Cynical About Politicians? Good!

This week in the Huffington Post is a blog regarding a recent poll. Part of the results of the poll were that young voters, who came out in droves two years ago, are now more cynical about the process. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/15/rock-the-vote-poll-young-yepublicans-excited_n_717935.html

This is a great chance for parents to talk about our country to their kids. (If you are not sure how or what to say, my free e-book, The Patriot Parent: Still the Best Hope for America is a place to start. It is available from http://www.parentsrulewithpat.com)

Regardless of why they are more cynical, I am glad they are. Is it because they are conservative and didn't win? Or is it because they voted for change that they now do not believe in? I can't tell you. What I can say is that this can be a good sign for our country.

I talked to many young people before the last election and many were swept away by the emotion of needing change in this country. When I asked them what kind of change they wanted and what the candidates had to offer, they could not verbalize it. Frankly, I was disappointed.

Parents, this is a chance to make our country better! How?

• Tell your kids to be cynical, but keep voting. If they stop voting there is no chance of any change in what is going on in Washington in both parties.
• Help talk them through what they believe needs to change. Help them verbalize their thoughts and the reasons why they believe that way.
• Teach them how to research issues and candidates in order to vote for the person who best represents their ideals.
• Learn together about the history of our country and of the political parties--you may learn some things that will surprise you.
• Assure them that candidates will let them down. After all, they are campaigning on their ideals also and the reality is that not everything they promise can be delivered.
• Teach them, though, that the only way to create change of any significance is at the ballot box. Always cast an informed vote in every election--federal, state, and local.
• Teach them by your actions. Get involved and let your vote make a difference.

So, to say the young people are cynical is great news. That is the first step toward being a powerful voter.

Creating Positive Space with Your Kids

Learn to become still, and to take your attention away from what you don’t want, and all the emotional charge around it, and place the attention on what you wish to experience…Energy flows where attention goes.
Michael Bernard Beckwith, from The Secret

There is so much truth to that statement. When you expect good things, good things happen and vice versa. People who expect bad things also tend to make the decisions that put bad things in their lives, such as women who don’t see their own worth marrying someone who also doesn’t see their worth and treats them badly.

As for me, I remember sitting my daughter down when she was 12 or 13 to tell her that we were going to have a tough time over the next few years. My goal was to assure her that no matter how bad it got and how mad we got at each other, I would always love her. I wanted her to know that the hormone fluctuations and intense emotions are normal. My intent was good.

But I believe that if I had not had that talk with her, things may have been smoother through her teen years. I set the expectation that it would be awful and, many times, it was. I have wondered how different things might have been if I had set a different expectation.

Maybe I should have found a way to celebrate her entrance into womanhood and told her how great she could be—that no matter what happened around her, she was beautiful inside and out, that I was always there for her and loved her, that she had all the tools she needed to make it through the hormone fluctuations with flying colors.

What if I my thoughts, and ultimately hers, had always had a positive expectation instead of a negative one? I dreaded her becoming a teenager because my mom and I had such struggles. Who knows if I could have had an impact? Something inside of me tells me that we would not have had such a difficult time, however.

So cherish your kids. From the time they are little, see them as the little individuals they are. They are not extensions of you and your dreams. They have their own dreams and lessons to learn. Encourage them by word, action, and thought. The more you know they will succeed, they more they will know it too. It is going to be exciting to watch!

If anyone has an example of how this type of thinking has changed their lives or their kids' lives, please post a comment and let everyone know.

World Peace Starts at the Salty Dog with Dave Kemmerly

We ended the summer the same way we started it this year--listening to Dave Kemmerly entertain at the Salty Dog deck on Hilton Head Island, SC.

As I sat there looking over the pier, watching the birds in the sky dance to the music Dave was making, a familiar feeling of peace settled over my soul. It is always the same when we sit on this deck.

Looking around, I watched people chat with friends and with strangers. Dancing children made new friends to dance with in the moonlight. Families danced together. People were singing along with Dave. Many races, ages, and I suppose religions, were represented in the group. However, it appeared that no one was thinking about those things at that moment.

And, isn't that how we are going to achieve world peace? When we find what we have in common and celebrate it? So what do we have in common? You can find it on that wooden deck covered by plastic chairs and tables. Family. That is what we have in common all over the world.

Worldwide we need to focus on what is best for our families. There is nothing wrong with ambition and achievement. But greed and power-grabbing are dangerous roads to travel. I thought of some ways everyone can promote world peace, based on my observations that night:

• Discover what gives you joy in life. Pursue it with your whole heart.
• Focus on your family--give them your time.
• Make decisions based on what will best serve your family unit, not necessarily you as an individual.
• Create time to play and act like a child, no matter how old you are.
• See other people as people who have families they love and who love them.
• Make an effort to find the commonality in everyone you meet.
• Celebrate the fact that we are all different.
• Celebrate, also, the fact that we are all the same in many ways.

That night at the Salty Dog, there was no fighting, no focusing on areas of disagreement, no selfishness. That night there was family unity, a feeling that others on the deck could be your friends, and just plain fun. That is what so much of the world is missing.

But you can find it at the Salty Dog listening to Dave, or at your own version of the Dog wherever you live, even if it is only for a few hours. It is there somewhere. It is worth the search.

What Did You Do On 9-11-10 to Remember?

The waves spun me around and flipped me as I celebrated the last day of our vacation. My boogie board spit away from me and the salt burned my eyes again. What a great day. On the last day at the beach, Monty and I were playing in the surf--just us and the teenagers. It was so much fun.

Earlier today I had gone for a 2 mile run on the beach and now I was definitely cooled off as the water carried me and my board toward the beach. While I was waiting between sets of waves, my thoughts went back to a day nine years ago that was much different. It was the day our Twin Towers sank into the ground after a vicious attack on our country. It was a day of terror and anger and determination and hope.

A week and a half later in 2001 we were at this same beach on Hilton Head Island, SC. Monty and I talked briefly about cancelling the trip but decided not to let the bastards beat us and keep us cowering at home. There were very few people on the beach that week--nice for us, but sad somehow that so many people were still afraid.

I remember the definite lack of planes in the sky. The only ones we saw were military. It was very surreal. Occasionally a fighter would fly over or a fighter helicopter breezed by. But what I will never forget is the Coast Guard helicopter that flew low along the coastline. We were all still anxious and looking over our shoulders. But when the Coast Guard flew over we felt so much better because we knew that young men and women were standing guard. Most often we never notice them, or they are far away standing their posts so we don't see them. And I had been at that beach before when those choppers flew over and didn't pay attention.

But on that day, it was visible evidence that we were being protected. Apparently everyone on the beach felt the same way because there was a rolling applause as the the crew flew past us. We all spontaneously cheered and clapped. It was amazing and emotional. And for the rest of the week, the sight of the Coast Guard and their vigilance had the same reaction. No matter what people were doing, they stopped to show their appreciation.

So today on the anniversary of September 11, 2001, I am celebrating life. I think that is what the victims of the attacks and the troops who have died since keeping us safe would have wanted us to do. Otherwise, they died for nothing. So I said my prayer and thanked them, then went out to live my life in joy. I hope you are doing the same.

Hate Can Never Create Peace

All over the news today is the story of a "Christian" pastor who wants to burn a Koran on the anniversary of our tragedy on 9/11. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39032043/ns/world_news-south_and_central_asia/?GT1=43001
How is this Christ-like? Isn't that what being a Christian is supposed to be--living a Christ-like life? Sir, I ask you, would Jesus do this?

I agree that what happened to our country was despicable, but we have sent our military to retaliate for the attack. Our country was founded on the principle of religious freedom. So no matter what we may think of the religion of Islam, the people have a right to worship. My personal opinion is that the majority of Muslims quietly go about their business and do not cause problems. The Muslim extremists that attacked us are not men of God. They are men who crave power and control.

Yes, this pastor has a 1st amendment right to burn the Koran, but if he truly wanted to make a "religious" statement, why did he not just do it quietly with his congregation? This media circus he has propagated feels like a desperate attempt for one man's 15 minutes of fame.

Just another note: my parents taught me that my rights end where they infringe on someone else's rights. And this publicity stunt can, and probably will, cost the lives of some of our brave military so far from home. Is it really worth it? Please back down, sir. Hate will never create love or peace. Hate can only create more hate and violence.

Another point I want to make is that there are children in that church. Do we want to teach them to hate or to love? Christ taught us to love everyone, even those that hate you. We need to be teaching our children to love all of God's children. That is the only way that maybe one day, we can have peace.

A Little Elbow Grease Can Reap Big Benefits with Kids

Kids work hard when they want to work hard, and this happens only when they are motivated to do so by some positive internal goal, and not by fear or because they are worried about disappointing others. They work hard because they value hard work. Instilling kids with values like this is the first step on the long road to real success.
Rafe Esquith, author of Lighting Their Fires: How Parents and Teachers Can Raise Extraordinary Kids in a Mixed Up, Muddled Up, Shook Up World http://www.hobartshakespeareans.org/

Kids are taught by example as well as by word. If they see us, as parents, slacking on whatever it is we need to do, then they probably will also. But if they see us giving our all every day, they are likely to emulate that value.

It was late in my parenting life when I learned that threats and pleading and ignoring don’t get their rooms cleaned. Maybe when they were young, if I had made it a game to clean up, they would have been more willing. Or if there was a reward for it.

My 4 yr old grandson was over a few weeks ago and he asked if he could help me do some yard work. After I picked myself up off the floor and while I hustled him outside before he could change his mind, I asked him why he asked to help. Turns out his mom had a reward system in place and he had to get a certain number of stars to earn a toy he wanted. He got stars for doing jobs he was not asked to do. For instance, if he cleared his plate off the table without being asked, he got a star. If he picked up toys when finished and without being told to, he got a star. Hard work was something he was willing to do to get that toy—my daughter is so much smarter than I was. So we worked in the yard and he soaked me with the hose and we had a great time, all of which I reported back to mom.

Encourage kids, set up a reward system, make it fun, whatever it takes to teach kids the value of hard work. Rafe recommends gardening because kids don’t get instant gratification. Instead they slowly see the benefits of their work, with a reward at the end of the product they were growing. Working with them cleaning their room or gardening can also be fun. Keep it light and make it a good time. We never have too much time together.

We have to reverse the trend toward expectations of instant gratification instead of the benefit of elbow grease in this society—and it starts at home.