Failure to Launch is not just a movie

Do you have a college graduate living at home, letting you do all her laundry and cook her meals while she goes out to have fun with her friends after work?

Do you have a 26 yr old with no college degree and a minimum wage job playing video games on your couch right now?

What went wrong?

Have we failed our kids as parents?

I believe that if we have not taught our kids the skills they need to create their own adult lives, then we have failed them. As parents our role is to teach and guide them into adulthood. It is not to take care of them, their spouse, and the grandkids for the rest of our lives.

Yes, it is hard to let go of that MOM role. You face a lot of emotions and changes—you realize foremost that time is passing and you are getting older. That is very frightening and sobering. You will miss the activity and the friends you have through your kids. You will miss having them around every day.

One of the biggest issues women face is who we are when we aren’t parenting. We have spent so many years as someone’s mom—that is our identity. If the child leaves home, we don’t know who we are and it is daunting to face that. We also may not know who our spouse is and if we have anything in common other than the kids. Again, very scary.

But let me tell you, life is better when the kids are out of the house. They are not gone and you are actively involved in their lives. I have one son and daughter in law who live out of the country and we are still very close. He calls to ask my opinion about things and keeps me up to date with all that is going on in their lives.

I honestly enjoy this part of my life so much more. Their decisions are their decisions—not mine, even if I don’t agree with them. I just shrug my shoulders and am there if they need me. We are all so much closer and enjoy time spent together so much.

Was the separating, the cutting of the apron strings hard? Yep—it was agonizing for me. But I am glad it was done and we are all happier.

So I say, stop doing their laundry, start charging them rent, and stop cooking their meals. Make them responsible for chores around the house and for helping out with the bills. You will be teaching them skills they need to live on their own.

You will be helping yourself move into the next phase of your life. That is the phase in which not every thing is your fault and you get to play with the grandchildren, then go home leaving your child to deal with the spoiling you did. It is great!