Signs of Evolution?

Frankly, I have never been a big evolution-believer, unless you can link it into Creation (which I think is possible, but that is another story.) Recently my daugher told me that we, as humans, are losing our canine teeth. They are no longer necessary and are slowly disappearing from the mouths of babies all over the world. I have no proof myself but she is smart and so I believe her.

There is one sign of evolution I have been noticing however. When my children's generation put the brakes on in the car, there is no simultaneous arm slap toward the person in the seat next to you. Every car generation through mine has moms who instinctively throw their arms across the person next to her when brakes are applied. This can be embarassing on a bus or train, but we cannot help it. Personally I am sure I have knocked the breath out of several people in my effort to protect them.

My children don't do that. Why would they? First, the kids are safely buckled in car seats behind them. An arm block would do no good whatsoever. Second, in a minivan or an SUV, the other person is far out of reach of that arm. Therefor, this is the first group of moms who have not developed that protective stance.

Is this a sign of evolution? Or is it something less? I report, you decide.

Baby Watch final post--Welcome Logan

My mema is really tired so I thought I would finish my own baby watch update. Momma and Daddy wanted me to be born on the 15th, but I was not really ready for that. Momma was so comfortable and peaceful and I was really happy there. It was my intention to stay a little longer.

Instead, they invoked their Alpha Dog authority and had the doctor cut her open and drag my butt out of there. I was not happy and screamed and kicked the whole way.

Now that I am here, I realize it is not so bad. They feed me, clean me up, rock me, and make lots of silly faces that I still don't quite understand. Why do they do that??? Anyway, so far they have been really good to me. And there are a lot of other people around a lot too. I hear words like mema, nana, papaw, aunt, uncle--can anyone tell me what those words mean? Those people also make funny noises and faces...what is it with that?

And while I am asking questions, what is the black thing on my belly? And where is the cord I played with while I was inside of Momma? I sure do miss it. Can anybody find one for me?

The food is pretty good here. I eat frequently and enjoy it, although it does all taste the same.

The other thing I want to know is what the heck is the silver box that they all have that flashes light in my eyes? They have all done that to me and then look at the boX and say "Oh, look. that is a cute one?" A cute what??

But all in all, I am pretty happy and feel like I have made good choices for Daddy and Momma. But now I have to eat--RIGHT NOW!

Signing off,

Logan

Eggplant Myth de-bunked?

My daughter in law did start having contractions at about 48 hrs after the Eggplant meal (see previous posts). However they did not amount to much and did not lead to baby delivery.

Perhaps she was not so suggestible. Or perhaps, the baby is a lot like his parents. He had his own plan and wanted to stick to it. This tells me that as he grows older they can expect him to want his own way. He will always be a leader, not a follower. He will make up his own mind about things and want to do them his way.

Ok, that is my prediction.

The Eggplant is not working...

Baby Watch update:

So far, the eggplant is not working on my daughter in law--meaning she is not in labor yet. (see yesterday's blog)

Since Aaron has so little time to be here before he has to go back to Panama and work, they are going to try induction tomorrow. That is, unless the eggplant does its job between now and then.

So we wait.

I remember when I worked in labor and delivery many years ago (before ultrasounds...) a doctor telling me "when the apple is ripe, it falls off the tree." My daughter called last night and asked if I thought Jaime would have the baby. I am not sure what that meant, but my answer was simply, "Eventually."

There is no guarantee that induction will work. There is nothing to prevent her from going into labor tonight. We will just have to wait until the apple is ripe!

Baby Watch Weekend Update

No baby yet.

Aaron is now in the States and the baby has permission from Mom to make an appearance, but no sign of him yet. We went to the the GA Tech football game, that didn't work. We went to play with some of my other grandkids--didn't work.

So last night they went to Scalini's in Cobb Co. GA for eggplant parmesan. Why is this important? The restaurant claims that over 300 babies have been born within 48 hours of mom eating their eggplant parmesan. http://www.scalinis.com/Bambino.htm Check it out. We will let you know if it works....

This morning the kids went out for a walk to help stimulate things. She does seem to have dropped some, so maybe it won't be much longer. Hopefully we won't have to go to more drastic measures, like strong laxatives or hooking her up to a giant vacuum cleaner. Personally I recommended sex, but from the look on both their faces, it was obvious they did not want to hear that from mom.

Baby Watch Alert

We are expecting our 11th grandchild--probably next week. My son and daughter-in-law think they are the expecting him, but it is really us grandparents who are the most excited. It is so strange to think of my baby (he is my youngest) having a baby.

It seems like only yesterday I was taking the double dose of Milk of Magnesia to make myself go into labor, spending 24 hurs in and out of the bathroom while I realized I would not know labor cramps from diarrhea cramps. What was I thinking?? When the cramping started to come at regular intervals, I decided to go to the hospital to get checked.

Sure enough, I was in labor. When it was time, I got the epidural I longed for. Well, not exactly since it only worked on one side. I felt every thing on my right side--very strange. He was 9'4" and had a very large head which I felt being delivered on my right side. But he was so cute, all was soon forgiven.

Aaron and Jaime (and Boudreau--pronounced Boo-Dro--what I call him since they haven't given him a name yet) live in Panama (country, not Redneck Riviera). Jaime (the daughter-in-law) is here for her "confinement" as they used to call it. Aaron, my son, is coming in on Sat and thanks to FMLA will get to stay for a while to care for his wife and bond with his son.

I guess I am going to have to get a webcam and the learning curve will start over again with that little gadget. Any advice from you out there in blogland would be appreciated!

Last week she had not started dilating or effacing yet--due date is Oct 19. So she had a long talk on Tuesday with the baby and admitted to him that she had told him not to dare come out until his Daddy was here, but that it was okay to start making a little progress. Since that evening she has had a couple of little contractions. We will see what the doctor says tomorrow.

I will keep you all posted.

Your Child's Teacher is You

The teacher who walks in the shadow of the temple, among his followers, gives not of his wisdom but rather of his faith and his lovingness.
If he is indeed wise he does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind.
Kahlil Gibran, from the Prophet

As parents we are teachers. What we teach, no one else can. There are others who teach what we cannot. I was blessed in that my father became my tutor when I struggled with Math. He was patient and ruthless at the same time. He was also determined that I would learn—that it would come from my mind, not his. He would help me work out all my problems, then rip up the paper and I would have to do it again, this time by myself.

I thought he did it because he hated me or was just plain mean. As I matured, I realized that he did because he loved me. The lessons were mine to learn, not his to do. He loved me enough to put up with my crying and carrying on every night instead of relaxing on the couch after a long day at work. I am sure there were many nights driving home, he prayed that I had no math homework that night. But he never one time refused to help me.

It would have been easier on him if I had gone to a tutor. But the important lesson I learned is that however your children learn it is they who must do the work. Too many parents are doing the work for their kids these days. That does not teach those children the life lessons they need.

We spend our entire lives learning. Children must learn early how to learn effectively--not have someone learn for them. For me, I would cry and be furious and tell Daddy that I could not do the problems by myself. No matter how much he may have believed I was right, he never agreed with me out loud. How sad it would have been for me if he had caved in and said, Ok, I'll do it and you can turn in that paper.

My vision of myself would have be colored by that failure. He always was my cheerleader--telling me I could do it. He would tell me to relax and remember. As a result I was able to celebrate when I did do the problems by myself. I slowly learned that if I tried, I could do anything. That would not have been my outlook and self portrait if my dad had not "lead me to the threhold of my own mind."

So instill in your child the joy of learning, of struggling and acheiving, of believing in himself. Love your child enough to watch her struggle, failing until she finally succeeds.

Failure to Launch is not just a movie

Do you have a college graduate living at home, letting you do all her laundry and cook her meals while she goes out to have fun with her friends after work?

Do you have a 26 yr old with no college degree and a minimum wage job playing video games on your couch right now?

What went wrong?

Have we failed our kids as parents?

I believe that if we have not taught our kids the skills they need to create their own adult lives, then we have failed them. As parents our role is to teach and guide them into adulthood. It is not to take care of them, their spouse, and the grandkids for the rest of our lives.

Yes, it is hard to let go of that MOM role. You face a lot of emotions and changes—you realize foremost that time is passing and you are getting older. That is very frightening and sobering. You will miss the activity and the friends you have through your kids. You will miss having them around every day.

One of the biggest issues women face is who we are when we aren’t parenting. We have spent so many years as someone’s mom—that is our identity. If the child leaves home, we don’t know who we are and it is daunting to face that. We also may not know who our spouse is and if we have anything in common other than the kids. Again, very scary.

But let me tell you, life is better when the kids are out of the house. They are not gone and you are actively involved in their lives. I have one son and daughter in law who live out of the country and we are still very close. He calls to ask my opinion about things and keeps me up to date with all that is going on in their lives.

I honestly enjoy this part of my life so much more. Their decisions are their decisions—not mine, even if I don’t agree with them. I just shrug my shoulders and am there if they need me. We are all so much closer and enjoy time spent together so much.

Was the separating, the cutting of the apron strings hard? Yep—it was agonizing for me. But I am glad it was done and we are all happier.

So I say, stop doing their laundry, start charging them rent, and stop cooking their meals. Make them responsible for chores around the house and for helping out with the bills. You will be teaching them skills they need to live on their own.

You will be helping yourself move into the next phase of your life. That is the phase in which not every thing is your fault and you get to play with the grandchildren, then go home leaving your child to deal with the spoiling you did. It is great!

Alec Baldwin--alienated or alien?

Alec Baldwin has a book out about his divorce and "parental alienation" from Ireland. Is he a victim or an abuser? Who knows. Both sides have their story. The little message he left his daughter last year sure plays into Kim Basinger's claims. But, then, victims of alienation can be driven to such despair that those slips can occur.

Does it really matter in my life? Not really. Does it matter in your life? Not really.

Ok, Pat, so why are you writing about this if it doesn't matter?

Parental alienation is a real and terrible issue that is happening right now all over the country. Good and loving parents are being portrayed as monsters who stopped loving their kids, at best, and, at worst, are wrongly accused of abuse.

The Baldwin/Basinger controversy throws new light on the debate going on over family court rulings. As parents, we should all get involved in this. Organizations such as Parental Alienation Awareness Organization http://www.parental-alienation-awareness.com/ are working to make a difference. There are groups in Linked In and other social networking sites also.

Children are permanently scarred by parental alienation. It must be stopped. The targeted parent must be given the opportunity to disprove the alienators claims--for the children. If a child believes a parent has stopped loving them, what do you suppose that does to their self-esteem? Dr. Amy JL Baker has written a very eye-opening book entitled, Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind. In it, she chronicles the depression, attempted suicides, and other effects of parental alienation on children who are now adults.

So, Alec and Kim...I don't know the particulars of your relationship. But I thank you for bringing this topic out from under a rock and into the light of day!