by a shirt.

Now how do you feel about it? As much as I hate that baggy pant thing, I am adamantly opposed to government getting involved in this issue! Personally, I think this should be addressed at home. The government has its hands in my business enough already. I am still mad that they force me to wear a seat belt.

Parents need to step up and be the parent. Tell the kids they are not going out of the house looking like that, and that you don’t care who dresses like that! And it is not just the baggy pants. Look at teen girls and what do you see? Many of them dress like prostitutes. I hate the thong sticking out of the pants—not sure why any one wears those uncomfortable things anyway. The tops are cut low and skin tight. Short shorts have wording written on them across the seat. What is the purpose of that except to make boys watch their butts as they walk. Trust me, boys do that anyway—you do not have to advertise.

The same parents that allow their children to dress like that are surprised when they find out their little angel is sexually active. Why? They have been advertising their availability for a long time. Or they cannot understand why their son is now showing them disrespect. Wake up--how your child dresses is how they will act.

C’mon parents. Stop letting our children dress like thugs and prostitutes! Do your job so the government does do it for you.

It is criminal what is happening to these grandparents

I was invited to speak at a support group for grandmothers who are raising their grandchildren. What a wonderful group of ladies!! I had such a good time meeting and sharing with them.

What strikes me is the inequity in the system where a perfect stranger can take a child in a foster home environmnet and they get a stipend from the state. A grandparent gets nothing from the state. Some counties (God bless them) are doing a little to help.

But picture this for a moment:

You are retired or close to retirement and you have all these plans to paint or travel or learn to quilt. You have carefully saved and planned for your future. As you look forward you know you will have to be careful, but you can make on what you have coming in and not be a burden to anyone in your old age. That makes you feel proud.

One night you get a phone call from DFACS to either come and pick up your grandchild or he will be put into the system and you could lose contact with him completely. What do you do? Of course, you drop what you are doing and go get him and bring him home with you. Naturally you think this is for a few days or weeks at the most.

Time stretches as time is wont to do and gradually you realize that you are now the parent, not the grandparent and that scenario is unlikely to change! Your finances are being drained. Your child is on drugs and not able to care for her child and does not contribute to his support.

You have all this sorrow for your child, anger at your child, love for your grandchild, wishing you could have your life back, guilt over feeling like that, and now you are wondering how your money can stretch because this responsibility was not factored into you life equation ahead of time.

How would you feel? Wouldn't you want a little financial help? Or a place of respite care where you could take him for a few hours so you could shop or clean the refrigerator?

We need to step up and call on our legislators to answer this pressing need. Ah, but you say, it is only a few families so affected. Wrong! Grandparents raising grandchildren is one of the fastest growing parenting populations in this country. And they are having a really hard time.

Step up and call your congressman--please help these wonderful, devoted people.

Hey, check out the Baby Boomer Diva Web of Fame

The Baby Boomer Diva Web of Fame is a site of baby boomer women who have experienced life and have accomplished something worthwhile in their lives. They have much to share and teach. (Unlike that Simpson girl that wrote a book about how to be happily married and make it last forever when she had been married about 5 minutes! Oh, and she is divorced now...)

I am thrilled to have been selected to be on it! Check it out at http://www.enjoyyourmenopause.com/.

Inclusion is based on:

• Being a baby boomer (DOB's 1946-1960)
• Pursing a passion in life
• Striving to help others succeed
• Have overcome one major personal or professional challenge/obstacle
• Accept aging with grace, dignity, and style
  
  This is an honor for me because I have survived bad marriage, kids, career changes, financial woes, menopause, and all manner of virtual sand kicked in my face. But I, like many other women have overcome these challenges with a few tears and a lot of laughter. We have survived with some pain and a lot of determination. That determination comes from who we are as people; from support from friends and family; from spiritual beliefs; and from just plain wondering what comes next.
  
  Whether you realize it or not, each person reading this has what it takes to overcome any obstacle or challenge lying in your path. I heard a quote today (but do not know who to credit for it--sorry--pm).
  
  "Even if you are on the right path, you will get run over if you do nothing."
  
  As parents we often feel overwhelmed. Life comes at us with nasty bloody fingers sometimes. Just know that you can survive. No matter what happens, you can survive! Just do one thing. Get out of bed. Good. Now get dressed. Good. One step at a time. Watch the movie "What About Bob?" It is hilarious, but it also points out the miracle of taking baby steps. Do what comes next and don't even let yourself think about what is going to happen two hours from now, or two days from now.
  
  As you do this, you will find out that anything is manageable. And I am so glad someone is finally saying to those of us who have met life's challenges with a winning determination, "Well done!"
  
  The Web of Fame is full of famous and otherwise interesting people. Each one has their own fascinating story. Check it out!

Too many overweight, unhealthy kids!

Childhood obesity is a growing and very serious health issue in this country. What we used to call adult onset diabetes is now called Type 2 because they are finding it in so many children. Our kids are developing coronary artery disease at an early age as well as many other health problems.

As parents we always want our children to have more and do better than ourselves. This is an area where we are definitely not making the grade on that score.

Why are kids increasingly obese? I have several ideas, based on reading and observation:
Ø Fewer family meals, where mom cooks a balanced meal and everyone gathers at the table to eat and share what happened in their day.
Ø More fast food to go with our busy lifestyles
Ø Parents teaching bad eating and exercise habits to kids—very often overweight adults have overweight kids
Ø Using food as an incentive or reward or comfort
Ø Too much time spent in front of the TV, the computer, the video game, etc.
Ø Not enough time spent outside in physical play

What can parents do?
Ø Limit time in front of a screen of any kind
Ø Make your child go outside and play everyday for a little while—even 30 minutes will help
Ø Encourage the schools to bring back PE where it has been eliminated
Ø Encourage your child to find an activity that they enjoy—baseball, softball, karate, running, basketball, football, soccer, fencing, hiking—Scouting, swimming—there are so many to choose from. Surely your child will like something. If they like band, get them in a marching band. Or just get out with them and talk a walk together.
Ø Bring back family meal times—as many times a week as you can manage it
Ø Lead by example—lose weight yourself. Put the whole family on a diet if necessary
Ø Lead by example--get out and walk or bike with your kids, with friends, or by yourself. Show them that exercise can be fun. One of my kids enjoyed running with me. That was our time to talk and bond. It was great fun for both of us.
Ø Lead by example—eat right. Make healthy food choices for yourself and your kids. Keep fruit in a cooler in the car for games and outings instead of snacks full of empty calories. Drink water and fruit drinks and milk instead of sodas.
Ø Never use food as an incentive or reward or comfort. You are just building up intrinsic habits that follow into adulthood.

Your children are your legacy. Help keep them healthy—protect them in this way as strongly as you do from predators or anything else that can harm them.

Restaurants need children or no children sections!

My husband and I were in a restaurant recently. The food was good--it is great restaurant and the food is always good. The atmostphere was dim and candlelit and the waitstaff were friendly. It sounds like a perfect end to a long day for two old farts like us.

However, on this occasion, it was awful! Two booths down from us a baby cried non-stop the whole time we were there. And in one booth next to us a young child was alternating screaming at her parents and throwing food (some of which landed around us). The place was full and there was no where for us to go.

C'mon people! Take your screaming kids out of the restaurant. Don't inflict that on the rest of us! What in the world makes you think we want to hear your child crying or fussing? We don't even like your kid--well, we might if we know him or her, but we don't. Do you not care that it gives the rest of us indigestion?

I remember an occasion a few years ago when some little brat leaned over the booth and spit on my daughter-in-law. The parents did nothing to correct that behavior. I was astonished. So I said something and they immediately left the restaurant. I think more of us who are inflicted with other people's errant offspring should stand up and yell, "Enough of this crap! Make your child behave or stay home!"

You are everything

You are everything to that tiny baby growing inside of you or cuddled in your arms. God has sent that child to you for a specific purpose. Yes, you wanted a child. But why that particular child? He has come to you because you have something special to teach him. Or maybe that tiny soul chose you and asked God to let her come into your family.

You were the vehicle used to bring a new soul into this world. Now you are the caretaker of the body and soul of this amazing creation. Overwheming when you think about it! This babe needs your love as you make sure she is fed, clothed, housed, and kept safe. This child will not survive if you do not take care of him.

So yes, for a few years you are everything to him or her. Their whole world revolves around themselves and you. Early on they do not realize you are separate entities. Later they not only realize it but relish it--welcome to the terrific twos.

Although this child is your world for a while, remember he is not your possession. He belongs to God and will grow up and move away from home. That is how it is supposed to be. Therefore you have a third job in this infant's life. You are the teacher. Everyday you are the example and the guider.

She will have many in her life who will influence her. It is your place to be the main source of influence and help her learn how to choose who will have an impact on her life. The teaching role is very hard sometimes. We are not always perfect examples and make mistakes. I found that if you admit that to your child and then talk about what you have both learned from the particular experience, it can then become a positive teaching tool.

God has given you all the tools you need to raise this child. Be in touch with the "nner parent" and you will know what is best for that miraculous child you have the privilege of sharing time with.