Peaceful Divorce is Best for the Kids

The more you focus on anger, the more anger you will feel. Focus on the children now instead.
Belinda Rachman (guest on Parents Rule! radio show http://www.divorce-inaday.com

If you have listened to Parents Rule! radio show or read this blog any time at all, you know that this is a pet subject of mine. Divorce is terrible. It is devastating for all involved. There are times when there really is no other choice—it takes two committed people to save a troubled marriage and no marriage should remain intact when abuse is present.

Peaceful divorce is hard to find because when you finally arrive at that stage, there is a lot of anger on both sides. But please, look at the faces of your children. Feel their pain. Put yourself in their place. What is best for them? That is where your focus should be. If divorce is best, then make it as easy on them as possible.

They love both of the parents and are being ripped away from one of them. It is not their fault, but they are the most affected. Please keep their emotional well being first and foremost in your thoughts and actions during this time. Mediation is a peaceful way to come to the end of a marriage. Find ways to be civil to each other—for the sake of your children.

If there is a chance to save the marriage, take it. Marriage is not supposed to be disposable, especially when children are involved. Do the hard work and remember why you married that person in the first place, Find those qualities again. It is very hard being a single parent—on both parents and on the kids.

If divorce is the only answer for you, whatever you do, focus on the kids. When you focus your attention away from your immediate pain to their needs, you find that you make better decisions for all of you. Give a little, get a little. Constantly remind the kids that both parents still love them and always will. They cannot hear that enough. And, most important, remind them over and over that it is not their fault.