What Are the HOT Toys for Christmas?

Well, I finally let you all down. I tried to have Chris Byrne, the Toy Guy, that you have seen on TV shows, such as GMA, Fox and Friends, Today Show, Live with Regis and Kelly, and many others. Sadly, we could not get our schedules to mesh.

So I have gone to his website http://www.timetoplaymag.com and am listing for you what he says will be the top sellers for this year.

By the way, you should check out his website--they have giveaways year round and on Monday they are announcing the winner of a play award that was voted on by visitors to the site!

There is lots of information about different toys and videos showing them. For instance, I have been wondering what in the heck a Squinkie is--now I know.

So, without further ado, here is Chris' list of HOT toys (in alphabetical order):

• Bop It Bounce, recommended for boys and girls 8 and up
• Dance Star Mickey, recommended for all kids (or kids at heart) 2 and up
• FurReal Friends Go-Go, My Walking Pup, recommended for girls 4 and up
• Hogwarts Castle, recommended for boys and girls 8 and up
• Imaginext Bigfoot the Monster, recommended for boys 3 and up
• iXL, recommended for boys and girls 3 and up
• Lalaloopsy, recommended for girls 8 and up
• Leapster Explorer, recommended for boys and girls 4 and up
• Lego Games, recommended for boys and girls 7 and up
• Loopx, recommended for boys and girls 7 and up
• Monster High, recommended for girls 6 and up
• Moon Dough, recommended for boys and girls 2 and up
• Nerf and Strike Stampede ECS Blaster, recommended for boys 8 and up
• Silly Bandz, recommended for boys and girls 5 and up
• Sing-A-Ma-Jigs, recommended for boys and girls 3 and up
• Squinkies, recommended for girls 3 and up
• V.Reader, recommended for boys and girls 3 and up
• Zoombles, recommended for girls 4 and up

Hope this helps with your shopping for the holidays! Have fun.

Beware of "Bad" Praise!

Is there good praise and bad praise for your kids? Isn't any praise good for them? After all, there have been studies that show that self-esteem is incredibly important in our kids. So how can there be bad praise?

In the book, Nurtureshock: New Thinking About Children http://www.nurtureshock.com , authors Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman show why there is such a thing. Not only does a certain type of praise not help our kids, it can actually decrease their desire to achieve.

An example in the book shows kids being giving tests. After the first test, one child is told they are very smart. The other is told they must have tried really hard. For the next test, the children are given a choice of an easier test or a harder one that will teach them something.

The child who was told they were smart picked the easier test. The one who was told they tried hard picked the harder one. And it was not true for just one group of kids. It is universal. The "smart" kid could not allow themselves to fail, so they would not put themselves in a position where that could happen.

If you praise effort, you give the child a variable they can control--the amount of work they put into a project. Conversely, the kids who were praised for their intellect (which they do not control) felt no need to put out effort.

These results were true, regardless of socioeconomic class or gender. So if you want to make a big difference in your child, praise their efforts. Tell them they worked hard on a project and did it well rather than tell them how smart they are. Tell them they hit the ball well in the baseball game rather than saying they are great ball players.

If you think about it, it makes sense.

Children Need to Learn Patriotism at Home

Recently I saw a YouTube video entitled I Fought For You by The Sound Tank. I will post it on my Parents Rule Facebook page tomorrow. It is an excellent way to start a discussion with your child about our country. This week we celebrate Veteran's Day, a day set aside to honor all those men and women who have served our country and played a part in gaining and preserving our freedom.

So many forces are trying to take away our freedoms these days and we must be vigilant. But, even more important, we must teach our children to be on guard against attacks from outside and from inside our borders. Some attacks sound innocent enough until you scratch under the surface and find out the true goals.

Therefore we must (and we must teach our children) to never take a pundit's or a politician's or a reporter's word as absolute fact until we have done the research ourselves. Our country has always been united in its desire to protect our freedom. We need to continue on that path or face loss of what we hold dear about our wonderful country.

Talk to your kids--make sure they know that freedom comes at a price. It is sometimes a steep price, but worth it. Ask any Gold Star mom (one who has lost a child in military service) and she will tell you how proud she is of her child's desire to play their role in our country's history.

God bless our troops and keep them safe.

Stop Those Terrible Kids Selling Pumpkins...Really?

According to http://www.idahoreporter.com, a government official shut down an illegal pumpkin stand last week in Lewiston, Idaho. Thank God these dedicated officials are out the protecting us from the crimes of 4 and 6-yr olds. What would have happened if they had not been on top of this heinous crime?

Here's is what the outcome could have been:

• Two little kids would have earned some money to buy sports equipment.
• These children may have learned that money is earned, not picked off the money tree (as my parents were fond of telling me.)
• The parents may have taught their children a valuable lesson that will aid them in life.
• The kids may have had the satisfied feeling of playing with a toy or a ball that they had earned through hard work, instead expecting the government to take care of them.
• The people who bought the pumpkins would have left feeling a little happier because they knew they had helped the kids help themselves.

As you can see, the consequences could have been dire. Thank goodness all of that was averted. Let's not raise another generation of entrepreneurs, for Pete's sake.

So, does this rule extend to garage sales and lemonade stands? Where does it start and end?

Seriously folks, this is why Americans are joining the Tea (taxed enough already) Parties. It is not because of racism or trying to push the political agenda of one party. Individuals from all races, all ages, all socio-economic stages, and all political parties are joining because our government beauracracies are out of control.

Incidents like this one are disgusting. This kind of government intrusion was unheard of when I was growing up. I want our country back to a state in which a child can sell a pumpkin or a cup of lemonade without being harassed by the government who is supposed to be there to support them.

10 Ways to Date Your Spouse

At a wedding shower the other night someone told the bride and groom that the secret to marriage is to "always date your wife." Another guest, a young married man, said "That is easy until the baby comes." Since that night I have thought about both comments and, as usual, have an opinion about them. (You could at least pretend to be surprised...)

The advice to always date your wife goes both ways--always date your spouse or always keep that dating relationship may be better ways to put it. When dating, you are always trying to make the other one happy, find little gifts for each other, avoiding silly arguments, and doing a lot of kissing and snuggling. All those actions are great for a marriage and helps to keep the fires of romance and love kindled.

My main comments are regarding the second comment, which happens to be very true. When you have a baby, everything changes. You have less free time, less sleep, less money, and someone else to focus your attention on. Having said that, the baby also brings great joy to a loving couple and the upsides outweigh the downsides.

However you can still date your spouse. Here are my suggestions:

• Bring home a bouquet of flowers or a card unexpectedly for no reason every now and then. If you do it too often it loses its affect.
• Without warning, walk over to your spouse while they are cooking, changing a diaper, playing a video game, etc. and give them a big, sexy kiss--not just a peck, but the real enchilada.
• Never say bad things about your spouse to your friends. When you say positive things, that is what you invite into your home.
• Don't fight about little stupid things. If you get mad about something, walk away for a bit before you let them have it. Think about whether it will be important in 10 years. If yes, go back and discuss it. Avoid arguing if you can discuss. If no, let it go. Or, think about whether it would have made you mad when you were dating...chances are that most things will be a "no" here. Let it go.
• Never for any reason shut the other out of your bedroom.
• Never miss an opportunity to praise your spouse, especially in front of others. It reminds you why you married them in the first place and is an incentive to them to make you happy.
• Actually have a date. Hire a babysitter or ask grandma to babysit and go somewhere alone. It can be a dinner and a movie date, but there are other options--go for a hike or a bike ride, go visit friends, have friends over (and grandma has the baby at her house), go see a local tourist site that you have not seen, and so forth.
• Sometimes, after the baby is in bed, turn off the TV and computer. Light candles and be creative with sex.
• Play with each other (sorry, we covered sex in the bullet point above.) Play games, tickle each other, chase each other down the street, and so forth. Kids can be involved in this as family time. Never lose the ability to play and have fun.
• Always be respectful of each other. Never be mean to each other. Keep in mind what made you fall in love in the first place. Hang on to those qualities.

Cynical About Politicians? Good!

This week in the Huffington Post is a blog regarding a recent poll. Part of the results of the poll were that young voters, who came out in droves two years ago, are now more cynical about the process. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/15/rock-the-vote-poll-young-yepublicans-excited_n_717935.html

This is a great chance for parents to talk about our country to their kids. (If you are not sure how or what to say, my free e-book, The Patriot Parent: Still the Best Hope for America is a place to start. It is available from http://www.parentsrulewithpat.com)

Regardless of why they are more cynical, I am glad they are. Is it because they are conservative and didn't win? Or is it because they voted for change that they now do not believe in? I can't tell you. What I can say is that this can be a good sign for our country.

I talked to many young people before the last election and many were swept away by the emotion of needing change in this country. When I asked them what kind of change they wanted and what the candidates had to offer, they could not verbalize it. Frankly, I was disappointed.

Parents, this is a chance to make our country better! How?

• Tell your kids to be cynical, but keep voting. If they stop voting there is no chance of any change in what is going on in Washington in both parties.
• Help talk them through what they believe needs to change. Help them verbalize their thoughts and the reasons why they believe that way.
• Teach them how to research issues and candidates in order to vote for the person who best represents their ideals.
• Learn together about the history of our country and of the political parties--you may learn some things that will surprise you.
• Assure them that candidates will let them down. After all, they are campaigning on their ideals also and the reality is that not everything they promise can be delivered.
• Teach them, though, that the only way to create change of any significance is at the ballot box. Always cast an informed vote in every election--federal, state, and local.
• Teach them by your actions. Get involved and let your vote make a difference.

So, to say the young people are cynical is great news. That is the first step toward being a powerful voter.

Creating Positive Space with Your Kids

Learn to become still, and to take your attention away from what you don’t want, and all the emotional charge around it, and place the attention on what you wish to experience…Energy flows where attention goes.
Michael Bernard Beckwith, from The Secret

There is so much truth to that statement. When you expect good things, good things happen and vice versa. People who expect bad things also tend to make the decisions that put bad things in their lives, such as women who don’t see their own worth marrying someone who also doesn’t see their worth and treats them badly.

As for me, I remember sitting my daughter down when she was 12 or 13 to tell her that we were going to have a tough time over the next few years. My goal was to assure her that no matter how bad it got and how mad we got at each other, I would always love her. I wanted her to know that the hormone fluctuations and intense emotions are normal. My intent was good.

But I believe that if I had not had that talk with her, things may have been smoother through her teen years. I set the expectation that it would be awful and, many times, it was. I have wondered how different things might have been if I had set a different expectation.

Maybe I should have found a way to celebrate her entrance into womanhood and told her how great she could be—that no matter what happened around her, she was beautiful inside and out, that I was always there for her and loved her, that she had all the tools she needed to make it through the hormone fluctuations with flying colors.

What if I my thoughts, and ultimately hers, had always had a positive expectation instead of a negative one? I dreaded her becoming a teenager because my mom and I had such struggles. Who knows if I could have had an impact? Something inside of me tells me that we would not have had such a difficult time, however.

So cherish your kids. From the time they are little, see them as the little individuals they are. They are not extensions of you and your dreams. They have their own dreams and lessons to learn. Encourage them by word, action, and thought. The more you know they will succeed, they more they will know it too. It is going to be exciting to watch!

If anyone has an example of how this type of thinking has changed their lives or their kids' lives, please post a comment and let everyone know.

World Peace Starts at the Salty Dog with Dave Kemmerly

We ended the summer the same way we started it this year--listening to Dave Kemmerly entertain at the Salty Dog deck on Hilton Head Island, SC.

As I sat there looking over the pier, watching the birds in the sky dance to the music Dave was making, a familiar feeling of peace settled over my soul. It is always the same when we sit on this deck.

Looking around, I watched people chat with friends and with strangers. Dancing children made new friends to dance with in the moonlight. Families danced together. People were singing along with Dave. Many races, ages, and I suppose religions, were represented in the group. However, it appeared that no one was thinking about those things at that moment.

And, isn't that how we are going to achieve world peace? When we find what we have in common and celebrate it? So what do we have in common? You can find it on that wooden deck covered by plastic chairs and tables. Family. That is what we have in common all over the world.

Worldwide we need to focus on what is best for our families. There is nothing wrong with ambition and achievement. But greed and power-grabbing are dangerous roads to travel. I thought of some ways everyone can promote world peace, based on my observations that night:

• Discover what gives you joy in life. Pursue it with your whole heart.
• Focus on your family--give them your time.
• Make decisions based on what will best serve your family unit, not necessarily you as an individual.
• Create time to play and act like a child, no matter how old you are.
• See other people as people who have families they love and who love them.
• Make an effort to find the commonality in everyone you meet.
• Celebrate the fact that we are all different.
• Celebrate, also, the fact that we are all the same in many ways.

That night at the Salty Dog, there was no fighting, no focusing on areas of disagreement, no selfishness. That night there was family unity, a feeling that others on the deck could be your friends, and just plain fun. That is what so much of the world is missing.

But you can find it at the Salty Dog listening to Dave, or at your own version of the Dog wherever you live, even if it is only for a few hours. It is there somewhere. It is worth the search.

What Did You Do On 9-11-10 to Remember?

The waves spun me around and flipped me as I celebrated the last day of our vacation. My boogie board spit away from me and the salt burned my eyes again. What a great day. On the last day at the beach, Monty and I were playing in the surf--just us and the teenagers. It was so much fun.

Earlier today I had gone for a 2 mile run on the beach and now I was definitely cooled off as the water carried me and my board toward the beach. While I was waiting between sets of waves, my thoughts went back to a day nine years ago that was much different. It was the day our Twin Towers sank into the ground after a vicious attack on our country. It was a day of terror and anger and determination and hope.

A week and a half later in 2001 we were at this same beach on Hilton Head Island, SC. Monty and I talked briefly about cancelling the trip but decided not to let the bastards beat us and keep us cowering at home. There were very few people on the beach that week--nice for us, but sad somehow that so many people were still afraid.

I remember the definite lack of planes in the sky. The only ones we saw were military. It was very surreal. Occasionally a fighter would fly over or a fighter helicopter breezed by. But what I will never forget is the Coast Guard helicopter that flew low along the coastline. We were all still anxious and looking over our shoulders. But when the Coast Guard flew over we felt so much better because we knew that young men and women were standing guard. Most often we never notice them, or they are far away standing their posts so we don't see them. And I had been at that beach before when those choppers flew over and didn't pay attention.

But on that day, it was visible evidence that we were being protected. Apparently everyone on the beach felt the same way because there was a rolling applause as the the crew flew past us. We all spontaneously cheered and clapped. It was amazing and emotional. And for the rest of the week, the sight of the Coast Guard and their vigilance had the same reaction. No matter what people were doing, they stopped to show their appreciation.

So today on the anniversary of September 11, 2001, I am celebrating life. I think that is what the victims of the attacks and the troops who have died since keeping us safe would have wanted us to do. Otherwise, they died for nothing. So I said my prayer and thanked them, then went out to live my life in joy. I hope you are doing the same.

Hate Can Never Create Peace

All over the news today is the story of a "Christian" pastor who wants to burn a Koran on the anniversary of our tragedy on 9/11. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39032043/ns/world_news-south_and_central_asia/?GT1=43001
How is this Christ-like? Isn't that what being a Christian is supposed to be--living a Christ-like life? Sir, I ask you, would Jesus do this?

I agree that what happened to our country was despicable, but we have sent our military to retaliate for the attack. Our country was founded on the principle of religious freedom. So no matter what we may think of the religion of Islam, the people have a right to worship. My personal opinion is that the majority of Muslims quietly go about their business and do not cause problems. The Muslim extremists that attacked us are not men of God. They are men who crave power and control.

Yes, this pastor has a 1st amendment right to burn the Koran, but if he truly wanted to make a "religious" statement, why did he not just do it quietly with his congregation? This media circus he has propagated feels like a desperate attempt for one man's 15 minutes of fame.

Just another note: my parents taught me that my rights end where they infringe on someone else's rights. And this publicity stunt can, and probably will, cost the lives of some of our brave military so far from home. Is it really worth it? Please back down, sir. Hate will never create love or peace. Hate can only create more hate and violence.

Another point I want to make is that there are children in that church. Do we want to teach them to hate or to love? Christ taught us to love everyone, even those that hate you. We need to be teaching our children to love all of God's children. That is the only way that maybe one day, we can have peace.

A Little Elbow Grease Can Reap Big Benefits with Kids

Kids work hard when they want to work hard, and this happens only when they are motivated to do so by some positive internal goal, and not by fear or because they are worried about disappointing others. They work hard because they value hard work. Instilling kids with values like this is the first step on the long road to real success.
Rafe Esquith, author of Lighting Their Fires: How Parents and Teachers Can Raise Extraordinary Kids in a Mixed Up, Muddled Up, Shook Up World http://www.hobartshakespeareans.org/

Kids are taught by example as well as by word. If they see us, as parents, slacking on whatever it is we need to do, then they probably will also. But if they see us giving our all every day, they are likely to emulate that value.

It was late in my parenting life when I learned that threats and pleading and ignoring don’t get their rooms cleaned. Maybe when they were young, if I had made it a game to clean up, they would have been more willing. Or if there was a reward for it.

My 4 yr old grandson was over a few weeks ago and he asked if he could help me do some yard work. After I picked myself up off the floor and while I hustled him outside before he could change his mind, I asked him why he asked to help. Turns out his mom had a reward system in place and he had to get a certain number of stars to earn a toy he wanted. He got stars for doing jobs he was not asked to do. For instance, if he cleared his plate off the table without being asked, he got a star. If he picked up toys when finished and without being told to, he got a star. Hard work was something he was willing to do to get that toy—my daughter is so much smarter than I was. So we worked in the yard and he soaked me with the hose and we had a great time, all of which I reported back to mom.

Encourage kids, set up a reward system, make it fun, whatever it takes to teach kids the value of hard work. Rafe recommends gardening because kids don’t get instant gratification. Instead they slowly see the benefits of their work, with a reward at the end of the product they were growing. Working with them cleaning their room or gardening can also be fun. Keep it light and make it a good time. We never have too much time together.

We have to reverse the trend toward expectations of instant gratification instead of the benefit of elbow grease in this society—and it starts at home.

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone!

Okay, here I go again--stepping out of my comfort zone. This weekend I am going to have a booth at the Suwanee Festival of Books to promote my two books. It is not natural for me to do this. I start to worry about all kinds of things: what if no one talks to me all day? what if I don't sell one book? what if someone comes by and tells me what a jerk I am? what if this and what if that?

So many times in my life I have been pushed or cajoled out of that comfort space and into a "scary" situation. And you know what? When it was all over, none of the "what if's" happened--or at least the most horrible of them didn't. Each time I learned something about myself that I didn't know--that I was stronger and more capable than I gave myself credit for. Each time when I looked back, I realized that I had enjoyed the experience.

So I guess this will be the same. And part of me is really excited to be there. What I suggest to you is find something in the next month or two that you think is beyond you--hike to the top of a mountain, write a book, learn a new language, take up a new hobby, doesn't matter what it is. Stretch yourself and get away from comfortable. Learn from it.

For me, to stand in a booth and promote my work is much harder than writing. But it is going to be a great event. So if you are in or near Suwnaee, GA August 28-29, come by and see me in booth D2 at the Suwanee Festival of Books. I have a gift for the first person who says they came because of this blog. There will other events, besides me: workshops, storytellers, book characters, educational events, food and much more! It is a free event, so bring the whole family. Hope to see you there.

Gratitude Is the Root of the Joy Tree

An attitude of gratitude
When stuff has got you down
Can get you satisfatitude
And turn your world around
An attitude of gratitude
Hooray for what’s okay
Say thank you with emphatitude
And it’s a brand new day
Jimmy Buffett, An Attitude of Gratitude

As I have lived my life and learned my lessons, it has been made clear to me that gratitude is vital for happiness. Being grateful for what you have puts you in the present with peace of mind. Look around you. No matter what your current circumstances, you can find wonderful people, events, and things in your life today. Is it not the life you expected? Is that all bad?

A few years ago, I thought I was going to lose all the material things I had collected in my life. It was an awful time full of tears and sleepless nights. I cried to God to help me and in my soul I heard the answer was to be grateful for what I have.

So I looked around me and listed what I had for which I was the most grateful. The material things I was so worried about keeping were not even high on that list. After that, when I was worried and upset, I would think about that list and fall asleep saying a prayer of thanks to God instead of begging for help day in and day out.

Soon I was sleeping better and opportunities arose that let us get out of the difficulties and we actually got to keep our things. But it was a big lesson for me. Let it be a lesson to you and pass it on to your kids. That attitude of gratitude makes you look at life differently, more positively. We all need less negative in our lives—especially our kids.

So gratitude is the root of the joy tree. From solid grateful roots, the trunk and leaves grow--things such as a great career, wonderful family, a vacation here and there, good friends, and hopefully, security in your old age. Protect the tree's roots and it will live for a long time, bending in the wind but not breaking. It will be a shelter in times of storm and a peaceful retreat when you are stressed. But most of all, you can look at it everyday and enjoy its beauty and serenity.

Welcome to the World: Open Letter to A Grandson

Dylan,

This world into which you were born is an amazing and complex place.

On one hand, there is conflict between countries and between people. It feels sometimes like the whole world is angry. There are wars and threats of war. There are natural disasters and man-made disasters. There are divorces and horrible custody battles. There are insults and intolerance.

But, on the other hand, there is great beauty and great kindness. There are people who are always standing ready to help someone else, no matter what it costs them. Through the disasters, many offer aid and comfort. Brows are wiped and injuries bandaged. Kind words are spoken and a gentle touch eases hearts.

As I look at your serenely sleeping face, I see the future. And it is good. You will be raised by loving parents who will provide what you need to grow into an adult—someone who will be as precious to them as your parents are to me. Never take for granted the gift of these two wonderful people who love you so dearly. It is the basis of who you will become.

They will love you, spoil you, and cherish you. But they will also teach you discipline, respect, and understanding. Some lessons, my sweet grandson, will be hard-learned and painful. Some will not. It is crucial for you to learn all of them—for you are the future.

Carl Sandberg, a great poet, once said, “A baby is God’s opinion that the world should go on.” You are that promise. As each new soul enters this world, a drop of new hope falls onto the arid ground. But, together, all of you will all produce enough nourishment to the world that it will once again flourish.

You will see the world with fresh eyes that will make us shake our heads in wonder. Someday you may do the same for mankind. Your world will be what you make it. Your destiny is in your hands. When I look into your eyes, I know the future is safe.

Does a Family Need a Dad?

This week, Jennifer Aniston made a big commotion by saying that a family does not need a dad--a single mom can handle parenting just fine. She was immediately attacked about this stance by many conservative spokespeople, including Bill O'Reilly.

So, what is your take on her comments?

First of all, let's remember that she was promoting her new movie in which the character gives up looking for Mr. Right and takes baby making into her own hands. Naturally she is going to put the movie in a good light--that is her job. If you haven't heard this story, here is the link to a synopsis: http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/celebrity.news.gossip/08/13/aniston.oreilly.ppl/index.html

Having said that, I was a single mom for many years. Was it easy? Of course not. I never wanted to be divorced. We tried to make it work, but there came a time when divorce was truly the best choice for me, for him, and for our children.

It is my belief that children need both a male and a female influence in their lives. To grow and become the best individuals they can be, balance is important. That balance in the lives of my children came with all the influences in their lives. The female side came from me, their grandmothers, aunts, and the mothers of their friends. The male influences came from their father, their grandfathers, their uncles, fathers of friends, and eventually from my wonderful husband, Monty.

Any single mom can find balance in the lives of their children through extended family and friends. I know what it is like to desperately want to have a child. Gratefully, I never had to suffer through infertility or not finding the right guy. Well, okay, maybe I had not found the absolute right guy, as things turned out. But I did not know it at the time.

I had my children with little difficulty. Had I not, it is possible that I would have made the decision made by many women today--to have one anyway and raise it myself. Why is that wrong? Why is that diminishing dads? These women much prefer to have a dad in the home, but none have shown up. Why should their dreams of motherhood die?

There are ways that dads are diminished in this world. I am not going to get into that on this post, but it does happen every day. Aniston's comments, however, do not. They speak to a conscious choice of an adult woman who weighs the options and makes a choice. Her return comments were well chosen and I applaud them.

How Can You Have a Family Insurance Plan That Has NO Maternity Option?

Time for me to vent a little--ok, a lot. One of our kids is thinking about having another child. So, what is the problem, Pat? That is a good thing, right?

The issue is their health insurance. When they had the first baby, my daughter in law was working for a company that offered health insurance. She has since been laid off and started a small business of her own.

They are now both self-employed and have a private family plan. But, get this, there is no maternity option. I mean, none! I was sure there would be a rider you could purchase extra, but no. How in the heck can you have a family plan without the option of making a family? Only one insurance company in the state of GA offers a maternity option with a private family plan--and it is new in the past month or so. Now if they worked for a company and had group insurance, no problem.

So we called the Insurance Commissioner's (John Oxendine) office. What was their response? "Really? We have not heard of this problem before now?" REALLY? Shouldn't the insurance commissioner know what the insurance companies in his state offer? I'm just saying. They did offer to "look into it". All my daughter in law had to do was send in a letter of request and wait several weeks for their review of the matter.

Now, you all know that I am not a fan of universal healthcare. It causes more issues than it solves. But this type of BS, excuse my language, is why so many people are supporting it. The insurance companies wail about the perils of universal healthcare. But they are causing a big part of the problem. Lawsuits are another issue that cause this disconnect with the needs of the insured--but that is an issue for another rant.

The insurance company representative told her that most couples are paying for the prenatal care and the birth, then the insurance kicks in after the mom and child are discharged from the hospital. Also the insurer said they will pay for a "medically necessary" C-Section. Of course, they could not tell us what is deemed medically necessary since each "each case is measured on its own merit." Whatever that means!

All this is well and good (and expensive) if it is a perfectly normal pregnancy, delivery, and baby. The parents would be out of pocket $5000-$10,000. But what if something goes wrong? Oops, too bad for you. The costs just skyrocketed.

It is despicable. This hard working couple cannot have another child until this gets resolved. They are great parents who pay their bills and pay their taxes. They provide a loving home and a good example for their child. They are active members of their community and just really good people. They would love to have their kids close together, but now it is looking like that may not happen.

But anyone on welfare can have as many babies as they want, whenever they want. They just go down to Grady and walk out with the baby--and no bill. The tax payers have paid it. This is just wrong. Can't my share of the tax money go to help my own? And why isn't the Georgia Insurance Commissioner on top of this? Why aren't they supporting the entrepreneurs of the state instead of treating them like second class citizens?

Has anyone else had a similar problem? I would love to hear about it. Also, we need to be letting our insurance commissioners know that this is not acceptable. What do you all think?

Clothes Don't Cause Pregnancy, People Do

In the news this week is a story about a company, Forever 21, that is launching a clothing line for pregnant teens and young women. This is stirring up an intense controversy. In my mind it is much like the idea that toys in Happy Meals cause fat kids.

The "Love 21 Maternity" line, according to Larry Meyer, executive vice president of Forever 21, is focused on their customers who are eighteen and older. They have opened the line in five states, three of which (Texas, Arizona, and California) have the highest teen pregnancy rates. Because of those states, the accusation, according to the story on www.foxnews.com, is that Forever 21 approves of teen pregnancy. Meyer states that it is just coincidental about the three states.

Now I will admit to being a devout capitalist. I support people who develop a product and find a way to market it successfully. In my thinking, if they saw those rates of pregnancy and said, "hey, there is a market for our designs," there is nothing wrong in that. It is a long way from saying, "let's design some great clothes so more kids will get pregnant."

I am also a devout "parents rights" person. But that works two ways. I want the government to stay out of the home and let parents raise their kids in the best way for their own family. However, that means that parents have the responsibility to make good decisions. Parents need to do all they can to prevent teen pregnancy, rather than just hide in a closet and hope it doesn't happen to their kids.

To continue with my first analogy, clothes don't cause pregnancy, people cause pregnancy. Just like toys in kids meals don't make kids fat, irresponsible parents that won't say "no" do. And I have more faith in our teenagers than that. Teens don't get pregnant because of cute clothes. If they deliberately get pregnant, there are bigger issues in that child's heart than what they are wearing.

Montana Has it Wrong: Parents Should Teach Sex Education

If you get your news from the internet or watch Fox News, you know about the controversial sex education program proposed by the Helena, Montana school board. I tried to find a story about it on CNN but could not find one...interesting.

For those of you who have not heard the proposal, there are several topics that have raised the ire of many of Helena's citizens. First is the idea of teaching kindergarten students correct names for body parts, such as penis, vagina, nipples, testicles, etc. Second on the hit list is teaching fifth graders about sexual intercourse, including vaginal, oral, and anal. And the third item on the school agenda is teaching erotic art to high school students. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100714/ap_on_re_us/us_montana_sex_education

What the heck are they thinking?

It is one more example of government (aka: schools) usurping parents rights. If a parent wants to call their son's penis a pee-pee or a tallywacker, then they have the right to make that decision. If their daughter comes home from school in first grade and wants to know why a classmate has two mommies and no daddy, it should be up to the parents to discuss it with her--not the school.

When I was in school, in fifth or sixth grade we had to watch "the movie." Girls watched it together and then the boys watched it. Part of health class, it taught basic sexual anatomy. It was just the scientific data--nothing added. The schools did not see it as their place to teach about how and when to have sex. It did not teach all the different forms of sexual activity.

Almost fifty years later, it is still not their place. What to share and when to share it with their kids are parental decisions. No government entity should interfere with any of the basic tenets of parenting, including something as important as sex education. We have a recent example in which a school encouraged a pregnant teen to not tell her parents about the pregnancy. If she would not tell them, the school offered to make arrangements and provide transportation for an abortion. I have already written about this in an earlier post, but it still enrages me that the school would actively encourage the child not to confide in her parents during this difficult time.

These are moral and ethical decisions that should be family-based. We, as parents, have to rebel against outrages such as these. In the next election, fire all those school board members and replace them with people who will not trample on parents rights. The parents who showed up to speak against this proposal were heard. Hopefully when the board meets next month, there is a chance that the plan will be altered.

Good job, Montana parents, for standing up for your rights! I am rooting for you.

Can You Make a Difference?

As promised, on the Fouth of July, my new e-book became available. Unfortunately, I had also promised a few more patriotic blogs leading up to the 4th and the book launch. No one told the nasty cold bug that knocked me flat on my buttocks last week that I had all this "stuff" to do. With the immense help of my daughter in law, Susan, I managed to get the book ready and not much else.

My big plan was to have a wonderfully clever and remarkably intelligent blog on Independence Day to celebrate. Instead I laid in bed, barely conscious that it was a holiday. Oh, the best laid plans of mice and men....!

Since my brain is still functioning on a low level, I thought I would share a sample of the book with you:

Teach children that one person can make a difference in someone
else’s life and in the world. I recently read a transcript of Oprah
interviewing Will and Jada Pinckett Smith. Some wise words came from
Will Smith when asked how they keep their kids grounded. "I tell them all
the time: 'Mommy and Daddy are rich. You all are broke,'" he says. "We
don't allow them to just sit around. We talk about the concept of the group
and the necessity of you adding to the family. Then you have to add to
your neighborhood, and then, you have to add to humanity.”

This exactly what I am talking about. It starts with the family. Sometimes
all it takes is a smile to brighten someone’s day. Or a quick phone call to
a sick friend keeps them from feeing alone. Compassion, courtesy, and
sincere caring for others should be made to be part of the family
“brainwash.”

In our country’s history, family has always taken care of family and
neighbors have always taken care of neighbors. It is why we collect
money for earthquake survivors, for cancer patients, and for the elderly
lady down the street who cannot pay the rent because she had to spend
extra this month for medicine.

This is not the role of government, schools, or employers. It really gets my
goat that now many employers use the amount of volunteerism a person
does as a criterion for how much of a raise they are entitled to for the year.

Volunteer work, while worthwhile, has nothing to do with the average
person’s job performance. In fact, that does not sound like volunteerism;
more like indentured servitude, to me. It is the job of the parent to instill
this value into their kids. Or not…their choice.

Another example to share with children is that in 2009, there was a local
election in a small town in Florida. The victor won by one vote because
only one person showed up to vote. Talk about one person making a
difference!

The e-book can be ordered free for a limited time from my website http://www.parentsrulewithpat.com

Do We Have a Living Constitution, Or Is It Just Outdated?

Interestingly as I am writing this blog series, I have learned a couple of facts that worry me. And they should worry you, my patriot parents.

First, a publisher, Wilder Publications, has placed a disclaimer on a book they are selling on Amazon. The book contains the Declaration of Independence, The US Constitution, and The Federalist Papers. Here is the wording of the disclaimer: "This book is a product of its time and does not reflect the same values as it would if it were written today. Parents might wish to discuss with their children how views on race, gender, sexuality, ethnicity and interpersonal relations have changed since this book was written before allowing them to read this classic work."

Now very little can be found on the internet about this publisher--not one of the big ones. But the fact that they would do this is disturbing to me. Will other publishers follow suit? I pray not. The Constitution is not a "product of its time", but rather a timely document that holds the current laws of our nation. It is not simply "a classic work" to be lumped together with pieces of fiction (on which they put the same disclaimer), such as Lady Chatterly's Lover.

Again, let me repeat. It is the basis of our current set of laws. It is timeless. The group Media Matters said that the disclaimer simply "reminds parents and teachers that children may not know how different our society is today." I agree that parents and teachers should talk to their kids about these documents. But I don't believe a disclaimer of it being "a product of its time" is necessary. In fact, I find it insulting. Yes, times are different. But didn't we all learn that in school? Can't our kids tell that by the strange clothing in the photos? As I have said many times, parents need to be talking to their children about our country and this is one reason why.

That being said, the magic of the US Constitution is that it can be changed by amendment. Our founders knew that times would change and therefore, created a living document that could reflect the needs of future generations. Thomas Jefferson said, "I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and constitutions. But laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind...we might as well require a man to wear still the coat that fitted him when a boy as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors."

This brings me to my second point of concern--the definition of a living constitution. I was taught as I stated above, that our written laws could be changed as the times warranted, making it a living document. Any changes are a function of the legislative branch of our government and, in our constitution, the process for making these amendments is spelled out clearly.

However, now there are judges who believe that the term "living constitution" refers to something else. They believe that the judicial system can, and should, change laws or create new ones in order to adjust to today's world. This is a violation of the Constitution. It is the job of the courts, including the Supreme Court to interpret laws, not to make them. And, sadly, we have some jurists around the country today that are legislating from the bench.

This is an huge upset in the delicate balance of power in our country. If the legislature passes a bad law, the judicial branch can overturn the law. The executive branch has limits to what it can do and has to work with the legislative branch to create change. However, the only recourse to reverse a Supreme Court decision is to pass a new law that is written in a way that the Court will not overturn it.

In my opinion we are walking a slippery slope when we upset the power balance. Given too much power, one branch can overcome the other two and lead to tyranny.

These are issues parents can discuss with their children. Well, the older ones anyway. Know what they are being taught in school. And stay connected to them. The only way we got to this point was through apathy. Let's end the apathy and get involved. Get out and vote. Call your representation in Washington DC and let them know your opinions of upcoming bills and appointee confirmations.

I would love to know what you think.

Is God in the Constitution?

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..." This is the beginning of the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America.

Our founders set up a system of laws in our Constitution that has been the basis of our republic for its entire history. In these laws, this is really the only reference to religion I have found. If you know of another, please educate me.

However, God was very visible and present in the Declaration of Independence when it said, "...among the Powers of the Earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them..." and "...all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights..." So our founders obviously believed in God. They wanted those Judeo Christian precepts of peace, understanding, justice, and tolerance to be the basis of the new country.

So why one and not the other? In my opinion, the Constitution, being a set of laws, was deliberately written this way. The early settlers to this land came, in part, seeking religious freedom. They wanted to worship God in their own ways after their own belief systems. Knowing this right been denied this right in their ancestors, our founders did not want to see it denied to others. Their goal in terms of religion was to have an Eden where all people could worship God in the ways of their own choosing, or also have the right to not worship if that was the choice. To make laws that then told the constituents how to worship was distasteful to them. It flew in the face of their hopes of our country never becoming an oppressive theocracy.

Over the years, we have been that beautiful oasis where the oppressed could find shelter and a home. Yes, we have had some bumps in the road toward that oasis, but it is still the beacon of religious freedom for many who come here. In every city and town we have churches, synogogues, mosques, and temples. We have woods and oceans for the ones who find God in those places. Each soul is free to pursue their own religious expression.

It was worth fighting a raging sea for in 1492. It was worth fighting for in 1776. It is worth fighting for now--figuratively and literally. I read some statements from some of the Islamic extremists that want to see this country under Sharia law, and they are trying to make that happen.

I don't think it ever can, but we must be vigilant to protect this precious freedom that so many others envy and which so many others want to destroy. Parents must educate their children that this is one of our most valuable freedoms and we must cherish it. We must let our legislators and judges know how valuable it is to us.

We must pass this freedom on to the next generation.

God Bless Our America.

Betsy Ross Did Not Make the First US Flag

Our flag carries American ideas, American history and American feelings. It is not a painted rag. It is a whole national history. It is the Constitution. It is the Government. It is the emblem of the sovereignty of the people. It is the NATION.
-Henry Ward Beecher, 1861

Isn't that a lovely site? Happy Flag Day, everyone.

In keeping with my theme of promoting patiotism and love of our country, I am discussing our beloved flag. As I said in my last post, parents need to be teaching their kids about our history. This in one way I can assist in that.

Betsy Ross did not design and sew the first US flag, as I learned in school. Actually, that rumor started around the 1876 Centennial celebrations, according to research by the Smithsonian Institute.

So who did create our flag? No one is really sure. But there is a lot of speculation over who designed and sewed the first one. What we do know is that is has undergone 26 revisions since our first "Grand Union Flag." Why don't you and your kids research this as a family project?

And what does the flag stand for? Every child should be taught this. Do an internet search for the poem, Face the Flag, as it is a wonderful and uplifting narrative about our country and our flag. We should also know how to fly the flag with respect: this link is great http://www.holidayinsights.com/other/flagday.htm Also if your flag is torn or frayed, it should be retired appropriately. Call your local Boy Scouts and they will retire your flag for you. They have a special ceremony for it.

Below is a great way to teach the Pledge of Allegiance to our flag (you can find it spoken by John Wayne with an internet search).

Pledge of Allegiance
Written by Francis Bellamy and Commentary by John Wayne

I pledge allegiance to the flag

What do those words mean to you? To me they say thank you America for your strength, your courage, and for our freedom which has been a beacon to the world for 200 years.

of the United States of America

Whose bright stars are 50 states each bearing its own stamp of individuality. People 200 m strong, People who come to her from all corners of the earth.

And to the republic for which it stands

A land of laws with an ingenious system of checks and balances that allows no man to become a tyrant and lets no group to prevail. If their power is not tempered with real concern for the governed, a land where the power of dissent and free speech is jealously guarded. The ballot box is the sword and people its wielder.

One nation under God

A land where freedom of worship is a cornerstone of her being. A land drenched with temples and churches, synagogues and alters that rise in profusion to embrace all the religions of the world.

Indivisible

A land forged by the hot steel of raw courage and formed forever by the awful crucible—Civil War

With liberty

Where a man in pursuit of an honest life will not be denied his chance. Where her citizens move freely within her vast borders without hindrance or fear. A land brimming with opportunity where freedom of choice is the guideline for all.


and justice

The courts of our land are open to all. Its wheels of justice grind for all causes, all people. They look to every avenue for justice every concern of the law and they temper their reasoning with mercy for all.

for all

God bless the USA.

Saving Our Country--One Child at a Time

If you have read many of my blogs, you know how fiercely patriotic I am. Lately I have been saddened to see how many Americans no longer have the "American dream". Listening to the news, you would think that we live in a terrible country who hates everyone else and is overrun with greed and corruption. What government doesn't have their fair share of greed and corruption? But it is not what defines us as a country.

So for the next few weeks I am going to write a blog each week to talk to you parents about hope and change we can really believe in. In actuality we live in the best country that has ever been on the face of the home we call earth. Americans cherish individual liberty, creativity, and growth. Our constitution guarantees that we have the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." There are very few countries, even today, in which that is true.

I am calling on parents to "brainwash" their kids--in a good way. During the days building up to the Independence Day celebrations, talk to your kids. Tell them all the wonderful things that our ancestors have stood and died for. Teach them what is in the constitution and how the magic of our constitution is that is can be changed. Our leaders can be changed and laws can be changed. We hold national elections every two years to guarantee that no one person can control our lives.

My dad "brainwashed" me. He fought in WW II for our freedom and was very proud of it. He told me on a regular basis how wonderful this country is. He grew up a poor country boy from Tennesse and was able to go to college and have professional success that his father could only dream of. The first song I ever learned was the Marine Corps Hymn, and he also made sure I knew other patriotic songs. He insisted that we be silent when the National Anthem was played to reflect on what it means. To this day, I still get tears when I hear America the Beautiful or God Bless America. Smaltzy? Yes, but is that a bad thing?

Explain to your children that yes, we have not always done the right thing in this country. We are a government of people who are fallible and make mistakes. However, our lawmakers, while they may differ on what is best, all try to come from a place of right intention. And if they don't, we can move someone else in that will. We are always the first country to come to the aid of another country in crisis, even our enemies.

Our individual freedoms are precious and our kids need to understand that if we and they are apathetic, we can lose them. Don't count on your schools to teach your kids what you want them to know. Some teach history from the left and some teach it from the right. To me, history is history and should be a retelling of facts without bias from either side.

Over the next few weeks, I am going to share some ideas that you can use to teach your children about our amazing history and why we should be proud to be Americans. Sadly, too many times these days they are hearing how awful we are--most of which is absolutely not true. When we do make blunders, we eventually find a way to try to make it right. That is what we do. We are Americans, proud to be from the greatest nation on earth.

The Cost of Cyberbullying

She was not just my sister, she was my best friend. We would do a lot of things together, and I loved that. I miss that so much today. All I have now is a big, black hole where my heart was. Because my little sister is gone, I won't be able to see her anymore--no more trips to the mall, no more smiles, hugs, late movie nights, nothing. It's gone. How can someone ever get that back?"
By Peyton Neblett, sister of Rachel Neblett who committed suicide because of cyberstalking

I pray that none of you ever have to say those words about your child. This is a problem we can do something about. For one thing, we can teach our kids coping skills for when bad things happen to them.

I read an article recently that claimed that there are more and more teens and young adults being put on anti-depressant meds because they have not learned to cope with adversity. How sad! Mom and Dad have protected them and sheltered them and fought their battles their whole lives. While as parents we want our kids to never be hurt and we vow to never let anything bad happen to them, it cannot and should not be prevented completely.

Instead of holding them up, we have to let them fall while they are learning to walk. Our kids need to know they can fall, or be pushed down, and get back up by themselves. Our job is to guide them and give them support when they need it. Mean things will be said about them or they will have their heart broken. We cannot stop that, but we can cry with them and let them know that life will go on. We have to find a way, through words and example, to teach life survival skills.

Another thing we can do is to teach our kids to respect others. It is surprising to me how often this vital lesson is overlooked. When I was growing up, I was taught that my rights ended when they infringed on someone else's. I remember my dad telling me that my right to free speech ends when I use it to intentionally hurt someone else. Our children will not respect themselves if they do not respect others.

Children who are taught to respect others will be the ones who stand up for the underdog, rather than abuse him or her. We need to be sure our kids understand that there is more strength and power in standing for right than bending for pressure.

I recently did a radio with Patricia Agatston, who co-authored the book, Cyberbullying: Bullying in the Digital Age. She had so much information and help. You can find out more about bullying and cyberbullying at http://www.cyberbullyhelp.com .

Remember, these kids will be adults one day and will have to live in world that does not revolve around them. We need to prepare them for this world.

Fowl Felony in Hawkinsville, GA

According to the Atlanta Journal Constitution, several teens were arrested last week in Hawkinsville, GA for a senior prank that got out of control. http://www.ajc.com/news/17-arrested-when-chicken-521799.html I am not a fan of senior pranks, but every few years we hear about a bunch of kids who get in trouble trying to perpetrate one.

The kids let some chickens loose in the school and spread corn everywhere for them. Naturally the chickens made messes all over the school. The kids also put sardines in the AC system. I agree that they very clearly did not use good judgement.

The latest news reports I heard were that the kids, one of whom was the valedictorian, were charged with felony trespassing. Is it necessary to charge them with a felony? These are young adults who did something stupid. What adult can look back and say that they always used good judgement when they were that age? A felony conviction prevents them from voting. It affects their ability to get a good job for the rest of their lives. I don't think the prosecutors should punish poor judgement with more poor judgement. No one was hurt, after all. Yes, it cost the school money.

And here is what I think should be done instead of charging them with a felony. The kids should have to make restitution in terms of labor and money to fix the damage they caused. A few hours on their hands and knees scrubbing chicken poop off the floor will do a lot to improve their decision making skills.

They should also be on the hook for the repair costs to the AC system. The parents should not be allowed to pay for the damages on behalf of their children. The perpetrators should have to either get jobs and use their income to repay the school, or they should have to do janitorial work at the school through the summer until they have worked off the debt.

Ruining the lives of otherwise good kids should not be the outcome for a "prank." They didn't hurt or kill anyone, they didn't steal anything, they didn't cause major structural damage to anything. Let's get things into perspective.

What do you all think? How would you punish them? Or, if you have an update to this story, please comment and let us know.

Is This America or Not?

Events over the past few days in Morgan Hills, CA have captured my attention. That is where the four students (two of whom were of Mexican descent) at Oak Hill High School were told to go home for wearing shirts with the American flag on them on May 5. Yes, it is Cinco de Mayo and most of the hispanic students were wearing the colors of Mexico that day.

My question is: if one was allowed, why was the other not? The last I looked, we live in the United States of America, not Mexico. Cinco de Mayo is not a recognized US holiday, so what is the fuss about a few T-shirts? Let the kids wear what they want, or mandate the wearing of uniforms.

The kids celebrating Cinco de Mayo said it was disrespectful to them. Really?? Are they here illegally? If not, they are welcome to be here and celebrate their culture. They can wear the red, green, and yellow shirts every day if they want.

The kids in the flag shirts were exercising their First Amendment Right to free speech in their wardrobe choice. They were proclaiming their love of our country and making a statement about the illegal aliens that are invading our country. Also these kids were in school--a school paid for by the United States of America. They did not trespass on or disrupt any Cinco de Mayo celebrations outside of school

Would I have recommended to my child to wear it on that day? Probably not, but they have the right to do so. It is never wrong to display the US flag in the United States of America, or it shouldn't be.

And now the "disrespected" kids walked out of class and marched to the court house chanting, "Si, se puedes" which means "Yes, we can". Yes, we can WHAT? What is their point in this? I think it is just an excuse to make a scene since the national cameras are on them. What a shame.

When I was in school I learned that the US is a melting pot of many cultures. It is what makes us special. Each group should never lose their heritage or the traditions that make them unique. However, we are all blended as Americans. If you don't want to blend, go away and go back to the country that you think is so much better than this one.

Many of my ancestors immigrated here for a better life. I get that. But they did it legally so the country could allow the ones in that really wanted a better life, and reject those that were criminals or had communicable diseases. Americans value and welcome any immigrant that comes here legally. We hope you live a wonderful life here.

But for the illegal aliens that are coming across the borders, that is a different story. Sure, most of them are wonderful people who are hard working and just wanting to make a better life. But they shoud do it legally. This world is too dangerous and there are too many people who want to do us harm to allow the porous borders.

The Mexican people I have met are kind, hard working, religious, and family oriented. Welcome to you if you come legally, melt into our society (while retaining your culture), learn our language, and pay taxes like the rest of us. Many of the Ellis Island immigrants spent months, if not years, waiting on that island before they were allowed to enter the country. And it was for a good reason.

Do the immigration laws need to be changed to make it easier? Absolutely! No question in my mind. But until that is done, those laws are what we have. Instead of protesting a few kids in T-shirts, you should be protesting the grotesque immigration laws from Congress.

Who is Your Hero?

When I was a little girl, my dad was my hero. As a teenager, I worshipped rock stars and movie stars. In fact, I probably still have a little crush on Peter Blair Denis Bernard Noone. What?? You don't recognize that name? He was Herman of Herman's Hermits.

What?? You still don't know who he is? Well, neither do a lot of people. And that is what happens when your idols are stars. They flare up brightly then disappear. In my book I encourage parents to introduce real people who have done something extraordinary to their kids. On my radio show next week, Brad Meltzer is my guest. He has written a wonderful book to help parents do just that, entitled Heroes for My Son in which he briefly discusses several people who have made a mark on the world. He also has a blog on the website, http://www.herosformyson.com in which he presents lesser known people who have also been extraordinary in some way.

My advice to parents is to talk to your kids about why we look up to people who seem bigger than life, who we should look up to, and how it should affect our lives. If your child's favorite football star gets accused of rape, talk to him about it. Let him know that all people are human and fallible. And especially let him know that not all of their actions should be imitated.

If your daughter wants to copy a rock icon, look to see what she likes about that star. Let her know that some outfits are great for the stage, but not to be worn to the mall. Focus her on the reality that the star's life is not her life. And discuss how the star got to where she is--what work did she have to do to get there? How many years did it take? What sacrifices did she make?

Interest your child in biographies of real people. Amelia Earhart was, and is, a hero to me. I read all I could find about her when I was a kid. Let your child see the struggles people go through like Helen Keller and Anne Frank. They will learn that if those people can triumph and succeed, then they can also. Show them by examples that life is not always easy and it is not all about them. But if they work hard and believe in themselves, good things will come to them and/or to others.

We are humans. God has given us an amazing ability to rise to any challenge, to triumph over adversity, to scale or tunnel under any obstacle in our path. Others have done it and so can we!

And who is my hero now? Well, I am back to my dad.

Grandparents Are Cool!

Me and my Texas cowgirls

Thinking back to when I was having babies, those were exciting times. I loved planning for the baby, wondering if I would have a boy or girl. We didn't have much money, but I sewed and scrimped and finally had all the things I needed for the baby's room. My parents lived 1000 miles away so there was not much they could do from there, but that was okay.

This was my baby and I wanted to make the decisions. I was going to be the mommy and I knew I would not make the mistakes my parents did. It never occurred to me that they actually didn't make that many errors, nor did it occur to me that I might make a few of my own. The point was that I was responsible for this baby, not the grandparents. Did they give me advice? Of course. Was all of it requested? Nope.

When I became a grandma, I did not know what my role was. Was I an additional parent? Was I a playmate? Was I supposed to tell my kids everything they could do better and encourage what they did right? What was I supposed to do?

Finally, I did what has worked for me in the past. I thought back to my child rearing days. Then it all became clear. Who am I to tell my kids what they did was right or wrong? That was for them to figure out, just like I did. It is their family and their responsibility. It is not mine. Whoa, that really takes the heat off me!

Luckily my kids share my values and we have a very few differences so far on the subject of child rearing. But when we do, I try to abide by their rules--even if it is not how I did it with them. After all, I raised them to make good decisons. And they do, as evidenced by their choices for mates. I have done all I can for them. I mean, I wrote them a book (Now You Know What I Know: Parenting Wisdom of a Grandmother) about all my mistakes, for goodness sake. What else do they want? Now it is their turn to love, make mistakes, and nurture their children.

My job now is to occasionally babysit, love, play and just be "cool". As I was thinking back, I remembered how NOT COOL my parents were and how definitely cool my grandparents were. So now we have a few rules at Grandma's house but mostly we play and have fun. There is always a treat somewhere for them and we laugh a lot. My job is to be one of the very few people in their lives that they know love them unconditionally--no matter what. How special is that?

Back to the Land of Toilet Seats!

I know that we have some problems in this country--high unemployment, bitter partisan fighting on both sides of Congress, high deficits. But we do have one thing going for us. Toilet seats! Oh...and toilet paper.

We just got back from a trip out of the country (you can see the photos on my facebook site--http://www.facebook.com/ParentsRuleParentResourceforInformationandAdvice). While we had a wonderful time, I did once again notice, up close and personal, that many countries are not partial to toilet seats. The photo in this post is one I took after finishing my business along the Amazon. Notice the lack of toilet seat. And the toilet was about half as high as mine at home.

Ok, now picture yourself, ladies, squatting over this thing while trying to hold your pants out of the way, but not letting them lie in the fluid on the floor. Now you must also grab the blue rope hanging on the door with your third hand--oh, you only have two? Sorry! Ok, you have to grab the rope to hold the door closed. The whole area is leans downhill, too, so the door tends to want to be open.

Now with your free hand?? you must reach in your pocket or purse or whatever you can use to find some paper for wiping since there is none in there. All this needs to be done quickly since by now you have a major muscle burn going on those squatting thighs. And you must remember not to put the tissue in the toilet--that goes in a small waste can. The big blue can? Oh, that has water in it to use for flushing.

All in all, it was a very interesting trip to the jon, made worse because I kept laughing the whole time. My trip to the Amazon was amazing and wonderful. It is one I would definitely repeat. But this time I would go to REI and get the female funnel I almost bought before the trip. It sure would have come in handy a few times.

What if Your Child Divorced You?

I am 44 years old and I have these dreams.
I dream my 11 yr old son is hugging me. I dream he grabs my hand as we walk down a crowded street. I dream he smiles because he is happy to see me. All these dreams end the same way. I start crying because Adam and I are together again. Then I wake up with mixed emotions. I'm grateful for the few seconds of subconscious normalcy, but sad that my dreams are the only place Adam and I have a normal relationship. (from the book A Family's Heartbreak: A Parents Introduction to Parental Alienation by Michael Jefferies http://www.afamilysheartbreak.com)

April 25 is Parental Alienation Awareness Day and I am doing my part to spread the word about this viral disease that infects many families. Since I have been doing my radio show, Parents Rule!, I have heard so many stories from dads and moms who are alienated from the children they love so much. It is heart breaking to listen to the tales of lost affection and lost time with their kids, false claims of child abuse, tears shed, and dollars spent trying to put things right. And that is the affect on the alienated parent.

For the children, they have much higher rates of depression, low self-esteem, substance abuse, and suicide. These children are taught by the alienating parent to hold anger and resentment against the parent they are told no longer loves them. Sometimes they are even punished if they do not comply with the rule of hating the alienated parent. It is so sad. How can a child believe anyone can love them if they believe that a parent has stopped loving him? How can she ever have a normal relationship with another person?

The alienating parent for some reason--there are many reasons for this--has a need to separate the child from the other parent. This is usually the result of a divorce, but not always. Phone calls are not answered or returned. Visits are cancelled or become very uncomfortable due to the pressure on the child to show anger or disinterest in the alienated parent. Some parents have been arrested on trumped up charges of abuse. It is all so ugly and it must stop.

Unfortunately, the family court system in most states is useless in preventing or stopping this atrocity. Many alienated parents lose their jobs and fortunes trying to reconnect with their beloved child--most times, to no avail.

My show next week features the author referenced at the beginning of this blog. We are going to discuss his story and what can be done to fix the broken system in which these parents are trying to work. It will be a good show, so tune in Thurs April 15th 2-3 pm EST at http://www.americaswebradio.com. Listen is and find out what you can do to prevent this from happening to you.

Seattle School Facilitates Abortion Without Parental Consent

In my goal of providing timely parenting information to my readers/listeners, I am bringing this sad story to you. According to all the news outlets today, a Seattle high school's teen health center not only tested a girl for pregnancy without parental consent, it also sent her for an abortion. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/teen-abortion-high-school/story?id=10189694 This event is getting a lot of play on the internet and there are mixed feelings about this.

Apparently, this is legal in Washington state as well as 12 or 13 other states. Why? Why is this considered the right thing to do? It is just another example of the erosion of parental rights in the United States. Teen pregnancy and abortion are very important issues in the life of a teen. They need to be discussed at home with the family, not with strangers who do not have the child's best interest at heart. Advice from her parents is what that child needed.

Abortion is not without risk, physically or emotionally. What if the girl had died? What if she had a botched abortion and could never have children again? What if, after the abortion, she got depressed and committed suicide? I have know several people who have had abortions and the majority of them dealt with guilt and depression afterward. Wouldn't this child need her family for support of any decision?

What did the school tell this teen girl? "We had no idea this was being facilitated on campus," said the mother. "They just told her that if she concealed it from her family, that it would be free of charge and no financial responsibility." So they actively counseled her to keep the secret from her parents. That is just wrong, period.

When I was a teen, I did not have sex. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't think I could face my parents if I got pregnant or caught a disease. It was a deterrant for me and for many others. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. Teens are not emotionally capable of handling a sexual relationship. They are just learning to deal with the crazy hormone surges and mood changes that come with puberty and adolescence. Teens having sex too early is a recipe for a very bad emotional soup.

Even though I would have been afraid to tell my parents, I know they would have supported me and helped me make the right decision about what should be done. Would they have been angry? Absolutely. Would they have caused a scene? No question. But when all was said and done, they would have been there for me just like they were for every other crisis in my life. And so would practically every other parent.

Abortion back then was still illegal so that would not have been on the table. But we would have talked about keeping the baby versus adoption. Yes, they would have been disappointed. Every parent is when their child has to face a situation like that.

It doesn't mean that the parent stops loving that child. What it should mean is that they discuss their feelings openly and frankly. Information for parents and child is vital and they can get it from various sources, such as a pediatrician. Then they sit down as a family and decide what is best for the baby and for the teen.

What should NEVER happen is for the government or a school to usurp the parental role in such a situation. I think it is criminal to encourage a child to hide something like that from a parent. I am just sick to know that it is legal in so many states. This should be a wake up call for parents. Find out the laws in your state. Lobby to have such a horrendous law repealed if you have one. Stand up for parents rights. What if this had been your child? How would you have felt?

What To Do If You Witness a Theft?

How many of you have ever seen someone shoplift right in front of you? If you did, what would you do? What if it was a child and the mother did not see? Would you:
A. Tell the mom
B. Tell the clerk
C. Do nothing
D. Tell the clerk, but pay for it yourself

This happened to a friend of mine. Check her blog about it at http://www.babyboomerbev.blogspot.com/ under Mind Your Own Business Boomer Grandma. My friend told the clerk who stopped the mom and daughter before they left the store. Yes, it was a preschooler and yes, it was only a lollypop. But isn't that how it starts? First a lollypop, then fancy panties, then a Ferrari.

What appalled me about the story was the mom's angry reaction. I would have been embarassed, but also grateful to Bev for letting me know what happened so I could put a stop to it. One of my kids that age stole candy and I marched them back to the store to apologize and pay for it. They never did it again.

From the mom's reaction, I wonder if she really did know. Bev said it looked like the child knew what she was doing. And just last week a mom and dad were arrested for using their small child to steal something--I think it was a purse. The mom told her to "do it for mommy." Really? That is what you want to teach your child?

As Bev asks, where are the morals these days? We have a very lenient society in which our young people are given anything they want instead of having to work for it. I think that is the start of this type of behavior. They think that just because they want it, they should be able to take it. Hmm. Are they learning that at home or from Congress?

Are You an Olympics Junkie Like Me?

I love the Olympics--winter and summer, but I think the winter games are my favorite. In 1980, I remember nursing a newborn late at night in my living room while silently chanting U-S-A U-S-A. The Miracle on Ice unfolded before my eyes and I was mesmerized. There they were; a bunch of college kids playing against "professionals" from other countries and we won the gold. Before that I liked the Olympics, but after that, I was hooked.

I started listening to the stories of how the competitors got there--the sacrifices they and their parents made so they could participate in these incredible events that bring the world together--if only for a couple of weeks every two years. It shows me that it can be done.

This year, I cried with the Canadian ice skater who skated for her mom; the mom that died suddenly two days before JoAnnie was due to compete. I cried with her when she raised her arms toward heaven and her mom after a skate that won her a bronze medal.

I saw a hockey player play his best for parents who hocked their wedding rings many years earlier so they could afford hockey lessons for their child. And I saw a skier who skied to gold for his brother with cerebral palsy. The brother was there cheering louder than anyone else.

There are so many glorious athletic accomplishments that occur during the Olympics. But what I love the most is the knowledge that a family worked together so an athlete could compete. For instance there was the family of another skier who voted to forego buying each other Christmas presents this year and pool their money so they could send a son and a brother to Vancouver.

That is what family is all about, folks. Think about it.

Schools in Our Bedrooms? No Way!

Were you as outraged as I was about the story from PA in which a school official secretly activated a webcam on a laptap loaned to a student? The only response from the officials that I can find on internet searches is that they can turn on the webcam to locate a missing laptop. No problem with that here.

But this does not seem to be the case with Blake Robins. He says he was just eating candy and using the computer at home. The next day he was called into the school office and accused of possibly selling drugs. For proof, they produced a photo taken of him from the webcam the night before. Was it drugs or candy he was eating that night? I am sure I don't know, but this family insists it was candy.

Regardless, what right did the school have to turn on the webcam in that case? Not once have the officials claimed that the laptop was reported missing or lost. Is this just a case of an over-zealous administrator? Or a pervert hoping to see something that is better left private? There is certainly more to this story and I hope the full truth comes out.

How many more kids have potentially been victimized without their knowledge by this vice principal? We need to know.

Word of warning: A "free" computer may not be that free after all.

Tiger Woods--A Great Opportunity for Parents

Ok, who else is tired of Tiger Woods being in the news today? He apologized--let it go. Does what he did affect my life? Not one bit. Will the economy rebound if he answers more questions? Nope. What he did affects his immediate family and no one else.

Yes, I know he has been an icon for adults and children for a long time. And he has fallen off his pedestal. Last I looked, the world was still turning and rotating around the sun. I know that many children admire him and parents are afraid that they will imitate this sexual behavior trying to be like Tiger. It is possible.

But parents can use this opportunity to teach and guide their kids. Remind them that all celebrities are human and, as such, are subject to the inevitable mistakes we all make. Did he make a big one? Absolutely, and did it over and over again. The good that can come from his blunder is a valuable tool for parents to use. Explain to them that sometimes fame comes with a high price tag--lack of privacy. You cannot have one without the other.

Celebrities should be admired for the work and perseverance they have put into their sport or craft, rather than for how they dress, talk, or live their personal lives. It is a great opportunity for parents to show kids how to separate the two.

Use his example to talk to your kids about sex, especially unprotected sex (seriously, Tiger, unprotected sex with a porn star? What were you thinking?). Then talk to them about how in this digital age, it is almost impossible to make an error of judgment without the whole world finding out. For example, a young girl that send a "sext" message to her boyfriend may soon find it on the internet for the rest of the school to see. She thinks it is innocent fun, then suddenly she is a "slut" and everyone is laughing at her.

You can also use this self-induced tragedy to teach your kids that they have to come clean when it is discovered they have strayed. Don't try to hide it; it is easier to make things blow over if you just own up to the lapse in good sense, apologize, do whatever is appropriate, and let it die a natrual death.

Do I still admire Tiger? Sure I do--on the golf course. He worked hard to get where he was. He struggled and practiced and failed and kept trying. He changed how people see golf. What is not to admire? I am sad that he let his family down, but again, that is his tragedy. It is not mine. And we parents should use this example to help our kids learn to make good decisions in their lives. At least some benefit can come from all of this. I am sure that Tiger would be happy about that.

Helping Children Through Nightmares

How many of us have had nightmares in our lives? They can be really scary--so much so that you don't want to go back to sleep sometimes. And our children have them too. How are we parents supposed to help our kids feel better after a nightmare when we don't know how to do it for ourselves?



One thing we can do is listen to the details of the nightmare. Have the child tell you exactly what happened. Yes, I know this is probably 3 am but she needs you right now, not 5 hours from now. As the child talks about the dream, discuss it with her on her level. If it is an older child, maybe you could suggest that the monster in the dream may really be the math test that she is nervous about. If it is a small child, go through the room and look everywhere for the monster. Then do a monster removal dance or ceremony in which you tell the monster that it cannot come back.



Sometimes, just letting the child snuggle next to you for a few minutes in your bed will make them feel more at ease. Or I have also gotten in bed with the child (in their bed) to "protect" them if the monster comes back. It never did, because it knew I was there.



The next day, maybe the child could draw a picture of what scared him in the dream and you can talk about it. Talking about whatever it is will minimize the effect on the child. Have a dream dictionary so you can both look up the meanings of certain dream symbols.



When we have an understanding of what dreams are and what the symbology is, dreaming takes on a whole new role in our lives. It is there that our conscious lets down and we can get messages or creative ideas. According to Anne Hill, dreamworker and host of Dream Talk Radio http://www.annehill.org/ , dreams of all sorts, even nightmares, should be celebrated because they are trying to teach us or tell us something.

WAHM's, Need a Marketing Edge?

So many moms are running a home-based business these days in order to make ends meet. As you have discovered, it is important to have some kind of edge; a reason for someone to open your email or read your direct mail piece.

First, let me say that I don't usually use this blog to promote products, but I have used this one effectively in the past. So I want to share it with you. Besides, it is just fun.

Heidi Richards Mooney has developed the Quirky Marketing Calendar- How to Use Zany and Non-traditional Holidays to Promote Your Business 365 Days a Year (4th Edition). Like any calendar, it is full of dates. Unlike any calendar, it explains why that date is important. For instance, today is February 11th. It is White Shirt Day--so offer a discount to anyone wearing a white shirt or give a prize to every 3rd white shirt that comes through the door. Think of how many people will come into your business or check your website if you are offering a zany special every day...or every week.

Check it out by clicking on the icon on this blog site. Have fun with it.

Want To Be On TV?

Lately I have been watching a show on CMT called World's Strictest Parents. Interesting. For me, it is very thought provoking. If you haven't seen it, here is the skinny: kids with respet issues raised in not strict homes are sent to very strict homes for a week to learn how good they had it at home. Living under different standards from their families back home, the teens are subject to consequences for breaking rules and skipping chores while the strict parents attempt to mend their ways.

It is sad to me that so many kids feel so entitled to everything they have and do not have to work for anything. What happened to doing chores around the house? Has that suddenly become illegal? How do parents expect their kids to go out into the real world and become successful when they don't have a clue how to take care of themselves, let alone a business or a job?

The strict parents on the show are even more strict than I was--insert my kids here who are asking, is that possible? Some of what they expect these lazy, indulged kids to do is out there but is also eye-opening for them. And the funny thing is that the kids develop attachments to the strict parents because everything is tempered with love and sincerity. Children know when you are being fake and when you are really interested in them.

For me, it is a lesson to all parents to teach responsibility and respect to kids: for themselves, for their family, for other people, and for nature.

The best part is that now they are casting for new unruly kids and strict parents for upcoming episodes. If you are interested, you can click on this link: http://www.theworldsstrictestparents.com/

Happy parenting!