Your Child's Teacher is You

The teacher who walks in the shadow of the temple, among his followers, gives not of his wisdom but rather of his faith and his lovingness.
If he is indeed wise he does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind.
Kahlil Gibran, from the Prophet

As parents we are teachers. What we teach, no one else can. There are others who teach what we cannot. I was blessed in that my father became my tutor when I struggled with Math. He was patient and ruthless at the same time. He was also determined that I would learn—that it would come from my mind, not his. He would help me work out all my problems, then rip up the paper and I would have to do it again, this time by myself.

I thought he did it because he hated me or was just plain mean. As I matured, I realized that he did because he loved me. The lessons were mine to learn, not his to do. He loved me enough to put up with my crying and carrying on every night instead of relaxing on the couch after a long day at work. I am sure there were many nights driving home, he prayed that I had no math homework that night. But he never one time refused to help me.

It would have been easier on him if I had gone to a tutor. But the important lesson I learned is that however your children learn it is they who must do the work. Too many parents are doing the work for their kids these days. That does not teach those children the life lessons they need.

We spend our entire lives learning. Children must learn early how to learn effectively--not have someone learn for them. For me, I would cry and be furious and tell Daddy that I could not do the problems by myself. No matter how much he may have believed I was right, he never agreed with me out loud. How sad it would have been for me if he had caved in and said, Ok, I'll do it and you can turn in that paper.

My vision of myself would have be colored by that failure. He always was my cheerleader--telling me I could do it. He would tell me to relax and remember. As a result I was able to celebrate when I did do the problems by myself. I slowly learned that if I tried, I could do anything. That would not have been my outlook and self portrait if my dad had not "lead me to the threhold of my own mind."

So instill in your child the joy of learning, of struggling and acheiving, of believing in himself. Love your child enough to watch her struggle, failing until she finally succeeds.