Why the (bleep) did she want 8 more?

So the news today has been about the new mom of octuplets and the fact that she has 6 kids at home already. There has been a lot of discussion about should she have done it, is it ethical, should the doctor be charged with malpractice, and so forth. On the ABC website there were tons of comments on the story.

Some people are criticizing her for not aborting some of the fetuses. Do you have any idea how hard that is for someone who had fertility treatments? You go through an awful lot of misery on the slim chance of getting pregnant, then are asked if you want to get rid of some of them. A hard decision.

We know so little about this woman and her family. It could be that she is the villian the press is trying to make her. It could be that she is independently wealthy and loves kids. Who knows? I am sure the truth will come out soon.

But my question is "Why?" Bill Cosby once said that he and his wife had five children because they did not want six. So I stole it and told most people that I had three because I did not want four. Why would anyone want fourteen? Or why would they want seven if they had to have fertility treatments to do it?

That is the part that I don't understand. I love my kids with everything I am, but it was hard having three stair steps. Sometimes I felt like my whole day dealt with trying to stop arguments and answer whoever was whining, "Mommy" at the time. Now this woman has fourteen with the oldest being seven or eight...can we get her a lifetime supply of Valium?

A Chance to Live History with Your Kids

My daughter took her 3 yr. old out of preschool early so they could watch the inauguration together and she could talk to him about it. She did not vote for Obama, but realized the historical significance of the moment. He may not remember, but she did the right thing and I am proud of her.

President Obama is of African American heritage. When I was little girl growing up in the south, his father would not have been served at many restaurants, had separate water fountains, separate restrooms, and was forced to sit in the back of a bus.

I was teenager in the 60’s when there were riots weekly on the streets. Other young black people were trying to find their rightful place in this country in a peaceful manner. I remember the first attempts at integration and the prejudices that tried to prevent it.

Now Obama is the leader of the free world. It is a wonderful testimony to the ability of Americans to overcome challenges and adapt to changing conditions in the world. It speaks to the tolerance that we are famous for—we have always welcomed the people of the world here and now we see their children succeeding in the American dream in business, the military, politics, and many other areas of life.

His election shows that what ever you set your mind to, you can achieve. It takes hard work and perseverance. I am sure he would not tell you it was easy. But he believed in himself and in his dream. He did what was necessary to make that dream happen.

What a great lesson to our kids. He does not speak ebonics, he does not wear his pants down below his butt, he is well dressed, he is well spoken, he looks the person he is speaking to in the eye. This is a man who works hard and has learned how to inspire others. Those are characteristics a parent can point to and say this is a good role model rather than some gangsta rap or nearly naked pop star. These are the qualities we should teach our children to emulate.

Be a part of history together.

Talking to Your Kids About the Inauguration

On the eve of another Presidential inauguration in the United States, I want to say a few words about what kids need to know about it. Tomorrow there will be two camps of citizens. One camp voted for Obama and are in hog heaven right now. The other camp voted for McCain and many of them are feeling some trepidation.

But, you say, there are more people than that. There are some who did not vote. To that I say, they don't count. They don't count because they chose not to count by not voting. This was a very important election--many problems and challenges await our next president and we must be sure to have the right person in that hotseat. So if you chose not to vote, you don't count in this discussion. That is one lesson for our kids.

More importantly, tomorrow we will have another peaceful, orderly transfer of power in our government. This is what our children should know about. Here in this country our strength is in our constitution and the freedom we have to elect our representatives. We can also fire them when we think they do not do a good job. Very few countries around the world have this opportunity.

Frankly, I voted for the other guy for reasons I will not discuss here. But I will support and honor Obama as my President. The office means something special around the world. Sitting in the office of the President mean that Obama represents all that is wonderful in our country. I am sure that I will disagree with his decisions, based on our philosophical differences (in fact that has already happened), but I will never say or do anything to demean him or dishonor the institution of the President of the United States.

In four years, I get a chance to evaulate the job he has done and to vote to keep or fire him. We all do and that is what our children should be focused on. Not whether we like him right now, not what his race or gender are, not what party he represents.

Those things pale in comparison to the fact that we live in the greatest country in the world--the greatest civilization that has ever inhabited this planet. What is important is that even when there is change in power, our children sleep peacefully in their beds and never notice the difference.

God Bless America!

Children Shouldn't Be Happy All the Time

If your child is happy all the time, she needs professional assistance. If you are trying to make him happy all the time, you need professional assistance.

Ok, now I have pissed off a bunch of people. But, seriously folks, life is not about being happy 24-7. It just does not work that way. Life is full of joy and happiness and sunshine--yes. But we also have to deal with our share of disappointments, heartaches, dreary days, and back stabbing. Learning how to confront and deal with these are what make our character. Children who are not given the tools they need for the downs in life often will begin to lie and cheat, simply because they don't have the coping mechanisms they need.

Part of the parent role is to teach our child how to cope with these trials in life. Buying little Johnny everything he wants will fill some very temporary need in him for instant gratification happiness. However it is like a drug. He will need bigger and better toys and he will need them more often. Soon we have a junkie on our hands who must have everything he sees in order to have some small amount of contentment, leaving us bankrupt and wondering what 12 step program he needs by the time he is 14.

Maybe I have overstated. But the theory is sound. Also that does not protect her happiness when a little girl down the street calls her names and says she will not be her friend anymore.

What can parents do? We all want our kids to be happy. We want to be happy. Finding joy comes from within. Some people find it in religion, some in nature, some in helping others. Finding out who we truly are inside is how we find it. We are all special--no one else is exactly like us. That uniqueness is amazing and when we realize it, we are never the same.

This is the lesson for our children. Material things do not bring joy. So let's spend more time with our kids. Let's talk to them when they feel like life is kicking them around. Teach by example how to react to adversity in a positive way. As we become a more effective parents, we become more effective people. Before we know it, our lives have changed and we have joy everyday.

What Else I Know for Sure About Parenting

Children learn more from what you say than what you do!

Or at least as much. If you don't believe me, just listen to a little girl playing with her dolls. She will treat them the same way you treat her and say the same things. It is very eye opening! I can see that my kids picked up some good habits and some bad habits of mine.

Watch your children closely. You will see yourself in them in how they treat each other, how they communicate with their friends and, how much respect they show you.

If you treat others with respect, your child will see that and do the same. That is especially true if you also reinforce it with telling them why you do that. It is not necessary to lecture them on why they should do it. Kids are smart little copycats and they want to be just like you.

Have respect for yourself and expect others to treat you the same way. If you are in a relationship in which you are disrespected, get out. You are teaching dangerous lessons to your children. It does not matter how often you tell your little girl to not ever let someone treat her like that. The odds are that she will--because you have taught her that women do not have to be treated with honor.

No matter how many times you tell your little boy that the way you are being treated is no way to treat women, he has learned another lesson. He has learned that you do not really care if you are respected or not. And he has learned to treat other women the same way.

Another point to mention is about money. If you are frugal and teach good money management to your children as they watch you manage your finances carefully, they will have been taught a valuable lesson that will help them to be more financially secure in their life.

However, if you are always living paycheck to paycheck, spending more than you have (like the Federal Government), and always stressing about money--expect your kids to grow up and follow the same pattern. That child will have a very hard time finding financial security.

So many other examples are out there. Bottomline, just be careful what your children see you do and how you react to various situations. It truly does rub off on them.

What I Know For Sure About Being a Parent

Surprise! I bet you thought this was going to be a blank page, didn't you?

Actually, I am sure of a few things--may not know what to do about them all the time but then again, isn't this life a learning process? It is a well know fact that there were times I wished I had made a different decision as a parent, but luckily for me, my kids were able to survive my oft-clumsy parenting.

After raising 3 kids of my own and having 2 stepchildren, I have come to some conclusions. The first is that no parent is perfect. No, seriously, they aren't. Every parent makes mistakes such as over-reacting to something because you had a hard day at work or blamed the wrong child for breaking the TV.

In conjunction with that, no child is perfect. Really, I am not kidding. They all get sassy and loud at the wrong times. They all fight with their brother and throw temper tantrums. It's okay. You are not a bad parent if you admit your kids aren't perfection in bloom.

Now what do you do with this information? For one, let go of the guilt monster. Embrace the parent you are--warts and all. After all, aren't you really trying your best? Isn't your love for your child at the heart of all you do? You are doing fine.

All parents tend to beat themselves up unmercifully. I did. I know plenty of others who have. But in hindsight, I can see it did not do me any good and it did not help my kids. Actually it often had the opposite effect. Sometimes after I was maybe too strict about something, I would feel bad and then let the child get away with inappropriate behavior or let them do something I know I should not have let them do. Then I would feel bad all over again. Does this make any sense?

One of my sons has a story about a specific incident in which I was wrong. I apologized for it a long time ago and he forgave me. Now he just likes to get my goat, and for years, it used to work. But I have finally moved past it. I am in a much healthier place now--acknowledging that I was not perfect, but I also was a terrific mom in many ways.

During this week I am going to be blogging about some more things I know for sure as a prelude to the free parenting teleseminar I am hosting with parenting coach, Barb Desmarais
http://www.theparentingcoach.com on Monday January 19 at 7 pm EST. For more information about the teleseminar, go to my website: http://www.parentsrulewithpat.com or http://www.teleclasscatalog.com/

Let's Give Our Kids to Congress to Raise...

I join with Neal Boortz, radio talk show host, in saying "Give me a freakin' break." On Neal's Nuze today is a story about a Republican from Utah who wants restaurants to build a barrier so bartenders and alcohol cannot be seen by children in the restaurants. http://boortz.com/nealz_nuze/2009/01/dont-let-the-children-see-alco.html http://boortz.com/blogging/mt-tb.cgi/17344

It is so tiring for government officials to keep trying to take on parenting roles and remove those roles from parents! Maybe we should all go to Congress and drop off all our kids. We could tell the legislators that if they want to parent our kids, here they are! I wonder how quick some of this legislation would go away?

In this time of bad economy and war, don't they have bigger fish to fry? They need to stop dealing with these petty issues and actually deal with the hard issues thay they have spent the past year avoiding.

Parents should be the ones who teach their children about alcohol. Parents should explain about drinking, especially underage drinking. Parents should institute and enforce their own rules about said alcohol. And if parents don't want their kids to see alcohol, they should only eat in restaurants that do not serve it.

It is up to parents, not the government!

Calls for a new breed of parent

On Neal's Nuze on Tuesday http://boortz.com/nealz_nuze/2009/01/we-need-a-new-breed-of-parent.html Neal Boortz, radio talk show host, called for a new breed of parent. I believe what we need is an old breed of parent. A return to the days when parents made kids mind their manners, treat other adults with respect, and did not subject other people to unruliness is what I am looking for.

http://boortz.com/blogging/mt-tb.cgi/16891

Parents have become so permissive and, as a result, submissive to their children over the last few years. Children are allowed to pick vacation sites, have any electronic appliance they want, have a brand new sports car when turning 16, and they are allowed to annoy everyone in a store or restaurant with their poor behavior. I have seen my daughter in law spit on by a child in a restaurant and the offender faced no consequences from the parent!

I have left stores with a headache from listening to someone's child screaming for what seems like hours. Many times I just leave the store without buying anything--just to get away from the misbehaving kid. Stores should confront a parent that is allowing that to continue and ask them to leave.

But I also do not believe it is the store's responsibility. It is the parent's. Parents should leave public places until they can control their child's behavior. For example, as a parent of 3 small children, I found it very difficult to make them all behave and not bother other people. My answer? I did not go out to eat with the kids for several years. I am sure many people appreciated it.

I hear you saying that just because you have children, why should your live change? Duh...children change your life. Sometimes it is good changes and sometimes it is the opposite. Get used to it. You can't do everything you did before the little munchkins arrived.

When did children become more powerful than their parents? Why is this behavior tolerated? Is it because government tries to tie parents hands so much? Is it because parents want to be their child's BFF? Is it because it is easier to be so permissive? Is it because moms and dads are so busy working that they get so little time with their kids and don't want to be "mean" to them?

I think all these come into play. Someday these parents will wake up and realize that they have done their offspring no favors. Many children today are being raised to believe they are the center of the universe, they don't have to work for anything, and they will always be taken care of.

My husband's grandfather, who loved him dearly, once told him if he ever needed a helping hand to look at the end of his arm. Where are the parents like this wonderful man--the old breed of parent?