Forget Vampires: Grandma Scares Me to Death!

If little Nathanael could write about his Mema, this is what he would tell you all--that I scared the first real tears out of him. You know, that is not what a grandma aspires to, not what we dream of when we think of being in on the "firsts" in our grandchildren's lives. Unfortunately, it happened to me.

Background to the story: I babysat for two other little grand-guys while both parents went to the doctor. Both had upper respiratory symptoms and were feeling lousy. So I kept the guys for a couple of hours. The next day, Nathanael's dad asked if I could babysit for a little while.

Back to the story...I arrive at their house complete with a mask to wear when near the baby so in case I was a germ carrier, I might not pass it on to the baby. Sitting across the room from him was great. I didn't have to wear the mask and we were making faces at each other--he is so close to laughing and is so cute.

The trouble came when I took him from Mommy so they could leave. I put on my mask and picked him off her lap and all was well for a few minutes. I had him on my shoulder and he could not see my face. Unfortunately, then, he looked me dead in the face, or mask as it may be. Then all you-know-what broke loose.

The word scream does not adequately describe his reaction. Hysterical would be more accurate. Daddy came running over and pointed out as he was yanking my grandson out of my arms that Nathanael was actually crying tears. It was the first time he had seen tears in his son's eyes and I thought he was going to have a coniption. (If you don't know what that means, you aren't from Dixie...)

Of course I felt awful and my son proceded to try to make me feel worse--in fun. Soon the baby became accustomed to how I looked and we got along fine, but I didn't get any more smiles that night. He just kept looking at me with suspicion like he was saying. "Who are you? You sound like my Mema and feel like my Mema, but you don't look like my Mema."

I am happy to announce that I was there today, sans mask, and we laughed together a lot. He seemed to be over the mask trauma. (I hope I don't have to pay for therapy later.)

However, my other son called me to say that he heard from his brother that Nathanael had taken a good look at my face and became hysterical. I, of course, set the record straight and then forbade him from speaking to his brother ever again.

Are Our Kids Worth a Few Green Beans?

Many people … have spent a lifetime eating themselves into their current state of ill-health….In the end you are the one responsible for your own condition.
Dr. Dan Falor (recent guest on Parents Rule! radio show)

Don’t think I am pointing a finger at any of you because from my glass house, I am not the person to be throwing stones. I have done a lot of things, food wise, which are unhealthy. Actually, this struck a cord with me because I am trying to get back into a better nutritional state myself. To my disappointment, I have found that woman does not live on Cokes, hamburgers and pizza alone. This is sad because they certainly taste better than broccoli and brussel sprouts.

It is important that we examine our eating habits and what we are feeding our kids. It may take a little longer to cook a meal than to heat up a hot dog, but our kids are worth it. We all want them to lead full and happy lives, they can only do that if they are healthy. Take the extra time to steam some green beans to go along with that dog if that is what you want that night. Make a salad. Add some fresh fruit.

It's hard when kids have busy schedules and you are rushing home from work to make dinner and/or transport kids here and there. But you can cook ahead. I remember spending a lot of Sundays making meals ahead of a busy week. Then I just heated them up and we had a balanced meal instead of running through a drive-through.

Dr. Dan is right. We are responsible. It is up to us what we put in our bodies and what we have available for our kids to put in theirs. Take responsibility. Do the extra work. Isn’t it worth it for our health and the health of our kids?

Parenting Lessons from Ted Kennedy

First let me say that I am on a way different political spectrum from Ted Kennedy and he continually pissed me off while he was in the Senate. Having said that, as I watched the TV spectacle over his demise, it was evident to me that his actions could be used to inspire others to become better parents.

What are you talking about Pat? You just said you disagreed with the guy. Yes, but like everyone else, he had his good points also. So here is my list of How to be a Better Parent, Thanks to Ted Kennedy:

• Be there with your kids. Ted, having lost 3 brothers, took up the slack and became a surrogate dad for all of his nieces and nephews, as well as being a dad to his own kids. Over and over this past week I heard about how he was at every birthday, every graduation, every recital, every everything that was important to all these kids. It is impressive when a person can do that for their own kids, but add in a bunch of others and it is an impressive record. Just the fact that it was mentioned frequently showed how much it meant to all of the kids.
• Have special times with your kids. Each member of Kennedy clan can tell a story about how he went out of his way for them or made them feel special in some way. Can your kids say that about you?
• Instill patriotism in your kids. Several stories were told about how Ted told patriotic stories and read patriotic poems to the kids at various times throughout the year. Although he and I disagreed about what in the best interest of this country, it is apparent that he loved it. He displayed that love to all "his" kids.
• Make learning US history fun. This ties into the previous point. Ted organized a big day trip every year for the entire Kennedy clan. Well, it was his idea--I am sure his staff did the actual organizing. But they all went somewhere every year to learn about our history--battlefields, museums, tours, etc. What a great time for the whole family and they learned something in the meantime. Great idea!
• Teach perserverance. Many of the stories about Ted Kennedy desribed his determination to achieve his goals. Whether it was trying get a piece of legislation passed or winning a saliboat race, he did not give up. Setbacks would occur and he kept trudging ahead. With that attitude, you will win some and lose some, but the wins will far exceed the losses. And he modeled that in words and deeds to the young Kennedys who were watching him.
• Tolerance should be a lifestyle. Understand that others may not agree with you. I heard some Republican leaders tell stories about how he would argue them blue about a topic of discussion. Then he would find a way to create an atmosphere in which a compromise could be achieved. Or, if they were still to disagree, he did not let it interfere with a friendship. When bitterness creeps into differing opinions then no good can come from it. It is only with an open mind that important changes can be made. For instance, the best legislation from our Congress has always been a bi-partisan effort. In that all the needs of all the people have been addressed. That cannot happen when our elected officials stick to partisanship instead of tolerance and understanding and a desire for the greater good.
• Be a friend. This is such an important lesson for parents to teach kids, especially when we may not be the best example. But Ted Kennedy knew how to be a friend. Tale after tale was told about how when this person was going through surgery, Ted was the first person to call. Or how when that person lost a loved one, Ted was the first to be there at the door to offer a hug and a word of condolence. Many stories were told about him doing those things in the last year, as he was so ill himself. Children see these actions and will either learn from them or from their absence.
• Family is the most important thing in our lives. The whole Kennedy clan is an example of this, as are many families throughout our country. We see that with the Jackson family--throughout all of Michael's issues, the family stood together. My ex-husband's family in Tennessee is one of the best examples of family love I have ever seen. The Hawkins family members understand that they are blood--a bond that cannot be broken. No matter what happens, good or bad, they are always a family. If there are squabbles, (and what family doesn't have them?) they don't hold grudges and they find a way to bring understanding and peace. God forbid anything bad happen to any one in that type of family, but if it does, they come together in a united front to defeat the enemy--person, disease, situation, or whatever. It is so freeing to know that no matter what you do, you cannot lose the love and support of the family. Even when my ex and I split up, they made sure I knew that I was still a welcome member of that family and have had close ties to them over the years that we have been divorced. It is that unity that I saw in the Kennedys. And I hope you have the blessing of that kind of family. If not, it is not too late to start.

Trust me, I am not going to apply for his cannonization. He had plenty of warts and errors in his life--as do we all. But I see some traits in the man that I could admire--traits that will make our kids better adults and better citizens in this wonderful country we all love.

The Loss of a First Love

Today we learned that Ted Kennedy died and the press is busy cannonizing him as they do famous (or infamous) people as soon as they are gone. Frankly, I think he had a great life for someone who, if he were you or I, would have spend the rest of his life in prison (or at least a good part of it) after the death of Mary Jo Kopeckne. Interesting that he died so near to the 40th anninversary of her death.

Did he do good in his life of public service? I suppose he did, but that did not bring back the daughter to her parents. So his death, while I sympathize with those who loved him, leaves me void of emotion. But that is just me and I really don't idolize the famous.

However, I recently found out that my first unrequited love died many years ago as a young man. This guy was gorgeous, had a great body, and was wonderfully kind. He was in the "in crowd" but always had time to say hi or have a conversation with others. As an athlete, he excelled, especially in wrestling. And, it is my suspicion that many of the girls in my class also had a crush on Wally.

One night during college, I ran into him at a dance. It surprised me because he went to a different school, but he was visiting some friends for the weekend. At the time, I was in love with a guy that went to college in another state, so my high school crush was over, but it was so good to see him. (Remember, just looking at him was worth the time.) We talked all evening and danced a few dances; generally having a great time. As he walked me back to the dorm, I broke down and confessed my earlier feelings to him.

To my chagrin, he grinned at me and said, "I know." Flustered, I mumbled something about the fact that I never told any of my friends and couldn't understand how he knew. He said he could tell by my looks and actions. To which I replied about how grateful I was that he never let on that he knew--I would have been mortified! We had a good laugh about it and he told me that he was honored that I had felt that way about him. He said that with his school work and sports he just didn't have much time, or money, for girls--he had other priorities. And, looking back, I don't remember him having a steady girlfriend.

We parted as friends--no kiss, not even any hand holding (well there was a very nice hug)--and shared a few wonderful hours together. A few weeks ago, I reconnected with a high school girl friend (don't ya love Facebook?) and I asked her about Wally along with some others. She quickly said, "The guy you had such a crush on?" God, did everybody know?

Then she told the bad news--he had died. He was doing some kind of mission work, helping people he did not know, and got sick. Sadly, he didn't recover.

My heart broke when she told me. I always thought he was meant for great things. In his too-short life, he touched many people in a very positive way. I don't know of anyone this gentle soul ever hurt. Today, my mind is on Wally and why no one talked about his life on TV all day when he died.

RIP Wally Morrell! Part of me will always have that teenage crush on you.

Parents Rule or UN Rule?

I know no safe depository of the ultimate powers of society but the people themselves, and if we think them not enlightened enough to exercise their control with a wholesome discretion, the remedy is not to take it from them, but to inform their discretion by education.
Thomas Jefferson

Today on Parents Rule! my guest, Michael Farris and I are discussing the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. As titled, it is an innocuous sounding treaty. What kind of monster does not want children to be protected from evil and injustice? However, this document goes way beyond that and begins to interfere in the ability of a mom or dad to do their job as a parent.

Under the provisions, a child can take a parent to cout any time they disagree with a rule or restriction put on the child's behavior. Aren't the kids today too out of control as it is? Also, the wording in several areas of this document are very vague and open to interpretation. Who will do the interpreting? An 18 person panel in Geneva. And, if ratified, the treaty supersedes US law. Who else has a problem with that? And what does "an enforceable right to leisure" mean?

Central to our society is the parent-child relationship. The role of the parent does not end with childbirth. We are also to be the teacher and protector of our children. It is not the job of government to do that, nor is it the job of people from another country.

Children do not fit nicely into cookie cutter rules where what is right for one is right for all. They are individuals with individual personalities and purposes on this earth. No one can help a child prepare for adult life more than an informed, loving parent. No one living in another continent can or should make decisions about my child’s needs. They do not know my child, or me.

Parents must have the ability to guide, set boundaries, and enforce those boundaries as they see fit—naturally without abuse. What I am talking about are the majority of parents; those who care deeply for the best interest of their children. It is vital that parents start making a stand now for the future of our children and grandchildren.

The proposed Constitutional amendment, called the Parents Rights Amendment, will protect us even if the treaty is ratified. Check it out at http://www.parentalrights.org. And let me hear what you think.

You Can Call Me Liz...

Hey, world I am back. I have been off the radar for a few weeks, but now I am raring to go--can hardly go for raring. (What does that mean anyway?) To celebrate, I am going to tell you something that happened to me on my recent vacation. It has nothing to do with parenting, although the real Liz is expecting. Does that count?

I have a new alias, which I will be using in bars, in resorts in Jamaica, and in Vegas from now on. If you see someone who looks just like me in any of those places, she will only answer to LIZ.

Okay, so you want the back story?

We were recently on vaca at great resort in Jamaica and having dinner in the fancy-dancy French restaurant on property. We were dressed up and looking good and drinking a few glasses of bubbly when it happened. The wait staff came out singing Happy Birthday to Liz and set the cake, which also said Happy Birthday Liz, right in front of me. Standing there waiting for me to blow out the candles, they couldn't figure out the confused look on my face. Finally I stammered to them that I was not Liz. They looked at my sister in law expectantly and she informed them that her name was Karen.

To be fair, we were warned. When we walked in, the waiter said something to my husband about us celebrating a birthday and Monty told him we weren't. Now I understand the wink he got--it wasn't that he thought Monty was cute; this guy thought Monty was trying not to spoil the surprise.

We were hysterical laughing after they took the cake with the new candle wax topping away. The two tables near us were full of people looking perplexed or laughing. Eventually I said that maybe we should have just eaten the cake. At that, the people to my right started laughing all over again and I heard the word Liz mentioned.

Sure enough, Liz was at the table next to me and expressed her gratitude that I did not, in fact, eat her cake. With that, we laughed until tears ran down our cheeks--all eight of us.

So, I have now adopted and embraced my alias. Use it with caution.

Wacko Jacko or Mistreated Michael?

Michael Jackson. Just saying his name evokes emotions in people--worship, envy, sadness, disgust, revulsion, love, hate, pity, and many more. To me, I don't understand this man-boy who seemed to never grow up. I forget who in the memorial service called him Peter Pan, but that is how I have always seen him.

Was he guilty of molesting young boys? Was he inappropriate? By our standards, he was inappropriate, but what were his standards? Was he being honest when he said he was just showing them pure love, not sexual love? None of us will ever know because we were not present. In my mind, he may have been trying to give what he did not receive as a child.

What I do believe is that somewhere in his past, abuse took place. There were many stories of his father's abuse when the kids were growing up and, again, we will never know the truth. But something happened to that cute little guy who sang on the Ed Sullivan Show so many years ago. And, as parents, we need to see Michael as an example of what can happen when we do not take care of the little ones in our charge. The reasons I believe that there was abuse are:

• the self mutilation he inflicted on himself with the mulitple plastic surgeries, always trying to make himself another person,
• the fact that he appeared to be arrested in his emotional development and was childlike for his entire life,
• he always wanted to be surrounded by children that he could love,
• every photo I have ever seen of Michael and his parents shows him leaning away from his father (of course I have not seen all the photos and that could be wrong),
• and the Jackson children are all so careful and so quick to circle the wagons around one that is in trouble, especially Michael. That does not mean that abuse occurred but it is a symptom.

I do respect the fact that he lived his life the way he wanted and did not let the criticism affect how he did things. I am sure he took it to heart and was pained by it, but he remained true to himself. Too many times we see former child stars who have serious issues with drugs or emotions or relationships. Why is that? I think it because they have been put too soon into an adult world for which they are not prepared.

Parents, pay attention to how you interact with your kids. This is especially true if they are a prodigy or have a special gift. Don't push them into adulthood too soon. Let them be kids. Love them and hold them. Let them play and be silly. If they have a gift, they will do it naturally and they will love it. Let them lead you on how involved they want to be. Of course, encourage them and provide opportunity for them to pursue the talent. But don't rob them of their precious innocent childhood.