The more you focus on anger, the more anger you will feel. Focus on the children now instead.
Belinda Rachman (guest on Parents Rule! radio show http://www.divorce-inaday.com
If you have listened to Parents Rule! radio show or read this blog any time at all, you know that this is a pet subject of mine. Divorce is terrible. It is devastating for all involved. There are times when there really is no other choice—it takes two committed people to save a troubled marriage and no marriage should remain intact when abuse is present.
Peaceful divorce is hard to find because when you finally arrive at that stage, there is a lot of anger on both sides. But please, look at the faces of your children. Feel their pain. Put yourself in their place. What is best for them? That is where your focus should be. If divorce is best, then make it as easy on them as possible.
They love both of the parents and are being ripped away from one of them. It is not their fault, but they are the most affected. Please keep their emotional well being first and foremost in your thoughts and actions during this time. Mediation is a peaceful way to come to the end of a marriage. Find ways to be civil to each other—for the sake of your children.
If there is a chance to save the marriage, take it. Marriage is not supposed to be disposable, especially when children are involved. Do the hard work and remember why you married that person in the first place, Find those qualities again. It is very hard being a single parent—on both parents and on the kids.
If divorce is the only answer for you, whatever you do, focus on the kids. When you focus your attention away from your immediate pain to their needs, you find that you make better decisions for all of you. Give a little, get a little. Constantly remind the kids that both parents still love them and always will. They cannot hear that enough. And, most important, remind them over and over that it is not their fault.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Parents! Join me in helping Haitian parents today!
Today I am donating money to an organization that will aid in relief efforts in devastated Haiti. I am challenging you to join me.
Yesterday I heard a story on the radio. It was by phone from someone on the ground in Haiti. He described standing in the road as a screaming woman ran up to him. She was begging for help for the small bundle she carried in her arms--her baby. A piece of cloth covered the baby's head; a scene not to unusual due to the amount of dust around them. When he lifted the material he realized that the baby's face was gone--completely gone--and the baby was dead. He assisted in getting the woman to someone who could help her, but I am sure that scene will be forever played out in his mind.
I heard another story of a mom who lost all five of her children in the earthquake. It is time, as parents, we stand up to help other parents in these desparate conditions. Americans are the most generous and loving people in the world. We are always the ones who step up the most to help. Let us not let the Haitian people down--not because we will get something out of it, but because it is the right thing to do.
Who is with me? Go to www.redcross.org or www.care.org or any other legitimate charity and give whatever you can afford.
Yesterday I heard a story on the radio. It was by phone from someone on the ground in Haiti. He described standing in the road as a screaming woman ran up to him. She was begging for help for the small bundle she carried in her arms--her baby. A piece of cloth covered the baby's head; a scene not to unusual due to the amount of dust around them. When he lifted the material he realized that the baby's face was gone--completely gone--and the baby was dead. He assisted in getting the woman to someone who could help her, but I am sure that scene will be forever played out in his mind.
I heard another story of a mom who lost all five of her children in the earthquake. It is time, as parents, we stand up to help other parents in these desparate conditions. Americans are the most generous and loving people in the world. We are always the ones who step up the most to help. Let us not let the Haitian people down--not because we will get something out of it, but because it is the right thing to do.
Who is with me? Go to www.redcross.org or www.care.org or any other legitimate charity and give whatever you can afford.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
No Way My Child Has Learning Problem!
A great many children have problems of some sort in learning. It could be ADD, where he has a problem with attetion level. She might have a hearing problem, making learning difficult. Personally, I must have some degree of dyscalculia, which is results in problems with arithmetic and math concepts. There is no telling how many times I told my father that math wasn't logical and didn't make sense. Obviously, Dad, the engineer, totally disagreed with me. And I wholeheartedly feel that dysgraphia (a disorder that results in illegibility) is a requirement to enter med school.
The point is that whether your child has a serious dyslexia or has poor reading comprehension, the worst thing parents can do is to ignore the problem by convincing themselves that it will be outgrown someday. Actually, the earlier the intervention begins, the better the result. Issues are being discovered at earlier ages nowadays and kids can get a step up before even starting elementary school.
Having a issue with learning does reflect poorly on parents or environment. It simply is. A great number of very famous people have had learning issues. Beethoveen, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Walt Disney, and Ansel Adams are a few known to every household. Just because someone has a hurdle to jump, it doesn't mean they are stuck at the starting gate.
As parents, we have the main role in helping our kids overcome the challenges of life and this is just one of them. Stay connected to your child, the teachers, the therapists, and the doctors. No one knows your child like you do. You will know what is best for them, so stick to your guns. The only thing you can do wrong is to do nothing.
This week's guest on Parents Rule!, Jeanne Gehret http://www.verbalimagespress.com states that parents should "Emphasize that he can overcome these difficulties by using different ways to learn, and that he will receive plenty of help. " Be your child's cheerleader and advocate. You will all benefit in the long run.
As a matter of fact, a couple of weeks ago I was flipping TV channels and heard the words "my learning disability" so I stopped to listen. It was a discussion between Bill O'Reilly (who admits to dyslexia) and Glen Beck (who has ADD). They were talking about the challenges they had to overcome and how the "disability" had been a major factor in their success. It was a very interesting discussion. Like them or hate them, they are both very successful and they give a large part of that credit to what they learned as a result of having a "learning disability."
Makes you think, doesn't it?
The point is that whether your child has a serious dyslexia or has poor reading comprehension, the worst thing parents can do is to ignore the problem by convincing themselves that it will be outgrown someday. Actually, the earlier the intervention begins, the better the result. Issues are being discovered at earlier ages nowadays and kids can get a step up before even starting elementary school.
Having a issue with learning does reflect poorly on parents or environment. It simply is. A great number of very famous people have had learning issues. Beethoveen, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Walt Disney, and Ansel Adams are a few known to every household. Just because someone has a hurdle to jump, it doesn't mean they are stuck at the starting gate.
As parents, we have the main role in helping our kids overcome the challenges of life and this is just one of them. Stay connected to your child, the teachers, the therapists, and the doctors. No one knows your child like you do. You will know what is best for them, so stick to your guns. The only thing you can do wrong is to do nothing.
This week's guest on Parents Rule!, Jeanne Gehret http://www.verbalimagespress.com states that parents should "Emphasize that he can overcome these difficulties by using different ways to learn, and that he will receive plenty of help. " Be your child's cheerleader and advocate. You will all benefit in the long run.
As a matter of fact, a couple of weeks ago I was flipping TV channels and heard the words "my learning disability" so I stopped to listen. It was a discussion between Bill O'Reilly (who admits to dyslexia) and Glen Beck (who has ADD). They were talking about the challenges they had to overcome and how the "disability" had been a major factor in their success. It was a very interesting discussion. Like them or hate them, they are both very successful and they give a large part of that credit to what they learned as a result of having a "learning disability."
Makes you think, doesn't it?
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